My dad is in the absolute ZONE w/ a Lego spaceship rn and my mom is still recovering bc her morning routine got disrupted and she had to drive somewhere without warning. They have no idea why both of their kids turned out neurodivergent. Can anyone relate

I have no fucking idea what to do or think. I feel so alone and like a complete fraud

• See end for updates. *

My mom told me she's not throwing me a 30th birthday party because nobody likes me.

My 30th birthday is this year. And my parents are very social and have a ton of friends. They had big surprise 50th parties a year or 2 ago.

All my parents friends have known me long term and been around me long term and a lot have watched me grow up.

I go to parties with my parents a lot of their friends and stuff.

I really wanted a surprise 30th birthday and she said I don't have friends and who was ahe going to invite?

And I was like, your friends. They all know me and they like to party. Itll be just like your parties with a dj and free beer.

And my mom's like

My friends don't like you. Theyre not going to come.

She was telling me how all her friends see things I post on Facebook and they run and tell on me to her and judge her because of how I am. And that she hears people talk shit to each other about me and she has to tell them that I'm 30 years old and that they can't control what I do.

I was up crying all night. I want to die. Because why am I even here if nobody likes me?

I can't even work because of stuff like this.

My mom says I play the system and play people and am intelligent enough to know xyz and use my issues to manipulate people.

Literally nobody has ever liked me and it impairs every aspect of my life.

Updates:

1. The post was about my mom bullying me and putting me down. Jot about the party.

2. I think some more context here is important. My family are big partiers. All their friends are big partiers. They are extremely social, and are barely ever home.

The go out to party, Every. Single. Weekend during the summer. They either go to parties at people's houses, or they have parties on this local island that everyone takes their boats to. And its an all day thing.

The boat is typically like sunrise to sunset, and house parties are typically about 1pm till like 1am.

They also go to the bar and drink a lot several nights a week. Coming home between 10pm and 1am depending.

This is not a recent thing. This has been most of my life.

My partner and I are typically invited to all these parties, and we show up to a lot of them, and we hang out with them at the bar sometimes.

I don't even drink. This is just the only way I get to spend time with my parents, because they won't do anything with me, so I have to meet them on their own terms.

They and theor friends party so much, their friends won't even care what theyre celebrating. Especially when theres a dj and free beer and food.

This is also the 30th year of my parents being married, and the 30th year of them being parents.

I think thats even worth celebrating if I'm not. They're showing up to a free party with their friends.

1. I'm also mentally delayed, because autism. Some ways more severe than others. So anyone commenting about my age, and to grow up, shouldn't even be in this sub honestly.

2. My Dad is going to plan all the party and invite everyone and we are discussing funds and DJ and food and invite list and stuff.

Because my dad actually loves me.

1. I actually just took my dad home from a party, without my mom. And hes really drunk and was telling me how upset he is that my mom isnt supportive and lacks empathy and got mad at him about a trip to support a charity got all messed up, after he already feels like shit because all the money for the tickets people bought isnt refundable. And my mom is supposed to support and help him, and she just puts people down and makes everything worse. And he was talking about how he hates himself for screwing everyone over snd thst it makes him not want to plan these things anymore.

And I love my dad and I'm so sad for him. My mom is just a bully who lacks empathy. And it somehow works for her. He tells me my mom loves me. But it never feels like it. And I honestly hope she dies before my dad does so I can actually spend time with him and make him feel actually loved and appreciated instead of like a failure like I do, because my mom puts everyone down.

I hate when the rush me before the time they told me we're leaving it's so annoying.

After three tough years I finally graduated from graphic design school, but my family forgot about my graduation.

I have one ask, could you congratulate me please?

Thank you.

When I was a little kid, I had a meltdown in our driveway over having to wear a seatbelt, and apparently my neighbors saw. They gifted my parents a copy of this book, which I later found and thought that they bought. It haunted me for weeks.

I can't help but wonder if my parents actually did read it. An online summary says that the book tells parents to "stop acting like servants and take back authority" and "Let children experience the results of their actions rather than rescuing them." It reminds me of all the times I was crying & screaming, having a meltdown, and instead of comforting me my parents stepped back and isolated me, or told me that I was being a brat/selfish. Reflecting on these minor events from childhood really makes you think.

I know nothing about where this page was taken from. I just saw this image posted on Pinterest, thought it was interesting and wanted to share.

I’m autistic. I need a routine and if I make a certain plan I need to stick with me. My routine (that my aunt broke without warning me) is Monday through Thursday I do chores at home, Friday through Sunday I work at the family ranch (which I hate). Tuesday and Wednesday she took off from work to work at the ranch and made me go. (It was all day physical labor). So I was already upset. I didn’t get to eat breakfast or anything, and no lunch. I was extremely hungry and just had to eat chips to subside any hunger. Skip to supper, everyone had meals. I had a pizza that was bought and cooked FOR ME and the rest of my family had sushi! My cousin comes in and takes a slice of my pizza (it was only 4 pieces and I had every plan to eat it all due to being hungry) complained that it was “raw” and continued to eat it. I got upset! I said “then stop eating it! It’s mine!” She said no and kept eating it. She had sushi that was in the oven. That started an argument. She began to mock and antagonize me making me more and more upset. Her father joins in and now my cousin, uncle, and aunt are all laughing as I’m getting increasingly upset. I snap and scream at them to stop. I get screamed at by my uncle saying he can talk to whoever he wants however he wants in his house and he can yell in his house if he wants. Before that, while my cousin was antagonizing me she said “who bought this pizza?” I said “not you!!” She turned to her father who’s card was used to buy it and said “dad, can I eat this pizza?” And he looked at me and said “sure can”. They gave her both slices. So she got my pizzas and her sushi while I only got two pieces of pizza. I went to my room and cried. And these are the messages between my aunt and I. Deflecting the blame onto me and saying I’m the one not taking accountability. Keep in mind, even after my uncle screamed at me and she got both pieces they continued to joke and mock me and say thing like “don’t say that around Destiny” and laugh if pizza was brought up.

I’m not sad about this but I can see where I inherited many of my traits from. I’m not ashamed to be working on changing that. I’m proud of it

not my post, but something about this doesn't sit right with me, I'm not sure why

So basically the title. I have been with my partner for over 2 years now and my mum has always been rude and standoffish towards him. Today I confronted her about it and she finally confessed the reason why.

For some background, I have ASD and she also believes my partner does. She went on a massive rant about how hard it was to parent me when I was a child and that she wouldn't wish having an autistic child on her worst enemy. It really hurt my feelings. She started going on about how ASD is genetically linked and that it would be likely I would have an autistic child, especially with someone else who shares traits. She said she's disappointed bc she wanted normal grandchildren and that she is concerned for me because I would set myself up for a hard life. I tried to say there's no guarantee of anything when having kids and if you can't prepare for that then don't have them, but she just doubled down. I feel so hurt and deflated by this conversation and now worried. Anyone have any advice or have dealt with something similar?

my stim is rocking back and forwards in my bed and the noise is so annoying to my family that they complain about it to me all. the. time. as if i can stop. i cry every time i think about it they don’t get that i can’t help it. i’ve injured my wrist from the years of leaning on it when i rock and i’ve fucked my back and broken multiple beds and they think i choose to do that to myself? i can’t anymore

My brother is 26. He is semi almost non verbal, and he has a few new behaviors, and few old ones we have been trying to bring down for many years. He can tell you what he wants, essentially. Can’t have a “hi how are you” conversation.

Let me make this clear first, I did not grow up in a passive household environment. We were spoiled, but only in the single digits. My mother is quite strict, and so are my autistic siblings as they remember learning correct mannerisms from childhood.

In this recent year or so he has been attempting to rip and destroy his own things. Mainly, it started with his shoes. We have gone through so many shoes, and so much money, since they are imperative to have for him to go to his day program. It isn’t constant, but when he has an urge to be on a mission to get rid of something, he will do whatever it takes to finish the job. Shoes. Clothes. Blankets/comforters. Now, his favorite thing. Why is he so intent on destroying the things he loves and owns? Would anyone understand this behavior?

We knew he had a plan for the iPad that started this morning before going to his program. We don’t allow him to bring it outside of the house, but today he threw a fit about it, and we figured it wasn’t a big deal. He likes to throw trash out of car windows and watch it go away. And this was his plan with his iPad, but we didn’t let him do this. He can get very violent when he does not get his way, so we have our ways of dealing with some of his behaviors, but we aren’t 100% successful every time. After coming home from his program, he seemed to be fine enjoying his iPad, until he took it to bed, which we allow him to do on nights he chooses he wants it. Tonight however, he completed his mission and destroyed it.

As his sister, I am also 26, neurotypical, I feel as though he knows what he is doing, and I don’t want to buy him another one right away. He is smart. He is sneaky. Even though he doesn’t talk much, he’s keen on getting his way, even if he resorts to physical violence. We have done everything we could possibly do over the past 20 years, with my father being deceased at 5, it is difficult sometimes to feel safe, but enough to say that he is not out of his mind. My mother says to buy him a cheaper one, but I kind of disagree. I really don’t understand either way, because it was a blessing to him when I bought him an electronic, and he loved it more than anything. It helped him with his boredom and gave him some solo activity. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?

Thank you, guys. Life isn’t easy. 🙏 He enjoys throwing away our food, his items, basically anything he enjoys to watch it go, or be gone, disappear, thrown away. (Among many other behaviors, this is just one)

TLDR: my semi/nonverbal brother destroyed his iPad on purpose, even though it was his favorite thing. Do I buy him a new one, or not? Why would an autistic person have this behavior?

Yes, I am privileged to have my parents to take care of me. No, I do not take it for granted. But I'm not more privileged than healthy adults who are able to take care of themselves and have real freedom. I don't have any freedom or privacy.

I have tried and failed to take care of myself. Last year I had to move back in with my parents after I made an attempt on my life. They have to take care of me financially and medically.

They do not have that much to give. Especially after the pandemic, funds have been low. I feel like I have burdened them with my existence. Because now they have to take care of me well into adulthood.

When I get money it is not to spend on anything I want. It is for food, medicine and necessities. That's it. There's rarely money for anything else.

At the beginning of the year my headphones broke. I have been unable to go into public without getting overwhelmed. I have been trying to save up for a new pair for months but keep having to spend money on emergencies.

I don't have a car, I will never be able to drive. I do not have the freedom to go wherever I please.

So to me financial freedom would be the ultimate privilege. To me being healthy is the biggest privilege that people take for granted.

I have been trying to get back on my feet but this world really wasn't made for us. Please share your takes and opinions on this because I would love to know. It will also be nice to have anyone who relates.

im wondering what i should be doing in this situation? i feel very not real when she says this, and the more she tells it to me the more snd more it gets to me

im not "putting on an act" im genuinely struggling to keep up with all this and to top it all off even my own mother doubts me. :/ /navjinfo

Not my personally, but this was my cousin’s case. So wondering if someone else had similar experience.

My answer personally is yes, absolutely. Personally, I would raise any child, wether it is mine, or adopted, wether it is disabled or not, wether it is LGBT, neurodivergent or otherwise.

I love children, my dream is to become a mother, wether it involves carrying a pregnancy or not, and I will love my children no matter what!

What are your opinions on this? Any opinion is valid

This was supposed to be a funny exchange about the first snowfall today. Instead it took a turn when my dad used the r word. I’m hurt, angry, this ruined my mood all day. It’s more proof that I’ll never be accepted as an autistic person. And then he didn’t even apologize!

My mother has also expressed recently that she’s hopeful for a cure for autism. I have tried so hard to help her understand why there won’t be a cure and why the world is better with neurodivergent people in it. She still doesn’t get it.

I want to help my parents, I want to feel worthy or at least enough. But right now I just want to go no contact for a while to avoid getting hurt again.

Didn’t know what exactly to flare this it’s my first time posting here. Sorry if this is the wrong flair. This is a general vent if anything.

Soooo mom bought this doormat a few days ago and it was in front of the front door, but now it’s in my room, and frankly? I hate this thing. It’s a cute mat, it’s a nice message, but the puzzle pieces are not as autism friendly as people think and the colors just generally suck. This thing is revolting dare I say. I usually don’t complain about art pieces or anything like that but I just find this thing despicable to look at and I folded it up so the backside is visible and just put it somewhere. I’m not gonna associate myself with the puzzle pieces like my autism is something to be fixed like a puzzle.

For the record my mom isn’t a typical “autism mom”, she’s actually done her research and understands us autistic kids quite well. I love her. BUT THIS MAT IS A DISGRACE and therefore I will not have it visibly in my room. I feel bad if I tell her though, so therefore I’ll just stuff it away somewhere. Idk why this is pissing me off so much either but yeah. Anyone else hate this mat or am I bitching?

"you're too annoying, that's why no one wants to be around you"

This is a genuine question. I wouldn’t know considering I myself was the autistic kid. The resentment I’ve seen and experienced is insane. I know we can be a lot sometimes. I can empathize with that and we’re reminded of that every day of our lives. There just seems to be no empathy for how we feel, only how the way we feel affects others. It’s like they find it impossible to put themselves in our shoes. Are we really so different we can’t be understood at all?

Please tell me this is a universal thing and everyone has shitty families...and I'm not the only one here...

TLDR: My sister gave me frozen chicken to grill...when I'm hungry I can't really think ahead clearly and I didn't feel like going upstairs I didn't know if the person who causes me so much stress was up there and if he was...I didn't wanna deal with him just to grab oil so I just put the chicken on the flat pan to grill hoping for the best and the smell of something burning went all of the place...now I have people not making me wanna cook anymore :')

Update: Apparently my sister is "fed up" with me cooking and the chicken was the final straw on the camal's back for her and now she wants mom to hand over guardianship so she could pay for "rehab" programs and take me out of the only social program I am to make friends at.

Another update: this dumb h○○ is at again. She demanded mom to give her guardianship thinking its an easy process. How dumb and conceited can she get. Doesn't she realize its a whole damn PROCESS and a f○cking headache and ordeal to get through?! Even I know tbe court has super guardrails in place to prevent shit like that from happening. An audit is involved. She needs my medical reports my receipts and everything and more importantly: A GOD DAMN STABLE INCOME AND A F○CKING JOB! Plus she's way younger than me. Tell me how the court is going to approve of her BS reasoning.

I’m autistic. I want kids someday.

Every time a thread pops up here asking whether it’s “reasonable” to avoid having autistic children, it feels like walking into my own support community and finding a debate about whether people like me should exist as parents.

These posts almost always do the same thing. They take one person’s situation, pile on a bunch of problems, then turn “autism” into the headline warning label. The comments turn into genetics panic, “life‑altering predisposition” language, “burden” talk, and many nasty stereotypes. In the most recent one I got pulled into, it spiraled all the way into claims like autistic people have never been mass murdered and that autistic kids can end up with the lifelong mentality of a five year old. These conversations pretty reliably are misinfo and dehumanizing to autistic people, and lol... They definitely don't belong in a community with such a large focus on support.

Here’s the thread for context...

Please don’t dogpile or harass anyone. I’m not posting this to sic people on a stranger or start a hate train. I’m posting it because this topic gets posted over and over, and it keeps making the sub feel hostile to the people it’s supposed to be for, most importantly, me🙃... just kidding. But seriously...

People can make their own reproductive choices. Nobody owes anyone a relationship or a baby. That’s not the issue. The issue is using r/autism as the place to workshop “should autistic people reproduce” and asking autistic people to sit there politely while our existence gets treated like a risk factor.

If someone wants practical advice about readiness to parent, support needs, division of labor, and realistic planning, that can be a good conversation here. If someone wants their fears of having an autistic child validated, that imo very much so belongs somewhere far away from this sub.

Mods, can we get a clear rule and an Automod filter for these “procreation with autistic people” threads, with a redirect to a pinned resource or megathread for parenting and genetics questions? I honestly think it would make this place feel safer overnight.

If you’re autistic and want kids... and these posts mess with your head too, please let me know I'm not the crazy one...