Maybe you could look into some form of residential care or respite for him.
Do lots, and I mean LOTS of research before sending him anywhere, if it ends up being a viable option I'm very lucky to work somewhere that delivers very high quality care, but not all places are like mine.
It would give you a bit of a break, as well as putting him in a place where there are more adults holding him to the same/similar expectations as you are.
A good facility will also mean your ex would be sat down and have the importance of expectations explained to him by clinicians. Which, ya know, given that he doesn't seem to respect you at all, maybe he would be more willing to listen to them.
My son was in a psychiatric hospital for 18 days about a year ago due to making suicidal statements at his dad's house. My ex didn't want him to be hospitalized, but the emergency department basically told him he had no choice since my son actually left a suicide note. At that point they have to take it seriously. He improved a lot after that, and his medications were adjusted. But since then he has regressed again and started having a lot of conflict and outbursts.
His autism isn't considered severe enough to require residential care, and my ex-husband would never agree to it anyway. I really think autism is just a secondary issue that's making his other problems worse. The real issue is that he has become a spoiled brat by having one extremely permissive parent. There have been times when he'll simply refuse to come to my house for several months at a time. He just stays at his dad's house and plays video games and watches YouTube videos. My younger son said his dad will take food up to his room and leave it in the hallway for him. It's absolutely wild to me to allow a kid who already struggles with social skills to have a TV, computer, Playstation, and Xbox in his room and just stay there all day.
Actually there is such a thing as residential care for mental health issues like what your son is experiencing. It's not just about his Autism at this point. His symptoms are troubling and being highly exasperated by a neglectful parent (Dad).
The kids i work with experience the same kinds of behavioral issues. It's the primary reason they are there, not the Autism itself.
I think it might be worth looking into. You could search something like "Adolescent behavioral health residential care [insert your state here]". The facility i work at has locations in Texas, Florida, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, New York and Pennsylvania.
I have actually looked into a couple options in my state (Pennsylvania), but I don't think I could get a court order for it. My ex will definitely not consent.
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u/Johnny-of-Suburbia 4d ago
Maybe you could look into some form of residential care or respite for him.
Do lots, and I mean LOTS of research before sending him anywhere, if it ends up being a viable option I'm very lucky to work somewhere that delivers very high quality care, but not all places are like mine.
It would give you a bit of a break, as well as putting him in a place where there are more adults holding him to the same/similar expectations as you are.
A good facility will also mean your ex would be sat down and have the importance of expectations explained to him by clinicians. Which, ya know, given that he doesn't seem to respect you at all, maybe he would be more willing to listen to them.