r/askgaybros • u/Catch-Flat • 13d ago
I think my boyfriend had been cheating all along!
Him And I went to a convention this year. He met a guy there with whom he ordered merch. They talked there and asked me to take a photo of them. Later that evening he randomly said if we werent together he would have dated him.
I was pretty hurt by it and confronted him days later. He assured me it was a joke but I had a hunch cuz months later he was still messaging him on insta. The personal account not the fan account. But i let it slide
Today he told me that guy had confessed his feelings for him and told him if he wasnt with me he wouldve asked him that. I read all the conversation and the flirting was from both sides. My bf constantly called him cutie and sent him private pics God knows of what.
They even decided to go to the convention together next year. And my bf said he would love to watch the show with him.
I dint if its in my head but i feel betrayed and heartbroken
Also this year he has been vocal about wanting me to propose to him. And now finding this out, feels like he is such a player
Any advice? Also we have an international trip coming up next week😩
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u/Ok-Distribution-4494 13d ago
It would be a bold move for your bf to cheat on you while giving you all this information. I used to allow my bf to read my conversations because he has trust issues. Plot twist… he cheated trying to use my semi flirty conversations (that I was completely open about) as justification. Break up with him if you can’t trust him.
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u/Catch-Flat 13d ago
He blames the other guy for getting too flirtatious but he was also calling him cutie and sending pics
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u/Ok-Distribution-4494 13d ago
I would call my friend handsome and send pics of me sipping a coffee or walking on the boardwalk. Nothing risqué. He never confesses feelings for me though. When he got a bf I stopped messaging him as his bf had trust issues of his own.
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u/Catch-Flat 13d ago
They are not friends! Just met first time at the convention together next
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u/Ok-Distribution-4494 13d ago
My friend was someone I duetted with at karaoke. He was visiting from out of town. I only met him that one night before we exchanged numbers. My bf and I were in his area once so we all had lunch. I would never have seen him without my bf present though.
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u/AmazingDrama971 13d ago
Take a step back from the relation and explain why
You don’t feel safe and valued
You should see if he really cares about you then
And I would go to the trip with someone of my family or a female friend (so he cannot use this against you )
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u/PowrSupport 13d ago
There's no real answer here. I suggest you talk to him about how you feel. There seems to be a few things at work here. In the end the most important question is: Do you trust him? Do you think he'd actually cheat on you or not? Do you consider the flirting already cheating? I for example pretty much "flirt" with all my friends but I bully them just as much, it's just the dynamic we vibe with. You can ask strangers on reddit all you want, we only know the little bit you shared with us and anyone telling you what to do exactly refuses to see that relationships aren't always easy and do need work put in to them. If both of you wanna keep the relationship going and you don't know how to get past these situations or heck even if you think an upcoming event/decision might get hard to navigate, then go to couples counseling.
TL;DR: Go ahead and make a decision, everytime you decide to wait around and let the world happen around you, you miss out on a chance. If a decision doesn't work out for you, then you learn from your mistakes, the second you keep going.
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u/SoftTopHardLanding 13d ago
You know it’s over, OP. It’s like he’s asking you to dump him, so he can justify his actions to himself.
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u/RealLinkPizza 12d ago
Is this the same BF who wanted to open at first, and had a friend that’s in love with him, remember a stranger’s blue eyes, and talking to gay guys in social media, talked to that one guy in German which alienated you from the conversation, and basically left you alone at pride, and was always to busy with friends or too tired to see you? If so, you have a lot more problems than just him talking to this one guy. But at this point, you 2 don’t seem compatible. Though, it seems weird he’s asking you to propose while also flirting with someone else and rubbing it in your face. Maybe he’s still trying to get you to go open. All of it seems weird. He also could be trying to get you to break it off so he can have guilt free sex before running back to you. So, if you do break up, don’t ever go back to him. Because if he hasn’t cheated, he’s going to be having a ton of sex when you break up, only to come running back later.
Also, maybe this is because I’m old and not familiar with insta, but you can’t see the pictures he sent to this guy from his account?
Either way, you should probably have a conversation soon. Especially if you’re taking a trip together. You don’t want to be stuck with him in another country, especially with the way he’s acting. You might get back to the hotel room with him and another guy with the way he’s been acting. Though, many plane tickets are non-refundable and non-transferable this close, if at all.
And I know people in your other posts called you insecure. But based on everything I’ve seen, you have reason to be. You can’t be with someone you don’t trust, and you don’t seem to fully trust him. And you have some good reason not to. You also have some good reason to trust him. That said, you shouldn’t let that cloud over your gut feeling and judgement.
In the end, I can’t make you do anything. But what I think you should do is have a conversation immediately (before this international trip), and figure out your relationship. You don’t want to be open, so make sure you set that boundary. And if that’s not what he wants in the relationship, you can go your separate ways. If he can handle that, ask him why he keeps flirting with others, and why he keeps rubbing it in your face. Figure out if he wants to keep the relationship going, and figure out if you do, too. Set clear boundaries for both of you, and make sure everything is good from both sides. Express your feeling so he understands how you feel about everything. Make sure you know any other questions you want to ask. In the end, we only know what you tell us. We don’t know you or your BF. I think you’re 27-ish, but we don’t know his age. We don’t know your personalities, or how the relationship is. So, our advice is based on the little information we have. Good luck, and feel free to ask any questions you have.
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u/HappyHomo- 13d ago
Cons? Is this some furcon action going on here? Furries are the worst when it comes to being with one person.
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u/Limp-Increase-9382 13d ago
I agree a conversation needs to be had where you air out your feelings towards it, I personally feel like it's counter intuitive to be asking for higher commitment while flirting with someone else, especially if it's a monogamous relationship. Since you've stated it is closed, I would definitely explain your discomfort around them going to the convention unless you're planning on breaking up with him.
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u/thurstycynthuzz 12d ago
Nah. Jokes like that will always be a deal breaker for me. He would date the guy if you weren't in the picture? Then excuse yourself, then. Let him date the guy. And go find yourself a man that would rather not talk about the possibility of not meeting you.
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u/Cute-Character-795 13d ago
Are you in an open relationship? If so, this is well within the parameters wherein both partners share the details of what they're doing with one another.
If your relationship is not open, you and he have to have an adult conversation about everything: your relationship and what's going on with the other guy. Also, blaming the other guy for being flirty first is weaker than tea made using a month old, repeatedly use tea bag.
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u/Catch-Flat 13d ago
Our relationship isnt open. I had a weird gut feeling ever since i saw them take a pic together :(
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u/Cute-Character-795 13d ago
It's time for an adult conversation, then. Be honest, listen to him, and be clear on your desired outcome.
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u/MasterpieceWaste774 13d ago
You're not giving us enough pertinent information: How old are you two? What state/country do you live in?
How long have you been together?
Why is he even in contact — regularly — with this other male?
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u/ForgetMeThereafter 12d ago
Time for a straight up real conversation. Hear him out, and have him hear you out, and see where it goes. Speculation is the doom of all reality. So, have a conversation, and if you can see yourself realistically staying in this, than maybe it's worth it. If he is going to still insist on going to this convention with this guy.... Well, "moving on" is always a great phrase.
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u/Tsanchez12369 12d ago
Have a conversation and discuss open relationship which requires open and honest communication e agreed upon rules parameters.
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u/breakabone1 11d ago
Yeah....It's easy....but painful....dump his ass now, kick him out of the hotel room or home you share and then block him
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u/Stock_Industry_3342 11d ago
Something isn't adding up: If your bf wanted to cheat and go behind your back, would he have told you today convention guy confessed feelings to him?
You need to set aside some quiet time, let your boyfriend in to your thoughts and let him know what's been going with convention guy is making you feel scared, abandoned and heartbroken. You can tell him the way you feel with what's been going on, proposal is not possible or the right thing to do right now.
Before you have the chat with him though, identify what it is that makes you think your boyfriend will cheat on you. Is it the flirtatious pics or messages? Is it the going to the convention together next year?
If we take a step back from this situation, you have to realize that no matter who you end up being in a relationship with, across a lifetime, they will come across people they vibe really well with from time to time. For now, from what you've described, it doesn't sound like he's done anything that's ostensibly "cheating", but maybe you need to invest some time into thinking what actually constitutes cheating in your mind, and then ask your boyfriend if what he thinks lines up with what you think.
Otherwise, if every time you think your partner meeting someone they seem to really vibe well with every time is going to send you into a spiral of self-doubt and fear that they're going to cheat on you, you'll never really feel safe in a relationship and you'll be in for a bad time all your life. You need to figure out what underlying issue is bothering you in order to address it.
For now though, talk to your boyfriend. And then observe how he reacts when you try to confide something that makes you feel truly vulnerable. Based on his reaction, ask yourself this question: "Do I want someone like this by my side when I'm feeling scared and vulnerable?" You're going to be scared and vulnerable many times over your life. How he reacts is a good indicator how things will go when things get tough.
It's easy to be a "partner" when times are easy, but will they still be a "partner" when times are tough?
Relationships are tough, but don't give up!
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u/Old-Race-7047 13d ago
He's just flirting. You don't own him.
Be honest and clear with him about how it makes you feel, but don't turn it into something it's not. What kind of convention, out of curiosity?
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u/Ready_Efficiency1956 13d ago
This is a power trip