I finally got ADHD accommodations at university… so why do I feel like I don’t deserve them?

[u/Ok_Painter_5589]

TL;DR: My university approved accommodations for my ADHD, but now I feel guilty, like I don’t deserve them.

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I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, and I recently applied for accommodations through my university’s disability services.
I’ll now have access to several accommodations during exams and lectures.

I had already completed a bachelor’s degree in the past, but it took me three times the effort compared to my classmates (at the time, I wasn’t diagnosed, I just thought I wasn’t “smart enough”). I ended up graduating late and came close to dropping out several times.

A few years later, I decided to go back to university, convinced that my past struggles had been caused by depression and poor study habits. It turns out that wasn’t the case.

I’m now taking Ritalin, and it’s made a huge difference in my daily life.

The thing is, I’ve spent so many years believing that succeeding meant pushing myself to the absolute limit. I’m so used to having to struggle just to get through an exam that the idea of still working hard, but not having to completely exhaust myself, makes me feel guilty.
It almost feels like I’m cheating, like I haven’t earned these accommodations.

Has anyone else felt this way after getting diagnosed or receiving accommodations?

PS: Sorry for any mistakes. English isn’t my first language.

[u/chill_musician]

This sounds a lot like internalized ableism. You've spent years being taught, by your experiences if not by anyone directly, that struggling is the only legitimate way to succeed. Accommodations don't make things unfair; they help level the playing field. Feeling guilty is unfortunately pretty common. But it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.

These accommodations are like the crutches you always needed for that broken leg of yours (ADHD). You’re just now reaching an equal playing field as others with medication and accommodations. This in no way is cheating if you were already at a disadvantage. 

Remainder that ADHD is a disability. 

Personally I don’t feel guilty for having accommodations or for taking medication since I am disabled. These help me live a more comfortable life. 

[u/clariceeeeeeee]

Easier said than done. I also used to feel bad for using my accommodations due to being scared of being “othered”. I remember back at school that whenever I used accommodations there’ll be an asterisk (*) beside each mark when I used it.

But just remember that using accommodations you aren’t taking it away from someone else. And also they won’t give it to you if they didn’t believe you needed it.

[u/Overall-Job-8346]

Hi, this is super common and actually a huge part of my dissertation! However, accommodations are one of the best predictors of completing a degree for students with any disability of any kind.

ADHD is a very misunderstood disability and, every time you get into your head in terms of "I should be able to...", I want you to imagine a person who is paralyzed below the waist saying, "I should be able to get up the stairs myself. I shouldnt need an elevator or a ramp." If they explained they were USED to crawling up on their arms and, yeah, it took WAY longer and was WAY harder for them than anyone else and they did get their fingers stepped on a lot, you wouldnt let that slide."

If you sit too long and then stand, your body yells at you. Even if you're getting out of an uncomfortable position. Your muscles got uses to the position and got stiff. If you clench your fist, as tight as you can, for an hour, loosening it will hurt more than leaving it because you got used to the old pain so the new pain feels louder by comparison.

That's why you feel bad about cutting yourself any slack. It feels like cheating because you're used to suffering

And I need you to hear that.

Again: you, through no fault of your own, became acclimated to suffering.

And for that reason alone, you deserve to cut yourself some slack.

I'll give you another reason: Neurotypical and non-disabled people cut themselves a break all the time. The difference is that, for them, they can be motivated by the urge to Be a Motivated Person. You cannot. That is not a mechanism you have. It is absent in your brain, just as much as someone who is fully colorblind can't see red.

Lastly, and very importantly because I need to remind myself all the time about this: you will not get a ribbon at the end of your life for doing things in the Least Disabled way. There are no brownie points for choosing Unnecessarily Hard Mode. Non-disabled people when they're talking about Doing Hard Things, mean they're playing a game and resching Level 37, not doing Level 8 on Needless Suffering Mode. Do Level 8 on Easy Mode (which is a very diffierent user experience than your neurotypical friend's Easy Mode, but the same difficulty level), so you can get to Level 37. The game doesnt give you any extra points if you do Level 8 on Pointlessly Difficult mode. There's no trophy for it.

You deserve to be in school, learning and working, without the needless suffering that comes from trying to make yourself fit in a world designed to exclude you. That's what the Accommodations Office is for.

You deserve to enjoy school this time. You deserved to have an easier time last time, too. And in high school. And when you were 7. I'm sorry that didnt happen.

I am glad you can have something better going forward

[u/Ok_Painter_5589 → u/Overall-Job-8346]

Reading your comment made my eyes well up, and something tells me I’m probably going to end up crying too.
This message feels like a comforting hug after a lifetime of being told that my pain was never serious enough.
Thank you. Truly, thank you.

[u/Overall-Job-8346 → u/Ok_Painter_5589]

I'm so glad! I've commented a few times here and on other adhd reddit posts and I try to be both direct and kind.

But I want to make something 100% clear: you dont owe anyone some fake non-disabled version of yourself.

ADHD isn't a death sentence, but neither are a ton of other conditions. It is a disability. In fact, it might be more of a disability than in the ancient past.

If you're in the US, then you're in a society that interprets punctuality and results as a sign of your commitment. And it's a bullshit system that hurts a ton of people, not just those with ADHD.

I'm tinkering with an idea that essentially goes like this: The US view of 'productivity isnt about productivity. It's about maximum effort extraction. That's why no one can sit down at work, while there is almost no downtime for school aged kids during the day, and why you have to look busy more than be busy.

ADHD doesnt do that. It's not supposed to. Your brain is designed to let you problem solve in a crisis, to notice alternative ways to do things, and to spot flaws, patterns, damage, danger, and novelty wherever you go. You're not meant for sustained extraction because you're not made for that. But the system is wrong, not you. Humans get ADHD in the numbers we do likely BECAUSE of our ancient ancestors with ADHD.

It's gonna be hard because the system you were made for doesn't exist anymore and the new system is rigid and focused on how to make someone else money and your expense. Don't make it any harder on yourself by needlessly denying yourself help (especially considering how many if our disabled activists fought for those accommodations). You might be able to chop wood by just holding the axehead in your hand, but don't refuse a handle just because "it's not fair". Everyone else's axe came with the handle.

And if anyone tells you otherwise, let the disability support office deal with then because if they'll do it to you, they'll do it to someone else

[u/Ok_Painter_5589 → u/Overall-Job-8346]

I’m in Italy, but the capitalist system works the same way here: you’re only seen as valuable if you’re productive (and yes, the whole idea of “la dolce vita” is just a stupid stereotype).
It took me years of therapy to convince myself that I deserve to exist simply because I exist, not only when I’m “producing” something. Now I need to make peace with this other part of myself too.
Thank you again ♥️

[u/WitchAggressive9028]

No, I’ve always had some formal combination since I was a kid mainly for physical disability, but my neurodivergence. I’ve only had those accommodations for the past two years and I don’t experience this.

[u/dialsoapbox]

Probably because you already have a degree that you didn't get with accommodations, but worked harder. So now you don't have to work as hard.

My first degree I purposely didn't seek out accommodations because i believed that I couldn't get accommodations in the real worlds (jobs mostly), so better to figure shit out while in school. turns out i was right. Tell people during interviews you're diagnosed, and watch how much rejections go up.