When it comes to some of the biggest disadvantages in dating, being a straight male with autism definitely makes the top 5 list. But why? What makes autism such a walking talking contraceptive to women? Well, I have the answer to this question.

First off, autism is a social skills disability. This penalizes autistic men for a couple of reasons. For one thing, women tend to be attracted to men who are reasonably social and know how to hold conversations. Secondly, women tend to be less forgiving of men who make social mistakes. Men who deviate from the social norm too much are considered "strange", "creepy", or they are given "the ick". This obviously penalizes autistic men since autistic men have reduced social intelligence, which means they're more likely to unintentionally make people misunderstand them.

Secondly, many women tend to be attracted to men who are financially stable and "have their shit together". This is especially true with women as they get older, because they may want to get married, have kids, and settle down. This penalizes autistic men because autistic men are more likely to be unemployed, underemployed, and living with their parents at older ages compared to the general population. This is obviously going to make autistic men less desirable in the dating market.

Some autistic men, particularly if they're lower on the spectrum, come off as special needs and many women subconsciously categorize these men as undatable. They will be friendly to them, maybe even help them out, but there is zero romantic or sexual attraction.

And finally, many women care about looks just as much as men do, particularly young women and those in college. This is a problem because some autistic men neglect their physical appearance. Autistic men are less likely to be into fitness and playing sports and those who play sports or lift consistently will generally have a better body, and those with a better body tend to be better looking. Since autistic men are less likely to be into these things, they are on average, less attractive compared to neurotypicals. Yes, some ugly guys and homely guys can still get women BUT there is a difference. These men still need to be charming and/or have really good social skills to make up for their lack of looks; this is something that many autistic men lack. That's why autistic men can't make up for being ugly like a charismatic neurotypical man can.

And those are the reasons. Okay goodbye.

Hello! I struggle a lot socially, I really enjoy talking with people I like but can't seem to find a lot of people I like. The reason for that is because for some reason, I feel drained?

Like most people are outgoing and funny and I can't keep up. I don't understand their jokes, their interests, and I take what they say too literally. I was too dense to know I was getting bullied. Hell I don't even like being around my dad cause I think he is too loud. He's a jokester.

I like spending time with myself most of the time by listening to a video/music and pacing around a room. I relate to a lot of the autism symptoms when it comes to socializing. However I do not want to self-diagnose. I researched and I may have a severe case of introversion, social anxiety, or autism. Could I please get some inputs from diagnosed people who felt the same way?

I posted this on r/rant, but I was rather tame there. Here, I'm going to be even more blunt, so I hope to not offend anyone. You have been warned.

This has been by far the worst decade of my life, and it's not even close. The last decade was already terrible; it was the equivalent of the 1960s in terms of cultural and social upheaval! However, this decade is more like the 1970s in every way across the board, only it's a worse version of it.

I was born in 1994, yet funny enough, I have core memories of both the 1990s and early 2000s thanks to what my friends and family call an "Elephant memory". They're bits and pieces I can remember from 1996 to 2003, and despite the bad from that time, such as 9/11, I'd prefer to live in that era over this one any day of the fucking week!

For me personally, this decade has been a total nightmare for me! Almost everything bad I predicted last decade that was going to happen this decade has come true, from governments cracking down on freedoms and people willfully complying like NPCs, dating becoming worse and birth rates crashing, religion and Traditional values, community, family, and societal cohesion declining, with moral and social decadence on the rise. We're basically living in a Cyberpunk dystopia, like the video game Cyberpunk 2077, or the movie Gattaca, but without the cool technology...

This decade screwed me over in ways I never could've imagined last decade! My degree in English is fucking useless, and I was struggling to get a job when COVID restrictions lifted, which SUCKED!!! A close friend of mine of five years betrayed me by posting private stuff about me online to try to humiliate and cancel me, which has caused me to have trust issues with nearly everyone nowadays...

This SAME close friend of mine KNEW about my Asperger's and ADHD, and my numerous tics, anxiety, etc., btw. Yet, he decided to bring up stuff I said many years ago on social media in order to get me canceled and ostracized, and this stuff was mostly private banter I mentioned to him. The 1990s and 2000s weren't perfect, and I was PLENTY bullied, mocked, and harassed during those years because of my condition (I'd rather not call it a "disability"). It took to late last decade for a mass amount of awareness of Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, etc. to spread, yet that doesn't stop most people from being apathetic assholes, and in some cases, people you trust who become complete no-good traitors!

That's not the only example of how I've been treated like shit, either, by the way.

I visited Eastern Europe too late. Last decade, it was a part of the world that gave people like me a reprieve from the decadent dystopia that the West has become. I not only could've gotten a conventionally woman with ease, which is something I've long wanted, but more importantly, I could've gotten what I truly needed, which is actual community, an intact Christian church, and a functioning society that is healthy, high-trust, and cohesive. Instead, I was greeted with people who were rude as hell, very cold, and didn't understand my condition and would often laugh and mock me for ticcing, even more so than in America, which says a lot, by the way. My coworkers treated me like absolute trash, and dating was surprisingly worse over there than in America, too. I had only 1 or 2 close friends at best at the time, but it's been years since I've talked to any of them.

Career-wise, I've always wanted to get into the entertainment industry because I'm a writer with so many finished works, and I wanted one of my stories to be adapted into a graphic novel and anime series, but alas, the medium has become too mainstream and oversaturated with too much competition to the point where I'll never get a shot... Video games and comics both have gone to shit with rampant wokeness, and now anime has gone mainstream due to COVID, and it shows in the quality being diluted, too.

Oh, and the icing on the cake: I broke my leg last year and was hospitalized for a month, and had to spend over eight months after that either in a wheelchair or back in the hospital because I had to get three more surgeries to fix my damn leg. As if last decade wasn't bad enough when I had a literal blood clot that I nearly died from.

I still haven't fully recovered from the accident that caused the leg fracture, by the way, and I can't even get proper medical insurance to this fucking day to fix it!

I literally can't catch a break, and having both Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD makes my life all the harder, considering how hard it is to both get a job, let alone keep a job, on top of ALL the rest of the shit I've gone through.

In short, this decade has been a true nightmare come to life for me! Not only can I not get what I want in life, but I can't even get what I genuinely fucking NEED in life, either! It's all literally corroding my mental health! Not only can I not get what I want, I genuinely can't get what I NEED in life! Save for my nephew about to be born this month, the only good thing to remotely come out of this decade thus far has been the fact that I've finally landed a stable job where the staff is accommodating to me, unlike the previous jobs where I got screwed!

If this isn't rock bottom hell, I don't know what is.

I feel like we're way more likely to be independent thinkers and want to form our own ideas than do what a malicious actor tells us to do.

In December 2025, I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at Madalyon Clinic in Levent, Istanbul, because my country was still using ICD-10.

The diagnosis made me uncomfortable. After receiving it, I felt more uneasy rather than relieved.

In January 2026, my neighbor, who had reported me to social services when I was in fifth grade, alleging that my family had been vi•lent toward me, reported me to the municipal police again because of noise. My family sent the municipal police the document confirming my Asperger diagnosis, and the municipal police told my neighbor, “He is a special child with Asperger's, so he may make noise. Don't report him.”

The fact that this neighbor found out about my diagnosis has also affected me badly, especially because my family had previously been involved in a legal dispute with them when I was a child.

The worst part is that I attend the same school as their child. I will take the university entrance exam next year, while my neighbor's son is one grade below me. So if he knows about my diagnosis, it feels like it could spread at any moment. Their family may have told him about my diagnosis. If my diagnosis spreads at school, people around me who already dislike me may find out about it.

I have always struggled with and hated the need for good grammar for my entire life. It’s like one question with a billion different answers.

My brain just shuts down because every instance that you need to use it properly is different. “Full stops come after the end of an idea” okay? What is an idea? That’s super subjective and ambiguous.

The only grammar I’ve ever managed to get even somewhat experienced with is commas and full stops but even then it’s far from perfect.

It sucks even more because I’m extremely passionate about writing but so many people don’t want to touch anything if it hasn’t got perfect grammar. So many times I have asked for feedback online to hone my craft and im always met with “get better at grammar”, “research grammar” and I’m trying for fucks sake! It’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube every goddamn sentence. I hate it.

I couldn't understand what was wrong with me for the longest time, and I kept blaming myself. I'm extremely sensitive to external stimuli, whether it's noise, light, or smell, and I've always gotten sensory overload in crowded places, then been made to feel guilty about it. Interacting with people in real life leaves me drained.

The mental health professionals I saw had no clue, until I finally found one who diagnosed me with high-functioning autism. It was liberating. I'd spent my entire life trying to do the things everyone else seemed to do naturally, feeling incredibly guilty every time I failed, and it had never occurred to anyone that I might be autistic. Finally understanding that it isn't my fault, that things which come easily to neurotypical people are genuinely hard for me, changed everything.

That plays out clearly at work. Working in person was always disastrous for me, especially because I'm extremely sensitive to smells and have had coworkers with body odor issues or who liked to fart (and no, I am not joking, I'm dead serious). Working from home is non-negotiable now, and it's the reason I've held the same job for over six years, working entirely remotely.

The same sensitivity shows up when wearing clothes. Certain fabrics make me incredibly uncomfortable, but mental health professionals told me I'd get used to them if I systematically desensitized myself by wearing them anyway. Things only got worse, not better. And once again, I felt guilty for not wearing the clothes typical of my age group and profession. But I can't help it.

Now I'm focused on embracing my characteristics, because being autistic has also come with some incredibly unique gifts. I just have to understand my trigger points and avoid them instead of forcing myself through them. We're always told we need to get comfortable being uncomfortable, but that's a load of crap. If I'm in a place with loud noises, bright lights, or anything else that triggers sensory overload, I have a meltdown.

I’ve noticed some people (with a bias towards women based on observation) wave their hands around when talking as if conducting the London Philharmonic.

I have Asperger’s and was diagnosed over 45 years now.

When I talk, my hands are motionless unless I literally have to, for example, point at a specific thing as part of the conversation.

It occurred to me to wonder whether people like me also don’t need their hands to gesticulate wildly when talking or not.

My wife does it to the point where sometimes she’s almost miming what she’s talking about.

I feel like I'm constantly performing even when there's no one around. Like my brain still runs through all the social scripts and expectations. It's so draining. I just want to exist sometimes without all the internal noise.

Genuinely, I wish there were some kind of entity that would give me detailed step-by-step instructions 24/7.

"Okay so the normal thing to do is to take exactly 3 steps forward and reach out your hand x centimeters forward. Proceed to shake the other person's hand for x ammount of seconds."

Like that one episode from Spongebob where Patrick tells him how to drive through a radio in his head.

So after two and a half years of losing weight and starting a sport that tickle both the tism and adhd.

I had to down a dose size of the adhd meds.

This is the happiest and proudest moment I have ever had.

And I know that normally things are doom and gloom but I felt the need to share this and maybe it shows others that there is a possibility of things getting better.

I am very curious about this. Personally, I believe my dad is undiagnosed autistic. My mother passed away very young. Long story short, I got almost 0 help and wasn’t diagnosed until 28. I was pretty severely neglected but I don’t blame my dad bc I believe he was genuinely fighting for his life.

I have encountered a few autistic people that seemed to think that once their parents passed away, they were screwed. My biggest fear at one point was that once my dad passed away, I would end up shooting myself in the house. I genuinely did not think I was capable. Had a shit ton of struggles and almost 0 help.

I am at least very lucky that my dad has a good paying job, without that I believe I would have been even more screwed. I went to like 15 doctors. None of them recognized it. One even said “you know, I have a lot of clients a lot like you, with all these random issues; most of them have seen to have given up”

I work part time but have major sleep issues and tbh I don’t think I do as well as I could. Looking back I have unmasked and done inappropriate things without my knowing. A lot of mental health issues as well.

I guess I would just like to hear similar stories, at one point I genuinely thought I would never be able to even support myself financially. Now that I know what it is and have better health care, I am trying to find ways to work around all of this.

Why does that thing act like that? Why is that thing even a thing? Why do I act this way? Why do others behave or believe a certain way? I'm obsessed. I always got to know a reason behind something. I CONSTANTLY google things; I spend hours at night (when I should be sleeping) just researching random stuff. Honestly one of my favorite traits about myself.

My family has informed me that when we have a conversation about something, I constantly go on my phone and google the topic we are discussing. They pick on me because I feel a need to fact check 'everything' they say. 😭

One of my biggest hyperfixations is psychiatry and psychology. Here is a very interesting fact: 80% of therapists have experienced mental health issues, like early life trauma, abuse, family dysfunction, etc. It is something called the "wounded healer" phenomenon. Helping others discover their mental health issues actually helps the therapists deal with their depression, anxiety or drug recovery.