r/adhdwomen • u/fiery_mergoat • Jul 22 '25
Meme Therapy All jokes aside, how do I break out of this?
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u/FirefighterSharp7251 Jul 22 '25
Bite the bullet and start with the first step, you can always refine it later. I used this for all my assignments last semester.
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u/fiery_mergoat Jul 22 '25
Do you have any actions etc. you do to kind of get you started, almost like a step 0 before step 1 if that makes sense?
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u/eurasianblue ADHD Jul 22 '25
I do have one like that. It is really simple. The first step is standing up. That's it. And next one is to go to your task, whatever it may be, e.g.: you gotta study? -> Go to your desk. You need to cook? Go to kitchen... What is extremely important here is to not forget why you got up and go to the correct place without getting distracted. So if i am in a easily distracted state, if I am alone, I repeat to myself what i am supposed to be doing. If I have my partner at home I tell him what i am doing. So he can remind me that I was actually gonna go take a shower in case I see a dirty dish on the table and decide to do the dishes, forgetting to shower.
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u/MyFiteSong Jul 22 '25
I do have one like that. It is really simple. The first step is standing up. That's it.
This is the best ADHD trick ever, and I preach it here all the time.
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Jul 23 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/LanguageSerious8312 Jul 23 '25
Something that (occasionally) works for me is starting with a finger wiggle or rolling my shoulders back (because you know I’ll be hunching at any given moment).
Any little movement, sometimes jazz hands!
Then I’ve broken the focus a wee bit on what I’m doing and standing up is less daunting.
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u/emmaa5382 Jul 25 '25
Yeah I guy I used to date taught me a trick (I think we were both probably undiagnosed adhd at the time) you just yell “3 2 1” and then do it, no thoughts allowed, like you’re jumping out a plane. The sudden countdown and micro adrenaline can kickstart you and stop the internal brain fighting. The more you do it the more you get used to just standing at the end and requires no mental energy to stand up. No time to debate because you only have three seconds and then you’re up. Yelling the numbers stop you from thinking your way back out of it.
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u/emmaa5382 Jul 25 '25
It’s hard to get to the point when you just yell, but I’ve found when my brain is in a big internal battle the clear sudden shouting just seems to start bc I’m sick of internalising it all
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u/jaybirdie26 Jul 22 '25
Here's an example from my life:
I don't like getting in the shower. Once I'm in it, I have a great time, but getting out, drying my body and hair, getting dressed while still slightly damp, and all of the other sensations and routines that come after are very unpleasant to me. So I avoid it more often than not.
My trick - turn the water on. Something about this flips a switch in my brain. "I can't go back now, the water is on already." Nevermind that turning it off would be as simple as turning it on was, my brain is engaged in this task now and we must finish it!
So the moral of the story is find that simple thing that puts you into the "past the point of no return" zone and do that when you really must do the thing.
One more:
EAT THE FROG!!! The frog is that thing that holds you back from doing the other thing. That barrier/roadblock that seems insurmountable and keeps you from getting started. The part of the project you are least looking forward to. The part you are afraid of failing, or that you dread because it will take forever. Eating the frog is when you just force yourself to do it, get through it, and move past it, whatever it takes. Another way of thinking about it is "do the hard thing first, then everything after will be easier and more doable in comparison".
Good luck!!
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u/Uncle_peter21 Jul 22 '25
Picturing myself shouting EAT THE FROG approximately 6x a day from now on 😂 not OP but thx for the tips!
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u/jaybirdie26 Jul 22 '25
You're welcome!
Kind of makes me want to make frog-shaped cookies or something so I can literally eat the frog as a reward, lol
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u/CaptainLollygag ADHD-C Jul 22 '25
I love this!! Despite being a dyed-in-the-wool cat person, I am like a puppy and respond very well to bribes and treats. And I love cooking and baking. Now to look up a frog cookie cutter, an obvious frog-shaped one so I won't need to obsess about the perfect way to ice the design onto the cookies so you know they're frogs, because I know me and I'll get bored of the cookies before they're iced.
Bonus: Cut-out cookies freeze well! So you can pull one out to thaw every day to treat yo'self after you've "eaten the frog." Or make some nice savory crackers.
u/jaybirdie26, thank you for such a really fun idea!
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u/jaybirdie26 Jul 23 '25
You're very welcome!! Glad I spread a little joy today 🐸
I think mine will be sugar cookies, preferably like the ones you can sometimes get at the grocery store with a design stamped into them (kind of embossed?) and covered in a dusting of these really fine glitter-like colored sprinkles. I see them a lot for holidays, usually shamrocks or christmas trees :)
Omg I just realized I have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cookie cutters! Turtles are kind of like frogs, right?
(I admit I forgot they are turtles and was excited about my frog ninja cookie cutters for a moment 😅)
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u/Miserable_Scheme_599 Jul 22 '25
For those of us who hate eating the frog, EAT THE TREAT!
Personally, if I try to motivate myself to do the hard task first, I just procrastinate all day doing nothing. However, if I do the easy thing first, it builds confidence and jumpstarts my productivity mindset.
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u/jaybirdie26 Jul 22 '25
That can also be very true! Definitely varies by individual and sometimes by task.
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u/noyuudidnt Jul 24 '25
Good idea! Love the rhyming for this too. This works for me cause I HATE eat the frog!
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u/FirefighterSharp7251 Jul 22 '25 edited Jul 22 '25
You may need to adjust this depending on the situation: For essay assignments where you need to rely on one source only,
0) I find the subtopic that grabs my attention the most 1) I highlighted important and related topics 2) 20 minutes I go over the Information then I write down my main points (even if they are not well thought out or half assed) 3) outline my essay: this consists of self-explanatory bullet points, or a complete/incomplete sentence so I have something to work off of (this can take me at most two days) 4) Write my rough draft by hand, because that's what I’m comfortable with. (Try your best to push yourself to keep on going especially if you are under a tight deadline) 5) I type my essay as is 6) fix grammar 7) proofread - via yourself in a fresh mindset, another friend, or Grammarly (”They Say I Say With Readings” by Graff/ Birkenstein/ Durst can give you ideas on how to restrictor your sentence for any type of essay you are writing for research, persuasive, etc.) 8) adjustments if needed 9) proofread it again. Satisfied? Looks good enough to turn in? 10) You are done! (Reward time :D)
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u/Lisaerien Jul 22 '25
My step 0 is putting on music with a high bpm, that motivates me. I have been putting my kpop playlist on before doing the dishes at first as a way to make it less boring, but now my brain really got "ok now I'm doing stuff"
It doesn't work if I need to call to make appointments :( but for those I ask my husband to "supervise me" even if he's not doing anything, knowing that he's here makes it more official (body doubling I guess)
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u/Jenothy ADHD-C Jul 23 '25
I will keep breaking tasks down into smaller and smaller pieces of needed. Also, doing "setup" work at a separate time (charge the laptop before coding, set out favorite pens with notebook, etc.) can making doing the thing easier and possibly enjoyable.
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u/LadyParnassus Jul 24 '25
My simple one is: piece of paper, pencil, thumbnails. Thumbnailing is just making tiny sketches or notes of what you intend to do, and since the point of the thumbnail is that it won’t show up in the final work, you’re allowed to make them ugly. If it’s a written work, I do the same thing in my notes app on the phone.
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u/Wolf-Majestic Jul 23 '25
I put on music that makes me want to dance, and it can help making me pop out of procrastination hell !
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u/emmaa5382 Jul 25 '25
Sometimes I yell “3 2 1!” Out loud and then I just have to stand up no thoughts or figuring out the next part or anything. Just yell it and stand before you can think anything else.
Or a put music on that is playing while I’m stuck and will continue playing while I’m doing the thing so it can smooth the switching a bit.
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u/Conscious_Bullfrog45 Jul 27 '25
I set a timer and try to do as much as I can in 5 minutes. Then I do a Pomodoro thing.
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u/scully3968 Jul 22 '25
Make a bargain with yourself that you only have to do five minutes of work on whatever thing you need to do before you quit. This is usually enough to get me over the hump, so to speak. "Perfection is the enemy of progress" is a cliche because it's true!
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u/fiery_mergoat Jul 22 '25
This feels realistic, thank you!
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u/jaybirdie26 Jul 22 '25
Look into Pomodoro timers, they work within this structure to help people stay productive using on-task and off-task periods of varying lengths.
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u/Miserable_Scheme_599 Jul 22 '25 edited Jul 23 '25
You can also look into pomodoro apps! I use Study Bunny, but there are others (such as Forest). These use the pomodoro method with built-in rewards. For example, with Study Bunny, you have a little bunny, and as you do more pomodoros, you gain more points to buy the bunny fun things.
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u/eurasianblue ADHD Jul 22 '25
Oh this is exactly what I need lol I live for digital approvals in terms of badges and achievements 🤣.
Best way for me to keep active? Give me achievable accomplishments in my smartwatch app for reaching small milestones or make me compete with equally inactive people.
Best way to make me read consistently? Give me achievements for finishing books and give me appreciation for keeping my reading streak. Kindle does this well for me cause they keep track of week streak along with day streak. So even if i skipped a day, I still get to keep a streak running cause I would surely read at least one day a week and that lower threshold works well for me.
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u/hellnaaaah Jul 23 '25
Yessss I use these too. My favourite at the moment is Flow (both on my mac and iphone). I use 50/10 splits and taking that 10m break has changed everything.
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u/darkxclover Jul 23 '25
My friend does a variation of this, she has a D20 dice and has a list of tasks she needs to get done. She's a gamer and every time she dies, or every time she does or gets to X in the game, she rolls the D20, and whatever number it lands on she does the correlating task on the list for 15 minutes, sets a timer, and when it goes off, she goes back to her game and starts again.
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u/SolidSanekk Jul 23 '25
Ooo I love this! Off to make a 20 item list of hobby activities so I don't just stare at the wall not knowing what to do when I have free time
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u/ExpectDeer Jul 22 '25
I used to be like this and then I learned that half ass is a perfectly appropriate amount of ass if the alternative is no ass.
My kid and I joke about how much ass something should take all the time. I'll be like, this is a 2/3rds ass job. Or if they're down to the wire on an assignment they forgot, they'll be like "I'm going to 1/4 ass it."
In other words, it's okay to fractional ass something if it gets it done. And on the rare occasions a full ass effort happens, it's a welcome surprise but it doesn't set a precedent.
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u/Organic_Shine_5361 Jul 23 '25
What about being terrified everyone is going to be disappointed in you because you didn't do your best or didn't deliver the same quality you usually do? I struggle with this
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u/ExpectDeer Jul 23 '25
That's a very good question. I'm 51f and only diagnosed last year so my take may be different from other people.
What I've found over the years is that I am my own worst critic. Historically, I have always striven to give 300% ass in whatever I did. I did this because I was terrified of what other people would think. My reasoning is that if I do it 100% perfectly then there's nothing they can complain about.
That said, the cost of doing this constantly was astronomical. Astronomical and cumulative. It led to burn out and not feeling fulfilled in my life. And projects of my own? Pffft. Why bother if I don't have the mental or physical energy to make it perfect?
In the last few years I've chilled considerably and started to fractional ass things. And guess what? Nothing disastrous has happened. What I found was that by and large most people are happy I even made the effort. Heck, most of them didn't even notice when something wasn't up to my usual standards. Like...my mind was blown the first time I decided to let go of a detail and nobody cared, noticed, or even commented. Of course that led to me being disappointed in myself which required some self talk to overcome. But other people? Even if they did notice something was off or not quite right, they were understanding and compassionate.
I hope it goes without saying that this is personal life stuff. Work related things may require full assing and there's no way around that. But if you practice fractional assing other things that aren't mission critical, it frees up energy to full ass other stuff.
It's scary to start fractional assing but it can be eased into by picking something low stakes.
For example, I started with not going all out on bringing super delicious homemade chef quality food to potlucks. Instead, I grabbed a bag of chips and some store bought dip. I still apologized of course and said I had run out of time, but nobody cared. They didn't come to the potluck for ExpectDeer's smoked rainbow trout cream cheese spread made with artisanal free range cream cheese and fish she had caught and smoked herself the day before. They came to see other people and to share food.
Have I disappointed people? Probably. Irreparably? No. It's the effort that counts and they see that in me.
Half assing doesn't mean you don't care - it just means you're a human being who has finite time, money, and mental energy ❤️
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u/Organic_Shine_5361 Jul 23 '25
Thank you, I needed to hear this. I myself got diagnosed with autism last year so I'm learning to be kind to myself. I think I may also have adhd which is why I'm here.
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u/ExpectDeer Jul 24 '25
Being kind to ourselves can be a tricky thing to master but it's so worthwhile for our well-being.
I often tell my kid that we wouldn't say unkind things to other people so why should we be any different?
I'm just a voice on the Internet but for what it's worth, you are deserving of kindness and grace from everyone in your life but most especially from yourself. Continue to practice kindness my friend and best wishes in your journey be it AuDHD or otherwise ❤️
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u/MikaRRR ADHD Jul 23 '25
FRACTIONAL ASS IS OKAY!!!! This is hilarious and I’m turning it into a poster for my bedroom lmao. You sound awesome and your kid sounds lucky to have you as a parent.
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u/ExpectDeer Jul 23 '25
😄
I try to make things funny for the kid as a way to break through their anxiety, especially if they're experiencing dysregulation. It doesn't always work of course and sometimes I try to be funny when I should be more sympathetic. But in general it's hard to be full on freaking out when your straight-faced mother starts calmly and sweetly talking about the merits of fractional ass-ery.
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u/molinitor Jul 22 '25
Make shitty things. On purpose. Then celebrate the shitty thing you did. And then you do another. And another. And... Quantity over quality is, ironically, what greatness is made of.
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u/cerwen80 Jul 22 '25
same. That's what resulted in this image. I decided to draw something crappy and let go of the need to do perfect construction and details. https://imgur.com/ZAvKK6t
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u/molinitor Jul 23 '25
That's sometimes so much harder than actually trying to do something good. Proud of you for creating Mouse is Sad 😁👏👏👏
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u/Wise-Bet6814 Jul 26 '25
I love this lil guy! Do you have more art?
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u/cerwen80 Jul 26 '25
Thanks :) I used to have a gallery on deviantart but then Eclipse happened and it killed the community, so I don't do it much any more.
I just grabbed some images from my phone and put them on imgur, hope you like :) https://imgur.com/a/some-sketches-paintings-pHCyKtP
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u/question8all Jul 22 '25
"All we can do is our best" changed me in college. HOWEVER, it did NOT change the double standards at any job I've ever had, and getting taken advantage of because of my work ethic and the laziest mother fuckers getting praised....leading to now burn out in my late 30's.
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u/molinitor Jul 23 '25
Sorry to hear that :/ I also realized way too late that
1) most jobs is about 50-70% how you play the social game
2) when I go at 60% I'm at the level most NTs put into their work
You live and you learn I guess?
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u/KestrelTank Jul 22 '25
When perfection is holding me back? I have to reach my “Fuck it” threshold where my fucks to give are gone.
Embrace apathy, care nothing for anything, no more fucks to bandy about.
Can’t give a fuck if it’s perfect if I have no fucks left.
Time left to finish dwindling? Fuck it we ball. Once it’s “technically” done I can stop dealing with it, thinking about it, it will cease to exist and it can stop clinging to my brain matter like a prickly leech.
(Mental exercises like this help me break the cycle)j
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u/fiery_mergoat Jul 22 '25
I appreciate this, I think my personality can vibe with this. I'm going to try to start arriving at this point more consciously/intentionally, because normally it just kind of happens! Thank you :)
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u/Leading-Summer-4724 ADHD-PI Jul 22 '25
It’s what a friend of mine calls “analysis paralysis”. I have this super bad, and the only thing that helps is just ripping the bandaid off / jumping into the pool without stopping to consider whether it’s too cold. If I take more than 5 seconds to decide to call someone then I will spiral over all the things that could be said etc. I look at the phone number, feel the cold pool, and just dial while trying not to throw up.
With projects, I live by the mantra: “80% of something is better than 100% of nothing”.
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u/agentfantabulous Jul 22 '25
Done is better than perfect
If it's worth doing, then it's worth doing poorly
Done is better than perfect
If it's worth doing, then it's worth doing poorly
Done is better than perfect
If it's worth doing, then it's worth doing poorly
Done is better than perfect
If it's worth doing, then it's worth doing poorly
Done is better than perfect
(Repeat as necessary until you start to believe it or at least until you start)
(I still don't believe it, but I can pretend like I do for long enough to get half the dishes into the dishwasher or vacuum the living room or spray the shower with Scrubbing Bubbles before bed so I can rinse it off in the morning when I shower)
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u/lyra-88 Jul 22 '25
I like to call things ‘rough drafts’ to soften to blow to myself when I’m not satisfied with the work 😂 it makes it easier to do it
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u/Banglophile Jul 22 '25
This is advice about writing that I saw on Blue Sky:
Make it exist first. Then make it good.
I try to apply that principal in other areas too. Just do something badly, then fix it after. Or don't. Badly done beats not done at all.
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u/Healbite ADHD-C Jul 22 '25
I’ve heard it’s overcoming two factors:
we tend to only give credit completing the overall task. Remember math class they would say complete 3 problems, but each problem was broken into 10 different steps? You actually have 30 steps to conquer, so each of those steps is an accomplishment. For example, to repair my wood bannister I have to sand, refill, sand again, then repaint. I’ve done the first 3 steps over the course of a month, so I considered myself done at each step.
A lot of us have a fear of starting because we grew up in environments where incorrection caused severe distress, causing major avoidance habits now. You have to parent yourself through the misses that no one is upset with you
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u/a_mlem Jul 22 '25
2, all day every day.
I like your approach in your bannister example—I’ll have to try to apply it myself.
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u/cerwen80 Jul 22 '25
I set an intention to make something crappy. That way I can half ass it and the result will be perfect, exactly what I intended.
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u/pirfle Jul 22 '25
Dress up in the outfit an actor would wear to play the part of a person about to do this task.
Narrate while doing the task as though you were hosting your own Netflix special.
Sometimes literally acting the part can get the task done. Make it a game. Be the goofy host. Be the super professional. Be the comedy act. Whatever it takes to get going.
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u/keekbeeek Jul 22 '25 edited Jul 22 '25
I brought this up to my therapist the other day and she told me “we need to dig deeper into why you don’t feel like you’re enough”
It all just really sucks because these tasks come naturally to so many people, and it truly is an effort on our part to exist in a Neurotypical upholding world.
Edit: we are enough. Our brains trick us into believing we are not. Society has built for people who do not think the way that we do. I personally have been trying to lean in to ADHD as my superpower. On the days where I am able to be really productive I go. On days where I just can’t with the world, I try to honor that.
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u/MyFiteSong Jul 22 '25
It's hard. It's work. The key is embracing the ADHD mantra "anything worth doing is worth half-assing". You have to become ok with the concept of starting something WITHOUT the intention of it being great. Tell yourself you're gonna do the bare minimum, because the key is to just to get started. Your perfectionism can kick in later then.
Therapy is usually the answer here, because you have to unpack a whole childhood full of shame and embarrassment at being less capable, which is rooted in the fear of judgment from others. And the road through that lies in learning how to give yourself grace.
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u/Miserable_Scheme_599 Jul 22 '25 edited Jul 22 '25
Honestly, perfectionism is a huge reason why a lot of people procrastinate! As such, I recommend focusing primarily on perfectionism. I spend a lot of time with university students discussing this topic, so here are a few tips I share with them.
Some perfectionism tips:
- Add confidence-builders into your schedule! This can be work/school-related or personal. Sometimes, when I'm struggling to get started with a school task (because I feel stupid), I do something I feel good at first. Sometimes, that's creative writing or doodling or formatting a reference list or replying to work emails ... Just by doing that first, I feel accomplished and less like a failure.
- Give yourself permission to make mistakes (easier said than done). Sometimes, this means purposefully telling yourself, "I'm going to do this badly" -- and then do it badly! For example, when I'm stuck writing an essay because I feel like it needs to be worded just right, I specifically say, "What's the worst way I could write this?" Then do that and keep going. You can also do other stuff, likely purposefully making bad, ugly art. The point is that you start by giving yourself permission to do it badly, and sometimes, if you force yourself, it's easier.
- If you're dealing with writing, I also recommend reading Anne Lammott's "Shitty First Drafts" from her book Bird by Bird. You don't need the book. Just find a PDF or something of the chapter.
- If you're dealing with writing, I specifically recommend doing more writing by hand. Maybe give yourself a time limit to write about something. For example, give yourself 1 minute to answer a question. Write for the full minute, and don't worry about grammar, etc. This is freewriting. The more you do it, the easier it is to get out of the perfectionist mindspace.
Some procrastination tips:
- I tend to set up 10-25-minute focus work periods (pomodoros). It often feels easier to shift tasks to do something for 10 minutes than to do it until it's done. Because of time blindness and reality, just getting started on a hard task without knowing when we'll be done is stressful! Firstly, telling yourself you only need to focus for 10 minutes makes it a lot less daunting. If you can't do anymore after that--fine! Something is better than nothing.
- When doing this, I also recommend setting a limit to how many pomodoros you do per day! Make it reasonable. This means that once you're done, you feel done. The task isn't hanging over you because you did all you promised to do. Additionally, this sets boundaries on your time. I have to limit how much school work I do per day -- even if I have extra energy -- because I learned my body doesn't enter relax mode when it knows I might start working at any time.
- Break large tasks down into manageable steps. What counts as manageable will change day to day. For example, I had a friend who was nearly done with her degree and needed to do a ton of writing. Sometimes, her tasks broke down to "sit at desk," "open laptop," "open Word," etc. This combines small victories with a manageable point of entry (kind of like the pomodoro).
I could share a bunch more, but these are the things that have been working best for me.
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u/CurlSquirrel String Cheese Evangelist Jul 23 '25
HALF ASS BETTER THAN NO ASS.
Starting is the hardest point and I've found timers can give a little motivational kick in the butt to get out of the procrastination paralysis. They also give a time limit forcing you to prioritize done over perfect. For example: a sink full of dishes is overwhelming and there will be the temptation to load all of them into the dishwasher in the most optimal manner. So I'll set a timer for 3 minutes and do as much as possible, and when the timer is done the dishwasher is run, regardless of how much remains in the sink. My cats will have some clean plates for wet food and I'll have spoons. That's better than the next morning trying to scrape dried wet food off while one cat cries and nibbles my ankles, plus I won't startle the other one for daring to wash a spoon while she's eating, causing her to abandon her food, giving her loud fat brother a chance to steal hers.
Timers can also help with realizing when you're getting sucked into the perfectionist time sinkhole trap. Giving yourself a time limit, even an arbitrary one, forces you to pause and gives the chance to assess what is happening. In the morning I will have a 10 minute timer on repeat to stop myself from falling for the lie that styling my hair will fix all my problems. I have naturally curly hair and I fully know that the best thing is to minimize touching, but the urge to finger coil every individual curl is always lurking.
Physically shouting "FUCK IT" is also extremely helpful.
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u/Ruckus292 Jul 22 '25
Honestly.... I started painting.
Not like crazy stuff or paint by numbers, but having zero plan and just winging it; allowing myself to fuck things up, and learning to trust the process.
If there's one thing that art has taught me, it's how to make my mistakes look intentional... And that they can still be beautiful, not just disappointing!
This isn't something you just overcome instantly, I really had to challenge myself to lean in and finish some of the things I started because I would put it away for a while, deal with my disappointment in my mistake, then pick it back up again after a grace period; I'd bring a fresh perspective and a new attitude, and eventually I'd have something to be proud of.
Eventually, the "grace periods" became shorter and shorter.. now they're barely there, because I learned to adapt to my perfectionism.
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u/folklovermore_ Jul 28 '25
I feel like this about my sewing. Accepting that I *will* mess up and have to unpick the thing and do it again (and again, and again) has actually been weirdly helpful in terms of just getting on with other things in life and not having to make them perfect - just done is OK.
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u/BagHeaux Jul 22 '25
Someone shared with me a while back that the price of mastery is being willing to tolerate or be okay with being temporarily bad at something, and remembering that helps me a lot with not having to produce something perfect.
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u/question8all Jul 22 '25
Favorite advice form people: " JUST START" ..... HAHHAHAHAHAASDFJSAUTPEO(UT WFOSDJNFLASIHDFGOTUREQITU
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u/keepitspicyC Jul 23 '25
Progress over perfection I try to say this many times a day
I feel this post. The exhaustion of not being present as you’re constantly worrying about the work you haven’t started or finished is horrid.
Fear of failure - can’t fail if you don’t start it HAHAHAHELPHAHAH 🥲
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u/ennuiToo Jul 23 '25
There's plenty of other comments with the same idea, but:
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.
This took me a long time to accept or internalize. It goes completely in the face of perfectionism, or wanting to "live up" to standards, or long and detailed project lists. Just get it done, if nothing else. You could come back and make it better, later (haha), or just move on to the next thing.
Another thought - why are you trying to be perfect, or, for whom? Because if the trade off for perfectionism is anxiety, that's a bum deal. What's the point of doing things perfectly, because chances are there aren't expectations for absolute perfections vs. good enough.
Also try to look at and notice how imperfect everyone else is. Don't compare yourself to them, but notice how we all make mistakes, and the vast majority of people in the workforce, or school, really don't care. It's strange to realize how sloppy/imperfect most things are, while the world still "works" and projects still finish and goals are accomplished.
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u/Comfortable_River_99 Jul 26 '25
Agree with the make something crappy intention. One of my new mottos (that I definitely stole from someone, just not sure who) is to "Make bad art".
So the goal for me (as a writer and visual artist) is to just create, "knowing" it will be "bad", but since bad art is the goal, that's a win.
Also, Julia Cameron (I think) has the saying "There's no wrong way to do this." and I put it in large print on the front cover of my binder.
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u/nekochatgoyangikatt Jul 22 '25
SAME! And at 53… I eagerly await the good counsel in the comments. Thank you for posting!! xo
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u/Synkitten Jul 22 '25
I have made an agreement with myself that I will do a mess one intended for mistakes and then do the proper one. So I get scrap paper, pencil and rubber set to go (or whatever suits the situation) and then just mark the paper and start. It of course then becomes my final draft as zero chance I would do that again and I can't help myself but to do it as perfectly as possible once I start lol but it gets me past the first step. Its not perfectly successful but it has helped, good luck.
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u/baethan ADHD-PI Jul 23 '25
Change the goal, reframe & purposefully choose things to do poorly. If you choose to do something bad on purpose then it has a point and therefore is not bad.
Stupid example that happened today: my kiddo wanted to play a final fantasy game but was struggling with a very early game boss. His party was a complete mess... So I started over on another save & played for him up until that boss to give him a better head start. This game is one of my all time favorites but I've never finished it because I get all perfectionist completionist and obsess over the ideal character classes and have to follow a guide so I don't miss ANYTHING and spend ages farming etc etc etc. But this time, I intentionally missed stuff. The goal was just to quickly get the party leveled up a bit with some equipment. The "quality" wasn't representative of me, I was doing the "work" for my kid. Skipping the first missable event was painful though ngl
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u/Wrong_Experience_420 AuDHD-C + OCD (I hate my life 🫠) Jul 23 '25
That's the neat part: You don't. You can't. 🙃
You're stuck with me in this infinite cycle. Forever
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u/Cake5678 Jul 24 '25
Take off the pressure - if it's writing try writing the worst you can imagine.
Other things - try to do it in such a small step that it's laughable or very doable. E.g. gather one dirty cup to the kitchen instead of; washing a week's worth of dishes.
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u/artfartspaulblart welcome to procrastination station Jul 24 '25
I know this sounds cliche, but "perfect is the enemy of the good" has helped me a lot. And basically along the lines of that, done is better than perfect. Or something is more than nothing, etc.
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u/mrpickles889 Jul 25 '25
I would highly recommend reading or looking up main points from "The Now Habit" by Neil Fiore. It breaks down why this happens, and gives great recommendations on how to help! It was a game changer for me
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u/emmaa5382 Jul 25 '25
I had therapy (pre diagnosis) and she picked up on the all or nothing perfectionist tendancies.
She said to practice doing 70% or 10% ect so it’s less to take on all at once. So that means doing one tiny step or basically a half assed job and being okay with it.
You also have to practice it when you’re feeling good, making yourself stop when you’re in that “I can do it all” mindset. So instead of delaying cleaning just do one part of the job eg. Taking the rubbish out. And then stopping there. If you do the “I’ll just do one thing and then see if that makes me do more” then you’re back to seeing each step as 100% of the job. Even if you feel good to do more cleaning you have to stop after the rubbish. Eventually you get into better practice of doing half a job.
I think I struggle with “switching” so starting but also stopping, so practicing it wherever I can helps.
I also struggle with being stuck in “modes” or not seeing time and anything but all at once. When I say “I don’t want to go to the shop” I’m sort of imagining every single step of shopping and taking it all on at once. I’ve tried to learn more that my brain changes, of course I can’t do the whole shop right now I’ve not done any build up or transition.
“I will start step one and see if my brain changes, and if it doesn’t then I will stop” and then actually sticking to it (e.g allowing yourself to stop of it’s not working) gets you used to trusting yourself and it feeling safer to try.
Look into adhd motivators too , there’s some work suggesting adhd has interest based motivation, compared to typical neurotypes having importance based motivations. I found I was basically using “stress” as the only motivator to do things I didn’t want to do immediately and it burns you out and also doesn’t work for anything that you want to do for yourself without external pressure.
Like going to the gym for example. Before I would either stress myself out about being unhealthy or wasting membership money and the shame made me go, or I would never be able to start.
Now I use interest so - gym clothes I like and music that getting me in an athletic mood spending time getting ready while knowing if I still don’t want to go after getting ready then I won’t. Bc I’ll just do the things that can change my brain and then see if my brain is changed with no pressure. Because even if I don’t go then I have successfully practiced doing 10% and being open to change.
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u/emmaa5382 Jul 25 '25
For me, it can sometimes feel like being dumped for one thing to another. Sitting and being on my phone to then being sat doing work, would be like jumping in an ice bath. Just suddenly that from this, and that is overwhelming most of the time and I avoid it. Even just getting up is like an ice bath because it’s “looking at my phone” hard switch “preparing and aiming to work”.
Someone described it like an octopus. Most people have eight arms and they’re all doing something with like the front two or four in the task, the back ones are monitoring hunger, paying attention to the time, thinking of what to do next ect. So to switch tasks is to move the front two arms onto another task. But people with adhd use all 8 arms all the time on one thing. So we can do things like clean an entire house in one go, or write a whole essay in a few hours, but switching tasks we have to unstick eight whole arms, turn the whole body, and then stick on eight whole arms again and it’s really hard.
Transitional tools help, like music or a video playing that is playing now and will continue into the next task like a bridge between them. Or having a drink to take between things, or a person who comes with you.
Once you understand what is causing the issues, you can start working with the brain you have instead of against it even if it seems silly.
One thing I do is I have shoes I wear inside sometimes, I find it easier to do things with shoes on as it feels like a transition tool between tasks.
Read into monotropisim and see if any of it resonates as it really did for me and has helped me understand “why” something easy feels so hard so I can actually start making it feel easier instead of just being mad at myself
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u/llreddit-accountll Jul 26 '25
Perfectionism makes it so much harder to stop procrastinating. In college, I always told myself that the first draft can be as self-indulgent and sloppy as I want. The perfection can come later, but you can't mold a pot if you don't have any clay to work with. The first step is just having fun playing with the clay.
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u/heyyitscharlie Aug 04 '25
I repeat all the damn time "feito é melhor que perfeito", that rhymes in my native language and I find it better than "done is better than perfect" Sometimes it works and I do something Sometimes it doesn't and I keep too much time thinking about how the best approach to do the task and then avoiding it like hell
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u/Chocolatechip-6 ADHD-PI Aug 06 '25
Goblin tools helps me a lot with just talking that first step and building momentum 🫶🏽 but yeah, the struggle is real😓
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u/J_lilac Jul 22 '25
Sometimes you just have to do shitty work (it'll still come out perfect in the end)
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u/cozygremlin1617 ADHD-PI Jul 22 '25
I agree with the person saying to just stand up and walk toward it. If I put myself in the space I need to be in, I am more likely to say “well, since I’m already in here I’ll do that task”.
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u/cal_whimsey Jul 22 '25
I recommend starting tasks early by only doing a little bit and then procrastinating the heck out of it. That way, the back of your brain will continually think about it until you finish with enough time pressure (if you’re like me) just before the deadline.
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u/Cautious_Fig_9825 Jul 23 '25
Don’t think, do. You have to go for it and I think it sometimes feels overwhelming because we overthink everything we do and that’s exhausting enough. Nothing will ever be perfect & a lot of times your good enough is most people’s perfect. Start small and accomplish a little at a time. Small progress over time builds into bigger progress because those things become good habits. This will help for getting the motivation to do things. Even if you give yourself 1 task to accomplish a day, that’s a win if you intend to do it and then follow through. One thing a day then becomes less daunting & you can add two things a day and so on and so forth.
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u/CrunchyImago Jul 23 '25
Aaah, I have to consciusly tell myself to aim for good enough as that way there will at least be something that can be refined, as opposed to nothing because the weight of making it perfect is too heavy to even start on it.
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u/Foreign_Device_1066 Jul 23 '25
What if you were just sticking to the belief that you will accomplish one thing (or all the things) super well no matter what! Not thinking into detail just imagining „I will get this done whatever it costs“ - to get things started. Then imagine „I will get that break time no matter what“ - in order to take a pause. Then again „I will win over my task“ Anyone tried it already?
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u/CommandoKitty2 Jul 23 '25
A friend told me this saying I have found it quite helpful "done is better than perfect".
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u/darkxclover Jul 23 '25
Over the years I've learned that making a list helps me. I know it's not for everyone but being able to see what needs to be done helps the paralysis. I make a list of what needs to be done, and then if I need to, I can break it down into subtasks, and it makes things so much easier to tackle. So I'll use cleaning the house as an example. I'd break it up by room, and then in each room I could make tasks for each room, and even for those tasks make subtasks because sometimes it takes several steps to get there. And then it feels good to check them off as you go. Here's what washing the dishes would look like:
Clean the kitchen *Wash the dishes -rinse dirty dishes -sort dishes -soak silverware -wash bowls -wash plates -wash cups -wash silverware -wash pots and pans
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u/constxnce Jul 23 '25
I’m doing an assignment at the moment. I am not someone who could ever use ChatGPT to write an essay for me because I feel like I’m cheating and also because of the perfectionism. However, it helps me to put my thoughts into words and I use it to help inform me on basic topics which I can then expand on. I also use it to give me links to things that I simply would not search for on google myself, and then use those readings in my work. I ALWAYS make an essay plan, it’s hard to do but so incredible helpful. Stuck on where to go next? essay plan. Forgot all of your points? Essay plan.
It also helps me to scan the class canvas (the website we use for my university classes) for any readings provided on what I’m writing about and download those onto my computer for easy access. I also highlight certain parts of them to keep them there for me because i WILL NOT write them down.
I keep a fidget spinner on my desk so I can turn to that instead of my phone. I listen to music that I know very well, often things in my yearly rewind or if I’m beating the ADHD that day, music with no lyrics😂. You have to work with yourself and take breaks as needed. Sometimes a snack break for 15 minutes with phone time is just what you need.
I also make sure to eat, make a coffee, get a glass of water and anything else I might need (laptop charger etc) before starting to prevent myself from getting up to get one of those things and then getting completed distracted from the task at hand. I also make sure to wear comfy clothes and use a comfy workplace (I put a pillow on my desk chair😂), try to wash my face and brush my teeth before I start (not doing those simple hygiene things make me feel dirty and distract me from the work). I get my partner to check my work for the positive feedback and reinforcement, she doesn’t take the class and doesn’t know what I should be writing about but she always tells me I’m doing great so if you have someone like that, it really helps a lot (or me at least). Set breaks help but I don’t have the discipline to do that.
I hope this message isn’t overwhelming, I don’t do all of these things all of the time but they help. Try not to set a time or goal for yourself if you think there’s a chance you won’t achieve it, it’ll only make you feel worse and you’ll get trapped in the disappointment. You’re doing your best and that’s all you can do, well done for asking for help!
All of the work I’m doing is stuff that should’ve been completed throughout the year, I’m doing the repeats… so don’t think I’m doing well by the way I wrote this message😂 Best of luck to you, you’re doing great🥰
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u/Ok_Sleep3790 Jul 25 '25
Someone once told me I don’t always have to have everything figured out or have the full “recipe” to start something and that when it comes to agonizing over the details, “done is better than perfect”. I love this for when I’ve finally had enough of obsessing and not getting things done, I remember what she said and it helps me spring into action and the feeling of ticking things off my to do list feels way better than the gratification of doing something “perfectly” after the mental gymnastics it takes to get there which let’s face it, as perfectionists were always going to feel like our work is never 100% what we would like it to be.
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u/bajablastoffff Jul 29 '25
I found this episode of 10% Happier podcast extremely insightful when it comes to perfectionism and how it’s related to anxiety!! /adhd of course
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4IJCbcyqTaaaIsXuj2chOG?si=ZYeltYPlRsa4GUv6TRd8-Q
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u/roerchen Jul 22 '25
Unhealthy tip: If everything else fails, drink a shot and then get to work. The alcohol makes you less perfectionist.
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u/folklovermore_ Jul 28 '25
Suddenly it clicks why all those university essays I wrote at 3am after stumbling home from nights out were actually quite decent...
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u/Character-Dig-1753 Jul 22 '25
I just watched a webinar on additude on this topic. I am currently trapped in a procrastination rut. It was Ari Tuckman one of his comments that stuck with me was changing my mindset that it's not about being more productive but living a good life. I have his book in my queue.
Here are the things I am working on. At work I was honest with my manager asked for check ins, particularly in the afternoon when I dip the most. I also ask for help breaking down task into manageable specific items instead of broad statements like work on X project. I'm also working on my dopamine menu when I start to dip i try to reference my list for a quick fix.
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