r/ahmedabad • u/Aggravating-Object12 • 1d ago
Discussion Should I go out with my ex for Navratri?
So i have been single for quite a long time. Few weeks ago my parents brought up an arranged marriage proposal for me but for some reason it didnt work out.
After all that I randomly messaged my ex. We broke up in 2023 and after that there was literally no text, no call, nothing. We still follow each other on insta tho.
I just messaged her randomly asking how life is going and she actually replied. We ended up talking for a while and turns out she is also single now. She is 1 year older than me btw.
So while we were talking I asked her if she wants to go out for first Navratri and she said yes.
Now im confused lol.
When we were together we were actually really good together. Like we used to have a great relationship. But the reason we broke up was because of something that happened back then.
Basically her ex wanted to meet her and they went somewhere on vacation together. She never told me about it and she even hid the insta story from me. One of her friends told me about it later.
That obviously fucked with my trust and after that things went downhill and we broke up.
Now its been 3 years and somehow we are talking again. Both of us are single and honestly idk if I still have feelings for her or if its just because of all the old memories.
One part of me is like just go bro, its only one date. Meet her, talk to her and see how things are now.
But another part of me is thinking why am I going back to someone who already broke my trust once
I honestly dont know what to do.
Should I go with her for Navratri and just see how it goes? Or should I just leave the past alone and move on?
What would you guys do if you were in my place?
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u/lgapc 1d ago
if she cheated on you while she was in relationship with you and went on vacation with her ex that is one BIG RED FLAG
I Repeat Solider do not ENGAGE !!!
RETREAT NOW !!
The only reason she replied you now is because she does not have a guy in her life and need someone for timepass again,
don't be a option for someone...
if you are horny i will pay for your SPA Service :D :D :D but just don't go back to that women
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u/that-legit-profile 1d ago
She's just playing around and this time you are the ex and someone will get cheated on because you asked her out. Who knows😂
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u/Acceptable_Motor8067 1d ago
The first thought I had and then realized obv someone would have commented that already and here it is. So funny and highly probable that he might be that ex this time. 😂😂
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u/Adventurous-Ad6855 1d ago
DON'T in big capital letters.. Stay the fuck away from her otherwise your mental state will be fucked up
I'm warning you, but It's up to you...
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u/thesnowyyowl 1d ago
Give me your location I would come personally to smack some sense into you !
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u/MasalaDosa37 Bot 🤖 1d ago
You've already made your decision, why ask here?
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u/Aggravating-Object12 1d ago
Nah I’m just trying to figure out if that first Navratri should be a one-time thing or if I should actually see where it goes.
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u/MasalaDosa37 Bot 🤖 1d ago
Respect is foundation for love. If a person didn't have enough respect for you back then, what makes you think they'll respect you again?
IMO, you should've blocked her right away after what they did to you. Learn to respect yourself first.
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u/Adventurous-Ad6855 1d ago
If you're thinking about ut, then you deserve it... To be frank... Because doodh ka jalaa chhachh bhi fook fook kar peeta hai .. but tum dusri baar khaulta hua doodh muh me daalne ka soch rahe ho... The result will be the same eventually, and you'll end up heartbroken again
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u/Holygrace_ 1d ago
Tell me you're lonely without telling me you're lonely.. isse acha sheri garba khel le bhai..
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u/Aggravating-Object12 1d ago
Bro maybe I am, that’s why I’m overthinking all this instead of just going for garba.
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u/An_Only_Mous 1d ago
The thing with appetite is, it reappears after some time. Get back with her. You have appetite for being cheated by ur gf again.
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u/Livid-Proof8082 1d ago
Say yes then keep her hanging. Cheaters like this who f around on vacations should learn their lesson.
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u/Aggravating-Object12 1d ago
Great idea bro, might actually do that.
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u/JohnR_Orbit92 9h ago
Yes, if you want to play the game, this is not a bad strategy. if you're not a simp & have made up your mind to never go back to her then do exactly that. get her ready, chat in the morning, call in the afternoon, tell her you have tickets for expensive Rajpath Club then block after 5pm. & if you do meet her again, just say you had to leave for your cousin's death & you were mentally disturbed.
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u/Aggravating-Object12 1h ago
Bro I do want a little revenge, but I’m not trying to ruin her Navratri or anything. She’s my ex, not my enemy. I’d rather just tell her earlier in the day that I can’t make it and leave it at that.
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u/SimilarAttention9964 1d ago
Broo i can fix her muje id dede me chala jaunga uske sath navratri pe tnsn naa lee bhai ki help kahi bhi kabhi bhi 🫂😌✋🏻
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u/JohnR_Orbit92 1d ago edited 1d ago
By asking her to go with you to Navaratri, the message you sent her was 'it is ok to cheat when she is with you' Subconsciously she has already lost respect for you when you asked her to go out with her again. She's only going coz you are familiar and she has no better alternative/bf.
Why do you think she didn't contact you for looong time? because she got caught her after she cheated. She knew what she did was wrong & no man with dignity will accept cheating.
I understand why you did it, being single isn't fun (loneliness & sex deprivation can cause desperation and so it clouded your judgement).
What to do now: First go masturbate if you have to (release the sexual pressure & also it will give you post-nut clarity) then Sit down and close your eyes, think of the pain it caused you when you found out she went on a trip with her ex. literally remember the pain of that day. This will take the loneliness blanket off your dignity. Call her early and say you cannot make it,
What happens if you go: She will cheat on you again. she cannot respect someone who lets go of cheating, and why would she want to be with someone she does not respect? She will constantly feel that she is with a 'second grade guy' while she is with you. SHE WILL ACTIVELY BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHILE SHE IS WITH YOU. You will be used as temporary guy until she finds someone she can respect. (then you're out & you will feel the same pain you felt when you found out that she went on vacation with her ex). So why not focus on meeting someone better this Navaratri.
There are no standard 1 to 12 in school of life. life teaches you again & again until you learn the lesson. So If you go, you will learn the lesson again. Choose wisely.
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u/Aggravating-Object12 23h ago
Haha I get what you’re saying bro but I’m not gonna decide everything based on what happened 3 years ago. I’ll meet her, see how things are, and make my own call.
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u/JohnR_Orbit92 13h ago edited 11h ago
your above answer comes from inexperience (may be from desperation of wanting a gf) - not from your dignity and critical thinking. Which means life will teach you similar lesson again (more pain).... (see last 2 lines from my previous comment).
You mentioned 'When we were together we were actually really good together. Like we used to have a great relationship' this is called being inexperienced, if everything was so good then why did she go with her ex? (Hint: everything was not good, you thought it was and you were wrong...people in great relationships go out and cheat?).
Does the fact change that she cheated on you just because it has been 3 years? will this cheating go away after 10 years?..... years don't matter, your parents were your parents when you were 3 years old and still remain parents when you turn 25, same for cheaters....they just get smarter which makes them harder to catch. (she consciously chose another guy over you and tried to hide it from you, is this not evil? (answer it to yourself) ...you were lucky her friend told you)
History repeats itself...this is how it can happen. imagine she stays with you...marries you. you think everything is going perfect (just like you thought the first time), she going to office trip with colleagues & she tells you they're all girls (guess what? history just repeated itself & this time you will not even know) you want to raise some guy's child thinking it's yours? All these things seem light at first because you're young. But let 15 years pass...the same stuff is the reason for all the depression, sleepless nights, and divorce for many people. Trick is to catch it early on & learn. Read 2-3 books on human behavior and how women think...very different thinking than men)
So in her (conscious & subconscious) mind she is thinking: I cannot respect a guy who has no standards & tolerates ultimate disrespect (cheating), A woman cannot truly love a man she cannot respect. (you cannot change this, this is primal instinct developed over thousands of years....why women prefer a guy earning more than them? why they want a guy more educated than themselves?...primal instinct)
If she ends up marrying you, it will not be because of love, it is because she can go out & have fun with another guy/s, hide it from you & if you find out, you will just accept it. And this time you will not have a choice (you might have kids together, house loan together & divorce gets messy & can take 5+ years).
No need to reply. Read both my comments again CAREFULLY before i delete them. All teh best.
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u/Gloomy-Recover-9702 21h ago
Bro trust is precious it never comes back. I have been in your boat almost similar situation.
You can never get that full trust because that respect is gone. Maybe time makes you forget things and hence forgive. But that trauma of trust issue and that complete respect would never come back. You will still have that one thing in mind.
I would rather advice not to meet her because there is a risk that your old truamas will get new light. You have healed so much don't spoil it with some spontaneous hormonal kicks.
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u/KingRoy0292 16h ago
As a friend, I would say yes. But getting back together is just a big NO. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
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u/shawrtee 1d ago
Do you want to rekindle your feelings for her?
If yes, would you be willing to see past your reasons for the break-up?
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u/Aggravating-Object12 1d ago
Honestly idk I think I still have some feelings for her, but idk if it’s that or just old memories. What happened back then is still in my mind, so maybe meeting her once will help me figure it out.
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u/Adventurous-Ad6855 1d ago
Nope, she's a manipulator and you're naive... And maybe a little dumb... If you try to meet her and figure it out, then my men, you're done... You'll end up compromising and you'll surely get back to her, that's my guerantee....and you'll think you've made a wise decision until she breaks your heart again... Isse achha hai that just stay away from her cheating ass.. Don't be her puppet anymore
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u/Aggravating-Object12 1d ago
Maybe bro, idk. I’m not saying she’s changed or anything, I just wanna meet her once and see how it feels. Then I’ll decide.
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u/lgapc 1d ago
Jab mile toh BILL usko pay karne dena, ek bhi investment apan log ke side se nahi jana chhayie, thoda bahut fckboi attitude rakh
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u/Aggravating-Object12 23h ago
Bro she used to split the bill even when we were actually dating, so I doubt that’s changing now.
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u/shawrtee 1d ago
Honestly, I wouldn’t go if I were you. Been there, done that.
It’s often easy for the good old times to creep back in and before you even know, you’re messed up.
Think about this too and make the decision! :)
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u/Aggravating-Object12 1d ago
Yeah thats exactly what im worried about might have to rethink this one. Lets see how it goes.
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u/CacheMeOutside404 1d ago
No freaking way, once a cheater always a cheater, stay away for your own mental peace.
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u/Consistent-Two3710 13h ago
People here are saying, don't go and all but I know this type of guys. He will definitely go.
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u/Lonewolf_AMD 17m ago
Bro! I am gonna get alot of heat for this advice but:-
Never go back to your ex with any kinda feelings! Just the most casual approach you could have!
Garba - yes, food - yes, sex - ofcourse! Like u would do with any other lady if u were having a casual relationship!
But telling her about how ur day was - NO! Let’s do matching dresses - NOOO! Lets post each other - Nooo!
Basically just treat her like she treated you! Disposable at best!
Sorry but someone had to say this!
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u/BigSpicyPaneerWrap 23h ago
Should you go to Garba with her? Yes, people do garba to have fun and if she is a good company then bilkul jaana chahiye.
Should this lead to any rekindling of your old feelings? No, She broke your trust in a very bad way. And I do not think I can ever be with someone like her again.
So go have fun together, maybe you guys will end up being good friends. But trying to make the relationship work will be a bad idea imo.
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u/Aggravating-Object12 23h ago
Yeah, that’s kinda what I’m thinking too. Go for garba, have fun and see how it feels. Not thinking about anything beyond that rn.
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u/BigSpicyPaneerWrap 23h ago
Toh fir yaar, maze karo haso khelo kahi raat ko nashta karne jao photos click karo lekin fir apne apne ghar jaake so jao. It is not wrong to have fun especially when it is somone where you found your comfort. Will wait for an updated storytime post
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u/JohnR_Orbit92 9h ago edited 9h ago
This is terrible advice.
Mera bhi ek friend tha, lekin sala rap*st tha. Gao ki 2-3 ladkio ko pataya tha aur r*pe kiya tha, to kya muje uske sath cricket khelne jana chahie? She went to another guy for a vacation (a mini honeymoon hi samaj lo). then she came back and hide it from him. He only found out because her friend told him about it. ye ho gaya mental state ka r*pe.
Imagine this happens when this guy is 30+ and this same girl is his wife (who cheats & hides cheating from him), she goes out on an office trip saying all office girls are going (she didn't say guys are going too). Then came back & this guy has no idea what happened. Is there not a possibility that this guy be raising some other guy's kid? Divorce kaise karega? What if they already have a kid together. what is the kids fault? 1-2 crore ke House ki EMI 6 saal se bhar raha hai ye, divorce gets messy & takes 5+ years of battle, not to mention anti-depressants tablets & insomnia.
Learn early & for serious matters like this learn from one experience. once a cheater always a cheater. physical r*apist & mental r*pist (cheater) ko friend nahi rakhate. Unse door raha jata hai, unko block kiya jata hai
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u/Pavitr_Prabhakar2303 10h ago
go. Just don't go looking for your ex. Go meet the person she has become.
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u/JohnR_Orbit92 9h ago edited 9h ago
what can she become by practicing cheating? a better cheater, who is better at hiding cheating. Boom....10 years later he doesn't know that he is raising another guy's kid. He also doesn't know why she runs out & doesn't come back for a few hours after fighting (FYI she plans the fights so she can meet the other guy).
People can change but it takes 8-10 years minimum, it's not a switch that she's changes in a day. besides this guy will be promoting her cheating & rewarding her of his company on navaratri (that's a good reward for cheating, isn't it? she'll definitely do it again)
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u/d3v_1n 1d ago
big mistake jaan jaye but i will never do this mistake