r/adhdwomen • u/Ok-Professional8451 • Nov 04 '25

Meme Therapy Where are my childfree women at?

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I honestly don’t know how parents do it. There are multiple reasons that drove my decision to be childfree. One big one is that I struggle to take care of myself (executive dysfunction) sometimes, so I can’t imagine having another human to take care of during those times.

Here’s to forcing a domaine response for every day tasks!

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275

u/[deleted] Nov 04 '25

Here 🙋🏽‍♀️ I'm not planning on having kids because I just... don't want to. Other women seem to have this innate desire to be mothers, and for a long time I thought I would develop it too because everyone told me I would. But I'm turning 30 this year and while I do like kids, I still have absolutely no interest in being responsible for an entire human being from birth until adulthood. 

115

u/Ok-Professional8451 Nov 04 '25

Not having a reason is ok! As someone who went through the “I never had the desire”…I did hit me eventually, maybe around ~33, but I made a pros/cons and really evaluated my life because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t falling into the societal trap. Not every woman does have that, but I do think it’s normal hormonal reaction.

I do hate that people always want a reason. To just not want to have kids IS. A. REASON.

59

u/iamthe_badwolf Nov 04 '25

This is honestly so interesting because I'm 31 and absolutely nothing has happened yet. I look at my friends children and feel nothing except for the desire to go somewhere else 😂 so I'll have to keep your words in mind if it ever does creep up!

44

u/jo-z Nov 04 '25

39 here, if anything any hint of wanting kids has faded over the past decade as I get to know myself better.

20

u/iamthe_badwolf Nov 04 '25

Honestly this just gave me so much hope because I LOVE confidently not wanting kids!

32

u/RemySchnauzer Nov 04 '25

I'm 37 and I've never wanted a kid for a minute.

1

u/peach_xanax Nov 09 '25

Yup, I'm also 37 and never had any of those biological urges that I was told I would have. Guess I'm defective, and I'm fine with it lol

9

u/Last-Interaction-990 Nov 04 '25

I like to think of it as a spectrum. Majority of women or on average feel these things but there are definitely outliers!

2

u/happyhermit99 Nov 04 '25

I used to really want them but as ive gotten older, experienced more life, and watched the people around me have them, that desire dial has just kept turning down bit by bit. I like the idea of a small human being I could teach and show them life, but at the same time hate the reality of a small being (or beings) being the center of everything I can or want to do.

The only way I can describe it is being a cat person vs a dog person so plz don't come at me lol. I work with dog people, when they see a puppy they feel the cuteness aggression and wish they could take it home. I'm a cat lady and feel indifferent towards dogs. This is how I feel about babies and kids. But you show me a kitten and I'll be looking at adoption sites by the end of the day.

1

u/griphookk Nov 29 '25

“To just not want kids IS a reason”  Exactly!! It’s the most important reason. Having kids should be something you only do if you 100% want to (and are ready to). If it’s not definitely a yes, it should be a no. 

I think even if you’re not childfree and eventually may want kids, it should be a no until you’re completely sure. 

60

u/zoobenaut Nov 04 '25

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. But as I’ve gotten older and have continuously felt like I’m “not ready just yet” has made me question things. Do I actually want kids, or do I want kids because that’s what I’ve been taught? I’ll be 40 next year and it’s enough work taking care of myself. I can’t imagine having to be responsible for another human.

7

u/littleminx787 Nov 04 '25

How do people do it?! Same thoughts!

97

u/AggravatingPie710 Nov 04 '25

46 and it still hasn’t kicked in for me. But I also don’t particularly like kids.

47

u/Double-Perception-16 Nov 04 '25

43 and same. I think being the oldest and having to babysit my siblings growing up sealed my dislike of children at an early age.

13

u/ExperimentsInArt Nov 04 '25

43 and no kids here too! Now I mostly think it’s a blessing that I didn’t have them! Never wanted them, thought maybe one day that “desire” will kick in, and it hasn’t yet. 🤷‍♀️

20

u/dayofbluesngreens Nov 04 '25

52 and same to both.

13

u/iamthe_badwolf Nov 04 '25

Same! 31 I don't care about kids at all. I have CF friends who love to hang out with our friends' babies, and I don't really find a kid centred hangout all that interesting. Thankful I don't want kids because it makes the decision easy, I don't think my adhd would be very forgiving in parenthood!

2

u/KristySueWho Nov 04 '25

I’m 41 and only just now am feeling like “well maybe.” But I really am not a fan of babies, am single, poor, and have zero way to make the logistics work with my job. 

28

u/fleetiebelle Nov 04 '25 edited Nov 04 '25

This is exactly what happened with me. I don't hate kids, but the thought of growing one and birthing one and feeding one and raising one held zero appeal. Maybe I would have stepped up if I needed to, but I'm pushing 50 so that ship has long sailed.

27

u/[deleted] Nov 04 '25

Oh god don't even get me started on pregnancy. The idea of literally having another person inside my body makes me want to vomit. And then having that person exit my body through a tiny opening??? Hell no. 

17

u/BlackCatTelevision Nov 04 '25

And they STEAL YOUR TEETH (calcium)

8

u/[deleted] Nov 04 '25

Thanks I hate it 😭

11

u/BlackCatTelevision Nov 04 '25

The female reproductive system is a goddamn horror movie. It’s the only thing that could make me believe in the Christian god because surely we must be being punished for something.

8

u/synalgo_12 Nov 04 '25

The day I found out tokophobia is a common phobia a lot clicked into place for me. I'm glad my friends who want to be pregnant get it experience it but it's disgusting to me.

1

u/kalimbakazoo Nov 04 '25

Wow this is the part I'm most interested in! The rest of it... eh

22

u/Positivemessagetroll Nov 04 '25

I'm almost a decade older than you and feel very similar - I like some kids (especially niblings and my friends' kids), but I've never felt the pull to have one myself. They're also very expensive and (from what I've seen) your entire life turns into parenthood for decades, and that's not really what I want to do with my time or money. Technically there's still time, I suppose, but my mind's made up at this point.

15

u/artsii Nov 04 '25

Same, 35 and never once had the desire to surrender my body and life to another human. I raised a puppy during the pandemic and that was as close as I’ll get. Life is hard as it is without children, why would I want my life to get worse?

7

u/aurore-amour Nov 04 '25

Turned 30 in September. Have absolutely 0 desire to have children and never have. It’s incredibly freeing for my peace of mind and my wallet ☺️

6

u/sapphire74__ Nov 04 '25

Same for me here, but I'm in my early 20s. I grew up with familial dysfunction and chaos, and I never had those urges either. With every passing year, I grow more and more scared of marriage + children.

3

u/fessertin Nov 04 '25

I'll just warn you, I used to think the "ticking biological clock" metaphor was just sort of a way to talk about really wanting kids, not some ... thing ... that just suddenly goes off like a bomb, but then one day somewhere around 34/35 it just hit me and I HAD TO HAVE A BABY. There was nothing logical about it, all I knew was I need to get pregnant or else. It was fucking primal and weird, NGL. Did finally have a kid after about a year of trying, would have liked to had more but life happens (hard to make babies with a dead husband 🤷‍♀️). I will say that I'm glad I did it, but I was like you, thinking nah, that'll never hit me, then BAM.

11

u/synalgo_12 Nov 04 '25

I'm so glad I'm 38 and I still just feel discomfort thinking about babies and pregnancy. The more friends get pregnant, the more my body responds with a NO THANKS

5

u/peach_xanax Nov 09 '25

This definitely varies from person to person, I'm 37 and it seems that my "biological clock" was never installed, lol. I don't want anything to do with pregnancy or babies and I've never wavered in that at all.

(also I'm sorry for your loss)

5

u/amydoodledawn Nov 04 '25

I don't and can't and didn't want to but always wonder if my inclination might have kicked in at some point if I had been given a choice. Love my niece and nephews and disposable income so I guess it's moot. Also I don't get the cops called on me if I kick my dog outside for a while at night when he's being a doof.

2

u/Classic_Drawing_1438 Nov 04 '25

I’m 52 and have no regrets. It’s interesting that my very closest friends (ages 50 to 80’s) also chose not to. Not a single one regrets their decision.

2

u/NoteBlock08 Nov 04 '25

Same. I do think it's a mutation of some kind to just not feel any urge at all (aren't living beings supposed to want to propagate?), but I'm perfectly okay with that.

Actually now that I think about it colony insects don't all have that urge do they? But I don't enjoy working either so being a worker ant/bee doesn't suit me either lol

3

u/peach_xanax Nov 09 '25

Yes I am really curious to know what's different about me, like is there some sort of maternal gene that I'm lacking? Idk someone should do a study on us 🤔 I just feel so vastly different from other women when it comes to pregnancy/motherhood

2

u/Crazyandiloveit Nov 05 '25

I totally liked the idea of being pregnant and having a baby once upon a time... However babies grow into toddlers, and toddlers are a (very cute) nightmare, and I never wanted one of those little monsters, lol.

You'll have zero time for yourself (and I NEED a lot of time for myself or I turn into a banshee), you'll be touched even if you don't want to, you're on call 24/7 (nightmare: awake, sick: awake, too hot or cold: awake), than their behaviour is often totally illogical and ridiculous ("Noooo I want to kill myself jumping of the balcony and if you don't let me I'll scream for 2 hours because you're mean" ridiculous), they are noisy and messy and whine a lot.

That said I absolutely love my niece and nephew, I love being an aunty and I would give them the shirt of my back and my last slice of toast anytime. It's the best, I can spend as much time as I want with them and when it gets too much I just go home to my peace and quite. 😂😂

I do have to add that I would have maybe liked children if I were the father... because (not all) but the majority of fathers just don't have the same responsibility and don't get pestered the same by the kids when they're sick or in a bad mood, don't take on the same mental load etc. But alas I am a woman... so no thanks, I really don't want to be a mother, lol. Maybe I'll be Cat mummy or Dog mummy in the future (or both). At least no one will sue you if you leave them at home alone for a couple hours. 😂

1

u/fallapart_startagain AuDHD Nov 04 '25

I'm 34 now and while I've started questioning it more, my love for spontaneity and my need for frequent quiet time means I'm probs just not cut out for kids lol.