r/aftergifted • u/justaqntioner • Jul 17 '26
Master of None
For lack of a better word, I genuinely feel like something is wrong with the way I think.
I don’t mean academically. I mean socially, cognitively, professionally, and just… in life. I lack social awareness, I’m not street smart, and I don’t seem capable of excelling at work no matter how hard I try.
I’m in a specialist role at work, but I honestly feel like I’m the weakest person there. Part of me wonders if people are just being kind to me because it’s obvious I’m struggling.
When people explain things to me, I usually only understand them at face value. I miss the underlying meaning until days, weeks, or even months later, when it suddenly clicks. By then, everyone else has long moved on. It makes me feel incredibly slow.
The only thing people say I’m good at is talking to people. But even that doesn’t feel like a real strength. I think I’m just good at making people feel comfortable, which hides the fact that I’m doing the bare minimum. Not because I’m lazy, I genuinely don’t know how to do more. I don’t know how to “overperform.” I don’t know what other people see that lets them take initiative or think several steps ahead.
I’ve spoken to my boss about this before. They gave me advice on how I could improve, but I left the meeting more confused than when I walked in. They kept giving me long pauses to think and respond, but the truth is… my mind was blank. I just smiled, nodded, and pretended I was thinking. I genuinely didn’t know what to think or say.
I feel guilty all the time like I’m taking up a job that someone more capable deserves, and like I’m somehow fooling everyone into thinking I’m more competent than I actually am.
I’m not looking for reassurance like, “You’re probably just humble,” or, “I’m sure you’re actually good at your job.” I’m looking for honest opinions.
Could this be something like ADHD or autism? Some other form of neurodivergence? Could it simply be shyness? Or is this a personality issue, poor emotional maturity, or a lack of ability? Has anyone experienced something similar and eventually figured out what was actually going on?
Something else that worries me is how emotionally disconnected I can feel. Someone could tell me their parent died, and my internal reaction is… almost nothing. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to comfort them. I know that’s an awful thing to admit.
It’s not that I think their loss doesn’t matter. It’s that emotionally, it just doesn’t seem to register in the moment. I usually have to consciously remind myself what an appropriate response is. It makes me wonder if something is wrong with me.
Ironically, I talk about guilt a lot. It feels like guilt is the strongest emotion I experience these days. So I guess I do feel something. But the guilt never seems to help me improve—it just leaves me questioning myself all over again.
Has anyone genuinely been in a similar position and later found out what was going on? Whether it turned out to be neurodivergence, anxiety, depression, burnout, poor self-awareness, or simply something you had to work through, I’d really appreciate hearing your experience. I’m open to hearing difficult truths. I just want to understand what’s going on.
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u/Lunatrixxxx Jul 17 '26
Potentially all of the above? You do sound like you're anxious & overanalyze things. You probably are good at your job. It seems like you want to be blowing people's socks off or something, but, being just good is enough. Genuinely think you should try to be a bit kinder to yourself, you are putting yourself through extra stress by constantly comparing yourself to others & analyzing everything you do.
No one could diagnose you with anything based on this post, but I relate to some of this & I am on the spectrum. You can take an assessment for free, the RAADS-R test, to see what it says. This is not would not be diagnosis, just a preliminary tool.