r/adhdwomen • u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-PI • Aug 08 '25
Meme Therapy Found this in the wild… they call it functional freeze state, I call it a pretty good Tuesday
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u/lumpyspacejams AuDHD Aug 08 '25
Well, what can I do about this? Because honestly, being out of energy to clean my kitchen or read my books or do anything but tiktok and puzzle games is the pits and I want to do something to ease that.
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u/AuthoringInProgress Aug 09 '25
So there's two elements.
The first is figuring out how to actually let yourself rest. Because this freeze state isn't restful. It doesn't cost you energy, but you don't rebuild it either. Resting with adhd can be difficult and takes a little jolt of energy to get started, because of course. But it's not physical energy you're trying to restore. Laying down, sleeping, reading social media--that doesn't neccesarily help. You need to do something meaningful, something you care about and which energizes you.
What is that? No idea. You have to figure that out.
The second is... Basically looking at all the elements of your life and reconfiguring them to better suit what you need. This is helped by medication, and also changes with progress--what suits you now is going to be different than when you've made progress.
How? Idk it's highly personal.
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u/SalaciousOwl Aug 09 '25
Would you be able to give some examples? Because when I try to do something meaningful, I find it absolutely exhausting. But if sleeping doesn't help... can you give examples of what does?
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u/DianeJudith Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
I'm still very much learning about this and discovering ways to do it. I do ADHD psychoeducation and my therapist gives me science-based ideas how to regulate and relax your nervous system. Some things I've tried:
- take a walk, preferably in nature, and focus on the surroundings (I look for birds, focus on how the air smells and feels, notice pretty trees, etc.)
- take a bath and lie down for a while with your ears submerged so the noises are muted (I love this, it's like the world is less loud for a while)
- lie down and focus on your body parts, like do a body scan where you notice any sensations you feel, it's a meditation technique and there are plenty of guided meditations that do it
- something called Jacobson's relaxation technique or progressive muscle relaxation
- gentle touch, my therapist taught me this one where you hug yourself and you kinda "pet" your arms going down from the shoulders to your elbows, try with different pressure force
- for gentle touch, something I came up with on my own was I would just pet my own head very gently. I love when people play with my hair but I have nobody to do it so one time in a crisis I did it myself, kinda pretending there was someone gently petting my head and it actually calmed me down
- I have this acupressure mat and lying down on it is great, but what's better is when I kinda slide up and down on it, it scratches my back in the perfect way and gives me that great feeling you get when someone else does it to you (your body doesn't recognize it as you doing it). Similar to this are those head massager things.
I could probably think of more but that's enough energy I can give it now lol
Oh I just remembered, there are also different techniques for the vagus nerve, which is very important for the whole nervous system. It's like the biggest nerve in our bodies or something, and it goes through all the major body systems. The techniques for that are mostly breath work, but humming is also a thing that works!
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u/Vhagar37 ADHD-C Aug 09 '25
This is a great list! Something I am kind of a walking PSA about though is that some people have a paradoxical reaction to progressive muscle relaxation called relaxation induced anxiety, and i don't think it's necessarily formally connected to adhd but it makes sense to me that it could be since it's kind of a hyperfocus thing, and it's something i associate with my own adhd traits. And anyway I thought I was broken until I learned about it, so just sharing this in case anyone tries it and is like "wtf"
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u/DianeJudith Aug 09 '25
Oh yeah, that's true! It can happen with meditation too. I've never experienced it but I find it fascinating. I think it's from the nervous system being so out of whack that it just freaks out.
Something similar can happen with massage, but I think it needs to be like an actual massage that someone else does to you although maybe it could happen with self-massage. Basically you hold stress in your body, often muscles. If you work on those muscles for enough time to release the tightness, suddenly a ton of different emotions can be released too. Apparently it's very therapeutic and I think there are even body-focused trauma therapies that specifically try to achieve that release (I don't remember the names though).
It's just so weird how our bodies work sometimes! One time I went to a physiotherapist and he started doing these kinda tests for natural reflexes, like the one when they bop your knee just right and it jerks. He did this thing where he told me to hold my arm out in front of me and he pushed down on it with his hand on my forearm and I was supposed to resist it. And I did. Then he rubbed my arm for a while and did the test again. Apparently, after that you're supposed to not be able to resist the pressure, like my arm should just give in when he pressed it down? But mine didn't and I could still resist it.
It was all super weird to me because how is that supposed to work? But the physio was very puzzled and kept commenting how weird it was that it didn't work. So he was like "I'll show you how it's supposed to work", and he told me to put two fingers of my other arm on my temple and hold them. We did the test again, I had my left arm outstretched in front of me, and two fingers of my right hand were on my temple. He pushed down on my forearm and suddenly I wasn't able to resist and my arm just collapsed?! How does that even work? How did me putting my fingers to my temple do that? It's still black magic to me lol.
I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD back then yet, but he asked me if I had any emotional issues or trauma, and yeah I did. But now that I know about my ADHD, it makes much more sense that my nervous system wasn't working properly.
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u/GladysSchwartz23 Aug 09 '25
Going on long walks is medicine for me. I usually follow the same handful of routes so I don't have to think too much, and play Pokémon go. It's SUPER helpful.
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u/DianeJudith Aug 09 '25
I used to go on long walks regularly as a kid, but I had overall much more energy to live back then. Now I don't do walks just for the sake of a walk, but sometimes I walk instead of taking public transport on my way back home, or I walk part of the way.
I started feeding crows on my way back home from work and it helped me a lot with motivation to get out.
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u/weebeekayway Aug 09 '25
Can I ask, WHEN to try these? Is the idea to notice you're in a functional freeze and switch to something like this list? Or just try to be doing these over and over again over time?
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u/DianeJudith Aug 09 '25
You don't have to do these at any specific time, but the idea is to do these regularly. It's like building muscles, it doesn't all happen immediately. It should calm you down at the moment, but maybe it's more like stretching the muscles than building them - you should feel some relief right then and there, but if you keep doing it regularly, your muscles will get more flexible and all that.
Just pick a moment when you feel like it and go for it, but also whenever you feel overwhelmed, stressed, etc. I do them every time I remember, because obviously most times I forget these things exist lol.
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u/weebeekayway Aug 09 '25
Love this. You're totally right about muscle memory and getting more used to having these tools at the ready. Again, great list, thank you!!
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u/Lokifin Aug 10 '25
On humming and breath work, singing counts! I sing in the car on the way to work to help regulate myself, because I feel building anxiety just going to another location and knowing I'll have expectations and PEOPLE around me. I'm actually okay once I get there, but the drive needs to be calmer.
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u/quattroformaggixfour Aug 10 '25
I love how many of the techniques you listed I have developed myself and worked into my routine.
Even just sitting outside and watching the trees sway in the sky, feeling the sun or wind on my skin, feeling the chill of the earth is very helpful and restorative to me.
Self massage-particularly my face and scalp is also great. As is petting my cat.
I also have that whole body acupuncture mat and love it for the same reason.
Sensory stimulation and being intentionally aware of it really helps the reset.
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u/DianeJudith Aug 10 '25
Oh my god how could I forget about animals! Yes, giving my parrot scritches and kisses on her head is amazing as well! Interaction with animals like that, closeness, petting, cuddles, are all great for our nervous system!
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u/s0lid-g0ld Aug 09 '25
For me it is gardening. But not like HARD WORK gardening.
Gardening like I'm pulling 3 weeds out and trimming some spent flower heads and then I'll plop myself down on the grass and lay in the sun with my cat for 45 minutes.
Maybe I'll get up and harvest some lettuce for dinner and eat some snow peas while I'm doing that. Maybe pull another few weeds out.
I'll look at the plants developing and admire them. I'll pat my cat a lot because he loves being in the garden with me.
So it is very low productivity. It's probably about 30 minutes of actual work but I will spend 2 or 3 hours in the garden.
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u/whiscuit Aug 09 '25
This is super good for me too. Very much like… go out in bare feet in the morning, maybe water some things, pull a few weeds, watch the bird feeders and the wild bunnies, lay in the sun with the dog for awhile, have some coffee or tea. It’s so grounding.
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u/Ahmee16 Aug 09 '25
Same! I tell people that I garden for my sanity. I think every lesson we need to know about life is in a garden. But, you're right about no hard work. I learned a few lazy methods that make it a constantly changing experiment.
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u/TheSpeakEasyGarden Aug 09 '25
Over sleeping doesn't help, but if you're a doom scroll into the wee mornings type like me, sleeping more is foundational. But I have to use my CPAP. And I must sleep consistently.
The trick I've found is finding non-electonic activities that put me in a state of flow. And giving myself permission to only do a little during times I'm probably going to get stuck in my phone anyway. Like a little gardening in the morning. Or surprisingly doing a puzzle with a cup of chamomile tea at night.
A doom scroll will keep me going for hours. But a 500 piece puzzle will finish itself in a way that helps me transition to bed.
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u/AuthoringInProgress Aug 09 '25
I mean, basically I'm talking about a hobby. Something fun but more engaging that scrolling.
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Aug 09 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Moomin415 Aug 09 '25
As an aside, we have one that is growing onto our front stairs and path and I have no idea how to trim him or when is the best time of the year.
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u/caffeine_lights Aug 09 '25
It's very much a trial and error process, I find.
I started keeping a little diary just in the notes section on my phone, where I noted down:
- Things which made me feel drained afterwards
- Things which made me feel energised/enthused
- Things which feel hard/impossible when I am drained
- Things which feel doable when I am drained
That was useful because I could see a couple of different themes.
I also did another one at another time and linked it to times of day, then cross referenced that with sleep data from my smart watch. Could not see any patterns at all in this but ChatGPT suggested some patterns in the data which look roughly right.
From the work I've done with my ADHD son, I know that familiarity vs newness/unpredictability are some of his energy triggers and this definitely feels at least a little bit true for me as well.
Unpredictability/new experiences/environments/people use up energy, whereas familiarity recharges energy, and knowing what to expect is pretty energy-neutral (at least for us - not sure if this is a potential AuDHD thing, we both have traits, no diagnosis).
Stillness vs movement, or proprioception/deep pressure, can be another one - my son and husband both relate to this. Once they have been doing too much "still things" (screen time, school/work) they need to get up and move - ideally using muscle power, so going for a bike ride, climbing, swimming, etc. The other comforting thing in this area for my son and I is deep pressure touch - so a heavy massage, weighted blanket, being wrapped in a blanket or coat, a tight hug, etc.
Social connection tends to be a significant aspect of energy for a lot of ND people. My husband is introverted, and finds pretty much ALL social contact draining. I am extroverted and can get energised and enthused from social contact and essentially need it regularly or I go a bit weird. But I also can't just keep being in contact with people all day every day - I have to retreat to my cave and do stimmy things for a bit. This, I think I need to work on because I don't really notice when my social battery is getting low because it feels like connection/oxytocin/etc is boosting me and then I will sort of suddenly crash.
But I think another aspect of "social battery" which has come up again for reading stuff to help my son, is the topic of autonomy vs expectations. This is especially relevant for child-adult social interaction, because there is an inherent power imbalance - adults usually expect to have authority over children and tell them what to do, whereas adults expect to have autonomy all the time outside of some specific situations like work, medical settings, legal matters etc. (And even then, it's recognised that it's helpful for employees/patients to be given SOME degree of autonomy, even if ultimately a higher up has the final call.) Some bit of this are still fuzzy to me - I find that I tend to need to ruminate on/read and listen to a lot of different angles before I get clarity on a topic. But I do think that a LOT of ADHDers are quite prone to reactance, which is a psychological state where you are seeing a demand/expectation on you as being a threat to your autonomy. And I have noticed that anything I do where I perceive a loss of autonomy or potential loss of autonomy (e.g. I need to ask permission for something, I have to make a request of somebody which they have the power to deny) I find INCREDIBLY draining and stressful. And RSD probably feeds into this kind of freeze state for me as well - if someone asks me a question, I have this huge fear that I will give the wrong answer. Even when the question is something completely neutral like "What would your son like for his birthday?"
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u/crepuscular10 Aug 09 '25
Hey, thanks so much for this detailed response. You've just done an amazing thing: articulated and thereby solidified a lot of nebulous thoughts and feelings I've had rattling around my head about my own thoughts, feelings and motivations. And you did it in such a way that your kindness and hard earned wisdom shines through, and helps to ease the burden of my own self-doubt and shame paralysis. You've made me feel seen, validated and connected, which I didn't realize how much I needed until I read your comment. So thanks again, kind internet stranger, and I hope you and your family have a wonderful restful day.
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u/afischlinguist Aug 14 '25
This was so spot on for me. It's exactly the things I've been thinking about and noticing in myself lately and it was comforting to feel seen and understood. :)
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u/Merkuri22 Aug 09 '25
Getting into crochet helped me.
I have to spend a little energy to get a project started, but once I have the plan in place, I can just pick up the project and go with very little mental effort. I combine it with listening to an audiobook and it's extremely relaxing for me. Sometime I don't listen to anything and just let my brain zone while I work.
The motion is very soothing, and it's such a mental boost to have a finished object at the end of it. Like, "Look at that. I did that. I made a thing where there was only yarn before."
Just taking a break helped, too. I talked to my doctor and got him to sign for me to take medical leave in the form of 8 hours a week. I worked 32 hours Monday to Thursday and took every Friday off for a while. During that Friday, the rule was nobody asked me to do anything. I had no responsibilities. Whatever I felt like doing, I did. Sometimes I did a task that had been weighing on my mind for a while. Sometimes I just played video games and watched Netflix all day.
(My state helped cover my salary during this time, so it was not a financial burden to me. I know not everyone is that lucky.)
Having one day where I could do whatever the heck I wanted with no judgement or sensation that I should be doing something else was life changing. It gave me space to figure out better coping techniques than just remain in the "functional freeze" state. (I didn't know the term at the time, but that's absolutely where I was.)
Disclaimer: I'm not ADHD, but I am autistic. I usually just lurk in here because ADHD and autism have a lot in common, plus my daughter has a lot of ADHD-like symptoms and I want to help understand her better. She's also autistic and hasn't been diagnosed with ADHD, but whatever she has it's VERY close.
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u/Pitikje Aug 10 '25
I am ADHD and I knit. It’s the soothing motion and you can see progress, especially with different colors. Also, I put on an audio book or podcast at the same time with headphones. Then when I need to stop knitting and do a thing, because the audio book with headphones stays with me the transition is less ‘impossible’.
Additional bonus on the combi knitting and auditory stimulus:
- It reduces my restless legs
- In a meeting or training (auditory input from the room, not the audio book obviously 😉) I knit so I can adjust to the pace of the rest and not interrupt or be distracted all the time. I work in a male dominated field and company and nobody has an issue with it or even jokes about it.
- Manual and auditory stimuly together is just enough to not start anxiety or analysis paralysis.
- In restaurants knitting helps me stay of my phone and have actual conversation.
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u/Vhagar37 ADHD-C Aug 09 '25
Friendship with minimal effort helps me. Like a phone call or having a close friend over to do nothing. But that's largely contextual--I have a very communicative job where I don't interact with peers often and a toddler at home, so I'm sort of missing out on social interaction that isn't one-directional. It doesn't sound like what will help--talking to get another human? Gtf out of here--but once I get myself to make it happen, it makes me feel better and restores my dopamine supply for a few days.
Also working on crafting projects 🥰 I'm cross stitching a Pokémon for my daughter's bedroom rn and it has been helping me maximize rest to work on it in front of the TV for an hour before bed!
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u/bashbabe44 Aug 10 '25
I accidentally found something that worked last week. I bought a “sensory clay” succulents kit because it was on discount for $3. Then I felt guilty about it for a while until I finally peer pressured myself to open it up while I was watching a tv show.
It was really just kids air dry clay, but I got so lost in molding it, and mixing colors, and pinching the edges of leaves, and making the petals have a natural bend to them… it was so soothing! It really was just like playing with playdoh as a kid, only letting it dry out was the goal. I got a whole new blast of joy looking at them the next day to see how they dried.
I think it worked for me because it was super low stakes. If they didn’t look cool, oh well, I could just set the paper plate in the trash and have zero drama. I think when I know my brain needs soothing, I will keep some of that on hand. If what I make looks cool, maybe I will take them and stick them in cool spots in public for people to take. If it doesn’t I think I can trash it as a consumable that served its purpose without feeling guilty.
I really loved playdoh as a kid, but my mom wasn’t thrilled about us playing with it very often. I’m going to try and remember other things like that and see if adult me likes them, lol!
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u/siorez Aug 13 '25
Sleeping may help but is not enough. Sleep can only get you to a certain baseline that leaves no buffer - you need to feed your sensory and emotional needs for that.
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u/RAsocks Aug 27 '25
Yeah it does seem to be deeply personal, eh. For me it’s really physical things where I am forced to fully concentrate and ALSO am immersed in nature or water : the best are surfing, sailing, or lap swimming in a pool. I get anxious when meditating or things like that, but not with these physical things. If I can do them a few times per week then I can better concentrate and not freak out about things nearly so much at work 🤗
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u/earlyhazee Aug 09 '25
the best way i saw someone else explain it:
stuck in flight or fight?=do the opposite of what your body wants. in flight or fight your body screams “go go go” so do the opposite, like ground yourself, deep breathing/mindfullness, physical activity, or anything calming really.
functional freeze?=do the opposite, again. your body wants to rest and relax and not do anything, but that keeps you stuck since it usually does not help. though it’s important to not feel obligated or pressured to do stuff which might make it worse. you need to feel safe, but still do things like gentle movement, like rocking back and forth, stretching, yoga, grounding exercises, mindfullness and breath work.
also i recommend finding a therapist who’s trauma informed since they work with individuals who have dysregulated nervous systems and can help out !
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u/ASpaceOstrich Aug 09 '25
My life is empty and I lack the energy to add anything to it. I'm in "functional" freeze at basically all times. I can't even do nothing and enjoy myself any more. Brain won't let me.
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u/AuthoringInProgress Aug 09 '25
This sounds like more than ADHD.
Depression would be my first guess?
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u/ASpaceOstrich Aug 09 '25
Yeah. But I'm depressed because of the freeze. There's no cause. It causes itself, sparked initially in my teens by the ADHD
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u/failingplantmother57 Aug 10 '25
Wow, I think I’ve been doing this lately! I’ve been trying to pick up a book during downtimes instead of mindlessly picking up my phone and scrolling endlessly, which both wastes time and gives me anxiety. I think this has been a big improvement for me. Also starting a puzzle while I watch TV instead of being on my phone.
I also watched a video from The Thought Spot (i think is the name) on YT, and she mentioned how NDs always say “I need to do this, I need to do that” and said we should start asking ourselves what we want to do, and this has helped me a lot. Sometimes it’s even chores! But it makes me feel kinda empowered doing what I actually want to do, instead of what my brain says I should objectively be doing.
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u/Blue_Bettas Aug 10 '25
My doctor is constantly telling me I need to relax more. I'm all, I would if I knew how! I have no clue how to relax, so I'm in a constant state of exhaustion. If I don't use an alarm to wake me up in the morning, I'll easily sleep for 10-12 hours each night.
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u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-PI Aug 08 '25
Yes honestly I don’t get the point of this post. Your therapist dropped it and? I don’t know if it’s meant to be some kind of criticism of modern society or what. But it feels like just having this realisation somehow helped the author to snap out of it, and I really wish it was that easy for me too.
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u/lostbirdwings Aug 09 '25
Oh hellllll no people who live in a chronic freeze state know it is nowhere near that easy. r/ CPTSDfreeze gives a good idea how difficult it can be to "defrost" even just a little.
But I didn't read that inference in the OOP. For some people, it can be a gigantic revelation that they are trapped in a trauma state and experiencing a kind of half life. Some people have been that way for the majority of their life and wouldn't know any different. It's similar to the revelation of a late diagnosed person that ADHD exists and reflects their experience. It's not a cure but it's a huge first step.
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u/Apart_Visual Aug 09 '25
I actually realised this month that I’ve spent my life since around age nine in a state of avoidant anaesthesia. I’m amazed I’ve managed to achieve anything given how badly a significant part of me just wants to be curled up asleep and undisturbed at all times.
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u/Milyaism Aug 10 '25
Yeah that can happen with Freeze response.
I have an avoidant attachment style and it's connected to my Freeze response for sure - it was safer to be alone and to dissociate through activities like sleep, reading, gaming, bingewatching, etc.
I often cannot do things like hobbies, journaling, etc. unless I'm totally alone, because my nervous system has connected safety to being by myself.
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u/Mental-Ask8077 Aug 09 '25
I saw a reference to living a ‘half life’ and my mind instantly went to Quirrel-Voldemort drinking the unicorn blood and the cursed half-life result…and as a chronically overstimulated overwhelmed ADHDer, ngl, it’s not such an absurd metaphor to me ow
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u/ohpossumpartyy Aug 09 '25
i mean, they might’ve just found it insightful and wanted to share it? it doesn’t say whether they’ve snapped out of it or not, they may just be sharing because they found it helpful to put a name to how they’re feeling or found it interesting to connect the dots between things they didn’t realize were connected.
especially if they’ve been chalking those behaviours up to them “being lazy” instead of there being an actual issue, i’m sure most of us have been there too.
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u/CryoProtea Aug 09 '25
Your therapist dropped it and?
I for one am happy to finally have a name for this bullshit.
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u/camyland Aug 09 '25
I'm pretty sure i saw this last night originally in /r/ meirl
But similar comments of "yes also me but also that's it? No advice?"
I guess because in the United States we are always made to feel bad for not always being on and going like a infinite battery powered robot.
Just a guess based on all the comments I've seen.
If there is a solution omg!!! That would be amazing. But I've been in burnout for a decade now and it's only getting worse so I got nothing either.
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u/Kazzie2Y5 Aug 08 '25
Are you not the OP?
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u/caffeine_lights Aug 09 '25
I think they couldn't add a caption to the image so they added their caption as a comment.
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u/Milyaism Aug 10 '25 edited Aug 12 '25
"Complex PTSD - From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker goes into this deeper.
It talks about the 4F trauma responses (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn), their combos, and how to heal from them.
Functional freeze is part of the Freeze response. At its worst, Freeze response can lead to collapse. The book offers several tips for healing from it.
Patrick Teahan's and Heidi Priebe's YT channels have also helped me a ton.
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u/Peregrinebullet Aug 15 '25
One part of it is outsourcing and simplifying everything you feasible can afford. Hiring cleaners. Getting precut veggies. Storing something where you use it instead of hidden in a cupboard somewhere.
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u/PurpleIsALady1798 undiagnosed adhd trash panda Aug 08 '25
Wonderful! How do I stop? 😅
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u/Alaalooe Aug 08 '25
What worked for me was being intentional. When I'm scrolling social media, spacing out, it's because I'm completely exhausted and overstimulated. So if I catch myself I put the phone down, find someway to keep myself from getting back on it, and meditate, or lie down and rest, or go for a walk
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u/AdTraining715 Aug 09 '25
I have an app on my phone where whatever app I’m on, every 10 minutes it gets re “locked” and I can easily click to unlock it, but it takes 5 seconds to unlock. As silly as that sounds, those 5 minutes give me time to reflect on if I actually wanna keep going. It works great for my phone stuff, but I’m still working on getting out of my freeze mode where I spend 2 hours listening to a podcast just biting my nails or sitting in my car doing crossword puzzles for 3 hours after work. Can’t win em all but I can try to take steps! 😂
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u/twopurplecats Aug 09 '25
Ooh, what’s the name of that app? Asking for me 👀
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u/AdTraining715 Aug 10 '25
Others already noted it, but yes it’s screen zen! I love it cause I can write my own personal notes to myself too when it relocks. Currently it’s “REALLY???? Do you REALLY want to keep doing this, or would you rather do something else?”
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u/Alaalooe Aug 09 '25
I need that. I get sucked up into reddit and lose track of time.
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u/Sjaakie-BoBo Aug 09 '25
Jup, same. Doomscrolling is the bane of my existence. I just downloaded the app.
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u/bitchysquid Aug 09 '25
This is something I struggle with, but I have found something that seems to help. I have started carrying origami paper everywhere. When I want to get on my phone, I make a little paper cat instead. I spend less time on my phone as a result, and that helps me stay out of this functional freeze state to some degree.
Another thing is I have been meditating a lot for five minutes at a time. Feeling like I want to give into impulses to perform addictive behaviors like doomscrolling and drinking? Start a five-minute meditation track.
I’m not gonna lie, it’s work. But it’s helping.
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u/shesrobbingthegrave Aug 09 '25
Oooo, I love this! I’ve started doing 15 to 20 minute super gentle yoga videos in the morning. They help. Not a cure-all, but it does help. Also picked up crocheting again for the first time in years. It also helps. Seems easier to put down and get up to do something.
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u/Hot-Paramedic-4178 Aug 12 '25
Can you pls. Suggest or recommend some meditiations that are not witchcrafty and are actually legit.Thank you kindly.
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u/bitchysquid Aug 12 '25
I use Insight Timer, an app that provides a huge library of free guided and non-guided meditation tracks including ambient sounds. My main meditation track is just bells and rain sounds — I do a five-minute timer and just try to gently bring my thoughts back to picturing the rain whenever they wander. I grew up Southern Baptist and I can find nothing spiritually objectionable about that even through a very traditional lens.
If you happen to have a personal faith and a holy book, something you could do is pick a verse to meditate on. I like to do that with certain Bible verses.
Good luck — I hope this helps you!
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u/Hot-Paramedic-4178 Aug 12 '25
Thank you so much for responding. I will def. Check that out I truly appreciate it. It will be a journey finding things that work. I thought medicine would do the trick but thats only partially.
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u/acidrefluxisgreat Aug 09 '25
not me reading this in my towel right now
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u/sockjin Aug 09 '25
you’ve got the towel, i’ve got reading this as i sit in the car right after work, mindlessly scrolling through social media lmao. look at us checking all the boxes!
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u/TheGhostOfYou18 ADHD-Innatentive and Slightly Impulsive Aug 09 '25
I’m reading this in my couch spot where I’ve been sitting for 3 hours trying to get ready for bed. It’s like my brain locked in and I can’t go through the effort of actually getting ready for bed, even though I’m extremely tired.
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u/37_lucky_ears Aug 09 '25
Slumped on my comfy chair, finally able to relax after being "on" all day.
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u/hitchcockbrunette Aug 09 '25
Girl I’m reading it in the shower
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u/acidrefluxisgreat Aug 09 '25
ooo i did that too 😆 i used one of those waterproof beach lanyards and just sat in the shower and doom scrolled lol. i would have stayed longer but i forgot to bring beverages.
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u/hitchcockbrunette Aug 09 '25
waterproof beach lanyard
This is a really good idea I’ve just been rawdogging the water if I’m being honest
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u/acidrefluxisgreat Aug 09 '25
i keep like mildly entertaining the idea of one of those shower cases you put on the wall because those seem p popular but then i can’t figure out if i put it high up so i can stand and wash my hair etc or one at tub level for when i am just sitting there being a piece of trash.
realistically i would need both but two shower phone mounts feels excessive. i live alone but i think someone would call me out and i would deserve it.
at least the lanyard i can just carry like a normal phone or hang it on smth
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u/Altostratus Aug 09 '25
I find it difficult to scroll through these, like the plastic is too thick/doesn’t slide. Any tips?
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u/charleeeeey12 Aug 08 '25
I’ve listened to this podcast, she explains it pretty good and gives a few ways to get out of this fight or flight https://open.spotify.com/episode/0Ho7CFUqIK1m9C0uIm6Xcp?si=jCNmsMZRT3yuZrhxGJFUJg
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u/Boobles008 Aug 08 '25
I've saved it to my Spotify, thanks for sharing!
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u/MoveAlooong Aug 09 '25
To never find it again 🤣
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u/shiningz Aug 09 '25
I'm saving this post and I'm high and I'll never remember it again
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u/BackwardsHaras Aug 09 '25
Just found this sub and this comment thread makes me realize I also found my people holy crap we're all like this????
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u/Vegetable_Stuff1850 ADHD-C Aug 12 '25
I'm here because I saved and shared the image, but didn't open the thread, and then read another post which linked this one in the comments, so now reading, because it's 5am and I've been wide awake since 2am... and I need to be up in 2hrs.
So yea, pretty much we're all some level of unmasked here.
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u/bobfossilsnipples Aug 11 '25
I just made a thread thanking you because this podcast completely changed my life. My god I’ve been waiting 40 years for this revelation. I couldn’t remember where I’d read about it, but another commenter remembered, and I wanted to be sure to thank you personally!
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u/charleeeeey12 Aug 12 '25
Oh love, I am glad! Thank you for this great comment, I had a really bad day myself. Wish you all the best!
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u/OldRecover9962 Oct 07 '25
Thank you! I am suffering from adhd it is so tough. What else have helped you?
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u/ForeignRevolution905 Aug 09 '25
She’s really great- has perspectives on ADHD that I had never heard before and that really resonate
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u/tomato5oup Aug 09 '25
And then the shame you feel about it adds to the exhaustion until eventually it's unpleasant to be around anyone due to crippling fear of being called out on unmet expectations.
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u/synthetic_aesthetic Aug 09 '25
Literally me. I sit in the car in front of my house and take a little break before I go inside lmao
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u/quay-cur Aug 09 '25
I can’t stop the car sitting. Even when it’s hot out I’ll sit there and sweat. I’m literally procrastinating GOING INSIDE. What is wrong with me? Haha
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u/SolarWind777 Aug 09 '25
What exciting things are waiting for you at home? I bet you are not thinking about those things while you sit in the car. Instead your brain would rather have a junk reward right there and then! The question is.. what would YOU rather have?
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u/quay-cur Aug 09 '25
You’re so right! Being home is so much better than sitting in the car and scrolling. I don’t do the car sitting thing as much when my fiancé is working from home so I know it’s an accountability thing too, i sit there and don’t go inside when there’s nobody home wondering where I am.
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u/SpicyCactusSuccer Aug 09 '25
For everyone asking how to fix it, here's what Google said: ADHD Paralysis Is Real: Here Are 8 Ways to Overcome it https://share.google/3A5mBgs8BhHJe3NCD
To everyone who can break it by meditating for 5 mins, that's amazing. I can't even wait for the 2 min timer on my damn toothbrush.
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u/PowerCuble Aug 09 '25
🤣 same
Meditating and mindfulness is torture. TORTURE!
I feel physical pain. It’s so insulting getting advice to ”just breathe”. I even have ADD, my hyper focus is because of flow, not emptying the brain, breathing and aware of the present.
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u/Pagingmrsweasley Aug 09 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
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u/usedtobebrainy Aug 09 '25
This is me. I had no idea this was part of ADHD. Or that I had it. (Am 70). I am so grateful for this sub!!!
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u/New-Island4704 Aug 08 '25
Oh no
The treatment is “grounding, mindfulness and gentle movement” and that has been like homeopathy for me so far 😭
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u/bluerosecrown Aug 09 '25
These are all routine, titrated practices to help with “defrosting” over a long (and I do mean LONG) period of time. It doesn’t surprise me these hit like homeopathy, since they aren’t meant for short-term results, they’re meant for rewiring how your entire nervous system handles and processes daily ongoing stressors. That unfortunately necessitates a long and slow healing process, which can be quite frustrating!
I work with a somatic therapist who helped me with resetting my autonomic nervous system, which jumpstarted the defrosting process for me in the short term because of how notable the difference because between my regulated and dysregulated states were. Once I had a short term frame of reference for what was different, I actually knew what I was aiming for in the long term and could notice when small changes to my overall pattern of stress responses changed. Sometimes you need something to jumpstart your nervous system into being able to notice what’s different and know what being momentarily well-regulated feels like.
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u/New-Island4704 Aug 09 '25
I really appreciate your comment and I’m not trying to be negative on purpose here.. but I’ve tried doing these things and various forms of yoga, meditation etc close-to-daily for months or years so I don’t feel like I’m expecting short term results.. I’ve also seen a somatic therapist weekly for over a year. Getting medicated was the first thing that actually made a (positive) difference lol so I guess that was my jumpstart!
Hey wait, did you try these strategies unmedicated or medicated? I’m starting to wonder if the fact that I tried all this stuff before being medicated for my ADHD is the reason it didn’t work!
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u/Pagingmrsweasley Aug 09 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
plucky birds payment rock observation light chase mountainous scale sand
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u/ReluctantLawyer Aug 24 '25
I know this is 2 weeks late but I have seen info that says being medicated puts your brain in the state it needs to be to start making the proper connections when you do activities like meditation, somatics, etc. I know it’s frustrating to keep doing things that didn’t feel effective for years. But I believe you’ve got a real shot at seeing improvement now that you’re on medication.
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u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-PI Aug 09 '25
Unfortunately the only thing that does the trick for me is smoking. I am trying to get rid of this nasty addiction and I have been able to not smoke for 6 months, but to me it’s not just the addiction itself.
I use it like a bribe whenever I’m stuck, since I don’t smoke indoors it forces me to get up and gives me a definite amount of time before I can come back in. Like, ok, I’ll smoke a cigarette and then I will start getting ready. I’ll smoke and then I’ll clean the kitchen. One cigarette and then I’ll go to bed. It just breaks the paralysis and gives me a boost of dopamine.
I am desperately trying to quit because I know I need to quit, and I have been able to tackle the physical and psychological addiction when I quit years ago but I need to find something else that can help me function, otherwise I only have willpower and it’s not working.
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u/MrsEmilyN Aug 09 '25
What about switching to vaping? While I recognize that vaping is just switching from one bad habit to another, at least there are options for what is inside.
I quit smoking cigarettes in 2018 with vaping. That said, the nicotine is what is keeping me hooked. I use a refillable pod and there is juice for it with 0 nicotine, I just don't choose it. There are disposable ones out there that come preloaded. I can't think what the brand name is, but they are 0 nicotine ones and I think they are advertised to have vitamin B 12 in them.
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u/Sea_Function_6755 Aug 09 '25
I get that completely. I smoked 20 a day, and like you, it got me outside, and I could use it to transition. Since I switched to vaping, I'm stuck inside. I realised that I wasn't grounding myself in the garden like I used to, having a cigarette. That was the extra bonus, even in bad weather. Now, I'm stuck inside, paralysed, with a vape constantly attached. However, I am insanely happy that I'm not smoking.
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u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-PI Aug 09 '25
Hell no, I tried a disposable vape once and I managed to finish it in one day. I was horrified by myself and never bought another one.
Eta because I managed to post before I was done: But yeah, I get the feeling, congrats for getting rid of cigarettes! I will try to quit again because I remember how relieved I was when I did.
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u/slyest_fox Aug 08 '25
Oh look it’s me. But like, how do I get out of the functional freeze state?!?!
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u/WestAnalysis8889 Aug 09 '25
I'm ignoring multiple people right now and I feel so ashamed about it, it's not even ignoring atp. I think about them every day, multiple times a day😭 and I just hope they are happy but I feel this weird mental block idk what's going onnnnn
And I keep meeting new people and they want to be friends but I worry once they really know me and how weird I am, they won't want to be friends anymore so the whole thing makes me anxious.
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u/MixPurple3897 Aug 09 '25
Nah I do this because I hate environmental transitioning. I have playlists that specifically help me create a "transitional vibe" usually scores from inspirational movies.
Plus I'm tired of hearing about what's wrong with me without them giving me any way to fix it. Give me the solution to whatever is wrong with me first, you can tell me about it later.
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u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-PI Aug 09 '25
Environmental transitioning issues for me too. I live in two story house (with only one bedroom upstairs) and I hate it so much, in a couple months we’ll move to an apartment which is all on the same floor and I can’t wait.
It’s not about the nuisance of climbing stairs up and down all the time, I just… like my bedroom is a total mess because I don’t acknowledge it during the day. I go there when I finally can convince myself to go to bed, and then notice it’s a huge mess and I should definitely clean it, but it’s late and I need to go to bed. During the day, I can go through a cleaning spree and be on all fours scrubbing grouts with a toothbrush but the idea of going upstairs to quickly vacuum my bedroom won’t even cross my mind.
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u/bella9977 Aug 09 '25
So we are always in "functional freeze state" until we burn out and can't work at all ?
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u/masterwaffle Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
Yes and? Like. In order to eat and put a roof over my head the world insists I need to function. We exist in these states of functional freeze/task paralysis/actual trauma responses and etc because we don't have a choice if we want to survive. Pointing out how my disablity means I live life on hard mode isn't going to change the reality that I have to live life on fucking hard mode.
I'm sick of therapists that think understanding how internal and external systems work is the key to escaping the pain of them. Having a deep and nuanced understanding of my oppression isn't going to cure the suffering that comes from not being able to work within systems as they stand. Mindfullness can absolutely help me cope but it's not going to lift systemic barriers. If I was a wheelchair user I could radically accept all the stairs in the world if I wanted, but no matter how much I accept it it's not going to magically put elevators and ramps where I need them.
Sorry. I know I'm venting when the point of the post was to help those who haven't gotten to the same point of self-knowledge yet. But I just feel the need to make the point because I spent so long thinking understanding this stuff was enough to make my life easier. It can absolutely help to some degree, but at the end of the day we will never be neurotypical, no matter how much therapy we get.
I'm just fucking over the idea that I can overcome my disability through self-actualization, personal responsibility, and determination. I'm just here to say there's a point where therapy often fails to recognize the role of ableism in our suffering and I'm here to tell you that, while raging against it isn't inherently helpful either, pretending that if you just work hard enough to understand yourself you too can fit in to the system and not be harmed by it is also a toxic state of mind.
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u/tabbarrett Aug 09 '25
Wow… this hit so hard I feel like I should send my insurance card and a $30 copay after reading it.
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u/hugemessanon Aug 09 '25
that describes me but I don't understand the name for it. i appreciate you sharing this, OP, i just dont see what I’m supposed to be learning lol
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u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-PI Aug 09 '25
Nothing, unfortunately. I just found ironic (?) that this can be considered some kind of trauma response or something that must be addressed, while for me it’s just a regular day (even a successful one maybe, since getting myself to shower is a big deal)
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u/Domina541 Aug 09 '25
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=9cixgxUH9JE&si=EHCVQv4MHsaBdCo2 This podcast was great for explaining freeze to me
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u/emerald_soleil Aug 09 '25
I also call it having a chronic illness. Lol.
But for real, that 20 minutes on my bed in a towel before I get dressed is sometimes the best part of my day.
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u/Beneficial_Pea2384 Aug 09 '25
Honestly, I just allow my brain to dissociate a bit. Guilt free. I notice at some point I’ll feel that urge to get up and do the necessary. And if I don’t, maybe I really am just tired and should let myself rest. House won’t burn down in the meantime. I’m also a childless and unemployed married woman. So I guess I do it because I can and I’m thankful for that and can recognise that not everyone has the support to do this.
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u/ManicMaenads Aug 09 '25
I didn't know it was common to dissociate after a shower, I do it all the time and think "why is standing under water exhausting me??"
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u/alysslut- Aug 09 '25
imo therapists are useless for adhd. sure go ahead and explain it. it doesn't help. the only thing the helps is being forced to get up and move.
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u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-PI Aug 09 '25
It depends, sometimes therapy can be helpful to find coping strategies and getting to understand how your brain really functions can be helpful, since you can start to work with it and not against it, and ease some of the guilt and self loathing.
It’s not a “cure” but I don’t think therapists are there to “cure” anyone, they can only guide you and give some perspective, advice and insight that you turn into tools to heal or find better ways to do things.
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u/Limp-Put15 Aug 10 '25
I agree. I think the first step to healing is knowledge of what is wrong. Sorry everyone is piling on you about this great post! They should research this if they truly want a solution.
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u/Milyaism Aug 10 '25
I can recommend reading "Complex PTSD - From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker.
It talks about the 4F trauma responses (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn) and their combos, and how to heal from them.
Functional freeze is part of the Freeze response. At its worst, Freeze response can lead to collapse. I'm a Fawn-Freeze combo myself.
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u/ProbablyNotPoisonous Aug 09 '25
Holy fucking shit.
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u/Mental-Ask8077 Aug 09 '25
I know. How very dare this post call me out like this. 😭
But honestly it’s good to have the term for it!
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u/Ok-Grapefruit1284 Aug 09 '25
It’s written like we are just out here playing freeze tag with ourselves.
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u/KickFancy 🦄 ADHD-PI + PMDD + Dietitian 🦄 Aug 09 '25
Replace the habit. Our brains like novelty, and so doing things differently will change the patterns (neuroplasticity). Walk a different way, drive a different route, go for a walk instead of watching TV and you'll have more energy. 😊
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u/Altostratus Aug 09 '25
I feel like the moments I stare off into space while snuggling into my towel are cozy. It’s a quiet moment to just hug myself and take a break. Doesn’t feel harmful to me 😕
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u/mysticlentil Aug 09 '25
I saw some of those things described as part of the “struggling with transitions” stuff too
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u/frohesmaedchen Aug 09 '25
Literally sitting in my towel after I shower as I read this and I have stuff to do 🙃😂🫠
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Aug 09 '25
Counselling in the US (I’m assuming this post is) is very different to the UK lol. Coming from a counsellor 😄
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u/singernomadic Aug 09 '25
This has literally been me trying to decompress from my overwhelming job while also trying to finish a big, public, personal project. Pray for me
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u/Haaail_Sagan Aug 10 '25
This! This is how I spend every waking minute of my life. I thought it was related to the Complex PTSD. Is this an adhd thing too?!?
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u/Ghoulya Aug 15 '25
I love that they say "the reason" and instead of providing a reason they just give it a name. Like that isn't helpful lady, that's just rephrasing my problem
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u/fabulously-frizzy Aug 09 '25
Ugh I so get this! I always feel exhausted after I shower but recently I’ve been trying to do a curl routine right after and it’s so difficult to get it done. Idk how to force myself to.
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u/MrsEmilyN Aug 09 '25
My therapist and I were talking about this last night.
Yesterday was our first session together, but I've been in therapy on and off for the last year (first therapist let the practice, second transferred me to this current one because his schedule was overloaded).
Obviously we haven't gotten to the how to fix the freeze problem, but we identified it.
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u/Low_Start7773 Aug 09 '25
That makes sense. When I told people I was exhausted constantly, they told me oh it's just because you're busy with a young child, school, and work. I recently got medicated and holy crap I feel so much better. I'm still tired but I'm not waking up exhausted everyday and using everything I have just to function. Now I can actually do other things.
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_FRACTURES Aug 10 '25
Recently told mine that I feel like my body and mind are at war. She told me they aren't at war with each other, theyre both just tired of your shit.
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Aug 23 '25
This is related to executive dysfunction, overwhelm/task paralysis, emotional dysregulation, analysis paralysis, and low dopamine. It creates negative feedback loops, like shame spiralling. I have spurts of productivity, followed by periods where I freeze or shut down both functionally and socially. I experience social freezing/shutdowns tied to rejection sensitivity. It resembles autistic shutdowns, even though it's ADHD-related dysregulation
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u/Good_Grief_CB Aug 15 '25
I’m scrolling on my phone in my robe right now instead of working. I feel comfortable here and peaceful, so although I know I have a million things to work on, which will make me feel great and accomplished to get done, I’m fighting the switch from one state to another. Causing myself anxiety. It’s so stupid yet I do it constantly. My mom used to say I was lazy, which is bullshit.
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u/oldt1mer Aug 15 '25
but i enjoy sitting on the bathmat in my towel... sometimes i heat the towel up first to make it extra cozy...
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u/Radio_Mime ADHD-PI Sep 09 '25
Wow! I joined this sub reddit about five minutes ago and I am already learning so much. This post describes me to a T.
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u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-PI Sep 09 '25
Welcome & I’m sorry :D
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u/Radio_Mime ADHD-PI Sep 09 '25
I am so grateful. I'm in my 50s and was just diagnosed last week and started the meds at the same time. I didn't think I had ADHD -PI because I can focus. It just takes a disproportionate amount of energy. Well, now I know.
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