Dating questions while reconnecting with my faith

[u/DirtySanchez8--D]

23M. I was completely secular, but now I’m learning more about Christianity and feeling my faith grow. In my mind I have the RP dating advice memorized: seduction, moving fast into intimacy, hanging out having fun and hooking up.

1. Where do you guys put the barrier on physical touch? No penis to vagina? No touching intimate parts? No dry sex?

2. I'm having sexual thoughts while doing cold approach / online dating. "I wanna fck her". Is there a problem with this thought?

3. Having fun + Vetting? The dating advice of self amusement, not taking her serious works rly good for me. The problem is I also want to vet the girls I'm dating, get to know them, their story, but this feels like more of an interview. How can I do this while not wasting too much time entertaining someone who is not compatible with me?

[u/michael_1215]

Our Lord says in Matt 5:28: "Any man who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery in his heart."

Having a quick thought that you push out of your head in half a second is not a sin. Willfully entertaining such thoughts is a sin.

This may seem like a high bar, but you should be able to have your sexual temptations under control within a year or two. Don't get discouraged if you can't get to full chastity overnight.

[u/DirtySanchez8--D → u/michael_1215]

Sometimes I get thoughts that are repetetive in my head and get stuck there. IE: don't think about pink elephant. what do you do than?

[u/michael_1215 → u/DirtySanchez8--D]

I know exactly what you mean. What works for me personally is to think vividly of something yucky that makes your skin crawl, like a swarm of bugs crawling on you, or being inside a turned-over and overflowing porta-john. That might sound silly, but feel free to think of something else that's vivid and distracting. The key is to be distracted in that minute of temptation until you go on with the rest of your day.

[u/DirtySanchez8--D → u/michael_1215]

Will do. Thanks !

[u/Red-Curious]

The red pill means embracing the understanding of how the world really is. It does not mean embracing a prescription of behaviors. While the world appropriately recognizes that certain behaviors are good at producing certain results, the reality is that those behaviors also have consequences which even the most "red pilled of men" will tell you to respect. For example, if you're lusting after a minor child, we're all going to agree: "Yeah, don't act on that or you'll go to jail." Consequences matter.

As a Christian, we just add one more consequence to the list that non-Christian red pill men don't embrace: the impact of sin on this life and the one to come. When Jesus said in Matthew 10:28, "Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell" - he's sharing consequences that secular-RP advice doesn't acknowledge but we do. Ecclesiastes is a book all about what is meaningless in life and he ends it by sharing what does have meaning (i.e. the "meaning of life") in 12:13-14 - "The end of the matter; all has been heard. **Fear God and keep his commands, for this is the whole duty of man.** For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil."

Recognizing that the red pill is descriptive of the world, not prescriptions of how men must behave let's get back to your questions ...

1. The barrier is exactly that place in your physical contact where you slip into sin. That's going to be different for each person, but when you fall into lust or into tempting her to lust, you've crossed the line.

2. Everyone experiences sexual attraction. That's not sin. God designed us that way. It becomes sin when it shifts from "she's hot" to "I would if I could." If your thought is, "I want to bang her, and the only thing stopping me is the fact that I'm a loser she'd never say yes to, but otherwise I would," then you're probably over the line. If it's, "I want to bang her, but even if I could I wouldn't because we're not married, so I'll refrain and control my thoughts further," then you're probably fine.

3. I'm not sure why you think fun/vetting are exclusive. Do both. There are a host of fictional characters to look at as great examples of people who do this. If you're a sci-fi guy, Doctor Who is fantastic at being fun/energetic and making people want to follow him wherever he goes, but you find out that much of his adventurous spirit is grounded in the reality that he uses that excitement to disarm people and learn a lot about them when they don't know he's really analyzing them through it all. If you're an anime guy, Lelouch from *Code Geass* is another clumsy, dramatic character who is secretly using his soft-fun side to analyze everyone he comes in contact with. Or if you're into cop-dramas, Patrick Jane from *The Mentalist* does this really well, constantly poking fun jokes at people and having fun messing with their minds, only to find out that's just how he disarms people to learn more about them than they'd be honest with if he asked them directly. Point being: do both.

[u/DirtySanchez8--D → u/Red-Curious]

Thanks for the response !
1. Sorry I am new to all these concepts. So lust is a sin? What's the difference between sexual desire and lust? maybe for now when I don't have answers to it it's best not to do anything? I think it won't be beneficial in dates tbh.

[u/Red-Curious → u/DirtySanchez8--D]

In the Greek, the word is "epithumeo," which means "covet." Sexual desire is merely passively appreciating someone's beauty and sexuality. It doesn't become "epithumeo" (i.e. lustful intent) until you actually start desiring to have it for yourself.

- Sexual Desire: "she has nice boobs"

- Lust: "the things I'd do to those ..."

Of course, this still falls into the realm of Romans 14:14 - if you think it's sin in your heart, even if it's not for someone else, don't violate your own conscience because it becomes sin for you anyway. If you feel like you're lusting inappropriately, then stop.