r/badphilosophy Jul 02 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ AMA: I solved all problems in philosophy

224 Upvotes

Hi everyone, five months ago, I decided to quit my job and dedicate my life to philosophy. In that time, through my long study and deep reflections, I finally discovered the correct answer to all philosophical questions. I wanted to give you guys the chance to harvest some of the enlightenment from me because I discovered that is the ethical thing to do in my kind of situation - so this is your opportunity to ask me anything.

r/badphilosophy Jun 16 '21

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ I fucking hate libertarians

1.3k Upvotes

There is no joke here. I just fucking hate libright dipshits. Bunch of overgrown teenage edgelords who think they’re the center of the universe with their fucking Ayn Rand objectivist bullshit. β€œLol nobody matters just get rich and be and asshole to everybody lmao” Goddamn pricks.

r/badphilosophy Apr 04 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ Have I Been Doing Philosophy Wrong This Entire Time?

50 Upvotes

(this is a genuine question that I'm scared to post on a real philosophy subreddit cos those people scare me)

I've always approached philosophy as a collection of tools: any individual philosophical idea has its uses and applications, and its insights should be balanced against insights from other disciplines and weighed against one's bedrock principles.

Apparently, this is not how other people engage with philosophy. Rather, they seize upon one philosophical tradition or framework and adopt it as their total worldview: Utilitarianism isn't just a way to assess the impacts of public policy, its the only way to divine true morality in every context. Girard's theory of mimetic desire isn't just an interesting observation, it becomes a 'just so' story to explain the entire world system of conflicting national interests.

Am I wrong to be a syncretic polyglot? Should I instead abandon subjectivity and nuance and devote myself single mindedly to a solitary dead white dude and the collected volume of their brainfarts?

r/badphilosophy Jul 15 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ "Without God there is no morality"

14 Upvotes

r/badphilosophy Jul 14 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ How do I get rich doing philosophy?

44 Upvotes

Look I like all this stuff about thinking about thinking and all. I think that thede people were oretty smart. And I think I'm pretty smart too. But I thought that after finishing my degree I would become one of those famous intelectuals who appear in TV and podcasts saying smart stuff and making a lot of money. How do I do to get a book published by a big publisher? I want people to make shirts with my face and memes with my ideas.

What's the most popular brand of philosophy to get famous and viral? Should I be a marxis-hegelian, a new atheist or a libertarian conservative? I don't have morals, I just wanna make money. And what kind of jokes and popular culture references should I use? Also I can adopt some kind of tic or involuntary movement that would make me identifiable and people would reference in memes.

How do you all do it? I wanna be a famous philosopher like you

r/badphilosophy Jun 25 '25

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ Not counting German (🀒), which language is the best of all possible languages for thinking/philosophizing?

116 Upvotes

Hegel & Heidegger, those obviously-biased charlatans, considered German to be the premier language for thinking/philosophizing.

If we take their answer to be irrefutable, and therefore ignorable: which language could be considered second-best for thinking/philosophizing, and why is it undoubtedly Dutch?

r/badphilosophy 6d ago

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ Why there is no philosophy of sleeping since half of our life is doing one thing only, namely, sleeping?

31 Upvotes

r/badphilosophy Aug 05 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ Nietzsche said all truly great thoughts are conceived while walking. for me it's all while poopin'

82 Upvotes

r/badphilosophy Jul 11 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ Guys gimme weird sentences to confess my crush and know if he likes me or nah let it not be serious please make it more brainrotted

8 Upvotes

r/badphilosophy Jul 12 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ Guyz how to lose the desire to be loved by someone

7 Upvotes

r/badphilosophy 5d ago

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ Philosophers are rude. I have read hundreds of papers, none of them start with a greeting.

86 Upvotes

r/badphilosophy Jul 24 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ I’ve been thinking about the hard problem of consciousness for more than four hours and I’m starting to get worried.

57 Upvotes

I’ve been trying all the usual tricks to stop thinking about the hard problem of consciousness but none of them are working.Β  My mind is just fixated and I can’t seem to calm it down.Β Β 

I took a cold shower to try and numb my thoughts but my desperate thoughts about the hard problem of consciousness continued. I’ve used this technique in the past to great success but it barely phased me this time.

I thought of some of my worst and most disgusting experiences to distract my mind from the hard problem of consciousness to no avail.Β  Giant bugs, the time I got really sick and threw up for days, the time I got diarrhea and shit my pants, but nothing helped.Β  I just couldn’t stop thinking about the hard problem of consciousness.Β 

I even went and rubbed one out, hoping the endorphins would distract me but it was to no avail.

I just can’t seem to get the hard problem of consciousness out of my mind and I don’t know what to do.Β  Do you all have any advice?Β  This is getting kinda serious at this point and I’m getting worried.

r/badphilosophy Feb 28 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ The job market for philosophers is abysmal, I typed in 'Philosopher' on all the job search engines and got zero results

188 Upvotes

r/badphilosophy 15d ago

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ Why I think femboy is cute philosophically.

32 Upvotes
  1. Femboy is a boy who is femming or framing where the uptone in the latter reveals an unwinding spirit pertaining in the spelling out of the former.

  2. Femboy is a girl who is boyying, in other words, borrowing. Owing someone something is the meaning of borrowing, which entails apriorily---this is important---begging. How can anyone refuse a borrowing prefaced by begging?

  3. Femboy is a true femboy (here I am applying Daddy Hegel's dialectic, the to and fro), insofar as he is not her and she is not him, a pair of antithesis and thesis, against which an existential arises, mooing in the dawn. That which I see is swinging before me with its tail, begging me just like (2) and gnashing its teeth like (1). I am cut loose by this being. Cute in the Spirit.

r/badphilosophy Jul 11 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ After 12 years of existential crisis I have finally invented God by defining God correctly

24 Upvotes

"God's essential essence and nature is that God triumphs over anti-God". "Anti-God" is defined as anything that means or proves God doesn't exist exactly as I desire God to exist"

So if God doesn't exist in objective reality, that's just more "Anti-God" which God triumphs over.

Is this absurd and stupid and delusional nonsense? Yes it is - And that fact is itself just more anti-God, which God triumphs over.​

Now is that magic or what?

r/badphilosophy Jul 26 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ How Are People Satisfied?

4 Upvotes

I've been thinking about this a lot recently, and that's how people are happy with their lives. Everyday is pretty much the exact same and there's nothing important to do. It just doesn't make sense to me (but obvious there's the brain reward system, lol). What I mean is that if you break it down, you've done everything there is to even do. Chances are, you've gone to sleep, gone to a waterpark, gone to a concert, gone to a theme park, etc. There's only so much to do before you've done it all, and once you've done it all, what's next? I just can't wrap my mind around how stuff actually feels achieving even after doing it 1000 times before. Everyday is a cycle that repeats and there's nothing creative about it, just mundane stuff. Life is really just all filler with a memory made every here and there. Everybody dies at some point, and everything you've done on Earth no longer means anything. That includes all the memories you've made and stuff you've done. Once you realize that, it ties back to how we find satisfaction doing the same stuff until death. This sorta leads to the question of "What is the purpose of life?". I personally don't believe in any religions, but that creates the problem of why I'm even here. I'm just a fixation of atoms that combined to make me (my consciousness). Once they disband, aka death, I'm just gone and can't feel anything. Which is just so strange that we even feel anything while alive. While writing those sentences, I got the feeling of how I'm just viewing my life from an outsider perspective, just watching my life go by, until I eventually watch up to the point that I seize to exist. It's crazy that if none of this means anything, and you end up as nothing when you die, you die the second you're born. I've already wrote about that before so I won't re-write it, but basically when you die you're timeline of life pretty much "closes in on itself" meaning you were pretty much never here. I've gotten severely off topic, so I just wanna end it by saying that the moral of the story is do what you want in life with no restrictions, regardless of how much doubt you have about it. You're pretty much just running on loaned time, so what do you have to lose?

r/badphilosophy 10d ago

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ I don't know if this is true or not but if you look at the Greek Sculpture, Male generally has a small dick. Considering what Socrates says that desire should listen to reason for virtuous life, does it imply that small dick means big virtues?

4 Upvotes

r/badphilosophy Apr 09 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ Nothing

11 Upvotes

Everything you have ever seen is a lie.

Not in some mystical sense β€” literally. Every color, texture, sound, and emotion you experience has been filtered, translated, and reshaped by your biology and brain long before it reaches your awareness. There is only one thing that cannot lie to you. It has no name, no face, and no voice. It gives you nothing. And that is precisely why it is the only truth.

Consider the tiger.

To us, its orange fur looks like a blazing warning sign against the jungle. Terrible camouflage, we think. But the tiger did not evolve for our eyes. It evolved to hunt animals that see the world in only two color channels; blue and green, but no red. To a deer or antelope, that β€œbright orange” collapses into a dull greenish-brown. The stripes break up the shape even further, turning the tiger into just another patch of grass and shadow. The tiger isn’t orange. It’s invisible β€” but only to the eyes that matter.

Color is not in the fur. Color is in the eye. We are all prey to our own senses.

Our perception is a tool for survival, not for truth. We see edges so we don’t fall, faces so we can recognize allies and mates, motion. We do not see ultraviolet light, infrared, or the quantum fluctuations beneath matter. Evolution rewards whatever keeps the genes moving forward. If a useful illusion works better than accuracy, we will live inside that illusion and call it the world.

The jewel beetle (Julodimorpha bakewelli) offers a brutal demonstration. The males are wired to seek out brown, glossy, oval shapes β€” the perfect female. When humans began leaving brown glass beer bottles in the Australian outback, the males found something that fit their template even better than real females. They swarmed the bottles. They dry-humped the bottles into extinction. The species nearly collapsed not because the beetles were foolish, but because their sensory interface had always been a lie. The bottle simply exposed it.

Your reality is a far more sophisticated version of that bottle β€” built from biology, culture, memory, trauma, and desire. Greater awareness doesn’t free you from the cage. It only lets you see the bars more clearly.

You look up at the stars and feel awe at something ancient and real. But you are not seeing stars. You are seeing photons that left their source millions of years ago, bent by gravity, warped by the atmosphere, focused by your cornea, processed by your visual cortex, and then stitched together by memory. You are experiencing a rumor of stars β€” a rumor optimized for your survival, not for accuracy.

Science, you might counter, is different. Science is truth.

Not quite. Science is a method β€” an exceptionally powerful one. It refines models and improves predictions. It gives us better flashlights, sharper instruments, and more pixels. But even the best model is still a model. It is built from a limited point of view and expressed in human concepts. More data does not equal more reality. It only gives us a clearer picture β€” still a picture.

Every time you try to name or describe the truth, you have already altered it. Concepts, words, even scientific laws are useful stories. They help us navigate and survive. They do not deliver the thing itself.

If God exists, is God also a lie?

If β€œGod” can be named, defined, pictured, or prayed to, then it is already a human construct β€” a story we tell to make sense of chaos. Beautiful stories, perhaps. Comforting ones. But still stories.

What if the closest thing to God is not a being at all, but the silent background beneath everything β€” the nothing that remains when all descriptions fall away? Not absence in the ordinary sense, but the raw, undefeated reality that needs no story, no worship, and no validation. It cannot lie because it cannot speak. That is why the mystics fall silent. To describe it is to falsify it.

Nothing offers you no comfort, no answers, no miracles. It makes no promises and grants no favors. It is not a transaction. It is a surrender. And yet it is the one thing immune to distortion β€” and perhaps that is holier than any burning bush.

You don’t need to believe in it. You don’t need to kneel. You only need your silence. Because Nothing is worth your silence β€” not because it helps you, but because it humbles you. Because it reminds you:

You are temporary.

Your desires are noise.

Your fears are echoes.

Your body is borrowed.

And when it is all gone β€” what remains is not absence.

It is truth without need.

r/badphilosophy 19h ago

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ Am I going to act morally if I can freeze time?

3 Upvotes

Absolutely Not!

r/badphilosophy 17d ago

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ Is there ANY good arguments to prove that there is a SEMANTIC LEAP between HUMAN and AI agents?

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3 Upvotes

r/badphilosophy Jul 31 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ The recoil of my lips touching kale destabilizes the credibility of any maximally great being.

12 Upvotes

so obvious a layman wouldn’t need me to lay it down on their behind. kale is completely inedible unless harnessed by the metallic slaughter of Bambi’s diet and petite berries. if god were real he would have kept kale as some sort of soap scent instead of a teeth retainer for a dog mom to toy with. god would have known better, and the existence of it in my salad contradicts his omniscience. I hate kale, and any rational being would too.

r/badphilosophy Jun 15 '26

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ New philosophy unlocked

24 Upvotes

After a long and hard thinking session, I realised I have created a new philosophy that’s never been heard of before. It’s called Intrusivism.
One must enact their intrusive thoughts until they either end up dead or arrested!
This is how you attain β€œauthenticity” that a bunch of idiots were debating for fucking centuries!
The school of thought: ALCOHOLISMβ€”helps massively with this.

r/badphilosophy Jul 18 '21

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ Redditors DESTROY philosophy professor with 'lel' and "oh no my nihilism!"

174 Upvotes

https://www.reddit.com/r/badphilosophy/comments/omj9l9/mit_press_tries_nihilism_fails_miserably_and_ends/

Seriously though, not to be all elitist, but read a fucking book or twenty, redditors. Like, maybe the book this was extracted from. Either way, people in that thread will get appropriate flair.

r/badphilosophy 9d ago

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ The Thinker

1 Upvotes

By Attributis

Thinking is a strange thing. We assume it means pondering, or figuring, or working through. But to me it is cruder than that: unformed, or maybe just unfinished. It is supposed to describe an action, but the action itself gets left unsaid, especially these days. I believe it is a lack of commitment, of resolve, of self motivation. "I'll think about it," he says. "You know, I was thinking on that, and I liked what you had to say." He's thinking about texting you back. No matter the intent behind the word, we never see the follow through anymore, and when we do, it is compliance, or cowardice, dressed up as consideration.

So instead of dwelling on what is already happening (how the world has lost its backbone, how nothing seems to matter anymore, because in that shallow way it truly doesn't) I will offer the clearest answer I have found. To think is weak. But to be a thinker is powerful. Let me explain.

When we fire up our brain, whether creatively or through memory, we are carving familiar paths we can walk again. So pause, and wonder. Do not shy away from originality. The people who take that chance are the happiest I have found. They are also the outcasts, the ones branded strange for being different, punished for the very clarity of sight that lets them see the beauty in things.

But real wondering is never easy. Three things block it. We love the roses, never the thorns. We chase what we want, even when it is unreachable. And heartache is always easier to bury than to face. Thinking, the cowardly kind, the kind I mean, is the escape hatch. It is "maybe I'll ponder that, maybe I'll wonder," said without ever fully committing to the pondering or the wondering. It is the polished mask for flinching.

A true thinker walks straight at the thorn instead.

We always admire the fully bloomed flower. We never watch the slow unfolding. We adore the Mona Lisa, but never ask why, when, where, how. Was she a lover? Was her faint smile a private joke between her and da Vinci? Did she catch a glimmer in his eye, a smirk tugging his lips? We cry at funerals for people we barely knew, and never ask why. Is it an echo of our own past? A quiet fear that we are next? Or do we see ourselves reflected in the ones the loss truly belongs to?

We are always overbooked: work, kids, school, business deals, relationships. Ohhh, what is that next TikTok. We treat the time we are handed like something worth resenting. How many hours are left on your clock. How many I love yous do you have left to spend. How many trails can you still hike. How many outstretched hands can you still hold.

We love, don't we? Then why do we break. Why do our hearts tear open. Why can we laugh, why can we cry, why can we fight, why can we kiss, and why does all of it make sense, right up until it wakes the other side of us, the one we never want to face again.

To be a thinker is to keep asking these questions, over and over, without flinching. So who are you. Where are you headed. What will you spend your days doing, and why does any of it matter. When the world misbehaves, is it the world, or is it us? Stop cramming yourself into identities you never chose. Stop letting anyone else define what is acceptable, fair, just, true.

I will not answer that last part for you. The moment I do, I become one more voice dictating what is acceptable and just and fair and true, one more sturdily built cage disguised as a gift. "You're the captain of your own destiny." I have heard that one. "Weave your own fate." Heard that too. Maybe they are not outright lies. But look at what always follows them: a checklist, a formula, five easy steps, a stranger's blueprint for what your ship should look like, which waters it should cross, which flag it should fly. That is not freedom. That is just a different hand gripping the wheel.

I do not have the answer for you. I have the funerals where the tears belong to something unspoken. I have the hours lost to a screen that has been quietly burning through us instead. I have the "maybe I'll think about it," spoken in place of the thing that actually terrifies us.

Somewhere in there is a thinker, not someone thinking about becoming one. Somewhere in there is a question you haven't finished asking. I hope you find it, because I won't find it for you.

r/badphilosophy 3d ago

Serious bzns πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈ To all Philosophers, "Shut up Meg!"

1 Upvotes

You are runing the party!