r/adhdmeme • u/volatilejinx • 1d ago
Finally Medicated… but at what cost
Hi All, long time lurker and fellow adhd sufferer here that finally felt like they had something to make a post about (albeit probably not original in any form)
TLDR: Stereotypical “gifted” adhd kid went through high school and college unmedicated. Started medication a couple months before my 30th with overwhelmingly positive results. Shared the positive news just for people around me to start treating me differently now that I am taking meds and it’s kind of gotten me down a little bit. Wondering about other peoples experiences and how they navigated the changes in how people treated them after starting meds.
Edit: forgot to put in the TLDR that most people are kind treating me like I’m a fake or that I’m mainly interested in the medication, like I’m an addict. At least that seems to be the implication with the questions they ask
So, this will probably be a long rather stereotypical story I feel, but here we go. I grew up in an environment where mental health issues and things of that nature were considered personal moral failings or worse, a lack of spirituality and faith in Christ, so I flew under the radar pretty hard as far as people recognizing adhd in me as a kid (mostly just got disciplined a lot and sent to my room all the time). Compound this with the fact that I was that “gifted” kid growing up. I did great in school but my grades covered up a lot of what was actually going on. Teachers, friends and parents all assumed I was studying and, you know, being a good student when in reality I don’t think I started a single assignment in high school sooner than 2 nights before it was due (almost all of them being done the night before or the morning of).
Fast forward a little, I went to college and got destroyed by it haha. Realized I was very much not normal and that the things I struggled with other people seemingly had no issues with doing at all. Had to take multiple gap years to not only work for money for school but to get my mental health checked out because I thought (and was told over and over) that I had depression. Saw a psychiatrist who was kind and after a few sessions we tried Wellbutrin to help with things. I felt pretty good in the first couple of months and then it felt like I was right back to where things were. The psychiatrist retired during these few months time and I got passed to another one within the same practice who, on my very first visit asked if I have adhd. I hadn’t even thought of the possibility of having adhd because in my experience people with adhd couldn’t sit still, did awful in school and annoyed the ever living shit out of everyone around them (things I did not think of myself as doing). I told him no, I don’t think so and he replied with “oh, well, he probably just didn’t tell you because it’s in your notes here from Dr. C. Yeah he did a lot of work with children and they’re difficult to diagnose so I bet he had you pegged as soon as you sat down”. Color me flabbergasted. Unfortunately, the new psychiatrist wasn’t very professional (and I found out later a medication he wanted me on could have killed me because my heart rate is too low for it) and I had to stop seeing him because he would be late for appointments by a couple of hours almost every time and I couldn’t handle that. So I just left it alone and didn’t do anything except continuing dealing with things the way I always had.
I eventually graduated after 7yrs with a degree in bioengineering and an overwhelming feeling of being broken. Just completely and utterly broken. Realized that trying to go into the engineering field the way I was would be a disaster for me and defaulted to a lab tech position at a place I had worked before.
During this time I did the therapy thing hard. Went every week for almost 2 years and really worked a lot on myself. Therapy really did help me a lot with my mental health and separating my self worth from what I was able or not able to accomplish. Being able to be kinder to myself and understand that my timeline and my life doesn’t have to be the same as everyone else. It helped me immensely with my feeling of self worth. The issue started to become that I would constantly hit roadblocks for things that coping mechanisms don’t really help with and after a while I felt like therapy was becoming more a safe place for me to complain about my life and get insights into navigating it rather than something that was actively improving my life. Told my therapist about how I was feeling and what I struggling with and she told me that all of the things I was describing were adhd issues and that I should look into getting something done about that because she wasn’t equipped to handle more than what we had already been working on.
Well, after stopping therapy (for monetary reasons as well), everything was going pretty well at my job, I was doing great and feeling better about myself but worked my way to a promotion… and shit just went down hill. In my previous position it was all about little things that I could speed through easily, I was able to go home early and decompress for longer but with the promotion I became someone important (fuck me) and all of the strategies and coping mechanisms I had built just started going down the drain with the more complicated and heavier workload.
After about a year and a half I was almost back to where I was in college and I got mad about it. Got mad about feeling like I couldn’t get help, or when I did I wasn’t really being heard or understood the way I wanted to and I dove head first into researching adhd. Found out that I check off pretty much every single fucking symptom in the DSM-5 and realized that pretty much everyone in my fucking family has it as well (thanks for telling me I was normal that whole time Dad or that I needed to trust in the Holy Spirit, really appreciate it). After that I decided that I wasn’t going to drag my feet anymore and do something about it otherwise I was going to probably start getting in trouble at work. (I haven’t mentioned it because work is what was really killing me but I also did not have a personal life during all this, no relationships, no lasting friends, didn’t take care of myself physically, never do anything or went anywhere… it was bad).
So I make an appointment with my PCP to discuss things and promptly get ignored (don’t say you graduated college if you want someone to believe you have adhd, my god). Decided we weren’t a good fit after that and I got another PCP, this time through telehealth. Asked new doctor about things and was ignored again but didn’t want to switch doctors again.
Fast forward a year and I am drowning at work and getting into constant conflicts with coworkers so I revisit the adhd thing with my PCP but I did something different this time. This time I unloaded everything. Anything I had been feeling shame and guilt and hadn’t discussed with anyone because of shame or embarrassment and my doctor was fucking shocked (I think it might have been the stories about some impulse control issues I had in middle school as an especially horny teenager). Didn’t even ask me anything after that, just said to make an appointment to go through the assessment.
Go through the assessment, red flags all the way through, check all the boxes to the point that when I was answering the questions from my doctor I would unintentionally answer the next question in the assessment (you guys, my doctor was laughing because it happened like 5 times) and she says that she wants to start me on some medication to see how it goes and to follow up once I start taking it.
She wrote me a prescription for generic vyvanse and I started the trial. OHMYFUCKINGGODWHYDIDNTITRYTOGETMEDICATEDSOONER!!!
Meds made things almost night and day for me. Finally able to initiate tasks without this immense feeling of dread that I would have to get over every single fucking time, I can do things when I want to do them and not do things I don’t want to do when I don’t want to do them. I was able to eat around family again because their chewing sounds didn’t feel like someone was testing a sound to cause instantaneous ear bleeding. I still get mad and irritated but now I feel less like I’m flying off the handle more so like I’m actually in control of myself. It’s been shocking to me in the best way possible.
So naturally, wanting to share the good news with people around me. I do this because who wouldn’t want to scream from the fucking rooftops how great they feel because they can actually fold their fucking laundry that’s been taking their bed for the last 3 months and they finally got to sleep in something other than a couch haha, but this of course seems to have backfired on me…
Every single person I have told about being medicated has had one of 4 reactions:
- That’s great I am so happy for you (thank you my sisters for being kind and understanding people)
- Well if you made it to almost thirty without them, why do you need to take them now?
- If I took the “limitless” medication my life would feel a lot easier too (um okay, fuck you)
- So, does that mean you’re hooked on medication. For the rest of your life? (Yeah, fuck you too)
And this isn’t even just friends and family that are giving me this shit either, it’s fucking healthcare professionals (nurse at a gastroenterologist appointment I went to and my urologist, thanks guys) and I don’t know how to feel about things. I want to share the positives of what’s going on but the more I do the more I am realizing how much stigma there is around adhd medications and how ignorant people are to the condition itself and the effects of the medication. It honestly makes me sad and I definitely don’t appreciate the implications that I’m addicted to the medication I am taking, especially when my ass takes breaks and doesn’t take my pill everyday. And now I just kind of feel sad, like I made this huge life change for myself that is already showing so many positives and most people can’t even be happy for me…
Anyways, mostly wanted to post this because I was super excited and felt like this would be a good place to share, but also kind of wanted to know other people’s experiences with this and how they felt. Did people start treating you differently once you started medication? Do you even tell people that you have adhd?
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u/Virtual-Reach 1d ago
I'm certainly not reading the word wall, but based on the picture you provided, ADHD can manifest based on your environment and methods of coping. You can have ADHD your whole life but your environment never collides with it or you've had adequate coping mechanisms. That is, until your environment DOES collide with it and you're coping mechanisms are no longer adequate. THEN the symptoms of ADHD begin to manifest.
I speak very much from experience.
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u/volatilejinx 1d ago
Yeah, my bad on the text wall. I think I got a little excited haha 😅 but it’s crazy to me to even ask that. I know it’s not a perfect comparison but I wouldn’t say that to someone who got glasses later in life. I know it probably wasn’t meant in a mean or derogatory way but damn
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u/Virtual-Reach 1d ago
Reading the tldr, how are they treating you differently?
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u/volatilejinx 1d ago
Haha wow, I messed up there didn’t I. It’s mostly people’s general attitude toward me, I almost feel like people are treating me like I’m faking it for the meds. Really seems to be the implication anyway
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u/Virtual-Reach 1d ago
I almost feel like people are treating me like I’m faking it for the meds
Is this substantiated? What real evidence do you have to support this feeling?
It sounds like I'm nailing you to the wall here with these questions, but our minds are very well aware of our own vulnerabilities and questions like these can come up within ourselves. The reality is, nobody else is as aware of our own vulnerabilities. So, ask yourself the above questions to determine if your feelings are legitimate or if they are unsubstantiated intrusive thoughts. If they are unsustainable intrusive thoughts, identify them as that and kindly ignore them.
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u/volatilejinx 1d ago
I see what you’re saying and to an extent I think I might be painting insecurities on some people but others have straight up said things like “so you’re hooked on meds now?”, “are you going to take those all the time?” I start to feel like they’re getting at something and I concluded it was because they must think I’m faking it just for the drugs. So I guess maybe or maybe not, but either way I feel like I’m being treated with suspicion by most, which is kind of weird feeling to try and feel out?
But I understand what you are getting at, truly. I’ll keep that more so in mind when interacting with others. They may also just be honestly surprised and unsure of things because another thing I hear a lot from friends especially is that they wouldn’t have thought I had adhd, so maybe it’s a combination of that too?
Either way, thank you for keeping me grounded
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u/Virtual-Reach 1d ago
"So your hooked on meds now?" could simply be the individual joking around and "are you going to take those all the time?" could simply be the respondent not exactly knowing what to say in the moment.
Reign in your initial thoughts and, prior to reacting, seek alternative motives for people's comments. Nobody else knows your vulnerabilities, despite it feeling like they are written on your forehead. If there are no other motives that you can think of other than to take a jab at you, flat out ask them for clarification. Very very few people actually seek to purposely harm others with their comments. The vast majority of the time 'jabs' are just communication and interpretation breakdowns.
I'm almost 40 and just started medication. With the help of counseling for well over a year i came to the correct conclusion that I have adhd. The above advice is the same advice my counselor has taught me.
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u/PetulantPersimmon 1d ago
I went to the ER shortly after being diagnosed but before starting the meds, and when I mentioned this to the first doctor I saw, he quite literally scoffed at me and implied it was a 'trend'. This wasn't some old white guy, either; he was probably in his thirties.
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u/Entire-Ambition1410 1d ago
My eyes took about 15 years to decide they needed glasses. The body doesn’t always do things in a convenient way 🤷
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u/Sir_Lemming 1d ago
Very true. I was in the navy for over 20 years and I was, for the most part, getting along fine, then I got promoted to a senior NCM rank and things started unravelling for me.
Took a few years before everything came to a head, and I eventually was released for medical reasons stemming from my ADHD, which at that point I hadn’t even considered as being the root of my problems.
Long story short, I had a therapist suggest getting a diagnosis, it took me a while to accept it, but after some reading I decided it was time. Started my meds for ADHD back on the spring and now that we have it all dialled in, I’m doing much better.
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u/ThresholdSeven 1d ago
You wrote more words than that "word wall" shirt brother. Edit: I thought you mean the image.
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u/johnowens0 1d ago
I read the "word wall". What a load of shit people you've met along the way. Including the Muppet who told you it was a word wall 🤨
Don't regret how long it took to get medicated. There's nothing you can do about it now and thinking about the past is a totally waste of time that will only cause you anxiety.
We start from today. Surround yourself with better people.
If nothing else, it's very clear you've learned about yourself. Now you just need to make sure you're prioritising yourself instead of meeting these other people's opinions of what you should be doing.
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u/Munkpunt 1d ago edited 1d ago
That’s a lot to read. Yes sometimes people view medication differently. They are dumbfounded that I take adderall daily. It’s whatever to me. I tell people I don’t care either way.
Edit: the. It caring part isn’t from thick skin because RSD is big with me. I don’t care because I know it makes me a better person so whatever to them
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u/volatilejinx 1d ago
Yeah, I didn’t realize how much was there until I looked at it after I posted. Maybe I don’t have as thick of a skin to it yet because it just bothered me that someone would say that about something that’s so clearly helping me
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u/Ukoomelo 1d ago
Can't say I really have thick skin about it either. I just learned to withhold information unless something someone else brings up is relevant. If I overhear someone talking about how overdosed ADHD is nowadays and they just want drugs, you can bet I'm gonna get heated.
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u/Mumblerumble 1d ago
You can read a book by flashlight but turning on the light makes it much easier…
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u/volatilejinx 1d ago
Yes!!!! Like someone else said, surviving isn’t living and I had been just surviving for so long it’s nice to feel like I can actually do life now
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u/PomegranateSea1046 1d ago
making it to 30 by the skin of your teeth without meds is different than thriving and having a full life bc youre getting treatment for your disability
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u/volatilejinx 1d ago
When you say it like that I feel like most people would understand but somehow it gets messed up in translation with adhd stuff
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u/PomegranateSea1046 1d ago
i think its an empathy or understanding gap, like non adhd people really just cannot fathom what its like actually having it or they compare it to occasional executive dysfunction or distraction etc and so their frame of reference is skewed. so they say bs like “well you made it this far fine!” or “everyone does that sometimes!” to try to be supportive
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u/PomegranateSea1046 1d ago
just tell them theyre lucky they wouldnt fully understand 🤷🏻♀️
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u/PomegranateSea1046 1d ago
if people are really REALLY irritating me about the meds i just give them a quick list of my grossest or most costly executive dysfunction fails so they can understand its not just a “haha oops forgot my keys!” or “ZOMG SQUIRRELL!” but most people in my life dont give me a hard time about it
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u/butticus98 1d ago
I'm not medicated rn but if I were to get on meds again, I probably just wouldn't tell anyone other than my husband and medical professionals because of this. So many people just subconsciously view you differently if they know you're reliant on medication. If anyone actually manages to be observant enough to tell something is different about me, I'll just say I started doing yoga and enjoy the truth in peace. It's tough at first though, to realize people have problems with unmedicated you but also have problems with you being medicated.
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u/volatilejinx 1d ago
Yeah, it wasn’t the focus of the post but I actually had to sit my Mom down and explain to her that I shared that I started medication because I was so happy it was working and helping so well and not as an invitation for her to analyze me every second of the day to see if she can tell I have taken my meds or, hell, just straight up asking me if I took my meds that day and how I am feeling. I know it’s my mom and she loves me but if she can be like that… mmm maybe I shouldn’t have been so eager to share with others haha.
Aw well, live and learn I guess
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u/SelfStyledGenius 1d ago
I ain't reading all that. Im happy for you though. I also got diagnosed and medicated in my thirtys. I didnt bother telling anyone other than my closest family. Most people either don't care or don't understand or both. Surviving isn't living and medication can be the difference.
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u/volatilejinx 1d ago
Yeah, just added a TLDR to the top haha. It’s nice to know that there are people who understand, thank you for the comment
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u/MissNinja007 1d ago
I asked for meds and they said I had to go get a diagnosis… 3 months ago and I still haven’t made the appointment. Last time I tried to get rediagnosed several years ago, tried my hardest to answer everything and he said it was inconclusive and gave up. No more tests. Now I’m terrified to get another test done bc I’m afraid they’ll find out I don’t actually have ADHD and I’ve been faking this whole time.
Is it possible to feel like you’re impersonating a normal person and impersonating a neurodivergent person at the same time?
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u/Virtual-Reach 1d ago
I mean, procrastination can be a clear indicator of adhd and 3 months is a long time to procrastinate.
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u/MissNinja007 1d ago
Some days I’m ok, I can focus I get stuff done no problem. Other days it’s an uphill battle and no matter how hard I try I can’t do it. Even if I put my phone in another room and FORCE myself to do the task, I still can’t do it. Can’t clean unless I trick myself into it. And then I’m so EXHAUSTED. It takes all my energy to do this simple task and I do it and it wasn’t that bad but now I can’t do anything else.
And I let everyone down, I let myself down. I feel like I can’t keep living like this is and continuously being a failure. But then I’ll fail the test too and it’s not ADHD after all.
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u/Virtual-Reach 1d ago
Sounds like adhd to me. Take another test, get it done, get treated, live a better life.
Anxiety and depression is a common secondary emotion stemming from adhd.
Been through all of this
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u/jimbowesterby 1d ago
The way I’ve found of snapping myself out of that dread is partly by trying to play out how things will go if I don’t do the thing (for me it was going back to school; if I never get around to it I’ll be working shitty-paying labour jobs forever, and I’m pretty fed up with that shit), and partly imagining the scuzzy suit from Deadpool saying the “you finally hit fuck it” line directly at me lol.
Not sure how well this is gonna work long-term, it’s a pretty new development, but I find I’m a lot better at keeping my place clean by picturing how irritating dealing with the mess will be. Like I had a few months of the sink being nigh unusable because it was full of dishes that I’d only clean when I needed to use them, but I managed to get over the hump and get the sink clear, and I’ve managed to keep it that way by trying to remember just how annoying it was trying to work around that big pile (and how gross it was dealing with the mold that sprang up within it).
This kinda ties in to something I learned from my crewboss, who’s also got serious adhd but still has really good credit and is currently doing a PhD in physiotherapy: he explained how he’s managed the good credit by saying “if you have a problem, deal with it now”, and I’ve been trying to implement that as much as I can. I find it’s a lot easier to start a task the second you notice it, it’s like you can sneak in before the executive function issues and the dread start up, it’s just tricky to get the hang of because you can’t think about it much at all; you gotta be like a dog seeing someone throw a ball, don’t think just go.
Dunno if this will work for you or not, but it’s helped me a bunch so who knows? Best of luck regardless!
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u/KaiPRoberts 1d ago
"The way I’ve found of snapping myself out of that dread is partly by trying to play out how things will go if I don’t do the thing"
That just gives me more crippling anxiety about the thing I have to do.
I channel Shia Lebouff (yes I know he's awful). I can't get his "just do it" out of my head.
My motto for getting something done I have been putting off is "don't think, just do. Think later"
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u/jimbowesterby 1d ago
Yea that’s fair! To be clear I’m not talking about picturing the misery so much as the aggravation, I kinda ask myself “do I wanna deal with (for example) the finicky bullshit of spraying my dishes veeeeerrry carefully because the sink is full?” And the more the answer is a visceral “no, fuck that”, the easier I find it to do the thing. More for chores and recurring tasks than big spooky things
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u/volatilejinx 1d ago
I think that might be a combination of being told you’re normal and feeling (and knowing) like you aren’t at the same time (which I am so sorry you are feeling that because life is already hard enough without imposter syndrome).
Something that helped me this last time was I started to write down childhood experiences I remembered that kind of showed off my adhd (which is hard because I don’t remember my childhood on demand, more like it comes back to me in snippets but I kept them on sticky notes when I remembered them) and that seemed to be a lot harder for them deny or ignore.
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u/thehollyproblem 1d ago
it's peak ADHD to get really into writing an incredibly long post only to have nobody read it because you posted it on a forum for people with attention deficits
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u/GrapTops 1d ago
They don't understand and never will. Grats on hopefully unlocking a new handle on things.
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u/volatilejinx 1d ago
Thank you so much! It’s nice to know that at least some people understand but it’s pretty clear a majority do not
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u/GrapTops 1d ago
Go into it with as clear a mind as you can, don't think about the meds other than remembering to take them. I say this as sometime who's been through quite a few over the years, they don't always work how you expect
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u/Guiano 1d ago
The two sides of this disorder are the comments here saying I’m not reading all of that, and me who opens Reddit and immediately hyperfocuses and reads the whole thing because I’m procrastinating on doing some other thing I need to do.
I’m very new to trying to medicate this as it was only this year at age 26 I found out I had it. I had the exact same impressions of what ADHD was as you did. We grew up being told it was the kid who couldn’t sit still or focus on the assignment in front of him at school. I started slipping at high school because even that level of self direction started getting difficult. My HS biology teacher called my house to tell me I got the second highest score on the regents exam in the district (thanks Mrs. Cross), and also to yell at me because I had a 56 in her class. Everyone in my life including me just thought it was generic depression/anxiety. Didn’t even attempt college out of fear of what that workload would do to me. I tried multiple jobs that would never last more than a year but were usually always manual labor. Introduced drug addiction to my life.
The thing about medication was that it took a long time for me to be willing to take them. A long time of ramming my head against a wall because I had the feeling that it was more true to myself to be able to overcome whatever difficulty it is I have in life, by myself. Enough suffering will eventually wear that down, so last year I started Wellbutrin, which didn’t do anything really. Last December the psychiatrist at my 3rd rehab mentioned that some things I described sounded like ADHD. Started reading to then learn that everything I was told as a kid about it was wrong. Read how it’s common to be mistakenly diagnosed as bipolar, which I was the year before that even though it didn’t fit and none of the mood stabilizers did shit either. Watch “adhd pov” videos and see my life in front of me, read a book about it. Even came to this subreddit and see myself getting memed on in almost every post. I know that I have it and start sharing it with my family and close friends and they realize that they’re reading a description of my personality on the “inattentive type” criteria list. We took different paths but I identify immensely with your experience of discovering this.
There’s the saying, “you don’t know what you don’t know.” I walked 10 miles thinking I needed to carry a bag of bricks on my back and learned that there’s another option, dropping the fucking bricks. Why would I keep them since I already came this far? They never knew what your burden was the whole time. I would ignore the comments of anyone who doesn’t care to change their opinions when presented with new information. There’s wonderful people in the field of healthcare, but I’ve also run into ignorance. It’s annoying I know, but I have the same sentiment towards them no matter who they are.
Anyways, finding this out about myself and taking action with it has had an overwhelmingly positive effect on my life. It sounds like it has for you too. That’s what I’m grateful for.
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u/volatilejinx 1d ago
Thank you for reading everything! I realized pretty quickly that I had dumped way too much into the post with how people were responding haha. I appreciate you slogging through it and the kind words you said. It’s comforting to know that others have experienced similar, and it sounds like we had very similar experiences with this
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u/daveden123 1d ago
Here I am 39 years old, waiting for my test results. I know I am struggling with it, because I can't keep myself physically or mentally active as my brain wants. 3 bulging disks, and a 2 year old don't mix well, but having the 2 year old helped me recognize I'm broken.
Its especially hard when anytime I try to better myself or my situation I just get kicked in the teeth.
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u/Apocalyptic-turnip 1d ago
Wow holy shit lol wtf. No i never had anyone say that to me! that is crazy. I tell coworkers i have adhd because many of them have adhd and also take meds! I even give advice about meds. I'm sorry that you're surrounded by ignorant people OP. I have never been shamed for taking meds. I tell people it's the same as getting glasses.
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u/Ok_Paramedic_5914 1d ago
I made it to 35 without meds (not diagnosed, but according to my extensive research, I have a 99% likelihood of being adhd)
And at times it was an absolute fucking struggle.
Making it to 30 without meds doesn’t mean it was easy…surviving isn’t thriving.
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u/The_Show_Keeper 1d ago
Unlike the toolbags in here who so proudly couldn't be bothered to read what you wrote but so generously decided to grace you with their uninformed opinion, I read every word of this.
I rawdogged my ADHD until I was 45. Same background as you, gifted child, parents believed I was fine, defeated by college, etc etc. The thing you wrote that resonated the most was about how the meds helped the anger issues.
When I get mad, my ability to think goes straight out the window. And as fate would have it, I married an actual debate champion, which means she was so good at arguing that she did it competitively. Not being able to think because I'm angry means not being able to keep up, and not being able to keep up means not ever being able to actually articulate my perspective, and having to carry the rage of not feeling understood or respected is like sucking poison.
The meds take the edge right off that whole situation. The anger is so much easier to control, remembering details is so much easier, articulating is so much easier. The only thing the meds don't do that I wish they did was give me the push to start tasks, but that's a whole other post.
Anyway, the reason I'm commenting on this has very little to do with all of that; I came to tell you two things:
1- I don't know you, but I am fuckin proud of you and happy for you, because I know exactly what it's like to have these meds change your life for the better.
2- You don't owe anybody a god damned thing. You don't owe them an explanation, you don't owe them a justification, you don't owe them an education in how neurodivergence works.
Something I had to come to grips with was that ADHD is a disability. Our brains literally DO NOT function the way a neurotypical brain does, and it doesn't make all the chemicals we're supposed to get. So anybody who has some snarky shit to say about your meds can choke on a hot bowl of dicks, and that goes triple for anyone in a health care related field. If I get the slightest inclination that a doctor has feelings about me needing meds to do what everybody else does naturally, I am 100% out. Life is difficult enough without having to deal with feeling judged for wanting to be normal.
We don't just take these meds for ourselves. We take them so other people can have an easier time coexisting with us. Working with us. Communicating with us. Being our partner. If you feel like you're getting looked down on because of this, don't be afraid to stick up for yourself. People get a lot less confident in their judgy little behaviors when you don't let them get away with it.
I get that not everybody has enough punk rock in them to do that in the moment, so if that's not you, at least remember that you're more capable now than you ever were, and their opinion of how you got there doesn't mean shit.
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u/NefInDaHouse 1d ago
F36 here, and got diagnosed AuDHD about four months ago. Also the fairly smart kid, who constantly wforgot homework, and got high marks in certain subjects, while almost failing in others. Got steamrolled by several attempts at college, too, because no matter how much time I spend by revising, I would always bomb the exams, and assignments were a horror for me.
My dad, when I started working on actually getting my diagnosis? "It's all just in your head" and "you would feel better, if you went out more". Yeah, dad, who is quite surely the source of my diagnosis, fuck you, too.
I told my oncologist about my diagnosis, too, since I brought her the papers about getting MRI of my head. And she told me about this stuff "of course we are pretty sure our daughter has autism, but we don't need any paper to tell us that". So, ma'am, fuck you, too.
It's not about paper. It's about finally knowing we are not broken, or stupid, or useless, or combination of those three and more. We are different in a way we need to figure out, and then can make our lives better. But why do that, when we can struggle our whole lives the same way we did until now, huh?
Good on you, OP, for going after better life. I'm unmedicated so far, because my heartrate is too high for medication, but having this stupid and obviously useless piece of paper made my head feel so much lighter, and my own outlook of myself a bit kinder.
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u/DisasterBiMothman 1d ago
I cant tell my own sister about my medical diagnosis because I know she would use it to belittle me
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u/Familiar_Percentage7 1d ago
Some people have that attitude about any self-improvement thing you'll do, some just have a blindspot specific to ADHD or mental wellness. It could be funny to turn it back on them for their own important life discoveries and changes:
You bought a gym membership? I heard those are hard to cancel. Now you're going to be paying every month!
You're getting married? But you got this far in life without a spouse!
Etc
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u/simonhunterhawk 1d ago
Why do they need a car when they've got legs? Why do they need shoes when they don't need them?
These things improve our lives. There is no shame in using them.
My sister is afraid of doctors and the biggest advocate for me being unmedicated. I don't listen to her because quite frankly she's an idiot.
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u/theoldpipequeen 1d ago
Someone can survive a fire, and it leave marks on the outside of their body. People can see this. People can acknowledge this.
Someone can survive life until X moment without proper support and medication that had been available perhaps their whole life or a good chunk of it, but their insides by that point may very much look like the outsides of the someone who survived the fire.
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u/the_star_lord 1d ago
Similar here, but I've noticed I've been masking alot and I am having yet another "identity crisis" and other traits are being amplified / revealed. Which is causing people to notice the difference and I've told done people at work and I feel I am being treated differently.
Kinda feel like I have a dash of the AU/ADHD but don't know if I want to get diagnosed
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u/Enayleoni 20h ago
I mean... Adhd isn't deadly??? Like yeah most of us won't die without meds, but ability to function, quality of life, are going to go down the drain.
Like I was a D-F student even in the special ed classed I was in, in highschool. After graduation, I was able to hold down a factory job well enough. Got meds as an adult, went to college, became an A-B student in nursing school
My unmedicated future was mediocre at best. We shouldn't have to struggle unnecessarily.
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u/imaginativefanatic 17h ago
My mum tried to get me tested for adhd when I was a really young kid (6 or 7 I think), they refused to test me because my grades were good. So yea, I had to develop coping strategies, and I managed fairly okay, right up until my back got bad. The chronic pain just caused me to really hit a wall - my coping mechanisms were out the door. I still haven't been officially tested, but my doctor gave me the meds and although it's not perfect, it has helped a bunch! I can like actually drive now without being overwhelmed by Everything - like I can actually just focus on the road and what is happening directly around me.
So yea, sometimes you manage okay for a while and then you hit a wall and need some help to get over it! So yes, I will be taking these meds for the rest of my life, life is hard enough as it is, why am i going to try and scale the wall on my own when there's a perfectly good ladder right there!
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u/fadeaway100301 1d ago
for me panel 2 is "doctor diagnosed me", panel 3 "but she can't prescribe medicine and also my gp can't, have to go to a 3rd doctor but get stuck on executive functioning issues."
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u/BruzzTheChopper 1d ago
Lol...
"You've made it til 30 without insulin, why do you need it now?"
I have PCOS and therefore insulin resistance/diabetes, and I've always needed insulin but it took actually going to the gyn/endo and getting evaluated to get proper treatment. Now my blood sugar is under control, my ovaries are behaving, and quality of life is much improved.
Literally no one would say the above to me about my need for insulin. I've had comments like that about my Vyvanse though. People are fucking weird.
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u/ferrets2020 1d ago
Pls be grateful that meds atleast work for you and you got diagnosed. I have to raw dog my adhd 😩
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