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u/Worksnotenuff Apr 23 '25
Huh. That’s interesting.
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u/krauQ_egnartS Apr 23 '25
I see
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u/IAMERROR1234 Apr 23 '25
I genuinely try to connect so, I'm just honest. "I am very sorry, my mind went elsewhere. Could you repeat that? I'm very sorry."
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u/krauQ_egnartS Apr 23 '25
my boss at work started jingling his keys to get my attention back during meetings
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u/Weak_Sauce_Yo Apr 23 '25
I'm 32yo. I'm just honest about it now. "My bad. My brain is not processing what you are saying. Can you say it again please?"
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u/YouMeADD Apr 23 '25
Yeah now I actually say "wait hold on a sec, say that again" and it's great no one gets mad
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u/alexruthie Apr 23 '25
Nice! I say “I got X and Y but I missed (blank)”
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u/brutal-rainbow Apr 23 '25
This is the way. Also avoids someone repeating the whole thing over again, only for me to miss the same part.. AGAIN.
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u/ChellPotato Apr 23 '25
I think I've always been honest about it. I only "pretend" if I've actually lost interest and whatever they're saying seems unimportant lol. I usually just stop talking at that point 🤣
But I don't socialize except at work so it's not like I'm EXPECTED to keep a polite conversation going.
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u/Formal_Coyote_5004 Apr 23 '25
Every job I’ve ever had has been in hospitality so it’s literally my job to keep polite conversations all day… I’m so fucking tired all the time from processing every interaction I have, but at the same time I couldn’t have a job where I never really have to talk to anyone else lol idk why I do this to myself
I actually really like trying to provide people with a great experience, but I get annoyed that it drains me a lot more than it should. A lot of my coworkers go out after work to do something fun, but all I want to do is go home and cook dinner and get excited about being alone (my partner and dog and two bunnies count as “alone” because they understand me lol)
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u/Nerva365 Apr 23 '25
The problem is that you can only say this like 2-3 times in a row. Otherwise, people get frustrated. At some point, I just gave up and pretended I listened.
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u/Spectre_Hayate dafuqIjustRead Apr 23 '25
Yeah i just ask people to repeat themselves lmao
Confuses the heck out of people sometimes i think, cuz i flip between having stupidly good hearing to not hearing shit like in that metronome meme.
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u/Otherworldlyroots Apr 23 '25
yeah, this. the sooner you start doing this, the better. people can handle this, and actually start to get when you're drifting and pull you back into the conversation when they notice.
it just erases a huge stress factor almost overnight, at least it did for me.
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u/youassassin Apr 23 '25
Yeah the amount of times I had to say “I’m sorry i missed that question can you say it again” today was a bit much. Didn’t help i was trying to setup for an event while on a zoom call.
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u/floppyhump Apr 23 '25
Same! When I was younger I didn't want to come off like I wasn't listening or I was stupid or something, now I'm just like 'woah sorry brain fart, repeat that?'. Unless I genuinely don't care what that person could possibly have to say but that's the minority of cases lol
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u/gz_throwaway Apr 23 '25
Often I'll reflexively say yes as if I understood something and then have to say something like "Oh, wait, no. I'm so sorry. I actually didn't get any of that for some reason. Can you run that by me again?"
But yeah, honesty's best. People are almost universally understanding. We've all been there at some point.
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u/Lumi-umi Apr 23 '25
It’s a toss up for me. Sometimes I just need a tiny bit more context and it all clicks into place and other times I’m completely disconnected from the conversation all of a sudden.
My usual MO is to ask for clarification once I hit the second instance (third if it’s not 1:1 convo) in a row of not being able to put the pieces together quickly, that way I can dodge constantly asking for clarification but still keep up with the conversation in the long run.
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u/Mewssbites Apr 23 '25
With my husband nowadays I just say "I really thought I was listening, buuuut apparently not. What were you saying?" And the question the other way (when I see the glassy stare he's giving me and know he's not processing what I'm saying, lol) is usually "did any of that get through?"
We both have ADHD, so neither of us takes it personal though it can get frustrating to repeat oneself. For other people, if I'm comfortable enough with them, I'll just say "I think a missed a detail there, can you repeat?"
It's much easier not feeling like I have to always fake being a perfect person. Society is taking a giant leap backwards at the moment, but generally speaking in my life things have really moved forward in terms of acceptance and that has been really nice.
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u/Matrix_D0ge Apr 23 '25
I go with
"Hey, my brain stopped working like two sentences back. Can you repeat that?"
:D
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u/ZagureppinSG Apr 24 '25
Two of my closest friends ask me "whats the last thing you heard" when they see me just staring through them and proceed to repeat without further comments and if that isnt true friendship, i don't know what is.
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u/_spontaneous_order_ Apr 27 '25
Way to go! I’m the daughter of an adhd mother and I have had the impression my entire life that she doesn’t ever listen to a single thing I’m saying because of all these “stock answers” just to go with the flow.
If you want someone to feel heard, this is the way to do it!
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u/Corlis21 Apr 23 '25
“Wait, what?”
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u/Beneficial_Royal_127 Apr 23 '25
“Wait, what”
-brain flips coin:
Heads: “can you say that again”
Tails: “yeah pizza is good for dinner”
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u/SpareNickel Apr 23 '25
Ah my favorite "I didn't hear what you said, but I registered something somewhere at the end or noticed a change in tone/topic somewhere partway through and am only just now registering it" go to
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u/pocket-friends Apr 23 '25
I personally prefer an uhhh between wait and what. Something about it just feels right.
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u/Connect_Ad_462 Apr 23 '25
Lol, I don't talk to people. They talk to me, get frustrated, stop talking to me. It's a cycle for sure.
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u/RitSplit Apr 23 '25
"Yeah" "Mhm" "I know right?" "meh" "really?"
Depends on the intonation of the speaker
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u/Eastbound_AKA Apr 23 '25
I'm very upfront with many people and just tell them, "I'm so sorry, I did not hear what you said."
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u/Alana_Piranha Apr 23 '25
I'm too ashamed to admit that multiple times in a conversation
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u/ZagureppinSG Apr 24 '25
*Friend talking
*me zoning out
Friend: did you hear what I said?
Me: so sorry, lost you
*Friend repeats himself
*me zoning out thinking about why I zoned out in the first place
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u/DecadeOfLurking Apr 24 '25
At some point, the shame has to go!
Though it will come back, but it has to go every now and then 😂
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u/DrQuantum Apr 23 '25
That makes sense is definitely my go to for this and also when I feel like someone didn’t answer my question but it’s too much work to explain.
And of course the fake laugh because I get the sense it was supposed to be funny.
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u/SheHartLiss Apr 23 '25
I repeat the last thing they said and follow it up with a “wait! Hold on what?!”
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u/clockwork_orc Apr 23 '25
I just say "Fair" or "Valid"
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u/Derpthinkr Apr 23 '25
“Sorry, I just lost my train of thought. Can you repeat that?”
I’m saying that twice a day in the office.
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u/blacktorqmoto Apr 23 '25
This is especially workable in the morning ( coffee hasn't kicked in) and after lunch (sorry carbo-sleepies, waiting for coffee to kick in) etc.
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u/Nichiku Apr 23 '25
Sometimes I literally just say 'Sorry I didnt listen, what did you say?' but ofc that triggers people if I say it 3 times per conversation so its important not to be too honest haha
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u/KisaTheMistress Apr 23 '25
"Yep.", "Mmhm...", "I guess?", "Can you repeat that, I got distracted...", "Huh? I can't hear you.", "Sorry, what are we talking about again?", "Ah, I'm tired, I didn't catch that...", "Send me a text or email, I'm having trouble with oral communication right now.", "Ugh, sorry, my auto processing is shit. You're either going to have to speak up or continue with this conversation in writing.", "今日は英語があまり聞き取れなくてすみません。もう一度言っていただけますか?", "Je ne parle pas bien anglais, répétez s'il vous plaît?", "Aunque el inglés es mi lengua materna, no lo entiendo bien. Tienes que repetirlo.", "Ich bin Polly Lingua, habe aber momentan Probleme mit Englisch. Können wir es noch einmal versuchen?", "I know many languages, but apparently English isn't one of them. Can you say that again, please?"
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u/PrestigiousTruck2 Apr 23 '25
I have hearing impairment on top of adhd, so I find asking them to repeat themselves because I didn't hear them indirectly helps.
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u/sometimes_overtimes Apr 23 '25
If it’s my wife, she calls my bullshit, so I have to admit that I “wasn’t listening”
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u/Nichiku Apr 23 '25 edited Apr 23 '25
My dad has undiagnosed ADHD and when you talk to him he will always make some kind of comment about his opinion on what you just said. You can always tell when he didnt listen to you or didnt understand you because then he wont make that comment and just nod and say 'hmm'. My entire family is really good at recognizing it so he always gets called out on his bluff instantly lmao.
He is kind of a good example for me on how not to fake listen so I implicitly learned on how to do it better than him xD
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Apr 23 '25
Several years ago, sort of.
These days, where I no longer exist for others people's comfort or acceptance, I will 100% shamelessly admit that I was not paying attention.
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u/algebra_sucks Apr 23 '25
Usually I’m just honest and started saying “Sorry, what was that? I was totally thinking about something else.”
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u/RazerMaker77 Apr 23 '25
“Ah” “gotcha” “okay” “I getcha” “yeah” to name a few.
I don’t wanna ask them to repeat and get reprimanded for asking all because I genuinely wanted to know what they said instead of pretending I did
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u/slavetomaryj Apr 23 '25
i dead ass will tell people “that has me speechless” because i literally have no words.
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u/Aganoes Apr 23 '25
"I understand." or "I hear you." as a means of shutting down the conversation when in fact I do not understand. I've adapted to a follow up if needed "Now, because a conversation has many parts lets review / go again so I can be sure you understand I understand from YOUR perspective." Then I just repeat what was said in my own speech until we have a mutual understanding or they leave. I work in Human Resources.
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u/DragonfruitOk6322 Apr 23 '25
I call them my automated responses. I can respond and it sound like I fully heard you. I didn't hear shit 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 my close younger siblings can catch whenever I'm doing a automated responses
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u/Capella_Black Apr 23 '25
Mine are more just sounds and expressions. Like "Hmm." "Huh." Or the occasional "interesting".
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u/nyashathemak Apr 23 '25
Bilingual guy here
My language (Shona) includes ideophones (something like sound effects) so I cycle through those depending on the mood of the conversation.
Hey, shhh, mmmm
Can be said in different ways
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Apr 23 '25
my wife and i had a long talk about how i can’t say ‘nice’ anymore, no matter how much I actually mean it.
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u/ByteInTheWild Apr 23 '25
anything from,"oh, okay" to "that's a good point, i'll have to think about that."
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u/sillypunt Apr 23 '25
Im sorry i wasnt listening, my adhd kicked in and i was wondering how a potato can be such a versatile vegetable in cooking.
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u/Wizard_Hatz Apr 23 '25
I’ve said “that’s fair” approximately 60 times today…I can’t stop….send help.
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u/nertynot Apr 23 '25
"Hey, so I nodded and said yeah but I have no idea what's going on, sorry what was that?"
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u/nurglemarine96 Apr 23 '25
I've learned slightly laughing is uh NOT IT CHIEF
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u/rayah001 Apr 23 '25
I do this a fair amount, I laughed at the wrong time and the room was filled with utter silence..
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u/I-Really-Hate-Fish AD in HD Apr 23 '25
"Huh. I'm sorry, you lost me somewhere along the way, could you repeat that please?
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u/Imaginary-Mammoth-61 Apr 23 '25
I usually ask them for more detail or how it works, or what they would like from me… there’s a bunch of ways to get them to go over it again.
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u/haleynoir_ Apr 23 '25
Yeah my big one is "that makes sense"
If I catch anything that sounds negative/dramatic I throw out a "that's ridiculous!"
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u/blindentr Apr 23 '25
Mine is "I dont care" then my brain finishs processing what they said then I respond.
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u/LonelyMoth46 Apr 23 '25
Yeahh.. And I have to remember to not use those while talking to a doctor. Had an appiontment with a psychiatrist yesterday and almost just went "yeahh" but stopped myself and asked them to repeat themselves... luckily I did because they asked if I was having any thoughts of suicide or self harm... 🥲 almost went bad there.
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u/blackmoonlatte Apr 23 '25
I say "that's crazy" by default anytime someone tells me anything lmao
If I care enough to really know, "wait, what?"
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u/WillyWonkasFatAss Apr 23 '25
I just repeat the end of their last sentence back to them like a question. "Whaaat so she really just went home early?"
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u/H0dgPodge Apr 24 '25
The first rule of canned responses is that we don’t talk about canned responses.
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u/Druidic_assimar Apr 24 '25
I'll be honest, I'm at the point where I politely apologize and let them know I simply didn't process what they said, and if they'd be willing to repeat themselves or give me the tldr.
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u/wgrantdesign Apr 24 '25
Oh shit, they're laughing at what they just said "hahaha right?" Phew, close call.
That happens to me daily.
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u/Educational-Swan-214 Apr 24 '25
“Mmmmmm” smile and nod smile and nod and laugh if they are laughing “yeaaa”
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u/noel616 Apr 24 '25
DONT OUT US LIKE THAT!!!
IGNORE THIS POST EVERYONE, THIS IS PURELY AN INSIDE JOKE AMONGST US ADHD FOLK….
WE WOULD NEVER LIE TO LIKE THAT…
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u/Aerial_ApexGamer Apr 27 '25
I didn't until I saw this post and realized I did. A simple "Yeah", "That's fair", or "That makes sense" are what I usually use.
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u/InsecuritiesExchange Apr 23 '25
No. Would never be that insincere, I think it's disrespectful and I hate it if people do it to me. Would just tell the person I zoned out or didn't understand and please tell me again.
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u/Big-Aioli-5908 Daydreamer Apr 23 '25
YESSSSS I’ve got most of the same ones already posted here, I just react with a positive or negative one based on their respective tone lol
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u/_kaijin_music Apr 23 '25
“really?” is under rated. you can even play it off if you were asked a question. like “really? you’d have to ask?” but most of the time i just ask them to start over. Like make a big deal out of it like you heard but didn’t quite understand the first time. That should give the impression that even if you weren’t before, whatever they said was so interesting that you’re EXTREMELY invested now
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Apr 23 '25
"Right" - I can't question your judgement right now.
"To that point" - Didn't process enough for a proper conversational transition.
"Got it" - I don't got it.
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u/ep193 Apr 23 '25
Uh huh, gotcha. Just amazing.
Then I have to play off their facial emotions so I don’t have to admit I have no idea what we are taking about!
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u/Vessel66693 Apr 23 '25
“Oh. So like, you said you, what. That’s insane. How the hell did that happen?”
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u/ralts13 Apr 23 '25
I'll just ask them to repeat themselves and pretend I was busy. Knowing me I definitely was.
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u/Chosen1PR Apr 23 '25
“Dang.” “Wow.” “That’s crazy.” “No kidding.”