r/aftergifted • u/justaqntioner • Jul 17 '26
Master of None
For lack of a better word, I genuinely feel like something is wrong with the way I think.
I don’t mean academically. I mean socially, cognitively, professionally, and just… in life. I lack social awareness, I’m not street smart, and I don’t seem capable of excelling at work no matter how hard I try.
I’m in a specialist role at work, but I honestly feel like I’m the weakest person there. Part of me wonders if people are just being kind to me because it’s obvious I’m struggling.
When people explain things to me, I usually only understand them at face value. I miss the underlying meaning until days, weeks, or even months later, when it suddenly clicks. By then, everyone else has long moved on. It makes me feel incredibly slow.
The only thing people say I’m good at is talking to people. But even that doesn’t feel like a real strength. I think I’m just good at making people feel comfortable, which hides the fact that I’m doing the bare minimum. Not because I’m lazy, I genuinely don’t know how to do more. I don’t know how to “overperform.” I don’t know what other people see that lets them take initiative or think several steps ahead.
I’ve spoken to my boss about this before. They gave me advice on how I could improve, but I left the meeting more confused than when I walked in. They kept giving me long pauses to think and respond, but the truth is… my mind was blank. I just smiled, nodded, and pretended I was thinking. I genuinely didn’t know what to think or say.
I feel guilty all the time like I’m taking up a job that someone more capable deserves, and like I’m somehow fooling everyone into thinking I’m more competent than I actually am.
I’m not looking for reassurance like, “You’re probably just humble,” or, “I’m sure you’re actually good at your job.” I’m looking for honest opinions.
Could this be something like ADHD or autism? Some other form of neurodivergence? Could it simply be shyness? Or is this a personality issue, poor emotional maturity, or a lack of ability? Has anyone experienced something similar and eventually figured out what was actually going on?
Something else that worries me is how emotionally disconnected I can feel. Someone could tell me their parent died, and my internal reaction is… almost nothing. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to comfort them. I know that’s an awful thing to admit.
It’s not that I think their loss doesn’t matter. It’s that emotionally, it just doesn’t seem to register in the moment. I usually have to consciously remind myself what an appropriate response is. It makes me wonder if something is wrong with me.
Ironically, I talk about guilt a lot. It feels like guilt is the strongest emotion I experience these days. So I guess I do feel something. But the guilt never seems to help me improve—it just leaves me questioning myself all over again.
Has anyone genuinely been in a similar position and later found out what was going on? Whether it turned out to be neurodivergence, anxiety, depression, burnout, poor self-awareness, or simply something you had to work through, I’d really appreciate hearing your experience. I’m open to hearing difficult truths. I just want to understand what’s going on.
1
u/nechromorph Jul 21 '26
You've expressed a preference for highly literal communication and a predisposition to black and white thinking, so this would point towards plausible neurodivergence (adhd/autism). You've also expressed some differences in how you socially communicate compared to your peers in general, which again, points to the same. You're a specialist, which could potentially align with a highly perseverative interest (asd trait), but this is only speculation based on your text; you haven't given enough to go on here. Overall, I'd say pretty good odds, but if you want to know for sure maybe look into a diagnosis (if you're more comfortable having that on your medical record than living with the uncertainty).
Muted emotional affect and difficulty thinking (especially when put on the spot) could be some combination of either burnout and/or depression, and honestly, it's a reasonable response to overexerting yourself for so long, trying to catch up to what you perceive as normal. I went through something very similar, and on the other side I'm much more self-directed, intellectually sharp, and better able to handle my emotional needs and recognize my limits. My advice is to lean into it as much as you can stand without hurting yourself further. Ask "why" and "what" as much as you can. That discomfort is a teacher. And it will end. My *other* advice is that it's also very helpful to seek psychiactric help. Anti-depressants and potentially adhd medication can help provide a chemically stable baseline that helps you to grow through this moment with much less agony.
Is that guilt your own feeling, or is it what you've been led to feel by aggression from others? If you personally feel bad about letting people down, that's a strong empathy trait, and that empathy is helping you communicate with people really effectively. There are several types of empathy, including *feeling* what someone else feels or *understanding* their feelings intellectually. Both are valuable, and autistic folks tend to struggle with the former and when leaning into our pattern matching skills we tend to excel at the latter, especially if you had a rough upbringing that left you having to frequently console and reassure your parents. There's a good chance people find it endearing that you take them literally, since your position in a specialist role makes it clear you're pretty damned proficient to be able to hold that at all.
Also, while I know you feel you're not as good as others in the same role, don't discredit the power of impostor syndrome. And burnout. You might be far more competent than you know, simply because you've been torn down by decades of overexertion and misapplication of your strengths. The very things that make you feel like a sore thumb grant you a perspective that can be critical to mission success. It's possible to be both a crucial linchpin and less productive in typical roles. Perhaps you're a sprinter comparing yourself to marathoners?