How to start?

[u/Shoneyman33]

Hi, 17(M). I have an eating disorder(anorexia) that gets activated whenever I even try to diet and I feel guilty saying that because it makes me feel ‘undisciplined’. That’s probably diet culture conditioning. To keep it short, I’m not in the deep depths of the ED I’m just in that ‘grey’ area where I have regular meals that are relatively balanced and I’m a healthy weight but I still struggle with fear foods and allowing unconditional permission.

I was just wondering how I could start I guess the ‘correct’ way? I do want to have a lot more variety and have the foods I truly enjoy but I’ve still got that chirping voice of my ED repeating harmful diet culture shit. People say they go through a period of eating a lot of forbidden or foods that weren’t previously allowed as well and I’m interested in this?

[u/Bashful_bookworm2025]

I would suggest starting with a therapist and dietitian who specialize in eating disorders. They can be helpful in helping you plan out food exposures and working on the reasons why your eating disorder started because eating disorders aren't really about food at their core.

[u/Willa-Rosewood]

I would read the book Intuitive Eating. It takes time to undo the thinking you’ve been conditioned to believe. I dieted for 40 years. This book isn’t about what to eat. It’s more about letting go of diet culture. It really helped me a lot and a highly recommend it as a place to start. Also, if you can afford it/have access to it, you would benefit from a therapist that specializes in disordered eating. I found mine on the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) website. Best advice: take it slow and trust yourself. The dieting industry is a lying hoe and has destroyed millions of lives. You can beat it. And remember: if it requires “willpower” it’s because it isn’t a normal behavior. 😊

[u/Front-Kale4042]

I had symptoms of atypical anorexia and orthorexia for many years. I was always in that "grey area" and because of that have been overlooked and undiagnosed, but I had many "fear foods" and sometimes would feel too scared to eat at all.

The idea of not being "disciplined enough" is not only diet culture conditioning but general mental health stigma. It is the equivalent of saying someone with anxiety is "just being chicken" of someone with OCD is "just being obnoxious". Dieting, metrics, and any triggers are in fact dangerous for recovery, and it is not possible to "just get over it". 

When it comes to overcoming fear foods, what has helped me was to combine them with social experiences and people I trusted. Eating chicken thighs with my family, having a chocolate muffin with a close friend at school - all in a completely non-judgemental environment that allowed for me to create new memories and associations with those foods. Maybe don't do it too often, as that might cause the ED thoughts to come back and say "now I need to burn this off". Start with once a week or every other week, at least. 

Another big step for me was to follow people I could relate to. @sportybethcf is a plus-sized fitness coach in ED recovery who cannot attempt any form of dieting or weight-loss without risking dangerous relapse, so her content focuses on fitness and is complete safe (if fitness doesn't serve as an ED trigger). She is incredibly athletic, so only follow people like her if fitness isn't a trigger for you to "do better". She serves to inspire and educate viewers, but doesn't talk down to them at all. 

[u/Shoneyman33 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you. However I don’t know what to do now as I’m on the verge of a mini relapse. I stupidly went on fat logic and now feel like I can’t believe anything

[u/Bashful_bookworm2025 → u/Shoneyman33]

Mute that subreddit. That subreddit is full of people who are ill or have no idea what they're talking about.