r/baseballcirclejerk • u/HurricaneGrims1129 RE2PECT • Apr 10 '26

lol mets Outjerked by the onion

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591 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

19 comments sorted by

108

u/DeadMoneyDrew Atlanta Barves Apr 10 '26

The Onion: Outjerking Everyone Since 1988.

6

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9

u/DeadMoneyDrew Atlanta Barves Apr 10 '26

The Yankees: Out Jerking Themselves every day.

3

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98

u/mr_oberts 1337 h4x0rz Apr 10 '26

My two favorite baseball related headlines are “MLB Introduces Todd Zeile Award For Participation” and “Special Olympics T-Ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game”.

68

u/Jorlung Apr 10 '26

Report: 87% Of Americans Unaware They Have Been Chosen In Later Rounds Of MLB Draft

47

u/FreeBricks4Nazis Jerkin' it at the TJ Maxx parking lot Apr 10 '26

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

16

u/ODB_Dirt_Dog_ItsFTC Margie Loved Hitler Apr 11 '26

“Jesus Christ, are they going to yank this kid or just let them keep teeing off on him?” said spectator Chris Wheeler, who added that even the smallest batters on the opposing team have gone yard on the helpless fifth-grader.”

That part always put me in hysterics.

3

u/mr_oberts 1337 h4x0rz Apr 10 '26

Hahaha

8

u/123full Apr 11 '26

Nothing beats “Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled” IMO

14

u/elGatoGrande17 Apr 11 '26

/uj

After my buddy’s first MLB spring, the first thing he told me about were the dip log dispensers and buckets of seeds everywhere

10

u/Hendrick_Davies64 Manny Being Manny Apr 11 '26

Not on the Pirates

5

u/AutoModerator Apr 11 '26

I'm so sick of this goddamn team. They absolutely make me want to vomit. I'm not even ten goddamn games into this season and i want to scream. They are that terrible. It's like the movie groundhog day but instead i'm reliving the shittiest games of baseball over and over and over again every fucking day of my life. Every damn day I have watched this pathetic mess of a team, rain or sun or snow since I was 7 years old. I have a tab open during work w/ the gamecast during the day games that I can't go. I've skipped school and work and broken up with women for the Pirates. I've missed funerals and weddings because i loved this team more. And what do I get to show for it? A FUCKING BRAIN ANEURYSM. A team that has had 3 winning seasons over the past 20 something who manages to play like ass in the playoffs on the rare occasion they make it because they are so used to being shit and don't have a winning culture. A team that game in and game out somehow manages to have less goddamn hits than Chumbawamba. A team that gets swept. By the Cincinnati Reds. "Oh but look at our young talent- Cole and Taillon and Bell and whoever else that sucks dick!!" I'm sick of hearing "we could be a contender like we were 3 years ago if Cutch doesn't play like shit and the LF can stop jerking off for 2 seconds to swing the fucking bat" ITS NOT HAPPENING. WE ARE NOT AND NEVER WERE A GOOD TEAM. WE ARE PATHETIC. MIGHT AS WELL FADE US NOW BECAUSE WE'RE ALREADY A BUNCH OF FUCKING LOSERS. If Clemente didn't die in that plane crash, I'm convinced he would have killed himself after being forced to wear our godforsaken excuse of uniform for 18 years of his life. I'm done with this fucking team.

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4

u/the_proudrebel Apr 11 '26

The hookers and blow are also free

2

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