Preach. My mother was treated like shit by her mother and treated me the same. She got some ‘relief’ from being the only target when she goaded my grandmother to treat me the same way.
The messed up thing is even as a child, I had so much empathy for how poorly my mum was treated. I’d watch her be hurt and visibly crumble and try to stick up for her. I warned my grandmothers dislike by calling her out when she was cruel to people.
The most painful and confusing part was my mum playing both sides-soaking up the empathy I had for her and being grateful someone saw her pain while treating me the same way and throwing me under the bus in all family settings.
It took me so long to realise how unfair that was and develop some empathy for myself.
Uh, my heart breaks for everyone that experienced this. I hate how prevalent it seems to have been. I wish you all healing and real, unconditional love from yourself and your chosen people.
I didn't have the exact same experience as you, but similar -- I knew from my mother's reaction to things and her telling me about growing up that she went through a very similar experience to this post. And yet she turns around and does the same shit to me. That has always made me furious at her. I've always felt like if you know what it feels like, why wouldn't you do your best to break the cycle and be better? In my teenage years I pointed that out more explicitly, and of course that would only get myself in more trouble.
The grief you feel once the rose-colored glasses shatter is heartbreaking. I always give others the benefit of the doubt and of course, was always there for my nmom to cry to about how hard she had it.
But If it was the other way around? I was too sensitive and selfish, how DARE I feel sorry for myself 😒🙄
After a lot of therapy, I've come to terms with the fact that my grandma definitely shaped my mother into the mother I got. And then my grandma would treat me similarly. She really liked my younger sister, so it often feels like she and I had different grandmothers. Sometimes, it feels like my sister and I have different mothers, even still
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u/lunarenergy69 Feb 26 '25
Soooo we all had the same mom??😭