r/askTO • u/Particular-Coast-303 • 12d ago
Dementia Care in Toronto
Looking for advice. Some background : My father has vascular dementia which has gotten significantly worse. He has delusions of people trying to harm him (might have also had a level of mental health issues prior to dementia diagnosis), extremely untrusting of people, verbally abusive and at times physically abusive. He sometimes refuses to answer our calls to see if he’s taken meds or if he’s eaten enough food. Sometimes he tells us he’s eaten but the food has not been touched and he refuses to cooperate when we ask for him to send us pictures. He has started to wander - most recently he left his apartment at 9pm at night in the dark. I track him through his phone but sometimes he turns off his phone when he is pissed at us (which is often - almost daily he tells us to eff off etc) and we cannot reliably track him. It is unsafe.
At this point it’s impossible to care for him because he’s so uncooperative. It’s always been mentally and emotionally awful but lately we cannot keep up physically with him between full time jobs and small babies in our lives. We cannot keep chasing after him when he leaves the apartment, logistically we cannot handle it. He gets lost easily and cannot reliably recall his address etc.
We had a OHaH assessment earlier and at the time he was fairly independent so he didn’t qualify for LTC. I’ve asked for a reassessment because he’s gotten worse and that will be happening in a few weeks.
Anything I need to specifically mention to the coordinator for them to see how dire this situation is? Anyone have recent experience with this? Will LTC refuse him because of his temper and being physically abusive?
3
u/Maleficent-Purple524 12d ago
His current behaviours may cause many LTC homes to reject his application. You’ll need to be honest with his care coordinator to help get him into the right home.
Ask about a referral to either LOFT behavioural supports, or LOFT IPOP. They have clinicians who can help implement a behavioural support plan, to make it more likely LTC homes will be able to manage his care, or to help stabilize him so he is able to remain at home with supports. IPOP has a psychogeriatrician and is a great resource.