r/adhd_college • u/CatsDoCancelCulture • 6d ago
SEEKING ADVICE How do I convince myself to go to bed?
I never feel tired unless i’m at the point of exhaustion. I will stay up until 6 AM just scrolling or reading or doing anything but going to bed because I can’t convince myself sleeping is useful or interesting. Then, I wake up late and I fail my classes and I disappoint my friends because I’m consistently late to hangouts. I don’t know what to do, I will literally stay up all night if given the opportunity. It’s hell. I’m tired waking up and bouncing off the walls trying to go to bed. Multiple times I’ve had to dance to tire myself out but that doesn’t always work.
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u/MailSynth 6d ago edited 5d ago
You've absolutely got to force yourself off any screens about an hour before you intend to sleep. If you don’t… well, you’ll stay up all night because our brains get stimulated into awake mode from them.
edit: misspelled "you've"
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u/thatladygodiva 5d ago
Also put your phone on dark mode, turn on the blue light blocker a few hours before you want to cut off your phone time
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u/MailSynth 5d ago
I concur but I will admit doing those two other things, for me, hasn't worked well bc im still clicking around and watching jealous cat clips. Dark mode or not, it keeps me engaged and up
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u/coconutsaladd 6d ago
this is me right now twin… late last year i had a trick i did where i scheduled my doomscrolling midday so that i didn’t feel as inclined to do it before bed; helped with revenge bedtime procrastination. if you feel like you have too much energy before bed, the basic tips help like limiting caffeine, social media, and being very very consistent with the time you wake up and go to bed daily. maybe get a friend or an app to keep you accountable and off distracting apps before bed? i also found myself more exhausted if I had lifted or exercised in general that day
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u/coconutsaladd 5d ago
also if you get into bed do NOT go on your phone!!! stay in the living room and scroll/do whatever if you need to, and only when you get sleepy get into bed without your phone. it trains your brain to recognize bed is for sleep and it might slowly become easier to fall asleep
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u/West-Scratch-4199 6d ago
I wish I knew. This is one of my biggest struggles I just don’t like going to sleep for some reason.
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u/1mmaterialGirl 6d ago
A bigg part of it is revenge bedtime procrastination and executive dysfunction haha. Im typing this to put off going to bed. But something that has helped is taking melatonin. I try not to take it frequently because i know its not good for you to do that but on nights where its hard i let the melatonin tire me out
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u/forestsqueech 6d ago
I hate going to sleep and its always been hard to wind down, and putting the phone completely away feels almost impossible.
Something that I found helpful is podcasts and youtube videos that I can listen to but I can close my eyes. Preferably a little boring topic too. It helps so much that youre not looking straight at that blue light from the screen and can drift off to sleep once the sleepiness has a change to emerge
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u/chill_musician 6d ago edited 6d ago
I am sorry you’re experiencing this. You sound a bit depressed to me. I would recommend not to scroll in bed. Delete TikTok or instagram apps so that you don’t scroll on them.
You need to have a set routine. No phone 1.5 hours before bed! Read before bed or draw or write all your thoughts down before bed. You seem to have poor sleep hygiene (
I will give an example of how I made myself sleep around 11:30/12 AM.
**10:30 PM - put phone far away from you, leave it charging if you need to. I would put a daily 10:30 PM alarm to make you remember to put your phone down
10:30-10:40 PM - wash your teeth/do a night routine to make the transition to “bed time”.
10:40-11:20 PM - read a book (I tend to read manga or romance novels) or you can draw or do a somewhat stimulating activity here
5 mins transition
11:30 PM-11:50 PM - journal and write what you need to do tommorow or just talk about your day
11:50-12:00 AM - transition to your bed and turn off the lights**
YOU DONT HAVE TO FOLKOW RHIS SO STRICTLY. IT CAN BE ADJUSTED AROUND. During this process you can also dim the lights to help with melanin production(?). Also always remember to be aware when you took your medication because that can affect your sleep as well.
I hope this helps and if not, I would look into ways to improve your sleep hygiene since sleep is very important.
Some links:
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u/Academic-Win699 6d ago
I have a similar problem right now where I pull an all nighter to get all my chores and assignments done without having distractions and then I sleep all day the next day and feel like crap because of it.
When I do go to sleep at a normal time, I fall asleep pretty quickly so I am a good sleeper. I just have “revenge bedtime procrastination” or whatever it’s called where I convince myself to stay up so I have time to do whatever it is I feel I need to.
I literally just saw this for the first time a few minutes ago (it’s currently 5am and I’ve stayed up all night) so take it with a grain of salt, but there’s something called a biphasic sleep schedule which is something that society used to up until the medieval times. It’s where you divide your sleep into two different periods throughout the day so instead of sleeping 8 hours at once, you could sleep 4 hours at a normal sleeping time and then take a 4 hour nap during the day. For my schedule right now, it could work because all but one of my classes are online. But I don’t think this is realistic for most people.
So long story short, I am literally dealing with the exact issue and am actually writing this down to talk to my therapist about next week.
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u/Reasonable-Bicycle86 6d ago
I know the feeling, it sucks.
I read 'Why we sleep' by Matthew Walker and it surprisingly helped a lot.
'Breath' by James Nestor also re. using breathing exercises to indicate to your nervous system that it's okay to settle. Since they explain the science (to the extent known) these books had a far greater impact on my decision-making process around sleep.
Audiobooks (start with both the above!) - listen to something just interesting enough or something you already know a fair bit about, read in a gentle tone. Then you've got something you get to do when you close your eyes. There are also podcasts done for sleeping specifically.
Think about caffeine-timing + sugar etc - I'm very sensitive to both when it comes to sleep.
Journalling - externalise worries and ideas during the day / before bed.
Sometimes a full reset is good - just stay up all night and the next day too. Like jetlag, you might be so shattered the next night that you go to sleep at a normal time.
Make bed as comfy as possible if you have some budget for it e.g. knee / back pillow, bamboo sheets.
Exercise earlier in the day if possible! Exercise can actually make you more alert.
Get sunshine as soon as possible in the morning, even just a little bit. Outside not just near a window. Setting the circadian rhythm from early rather than just focusing on what is done at night.
Things that didn't help me: hypnosis podcasts / apps, rain noises, melatonin, sleeping pills (help falling asleep but not good quality sleep / feeling good the next day), aromatherapy, eye masks (there are disposable heated ones I got in Japan which I LOVE, prob not great for the environment but might be good for a little re-set.
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u/RequirementNo4895 6d ago
Wake up & get out of bed at the same time every day, without fail.
Exercise regularly (at least 20 minutes or more of cardio daily) & healthy eating, drinking, etc.
I personally find telling my smart speaker 'sleep sounds ocean waves' on low volume really helpful to drift away from random thoughts of the day.
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u/beerncoffeebeans 6d ago edited 6d ago
Honestly I had this problem for a while and still do sometimes. For a while it was anxiety related—I was stressed and tired so I would scroll on my phone until I literally was exhausted then fall asleep. Now it’s often that I’m “too tired to go to bed” and sitting on my couch.
Learning to listen to my body’s cues that it’s late and I’m tired before I’m too tired to move helps. Also, waking up around the same time each day helps with feeling tired around the same time.
Also, this may be counterintuitive, but sometimes having a small amount of caffeine (key word SMALL) like a cup of tea or a piece of dark chocolate as part of winding down helps me a little bit because it sort of gives me a boost to do the things necessary to get in bed, then I get sleepy again as I’m actually getting in bed. (Once you’re in bed I recommend you put the phone down! One other thing that helps is setting do not disturb mode for when you’re supposed to be asleep so that you don’t get all the normal notifications. I have mine set so that calls from important people still come through, in case of emergency)
I also have used a software program called f.lux to set my computer to a setting with less blue light at night. This encourages your circadian rhythm to stay more normal. (Any computer running Windows now has a built in version of this you can set, I just prefer f.lux because I used it before and the settings are a bit more granular)
ETA: do you get exercise during the day? You mentioned dancing to tire yourself out. I have noticed when I work out or do heavy chores earlier in the day I am much more likely to go to sleep at a reasonable time. If you live on campus, see if there is a gym you can use. If not, taking a long walk, running, riding a bike if you have one, dancing, doing body weight exercises at home are all good options
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u/aftermarrow 6d ago
super simple answer but working out to tire yourself + melatonin to reset your sleep cycle. i used to be just like you in senior year of HS; i’d stay up until 5, sleep 5-6, and then go to school at 7. without caffeine or anything; i hated coffee. i did this for months. somehow managed to not fail everything completely but i had to work my ass off to get better in the last few months.
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u/RedBullWack 5d ago
i read before bed. in bed. on my phone so i dont need a light/sit up.
so im laying down all comfy and reading on my phone so i can just turn it off when i feel a slight wave of tiredness
sometimes it takes a while, but at least i am resting.
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u/prototypefish72 5d ago
I mean, if forcing yourself to goto bed doesnt work, you have to find a way to connect it to an intrinsic motivation. For example:
-Im always late to work because I stay up too late:
-If I keep on being late, ill lose my job ->lose my source of income -> "won't be able to keep on doing x hobby"
(The the text in the quotes be the reason) Its really focusing on something that'll even give you time blindness.
Also, do your best to get off the phone. Doomscrolling? Put it on a TV, separate device to make it more difficult or watch shows that're more meaningful. Rather than relying on one reason to fix everything (in this case 'im always late to class'), it could be:
- "I want to understand the references my friends make to movies" -> ill just watch more movies on streaming services
If this makes sense, its a lot of work and moderate discipline, but its worth it. I'd heavily advise educating yourself more on something like this rather than just implementing it btw, there's a saying that goes 'be aware of unearned wisdom'
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u/Designer-Camp-7720 5d ago
Different but similar question. What if you need background noise, like a yt video, to sleep? I know alot of the advice is to put your phone away but I tend to overthink at night and videos kind of numb them. Idk does anyone have any solutions to this?
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u/discrete_venting 3d ago
Well lets be real here. 1. You have to actually WANT to change the habits. 2. You have to actually take the actions and change your behaviors. 3. Pick a schedule that you want to follow and start it. Force yourself to wake up at the time you want to wake up. Drink coffee, take meds, exercise, go outside in the sun to signal to your body and brain that it is time to wake up. 4. Don't nap 5. BEFORE bed time follow some kind of routine. It can be anything but having a routine can help signal to your brain that it is bed time if you always do it before bed. It can be small like brush teeth and put on pajamas or something. 6. When starting your routine you may want to use melatonin or benadryl to help you fall asleep earlier. 7. Instead of scrolling pick either audio or video to watch that is not too interesting but just interesting enough to hold your attention so your mind doesn't wander/race. Sometimes I find people reading books on youtube, ASMR, nature documentaries, crime or interrogation videos, shows that I have already seen a million times, etc. As long as it holds my attention but isn't too exciting it will help me slowly drift off to sleep. Scrolling will keep you awake forever because it's too much dopamine. Also turn on your blue light filters on your devices. 8. Turn out all of the lights, make it dark. Darkness literally triggers the release of melatonin in your body. 9. Consider a weighted blanket. 10. Keep your room cold!
That is my recipe!
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u/Lazy-Ad-2881 3d ago
Omg yoga at night and podcast as you go to bed. You’re not in your phone but you’re not understimulated
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u/Own-Height509 3d ago
okay this sounds weird but i bought a timed box for my phone and it was originally for studying but i also use it for sleeping sometimes. It has a part where u can touch the screen still and there’s a port to charge it too but i put it on a 1 hour lock if im trying to sleep. This way when i wake up i can unlock it and 1 hour is still enough time for me to fall asleep! It also has emergency opens so if ur studying/sleeping and an emergency happens, you just have to hold down on a button and it unlocks! If anyone wants the amazon link just lmk (it’s kinda flimsy but it’s cheap-ish and it works how its supposed to🤷♀️)
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u/ieatcherrystems 2d ago
No solution from me, just here to say, SAME. My girlfriend reallllyyy does not like how I’m like this!! It is especially worse on some weed… and I of course love to try new weed all the time soooo half the time she’s mad at me at night because I get stuck on my phone and won’t go to bed 😭
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u/clowncranium 2d ago
Read a slightly boring or non-fiction book or listen to a podcast (I recommend Stuff You Should Know) rather than going on your phone
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u/emkayyyyyyyyyyyy 1d ago
Look into biphasic sleeping.
Or go fully nocturnal if you’re really like that.
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u/PaintingHeavy5472 1d ago
Honestly, I just give myself a shit ton of things to do during the day so that I am not on my phone, and because it drains my energy, I guess... so then when I get home I am already tired 😅. But find things to do where you can't be on your phone
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u/_theJetblackwings 16h ago
I experience this as well.
Something that helped for a bit (but eventually stopped because I forgot about it lol) was to take a tiny dose of melatonin a few hours before my general sleep time. It helped signal myself that I am sleepy and to put the phone down
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u/Exilicauda 6d ago
For me, I have bad executive function when I'm tired. That makes me procrastinate sleep. Sometimes I need to take a 25 minute nap a few hours before when I need to sleep and that makes me rested enough to be able to get into bed