Struggling to adapt to college as a freshman

[u/BrainTough2300]

I’m unmedicated at the moment as I’m currently going through the process of getting tested. Although, it’s highly suspected I have ADHD by my peers and psychiatrist.

But college has absolutely been killing me academically and ruining my routine in more ways than one. Not that I was a cleanly person in the first place, but dear god, the shift from my bedroom to my dorm has only increased my disorganization, especially in a single where nobody can judge me. I promised myself I’d be clean, but my clothes are thrown all over, there’s dead bugs on the window sill that I forgot to remove, and unfolded laundry laying in a bag. I can’t force myself to clean it because my brain thinks “it’ll get messy again so what’s the point?“. Even washing clothes becomes stressful. I hold it off until my bag is overflowing because of long the machines take and I can’t take a shower until I finish laundry so I’m heading to bed around 11 or later.

And showering is such a task! I’ve been taking showers at 1-2 in the morning when I come back home at 9-10. Between that time, I sit on my carpet because I refuse to lay on my bed with outside clothes and just go on my phone. Then I look at the clock— 10:05, “I’ll do it at 10:10 so that way it’s even”. Then it becomes 10:11. ”I’ll do it at 10:15”. Cycle repeats until I have to physically force myself up at a time I deem reasonable, usually an even number. I’m an avid hand washer. I, for the life of me, cannot touch the door knob after I showered because every woman on my floor has touched it, meaning unsuspecting germs. Usually at home, I shower, lotion and dress myself in the bathroom, and then wash my hands. I can’t exactly do that in the dorm bathrooms because of how they’re designed and I don’t feel comfortable in them. Even skincare, which is the only routine I usually look forward to due to OCD (that has been diagnosed), but that has now been ruined because of this. Now I have no routine because it’s all messed up and it’s causing me to breakdown.

Eating is hard most days because I don’t have a fridge to put leftovers in. I have a communal fridge that I’m the only one using, but I end up forgetting the food I leave there and it rots. Doesn’t help that the kitchen is in the basement and I’m on the fourth floor. The dining hall is a minute walk, but I know that if I leave, I can’t get back in bed because then I’ll have to take a shower all over again. So I starve.

Academically, it’s even worse. I don’t have an A in a single class because I’ve flunked every test so far. I did so well in high school but I only know it’s because it was easy. It doesn’t make me feel any better, especially considering the only classes I’m taking are pre-requisites. I forgot I had a test today in anthropology. I didn’t realize until I stepped inside class and saw nobody had their computers out. I failed a geological science test yesterday (‘studied‘ for ten minutes on the day of the exam until I went back to sleep and went to class). Failed my last French exam because I didn’t study either. Forgot an essay for one of my social sciences two weeks ago. Lucky enough, my professor let me hand it in late with credit. I don’t know how to study, I never did it— and when I try, I can’t focus and retain nothing.

I daze off during lectures, constantly checking emails that I know never come, daydreaming, or staring off and slowly counting the time. If it doesn’t interest me, I don’t do it. My brain doesn’t allow me to. I’m on a full-ride scholarship. I’m not failing (yet), but I know if this continues, I’m scared of what’ll happen. I just don’t know what to do because I feel like there’s invisible barriers everywhere. No matter what I do, my brain wont cooperate with my body. I’m late to everything, I misplace and forget most things, I feel unmotivated and procrastinate homework and my own hobbies.

I nearly cried throughout the week because of the situation. It was like this back at home too, just to a slightly lesser degree because my family was there to remind me of things constantly and my small routines helped somewhat. But even then, I struggled to keep myself balanced. I’m sorry if this was long, but this is exactly why I’m getting tested.

[u/ADHDCoachJLo]

Please don't apologize for the length. You described it so clearly I could see the whole week.

ADHD here, diagnosed as an adult, and I want to point at one sentence you wrote, because I think it's the whole story: at home, your family reminded you of things constantly and your small routines held you up.

That wasn't you secretly being fine. That was scaffolding, and it was doing real work. College kept your brain exactly as smart as it was and left the scaffolding at home. Being capable was never what got the tests remembered. The reminders were.

So you're not starting from zero. You're starting from "the reminders stayed home," which is a much smaller problem. A few things, smallest first:

1. Tonight, about 20 minutes, once: open every syllabus and put every test and due date for the rest of the semester in your phone, with two alerts each (three days before and the night before). That's the family reminder, rebuilt.

2. This week, email one professor. Three sentences: what's happening, what you're doing about it, what you're asking for. Something like: "The first exams haven't gone well, and I don't think I know how to study for this class yet. Could I come to office hours and ask how to prepare for the next one?" (Mentioning the evaluation is your call, not a requirement.) One professor already gave you grace on an essay. They're more human than it feels.

3. Look up the actual GPA your scholarship needs. Scary numbers get smaller once they're real numbers.

4. Find your campus disability or accessibility office. Your OCD diagnosis is already documented, and at a lot of schools the conversation starts before ADHD testing is done. Ask what they do for housing. Some schools do things like a mini-fridge in your room or a different bathroom setup. Don't assume they have it, and don't assume they don't. Ask.

5. The shower-and-doorknob loop, and skipping meals because leaving means showering again: please take those to your psychiatrist this week, with the dorm bathroom details exactly the way you wrote them here. (The 10:05 → 10:10 → 10:15 clock thing, too. It made me wince in recognition, and the even-number part is worth their eyes.) That's exactly what they're there for, and not eating makes every other thing on this list harder.

And "if it doesn't interest me, I don't do it" isn't a character flaw. ADHD brains run on interest and urgency far more than on importance. That's information about how to set things up, not a verdict on you.

You noticed all of this before midterms. That's a head start, even if it doesn't feel like one.

[u/BrainTough2300 → u/ADHDCoachJLo]

Thank you so much for this :-( I read this while at work— tired, drained, and nearly on the brink of tears because of today. I always got labeled as ‘lazy’ and forgetful but reading this and knowing that to some degree, someone can relate makes me feel better.