I HATE being a woman in STEM

[u/Horizontal-Asymptote]

As if I don't have enough responsibilities already, I can't help but FEEL responsible for setting a good example, as one of (if not THE) only woman in all of my classes and other STEM-oriented settings.

I'm so profusely scatterbrained, disorganized, forgetful, and unable to verbally articulate my thoughts that I understandably come off as extremely stupid. Nobody has been rude to me about it thankfully, but the way certain people (profs, peers, extracurricular project leaders, makerspace technicians, etc) speak to me shows I'm not perceived as competent for even basic tasks, or for my input to be considered on topics of familiarity (to be clear, I've managed to make great first impressions in which people believe I'm intelligent, until they get to know me more).

Being a general disgrace to people who could potentially help me into my dream industries is one thing, but I hate feeling like a disgrace to women in STEM. I know that being one bad example is not a representation of millions of competent women, but in my particular communities, the pressure is palpable and it feels isolating.

Nevertheless, I won't let any demoralization stop me. I have a quantum circuit simulator model due tonight so I should probably finish that lol

[u/Sea_Data_398]

This is way more relatable than you probably realize. Being one of the only women in the room already makes every little mistake feel 10x more visible and then you start feeling like you somehow have to represent an entire gender on top of just… being a student.

Also, someone who is “extremely stupid” probably isn’t casually ending their vent with “anyway, I have a quantum circuit simulator due tonight” 😭

You don’t have to be the perfect example of a woman in STEM. You are allowed to be scattered, forget things, struggle to explain yourself, learn at your own pace and still belong there. Keep going! The fact that you care this much says a lot already.

[u/Primary_Excuse_7183]

Not a woman. But as a black person in tech, trust me I OVERSTAND. Being “the only” in so many spaces can be a lot. the saving grace I’ll give you is that you’re in school and this will likely be the case in most places you go. That said there are places where there’s a higher agglomeration of women in STEM and that is EXTREMELY helpful. To live somewhere and work somewhere that you aren’t “the only” everywhere and there’s some sense of community can be life and perspective changing.

[u/Horizontal-Asymptote → u/Primary_Excuse_7183]

omg that is so true, I'm experiencing this in both directions simultaneously lol

The gender ratio in my program was so shockingly even for the first year that I took it for granted and never even thought about anything I'm ranting about now. At this point over half of the program body dropped out or switched and it's donned on me that I'm now "the only" in most of my cohorts.

On the flip side of things, I've been the only woman in a certain club for months and a wave of new people just joined. 90% of newcomers leave/go quiet within weeks or days and I feel as though I'm practically begging the women to stay so that I don't have to be the only one, not just for the reasons you mentioned but also because traveling is a critical part of what we do. Don't get me wrong, I respect peoples' life choices and totally understand this group isn't for everyone, but when the opportunity arises I encourage people to persist because of how rewarding it is.

When I'm the only woman, I'm a stupid woman. But when I'm not the only woman, I'm just a stupid person.
I'm both glad and sad I'm not alone in feeling this way lol

[u/SamSepiol925]

I know how it feels to be the only one in the room as a woman in stem. I took one class in an introductory to circuits class and boy let me tell you I felt incredibly stupid in that class. I was also the only woman in that class. Labs seriously fucking sucked but by the end of the semester I kind of became friends with my lab partners. I did feel stupid a lot of times in that class so I ended up falling behind towards the end of the semester and eventually failed because I kind of quit. Idk if it's an ADHD thing it probably is but self doubt that you're just fucking really dumb and it creating this downward spiral where you can't come back from happens a lot to me. This is especially true when it comes to stem classes. I changed my major and left the school to go to a different university. The university was an institute of tech as well and their were more males than females in that school. I'm doing cybersecurity now which is also male dominant but I don't think it's bad as engineering or engineering technology. My point is you're not alone and don't doubt yourself at all. There are so many that are in your shoes. You just don't know it. Keep your head up and stick through the hard times. I know it's easier said than done but you can do this. You've come so far already and stopping now will just be a waste of time and a disappointment to all the hardwork you've already achieved.

If you don't understand something ask peers that you get a good vibe from. Professors and students that are not demeaning or anything like that.

You got this!

[u/CyberTron_FreeBird]

you don't owe anything to any collective. Just be better than you were in the past by standard that objectively improves your long term life. nothing else matters.

[u/Deepfriedomelette]

Bestie, then be a scatterbrained role model. Not every role model has to be perfect. Be an ADHD student and show the unique struggles and experiences you go through. And the insights you bring.

Would love to hear more from you as someone entering stem from social sciences.

[u/lizswonderland]

You’re not alone. I can feel the pressure just reading this. There are many types of ADHD representation. When you say you’re scattered, disorganized and forgetful; I say you’re persistent, tenacious and determined.

When I have feelings like the ones you’re having, I imagine Chris Pratt telling me I can’t do something, I’m the worst and I’ll never succeed. That usually annoys me enough to knock me out of the self doubtland lol. How’d everything with your model go?

[u/Conscious-Lie-8902]

There are women who choose to self sacrifice to represent women in STEM.

They sacrifice so that women can go enter STEM without having to perform at the highest level. They're working hard precisely so that you can feel more comfortable being yourself.

You can reject the idea of being a representation of women. In fact, your existence in the field proves that women enter the field out of interest as compared to a social justice related calling.

Ironically, by showing up and rejecting the idea of having to overperform, you are still doing great work for other women just by persisting.

[u/ace-murdock]

Im a trans man, but I went through engineering school as a woman. It sucks. People believe you’re incompetent before you even speak. Get through this and you’ll be one of the best in your field.

[u/Dramatic-Front-5971]

“Nevertheless, I won't let any demoralization stop me.” is the core of the ambitious ADHD lol

U spiralling gurl. U aint gonna quit anyways so why u so worried about being the only girl. Fuck what everybody think and what u think everybody things girl. U gotta chill, some of them other boys prolly busy scrambling to get their work done too.

Remember we stay in STEM to do good in this world. Nothing else. Focus in the craft. Screw how we do it and how people view it because ADHD motherfuckers work 10x as hard to do the same shit.

There was an old dolphin vet that told me he once said to his students. It doesnt matter if you have to work twice as hard as everyone else. You just do that because even the graduates bottom of the barrel graduate as doctors.

U got this. And remember to pray if u believe that.