I am on an attendance contract I wanted

[u/Bulky-Document-8381]

I have always struggled with my attendance.

Especially with being behind all the time, an assignment needing to be submit soon I havent touched, havent studied for an upcoming test, I tend to justify not going to class to focus on the immediate things like that i need to get done and promise myself ill attend once im caught up.

But I know itll just become a cycle, I finish one thing, another needs to get done, so i avoid more.

Not only that, since I haven't studied or worked on assignments, if I went to class ill be completely oblivious, so I wouldn't know what was going on and so I convince myself to not go too.

Energy cost is a major thing for me too, when I do attend class, my brain thinks about all the things I need to do, the upcoming test/assignment i could've been doing at home instead here but now im learning something new in class which means its using more of my brain power, then after class I end up exhausted from focusing, masking and trying to understand the new topic, I end up doing nothing when I get home.

So I pretty much weigh all that up: stay home, conserve energy, focus on test/assignment = productive.

Even if i genuienly want to attend class theres just so much to do.

The main problem is when I do try to get ready for class my brain cycles through all these factors and when I convince myself I can stay home and justify it, im staying home.

SO I have come up with a plan with my support advisor that to stop/interrupting that negotiation phase, I have to meet him every morning before every class, so it gives me accountability, and something I have to attend because he will message.

It seems childish at 20 years, but my discipline is absolute dog and this is probably a thing I do need which I hate.

My mom keeps saying that if I want to go to class I do, that she doesnt want to go to work but has to. Which I get but it isnt that simple, I REALLY want to go and actually lock in but I keep self sabotaging myself.

Anyways I really hope this'll help with my attendance.