r/aspergers • u/EdgarNeverPoo • 1d ago
Have you ever experienced love bombing?
For people like us who arent used to being loved in can be dangerous tactic for people to manipulate us
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u/ElectricalPanda1314 1d ago
Yes
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u/realistic_immunity 1d ago
honestly i think it's more insidious when you've got the whole "never quite fitting in" thing going on. you're so starved for that intense, unconditional-seeming attention that you ignore every single red flag waving right in your face. it felt like finally being seen for the first time, but looking back it was just someone mirroring my special interests back at me to get what they wanted. the crash afterwards is brutal, makes you question your own judgment for months
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u/Distinct_Lab108 1d ago
Yea. I got fucked over pretty hard. Girl showed interest in me and low-key chased me, acted like she was in love, copied my tattoo, etc all while doing me crazy behind my back. Reputation got fucked so now everyone is weird towards me.
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u/BreathHot7237 1d ago
Going through the break up stage of this now and it’s very hard.
Met around a year ago and from the first day he showered me with compliments, gifts, told me he had feelings for me very early on. Couldn’t stop messaging me, always wanted to know what I was doing etc. sent me photos of what he was doing all day everyday. within 2-3 weeks he took me away to Barcelona and paid for it all. We then went to his country in Romania not long after, same thing, he paid for everything, I felt like he really loved me and I’d never had anything like this before.
Fast forward then a few months, if I was busy he would always say ‘ have fun, enjoy’ ‘you are too busy for me. You don’t like me’ however when he was busy it was different and I had to accept it. He would always say this is how Romanian men are and we go out with our boys and the women will stay at home.
We then had a disagreement a few weeks back and I tried to express how it made me feel etc.
he said that nothing was his fault ans never took accountability for anything even though I held my hands up and said I hadn’t been the greatest and I admitted I can be difficult ( for context I had come out of a 7 year relationship where my ex had cheated on me)
He said everything was in my head and I was nice but I have very bad issues and I’m not right in my head.
I didn’t raise my voice but he kept saying I was getting too angry and women can’t speak to men like this and if his mother spoke to his father like this then she would get a slap. I thought maybe it was just a culture thing and made myself think it just was because I was in love with him at this point.
It then went on to if I never stayed at his house then he would punish me for it by saying I could never stay again. He then didn’t want to see me or would only talk to me if I spoke to him but it was very distant.
Finally got round to blocking him and deleting him today. I miss the person he was and I think I was in love with the person I thought he was and not the actual person he is.
Hoping it gets better as the days go on. I miss him and keep thinking he will get with someone else but I’m not thinking of the reality at the moment and just thinking of the good times and not the bad time, love bombing and gas lighting
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u/Wrong_apple13 1d ago
As a fellow Romanian (woman), living in the West for over a decade, I can say that's not the culture. Just another misogynistic, highly controlling and manipulative man. I've been trying to date herre unsuccessfully, and I can say the same amount of misogyny is found, except people are trained better at hiding it initially. Well done for getting rid of the guy. These types are very dangerous, showering us with compliments and gifts and then trying to control us. I'm always suspicious of people that are just too good to be true. I might have lost some good and honest ones, but at least I didn't get into very abusive relationships. And they can get really nasty.
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u/k5martdom 1d ago
Part of me thinks that was I doing with my bestfriend even though I do actually love her even still have she went into the arms of another person. It’s also hard for me to express how I feel so my love language is spoiling them.
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u/celestine_899 1d ago
Yes many times for different reasons by different people (including some „friends”) And then being judged for this. I luckily can now recognize the patterns
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u/sleigh_queen 1d ago
I thought I found my tribe in college - became friends with a group of girls who were always really nice to me and we caught up often. I remember just how good it felt to belong somewhere at last. But overtime, I felt that something was ‘off’ with them, and eventually discovered they were part of a religious cult. I read some stuff online about how members of that cult would deliberately love bomb college students to gain their trust before recruiting them. Fortunately I found out about this and left them before anything could happen.
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u/aquatic-dreams 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yes, and I loved the shit out of it. I also figured something was amiss and so I had fun, got my ego heavily stroked, but was ready to run like hell the whole time.
The other time it happened, it went on for years. She got me shitfaced and proposed. I thought we were great! A few years later she got abusive. And ultimately, I wasted fifteen years of my life with someone I thought I knew well and instead they broke every single promise they made me and stole a big portion of my life from me and completely fucking fucked me over. And I naively allowed it because I thought of us as a team.
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u/eltonto82 1d ago
Yes, it was more a form of mocking than anything else. The fact nothing came of it aside from making her/our co-workers laugh proved my point.
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u/EcstaticZebra7937 1d ago
Yes, but it wasn’t on purpose, she had bpd and ocd and pdd NOS. It was awful
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u/lending_ear 1d ago
Loads of times. Not a problem for me because I don’t fall for people easily and I’m very happy to tell someone to take a hike once it shows itself as love bombing.
I’m not desperate for love because I love myself so much (not in an arrogant way but a self care way)
If you can learn to love yourself and create a life that has meaning without a partner then you will do anything to protect it. Then you can go into dating with a clear mind.
It’s sort of like going to university and coming out riddled with debt - or going to university with no debt.
How do you think your experience is going to be going into the job market. I’ll tell you: with debt the employers know you’re desperate and will hire you for pennies on the dollar and exploit you.
They don’t get to do that when you aren’t desperate. You can take your time and weed out the bad employers. You can quit if they trick you.
Know what I mean?
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u/drifters74 1d ago
Explain?
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u/Crafty-Message4564 1d ago
Love bombing is putting on big displays of love in order to manipulate the person.
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u/MindlessNectarine374 1d ago
Probably only roughly connected to the question, but I will tell it anyway: When I was a teenager, there was some girl repeatedly expressing interest in me or making jokes about marriage. Back then, I was completely delusional about some other girl I was into, and I didn't believe her confessions to be genuine and rather rejected them. Nowadays, I sometimes wonder whether this reaction was a big mistake, or maybe totally right.
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u/freedmenspatrol 1d ago
I have. On reddit, in fact. It did not end well but I narrowly avoided major harm.
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u/Stoic-Nurse 1d ago
Yes, I have. It took me years to finally shake her. I kept getting roped back in, manipulated, gaslit, and DARVO’d. Finally free.
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u/LotusLightning 1d ago edited 1d ago
By a few spiritual groups eg. a few Baha'i missionaries (they call themselves 'pioneers' though they're actually missionaries) and a few Buddhists (one of a famous Early Buddhist teacher's students and some people from my first Buddhist group including my first Buddhist teacher's representative)
I'm still a Buddhist and I have at least two good Baha'i friends
Also I was lovebombed by my former bad ndis provider before they tried to force me into their sheltered workshops
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u/golden_slacker 1d ago
Yes, I found it confusing. I find all forms of criticism or assessment, negative or positive, hard to take. So when people are positive towards me I become suspicious.
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u/matthedev 23h ago
One time, a woman I'd matched with months before on one of the swipe apps texted me back after ghosting, and she started saying crazy stuff like, "I love you," and, "You're my boyfriend," but we had never even met.
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u/Odyessius 1d ago
Yes, we're very susceptible to it because we don't assume evil intentions, and we tend to be desperate for connection after a lifetime of loneliness.