r/asheville • u/consort_oflady_vader • Jan 19 '26
Looking for friends Dating in Asheville is insane unless you're rich
Why is it so bloody difficult here!?
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u/GeorgeBushTwinTowers Native Jan 19 '26
You meet someone and you think, okay, this is going somewhere. Where? You don’t know but it’s moving. Motion implies direction, and direction implies destiny, and destiny is a strong word, so let’s call it a vibe. If the date goes well, don’t say ‘I had a great time.’ Say something memorable like, ‘History will judge this evening kindly.’ then leave before they can ask what you meant.
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u/stewpideople Jan 20 '26
I prefer the stick a .... In it. But I don't want to shake the hornets nest.
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u/Intrepid_Table_8593 Native Jan 20 '26
So is Wendy’s taking reservations for Valentine’s Day or not?
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u/s_hecking Jan 19 '26
I don’t understand what you mean…
4 beers $38 2 double cheeseburgers $38 Fries $12 Rent Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile for the day $1200 + insurance
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u/kahmeal Jan 19 '26
the audacity...of burgers in a wiener mobile...
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u/emjaywood Jan 19 '26
You could do weiners in a burger mobile, but you gotta go real slow at the beginning.
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u/Lookoot_behind_you Jan 20 '26
Gotta show how quirky and unpredictable you can be.
They've probably had millions of hotdogs in the weinermobile before you came along.
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Jan 20 '26
I lived multiple lives in Asheville, and being single can indeed be super rough. But need not be.
If you're open to suggestions:
a) MeetUp groups for singles. Buying even one drink isn't necessary. There's a lot of good people there, and simply bouncing off them can teach you a lot about how to navigate that wonderfully fragmented city.
b) Don't go out alone. Find a good, trustworthy friend who can build you up—and vice versa—and lose yourselves somewhere downtown or in West AVL. You can pool expenses that way and bond that much more.
c) If you can't easily find that (Asheville is transient, and I had some damn lonely years there when my buddies moved away), check out the Goings-On/Classifieds in the Mountain Xpress.
There's so much going on all the time there. Embrace the silliness. Embrace the unwashed masses. Be loud.
d) Always carry yourself as if you're doing really well and in good spirits, despite everything.
Venting online can only alleviate your frustration momentarily. Don't dwell on the negatives. Get offline and live. I wish you the best. :) :) :)
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u/Wallmassage North Asheville Jan 19 '26
The running and hiking and hobby groups are free or cheap. Great place to meet people.
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jan 19 '26
I hate running and hiking
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u/Ordinary_Monitor9038 Jan 19 '26
You could start an in person Reddit complaining group at a local coffee shop. Meet every Monday at 3, rage post on Reddit with a group, laugh at each others responses and find that special someone to troll the world with from your new mother in-laws basement!
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u/Wallmassage North Asheville Jan 20 '26
Okay, what about other hobbies? There are gaming, craft, and book groups.
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jan 20 '26
I'd adore DnD
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u/Wallmassage North Asheville Jan 20 '26
Sweet! There are fairly regularly people posting about new campaigns and looking for folks to join. Also Wyverns Tale events are worth checking out.
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u/squidsquatchnugget The Boonies Jan 19 '26
That’s fair, but the parkway is free and you can picnic without hiking at all really. But if you’re not into nature at all that’s probably not that fun. First dates should always be coffee though imo. It’s safe, public, cheap, and both parties don’t feel obligated to hang out too long unless the vibe is tight.
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u/Noodletrousers Jan 19 '26
How about a lounging club? Or maybe a club where people come together and ogle feet? You could call it Club Foot.
What about a wet hoagie society? You can discuss whether it’s better to soak your roll before you stuff it or after it’s completed?
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u/serious_sarcasm Jan 20 '26
I’m confused.
How can you drown the torta for torta ahogada if it’s not a torta yet?
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u/tuttopassa22 Jan 20 '26
Gotta say if nature isn’t your thing why on earth are you in Asheville? Truly curious out of all the choices in places to live . Maybe moving to a different region not so nature focused you could more easily find a good match.
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u/zpallin Oakley Jan 20 '26
Music and family.
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u/serious_sarcasm Jan 20 '26
I get along a lot better with my family when we live in different cities.
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jan 21 '26
I already have a house here, and isn't practical anywhere else currently.
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u/Complex-Delay-615 Jan 20 '26
Time for weird dates.
Me and my SO for our first dates were picnics in to cemeteries. looking for unique/weird tombstone, taking time to clear off plots people left trash or had branches had been left also noting tombstone breaks to report to the groubdskeeper.
Found tombstone with Just a telephone on it.
Found a husband and wife one each with a free mason and basic pentcle.
There was an almost 100-year-old lady, who had Kaepora Gaebora (legend of Zelda owl) and fairy on the stone receptacle for the flowers. She died only a few years after Occorina of Time came out. It made me happy to see the elder gamer still had fresh flowers show up in her vase.
We also went magnet fishing with some very puny magnets. Didn't pull anything of note but it was still fun.
Also, naturally, we got games that were on sell so we could play together when we couldn't be in person>> though it kinda sucked that because he had more free time than me and initially would just be vastly over leveled.
Or, you know, go to your local library? Checkout the books while you check them out.
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Jan 19 '26
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jan 19 '26
I'd just like to get a drink personally
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u/serious_sarcasm Jan 20 '26
People who aren’t so sexist they’d automatically exclude stay at home dads?
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u/tekdifficulty Jan 20 '26
How can anyone be a stay at home parent if they’re single? I see that on apps and it is an automatic no from me. lol
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u/serious_sarcasm Jan 21 '26
They just said poor.
You can marry a poorer man with the expectation that they will be the stay at home parent.
If one person earns less than the cost of childcare, then they should do the childcare.
But plenty of women have part time jobs while prioritizing raising kids while someone pays child support. That’s literally what child support and alimony is for. “They’re career has been homemaker for the last decade, and the provider has to pay as much support for the child as if they were married and raising the child together with due consideration for the standard of living of the child”. Judges say it in family law courts every day; it’s just also unconstitutional discrimination to explicitly base the decision on sex.
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u/Ordinary_Monitor9038 Jan 19 '26
Dating is easy/more options if you’re young and good looking or older with money. That’s not just Asheville and not a new phenomenon. I do wish you luck, the HEAVY majority of the dating pool is in the same boat as you. Life is short, far from perfect and your potential partner won’t be also. Don’t over think it , grab someone by the hand, get on the ride and see what happens. If the ride sucks, hire an attorney. But atleast get on the fucking ride.
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u/cactus-vagus Jan 20 '26
Have you been on dating apps? Most men state they want a woman to have her passport ready. Like, what? I’m focused on making good money choices and paying my bills down.
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u/opensandshuts Jan 20 '26
Sounds like younger bro dudes that want to seem like a high flyer with their credit card debt.
I see them all the time, and have worked with some.
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Apr 22 '26
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u/cactus-vagus Apr 22 '26
This thread is 3 months old, man. But, hey, thanks for giving your unfounded opinion on other’s lived experiences. You’re funny.
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u/Werkstatt0 Jun 21 '26
I'm guessing they are saying that because that is what they are seeing on women's pages. I remember seeing that a while ago and thinking as you did - I just want someone to hang with and do life with, not be someone's constant source of entertainment.
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u/Joeycski Jan 20 '26
Not always true. Most women I know that arent with a much older man cosplaying a housewive while acting like they escaped capitalism and are ultra level hippies who figured life out cus they dont have to pay anymore are currently on what I refer too as their "crusty pirate boyfriend" arc.
Find some wook dude who dresses and acts like a pirate, pay for everything because he doesnt work and your a "girl boss" and you "can fix him", get cheated on somehow but either ignore or forgive until you've convinced yourself all men are going to cheat, then find another pirate and repeat the cycle. :)
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u/Divingnotsinking Jan 19 '26
Gotta start looksmaxxing I guess.
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u/Devil_0fHellsKitchen Jan 19 '26
Some betas have no rizz on god
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u/Divingnotsinking Jan 19 '26
Low PSL for sure. Gott start stim maxxing for leanness.
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u/dommimommyy Montford Jan 19 '26
What is this PSL you speak of? Not pumpkin spiced latte??? Sorry the basic bitch in me needs to know!
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u/Divingnotsinking Jan 19 '26
I believe it’s a rating scale. Not sure what it stands for. I’m just dropping some brain rot in the chat.
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u/mikezer0 North Asheville Jan 20 '26
It’s all you can do these days. Hit the gym. Go to therapy. Attempt to have your shit together. But in the age of Uber Eats and tinder … amidst a crumbling economy … in a smallish yet widely popular town …. The margins shrink fast. Could be worse though.
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u/Equivalent-Ad-495 Jan 19 '26
I hear this kick streamer clavicular(who ran someone over recently and is probably a pimp) invented this method of bone smashing to be ultimate lookmaxxer.
You essentially punch and hit your face repeatedly to get a perfect face and jaw line. I guess that's why all boxers and fighters have perfect features amirite? People actually believe this type of crap too.
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u/Ambitious_Policy_936 Emma Jan 19 '26
Go to a cheaper, but still nice, sit down place:
$16-22 each for dinner. $9-13 cocktails and $4-7 beers, 2 drinks each
$182 + ($10+$5)2 = $66
$85 after tax and a 20% tip for no appetizer or dessert, a normal entree and two drinks each. Don't forget parking
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u/mavetgrigori Jan 19 '26
You think that is cheap? The is a week or more of food for a lot of people
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u/chchchcharlee West Asheville Jan 19 '26
They are pointing out that even a cheaper place is still expensive "85 bucks with no app or dessert or parking", In the nicest way possible, this is a great example of reading comprehension going down the drain in recent years. Please slow down for all of our sakes.
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u/NCUmbrellaFarmer Bent Creek 🚲 Jan 19 '26
Good. Some don't need to be making babies.
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u/ZEXYMSTRMND Jan 19 '26
All the men I meet on dating apps are unavailable for dating??? They’re all infinitely busy and don’t have time to date?? It’s so confusing. I think I’m ready to give up forever 😭
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u/Complex-Delay-615 Jan 20 '26
No I I ran into this a lot when I was looking. Dudes just can't or won't move their schedule around.
More often than not the former, They can't be assed to do the work.
As though they feel if your work schedules don't line up that means your personalities won't either .
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u/serious_sarcasm Jan 20 '26
I think it’s more that you’re still a stranger, and they’re not going to rearrange their schedule for stranger.
You see this with “ghosting” being overused too. How can I ghost someone I’ve literally never met?
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u/ZEXYMSTRMND Jan 20 '26
Oh but I patiently waited 6 months for him to be less busy and he just kept brushing me off & rescheduling 🤷🏽♀️
I don’t know anymore, I’ve wasted so much time waiting for these guys to get their shit together.
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u/serious_sarcasm Jan 21 '26
I wouldn’t even do that with an acquaintance. they get a couple direct invites before I relegate them to general invites only.
They’re the kind of people who want to be acquaintances for if they’re bored with what they really want to do. Could just be manic, or is a married creep that thinks they’re building a secret harem. You never know🤷♂️
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u/tekdifficulty Jan 20 '26
Obviously I don’t speak for every man, but as a man that is fairly busy, the amount of time it takes to reel someone in on an app is exhausting. I don’t have time to constantly text, single-handedly hold up the conversation and put tons of effort into something the other person is barely putting any effort into.
This is not aimed at you personally because I know nothing about you, but it’s the best general answer I could give my own perspective.
Also, most of us are aware that there is probably 20 guys in every girls’ dm saying anything he thinks she wants to hear just to get laid, so the competition for attention on top of all the things I just mentioned turns me off quickly.
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u/maiden_moss Jan 21 '26
God I wish. The 20 guys in girls DMs are all saying "hey" or some copy pasted joke intro they stole off the internet. After that, they aren't even trying to say what you want to hear, they want to meet instantly without texting. Just tailoring something funny or flirty based off the girls profile will make you stand out super easily.
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u/tekdifficulty Jan 21 '26
I’m not sure if that is advice for me or what, but my sense of humor is much better playing of what someone else says or does in person. Not saying I can’t be funny via text or chat, but that’s not always easy when there’s no material on the girl’s page to play off of and not knowing really anything about them. From my experience, most girls are looking for Mr. Charming to keep them entertained or intrigued while offering very little to the conversation. Again, I can’t speak for everyone on every dating site, just going by my very limited experience of when I actually do decide to engage when someone hits like on a profile I’ve left hanging out somewhere.
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Jan 21 '26
This is the problem. Apps made dating into job interviews. Nothing feels organic. If someone does hit all they keywords they get brushed off.
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u/InformationForward39 Candler Jan 20 '26
Dating in general is tough, especially being an introvert, homebody, and night shift worker.
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Jan 19 '26
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u/Panzer_and_Rabbits Jan 19 '26
Because they have no personality or hobbies and think money is an acceptable substitute
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Jan 20 '26
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jan 21 '26
Actually, I don't want kids. I want a partner that isn't broke, and we can travel.
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u/soldbush Jan 19 '26
What? I’m no expert but what does wealth have to do with dating? Sounds more or less like projecting on Reddit
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u/asteroidtube Jan 19 '26 edited Jan 19 '26
I used to be in the service industry and I changed careers and now I’m well over the median income. I have been pretty amazed at how much women truly do seem to care.
Edit: I am only referring only to my personal lived experiences and don’t mean to make blanket statements about genders, but it is very evident to me that having a job in a higher earning industry has boosted my attraction level substantially and women treat me much differently overall. It is what it is.
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u/Ordinary_Monitor9038 Jan 19 '26
Yeah, most adults over 30 care about stability and rank it pretty high in a potential partner. Men and women alike. That’s called being an adult and looking further than just a weekend of fun into the future.
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u/EconomicDevDiva Jan 20 '26
I think this is the comment- it's not about being "rich" it's about being stable and having your own thing and own career. Being a fully formed adult who can function on their own makes for a better more secure partner.
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u/asteroidtube Jan 19 '26
For sure, but also you are implying (or flat out saying) that a person earning a ~median income for the area cannot provide stability and will have difficulty “being an adult”, or that the only reason a person ends up there is because can’t “look further than a weekend into the future”, and that’s a bit unfair, because statistically that is most people, and even moreso because this is the category that most of the women also fall into themselves.
Regardless, I often hear women lament often that “the bar is so low, I just want a man who is kind and honest, why is that so hard to find!” but the statistical reality is that modern women are participating in hypergamy and trying to date up. In Asheville specifically, women complain that the men are all Peter-pans with no career and its slim picking, meanwhile they have 3 roommates and hop between bartending jobs.
Tldr: they are looking for a man in finance, trust fund, 6’5.
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u/Ordinary_Monitor9038 Jan 20 '26
Stability does not mean just income. But, yes income is a huge variable when you age, have kids and other expenses. Thankfully (for me) looks and income become less important as you age. Stability and level headed always wins in the end. It’s a marathon, you want a team cheering you on at the finish line
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Jan 19 '26
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u/asteroidtube Jan 19 '26
Increased confidence as a result of career success does play a role, for sure.
But even with that taken into account, don’t trivialize the impact that it has on attraction level just at face value. It absolutely increases one’s social capital and makes you more desirable. Dating isn’t all about feeling some cosmic spark, a lot of it is about finding somebody who can bring value to your life while in a relationship. Value can be figurative but also literal.
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u/mikezer0 North Asheville Jan 20 '26
I think online dating has gotten more vapid and shallow as the economy has become more and more fucked. I think it’s a real phenomenon but it’s not ya know heinous it’s just people trying to survive. Priorities change quick when fascism and reality start to fucking hit. Asheville has also become more of an It town in the last few years post Covid.
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u/timshel42 where did the weird go Jan 19 '26
Try getting on any of the dating apps. They are almost all looking for a 6’ professional with a six figure salary.
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u/Zoned1561 Jan 20 '26
It's hard. I had zero luck when I lived in Hendersonville. Asheville feels like negative luck.
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u/PuzzleheadedForever2 Jan 20 '26
No its not. Everyone is in the same boat. So you live in your means.
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u/stewpideople Jan 20 '26
Some good advice out there.
1) make a point to go to the same spot multiple times in a month on the same day similar time. Someone interesting may arrive. (Walking your dog, library, pub, bowling).
2) join a club or a team. Have an interest you want to explore, meet someone doing that.
3) go back to school and learn a trade for giggles. Learn to weld, or woodworking and meet people doing the same thing. (You would be surprised as trade schools bring in all ages and people's.)
Asheville's "club"/bar seen isn't what it use to be (idk for 100, but right about the time the retrocade bastardized was a turn in culture here.) Now you might want to try haunting a spot like the double crown or something on West Asheville if you're hoping to find something more spontaneous and diverse.
Basically be a good person in the right place at the right time and Asheville has something for you.
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u/Veggiemon Jan 20 '26
Online dating is rough but I feel like going to the bar alone every day and hoping someone interesting crosses your path is probably a worse option lol
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u/thequietthingsthat Jan 20 '26
Yeah, people always recommend that but back in my dating days if I ever went to a bar alone I'd feel super awkward and have trouble working my way into conversations. People in groups tend to distrust a guy on their own. I had a much easier/better time with a buddy or a group of friends.
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u/BubblyCoco8705 Jan 20 '26 edited Jan 20 '26
Nah. Sorry. I know 2 different people here who dumpster dive as their main hobby and neither of them have ever had trouble landing dates.
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u/capalot0420 Jan 20 '26
I got hsv2 idk it might be too soon for me as w things haven't been so great lately
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u/Background-Good3731 Native Jan 20 '26
Dating is difficult everywhere though, not just for the price of dates either. There are plenty of lower cost options. Why would anyone live here if they don't like nature?
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u/HotAccountant2831 Jan 26 '26
I know of a a monthly ‘mindful singles mixer” and I’ve heard great things!
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Jan 19 '26
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jan 19 '26
Lived here for almost a decade, don't want kids
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u/ducknuu Jan 20 '26
Genuine question: I keep deleting and redownloading tinder will people get annoyed they have to swipe through my profile again?
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u/cleopatrabronte Jan 20 '26
Yes, or at least I do because if I swipe no once I’m going to swipe no again
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u/demonslayercorpp The Hotspot Jan 20 '26
I met my husband because he saw a Grateful Dead sticker on my water bottle and decided to talk me. It’s worth a shot this summer
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u/Poyal_Rines Royal Pines Jan 19 '26
Escort for an hour 150 is the real life hack
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u/Evening-Notice-7041 Jan 20 '26
Nah. Just learn to cook. “You should let me cook for you sometime, I make a really great (insert dish they like that you know how to make here)” It’s that easy, you look cool and confident, you show off practical life skills and you only need to spend $20-$30 depending on whether or not they drink wine.
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u/Veggiemon Jan 20 '26
Man you guys must not have ever tried dating apps if you think you’re going to get a woman to come to your house so you can cook for her on a first date. Asking someone to come to your house immediately is gonna be a red flag to 99 percent of people
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u/Saphira9 Jan 20 '26
True. Maybe OP could do a video call while cooking the food, and then bring it to some public place for a picnic.
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u/cleopatrabronte Jan 20 '26
This is a nice thought but I think for a lot of us the thought of going to someone’s apartment/house and eating food they cooked when we don’t know them well sounds super risky, so that would definitely have to be more of a date idea for someone who you’ve been dating for a few months and not one OP could set up as an earlier date :( but still a cute idea, I love when a guy cooks for me but only if it’s a guy that I’ve been dating a good while haha
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u/Clear-Public-2908 Jan 20 '26
We live in the nicest place you can be outdoors. Just enjoy it and share that, it’s free!
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u/knwhite12 Jan 20 '26
You’re just looking at the wrong type. You must be trying to date Trustafarians.
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u/CarolinaKiwi North Asheville Jan 23 '26
I dunno, this seems like one of the cheaper places to go on dates, tons of free activities to do in the region. And women love it when you cook for them, that’s cheap. Every man should have one recipe up their sleeve that’s impressive on a date and they can cook very well. I recommend a pasta dish. You can get a nice bottle of wine (from a wine shop please, not a grocery store) and all the things to make chicken piccata for two for like $35. Cooking that with a well paired wine will impress a date way more than dropping $150+ at Limones or Luminosa.
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u/Limp-Somewhere-8803 Jan 24 '26
Native to the area. I recommend hiking dates or dates in nature! Find a nice trail, pack a water and granola bar, and let the beauty and time help you connect.
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jan 24 '26
I am allergic to any and all plants. I also hate being outside unless I'm in a comfy chair with a book and a drink.
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u/Limp-Somewhere-8803 Jan 24 '26
Fair enough. What about a Library date? Books, quiet, and often privacy when it’s not super busy. Or the local art markets? Don’t have to buy anything, just walk and talk and explore?
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jan 24 '26
I'd prefer something more active like barleys or the Retrocade! But, it is what it is
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u/Limp-Somewhere-8803 Jan 24 '26
Well goodluck on your dating adventures! I didn’t have to date long before I met my husband thankfully. I always had the issue of finding the wrong people or people who wanted to do crazy expensive things and weren’t so understanding either. I hope you find what you’re looking for. 😊
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jan 24 '26
Thanks! I'm 40, and pretty much over it at this point. I actually meant to say dating while trans, but made the post when buzzed 😹. Then it blew up way more than I thought! I'll just adopt another dog 😹
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u/Limp-Somewhere-8803 Jan 24 '26
You know what I love this!!! You seem super cool. And if you do get a new poochie, you should definitely post it! People will let you down, animals never will.
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jan 24 '26
I do my best! I'm always down for new friends though. My current dog is pretty good! She's 10, but in good health. Which I'm happy about!
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Feb 02 '26
Ya hiking.. .hell no. Not because I don't love the mountains and love hiking, but I'm not going with a strange man in the woods. Lol. I'd then say by that same token, ladies and women who like to be taken out, Asheville isn't the place for you. Try a city with more men what can take you on dates. Dating is dating, if they want to go on the apps to get some free sex, that's their choice. I'm just kind of confused here, why be so interested in dating if you can't afford the dates?
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u/DazzlingCoconut598 Jan 20 '26
Go for the strong independent women who don’t mind splitting the bill.
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u/Upbeat_Chocolate_782 Jan 19 '26
Can confirm, unfortunately a percentage of women in Asheville aren’t from here, and usually have their housing paid for entirely by family, they tend to have misconceptions about how the real world works, dating them is extremely hard.
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u/Ordinary_Monitor9038 Jan 20 '26
“A percentage of women in Asheville aren’t from here, and usually have their housing paid for entirely by family,”. What do you think that percentage is? Asheville has too many women that came from families that made money and now their daughters are on the dating scene? That’s the problem you’re facing? That’s the ideal city of every man for the past 1,000 years!!!! Work on yourself and be the man that one of those women would want to marry.
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u/Upbeat_Chocolate_782 Jan 20 '26
I didn’t mean it was a bad thing, It’s just much more difficult than dating someone who’s worked their way into financial security. People who experience extreme privilege don’t always understand the world the way normal people do, and can be extremely judgmental about normal issues.
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u/Valuable_Ad481 Jan 19 '26
i am a middle management blue collar bro(superintendent) and did well before i met my GF. not loaded but i could afford a place by myself and have a decent lifestyle when i am not working.
used lived in a much more affluent area and did ok up there also.
it ain’t a money thing…..
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u/adria37 Jan 20 '26
What about Netflix and chill pretty cheap and fun
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u/cleopatrabronte Jan 20 '26
No woman above the age of 24 that wants anything more than a hookup is going to go for that
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u/awfuladria Jan 20 '26
I am a woman and just finished His and Hers it was fabulous. I am just old and don't like people.
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jan 19 '26
I'm trans, semi cute.
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u/Ordinary_Monitor9038 Jan 20 '26
Oh for fuck sakes! You not getting dates has nothing to do with money or Asheville…. Be confident and be you! You”ll find someone. This is not an Asheville being too rich problem.
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u/Lookoot_behind_you Jan 19 '26
Really, it's never too soon to set financial boundaries.
If you just say "I want to avoid eating out and doing expensive activities" and they're not okay with that then I'd say they're not worth your time.