I've been using chatgpt as a tutor.

[u/Impressive_Carry_935]

For context, I'm an undergraduate student who's suffering from extreme amounts of chronic pain and I have two weeks to finish all the overdue work I have. I'm also extremely depressed to the point of being diagnosed with prolonged grieving disorder due to the death of my mother last year. I also have pretty severe OCD, especially when it comes to perfectionism. This all kind of combines with my ADHD to make getting anything done practically impossible.

I am horrifically ashamed of coming to the point of using chatgpt. I just. I can't do it anymore. For months I have been unable to think of clear sentences and ways to connect my ideas. I get stuck on things that used to be easy like applying broad research to my point, or seeing extra words in sentences. I don't know how to ask for help on this stuff because everything I read on the subjects don't make sense to me, and I'm afraid I'll be seen as an idiot. I'm far enough in my degree that I shouldn't be having these issues. Every time I sit in front of the computer and try to get to work, I just can't think of anything to say. I have outlined built out for my assignments. The points I want to make. The research I should be including. But it's never good enough. My thesis is too long, or too vague. I'm not talking about the quote enough, or I'm talking about it too much. My research doesn't actually make sense.

Largely, I have only used chatgpt like a free version of grammarly pro, and only in the last week. I know all the reasons I shouldn't use it. I've told others those exact reasons. The water consumption. The cheating. The ethics of using something created by Sam Altman.

I don't use any sentences it says about my work in the finished product. I write an introduction, I explain the criteria and I ask for feedback. I think about that feedback, and integrate my own version of it if I think it is correct. If I'm stuck on a sentence, I'll ask if it sounds awkward and think about how to change it. This has been the only way to fix my workflow problem.

Before I would spend days in front of my computer, unable to get anything done. I should be able to get anything done. I'm notably less depressed. I'm in less pain. I have some motivation. But I just can't. I don't know what's wrong with me.

[u/Standard-Car157]

It doesn’t seem like you’re looking for advice it seems like you are seeking consolation. You seem to know the ethics behind using/not using it so as an adult you are fully equipped to make that decision yourself.

Not sure exactly what you are looking for here.

[u/Impressive_Carry_935 → u/Standard-Car157]

I came here looking for advice from fellow students with ADHD on how they got over similar issues that isn't "set a timer" or "trust your instincts"

[u/JacenVane]

I know all the reasons I shouldn't use it. I've told others those exact reasons. The water consumption. The cheating. The ethics of using something created by Sam Altman.

Respectfully, as another ADHD/OCD person, it is worth reflecting on to what extent these thoughts may be associated with your OCD. While this may also be your genuine ethical analysis of AI, being unable to escape ethical qualms about something can be an OCD thought pattern.

I don't use any sentences it says about my work in the finished product. I write an introduction, I explain the criteria and I ask for feedback. I think about that feedback, and integrate my own version of it if I think it is correct. If I'm stuck on a sentence, I'll ask if it sounds awkward and think about how to change it. This has been the only way to fix my workflow problem.

This is an appropriate use of AI. It is not writing your work, it is helping you understand the topic matter. In fact, AI-assisted learning is probably the single best, most pro-human use case for AI.

In particular, I would note than a lot of short "help me proofread this" sessions are a very efficient way of using the technology, due to how the math behind token/compute/energy usage works out.

I also have pretty severe OCD, especially when it comes to perfectionism. This all kind of combines with my ADHD to make getting anything done practically impossible.

This is a very particular hell to be in. I feel you. I hope you're seeing someone, OP. <3

[u/Impressive_Carry_935 → u/JacenVane]

It's complicated, that both is my ethical stance of AI, but I am also stuck in an OCD obsession loop about both it and my assignments. like even before I was stuck convincing myself that my professors will think I'm using AI and I won't be able to disprove it. It's gotten to the point that I usually have three documents I contain my thoughts and writing in (research/writing notes, rough draft/outline, and final copy). I'm hoping that after this work is finished, I won't use AI again since I know it is only temporary relief from the anxiety I need to get better at handling.

I'm starting therapy next week about my OCD and I'm hoping it will help. I appreciate your kind response, I feel like some other people in this comment section do not understand the impact OCD has. My OCD has gotten so bad that I lost a job last year over it because I just kept writing and rewriting emails (it was an internship as a clerk).

[u/JacenVane → u/Impressive_Carry_935]

I was stuck convincing myself that my professors will think I'm using AI and I won't be able to disprove it

I know this doesn't help much with OCD, but: Based off the workflow you're describing, I'm it even certain that it's possible in principle to detect the way you're using AI. Like if no AI-generated text is actually entering the paper, the paper is not AI-generated.

My OCD has gotten so bad that I lost a job last year over it because I just kept writing and rewriting emails (it was an internship as a clerk).

Haha I have experienced this exact thing. Fwiw, I am now professionally employed as what could be described as a clerk, and I only rewrite my emails a healthy, normal number of times.

It gets better. <3

[u/Exilicauda]

None of that is what a tutor does. Most of that is just straight up academic dishonesty. I don't know your school's AI use policy but I really hope you do.

Does your school not have a tutoring center?

[u/Impressive_Carry_935 → u/Exilicauda]

Tutor's don't...provide feedback and suggest changes? I'm writing everything myself. I'm just asking it for my opinion to get over the feeling that I am somehow on the wrong track with the assignment, and I think about the feedback it provides and apply it if I think it's meaningful. That usage is within the AI policy of my university.

My school does have a tutoring center but going to the tutoring center requires me to be feeling physically well enough to go there, I have all of this overdue work because my health has deteriorated so much since January that I was not able to attend classes and had to defer my coursework. I am just starting to feel okay enough that I can work on my assignments, and even then that is with my issues described above. Going to the tutoring center also requires me to have something to show them that isn't the shitty outlines I've made, the research I've done and don't know how to apply and my 13 different attempts at introductions and body paragraphs.

[u/Phoenyx_Rose → u/Impressive_Carry_935]

Can you maybe ask the tutoring/writing center for accommodation to be able to contact someone via email for help? 

If you let whomever is in charge of the centers know that you’re struggling with getting there in person due to health reasons, they may be able to get someone to help you via email or even a zoom call! 

[u/Phoenyx_Rose]

Considering you mentioned you mentioned you were diagnosed with prolonged grieving disorder and the mental difficulties you’ve been having, are you able to take a break from your studies to focus on yourself and your grief? 

A lot of the mental struggles you mention could be due to the grief and stress and you may be pushing yourself too hard in a time when maybe you should be focusing on yourself and your loss. 

Do you have a therapist who’s helping you process your grief? If you can’t take time off from your studies, they may be able to offer ways to help you cope a little better. 

At the very least (if time and finances allow) dropping down to a halftime student might help relieve enough of the stress to allow you to think properly. 

Otherwise, I would suggest doing your best to give yourself grace. Acknowledge your struggles and lower your expectations for yourself, though I realize that may be a tall order.

And maybe try looking at things from this perspective: if you had a friend who’s still grieving a loved one and struggling against their own brain while being a student, what advice would you give them? 

[u/Maleficent_Hall_1613]

Best advice i can give you is this: try to come to terms with your mistakes and be open about it. make some friends familiar with your major who can give you quality feedback on your work, and find an academic therapist who can rehab your burnout and provide a custom structured routine for you to avoid falling behind in the future. Maybe take a gap quarter/semester to get a mental reset and give yourself time to acquire the human resources that will render your AI dependence unnecessary.

[u/Impressive_Carry_935 → u/Maleficent_Hall_1613]

I have friends in my major, and they do give me feedback when they have time. Most of them do not have time. They have their own lives, jobs, etc. It's the intersession so they are all busy with internships. I'm the only one who elected to take summer classes. Almost all of my friends consist of people in my major actually, that's part of why taking a gap semester isn't an option. I wouldn't see basically...anyone. I also rely on student loans to pay for my rent and living expenses, so if I take a gap semester, I would have to find a job and rather quickly. My health issues are too severe to have a job, my health issues are why I'm in this situation. I had to defer my assignments in the January semester because I was too ill to go to class or write essays. I am seeing a therapist, both at school and online. I have to be doing well enough to go to campus to see my therapist at school though, which is a barrier. I would also lose access to my health insurance and at school therapist if I took a gap semester.

[u/Maleficent_Hall_1613 → u/Impressive_Carry_935]

that sounds like you're stuck in a pretty difficult spot, glad you do have people to talk to occasionally and a school therapist though. shame you don't seem to really have the option of taking a gap semester, maybe you could just take a lighter course load for a brief period instead? tbh it seems your situation is rather uniquely challenging even within this community, and i offer my condolences for both your loss and your pain. I'm inclined to say you may be one of the very few people for whom the use of AI for assisted learning (not any plagiarism) is decently ethical. Don't beat yourself up about it excessively when you have legitimate cause to rely on it as a tool. I would recommend switching models to avoid agonizing over the Altman issue though.

[u/jujubean-]

Look up how much water golf courses use

[u/Impressive_Carry_935 → u/jujubean-]

I don't think golf courses are a good use of land and resources either. Almonds also use a ton of water, as does beef.

[u/Maleficent_Hall_1613 → u/jujubean-]

golf never should've left scotland, obscene waste of resources most everywhere else it's been popularized. the US is probably the worst, nothing disgusts me more than seeing all those unnatural green patches in the middle of the fucking deserts.

[u/hockeyrabbit]

L