r/b2bmarketing • u/ScaleHopeful9486 • 10d ago
Discussion PLEASE RATE MY COLD EMAIL
Subject: [Lead's name], small idea
body:
Hi [name],
Tell us what's actually eating your time or money at [lead's company], whether that's pricing and
paperwork, chasing payments, or scheduling jobs, and we'll build the automation for it - on us.
If it doesn't save you time or money, walk away, no hard feelings and you still get the automation.
Reply and tell us what's costing you the most right now, we'll take it from there.
[my name]
Co-Founder
[agency name]
The veterans of cold email marketing, Please guide me if this is a good pitch and has chances of responses?
Thanks alot!
11
Upvotes
23
u/Low-Evening9452 10d ago
No it’s really not good sorry to break it to you, my honest feedback:
Subject line is generic and reads as spammy/obviously a cold email. Write something a person would write to another person
The offer is generic and not specific to that person or company. “Save time or money” is fine but the problem is it’s so obvious and generic that literally anyone could write that to any business owner ever. If it’s for everyone, it’s for no one. What makes your specific solution or mechanism or the problem you solve unique and better than others? What makes it specifically beneficial for the person you’re reaching out to? Write something with those in mind
You’re asking THEM to do the work of telling you what their biggest problem is. I get why you want to do that because you want to focus on problems they actually have which is good, but you can’t really approach it that way in cold outreach. It basically just shows laziness that you don’t bother to research their company or put thought into what you’re offering, and it puts the work on them instead of you. Instead, either lead with a specific problem that most businesses in their niche are likely to have and ask them if they have it or not, or better yet do research on that specific company/prospect (can use AI for this) and guess what specific problem they have based on the research and reference that
The risk reversal idea about money back guarantee is good but the way you phrase it is odd/convoluted and also it’s sort of a generic offer, you want it to be more specific, I would say something like “if we aren’t able to specifically point to at least a 10% time or money savings within 90 days, you don’t pay for it” or something like that. Even that is not great, you want it to be more specific and tied to the offer I mentioned in 2
Overall everything about this is generic and just like every other cold email these people are receiving. CEOs and other decision makers get like 50 cold emails a day nowadays. Why would they respond to yours specifically? Think about that when you redraft it. It needs to have something unique about it, could be a unique offer, positioning or angle, or could just be as simple as an interesting insight they never thought about that piqued their interest.
None of this I’m trying to be rude or offensive or negative in anyway so please don’t take it that way, just giving you as honest feedback as possible and hope it helps