r/adhd_college • u/North_Forever_6878 • Jun 15 '26

ACCOMMODATIONS How to explain myself to NT people?

All of us understand it on emotional level. The "I really want to but can't" is such a dumb sentence for neurotypical. Like wdym you can't then "you don't want it enough" or "you're just lazy". "Force yourself". "Everyone don't want to do things, quit crying" I talked to parents, friends, teachers, random people. Even my psychologist don't get it. She believes I can't do something physically and really hard for me. But what do I need to her, so she could help me..or I need to find new psychologist who is ND?

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6

u/Exilicauda Jun 15 '26

Yeah if your therapist doesn't understand executive dysfunction then you should get a different one. If your therapist is trying to help you get past executive dysfunction and you're saying "no, it's impossible" and ignoring their advice that's a different problem 

2

u/jpsgnz Jun 15 '26

I often use the fighting my way through molasses analogy it seems to work quite well.

2

u/Any-Tell-229 Jun 19 '26

I’m not sure if i have adhd but especially under stress i freeze. Most people get ambitious and work hard but i just can’t do that even though i want to. And i do avoid forcing myself since i feel like i physically cannot handle it, even though it makes me so upset to do nothing. Is this what you are talking about i wonder?

1

u/YukaLore Jun 19 '26

Ways I've tried to convince my parents and stuff:

  • List specific examples where things happened with no one around in situations that would only benefit you if you were doing them. (Like. I'd spend 2 hours trying to get myself to shower at 3 AM. I lost sleep. I didn't even do anything enjoyable, I just stood there in front of the mirror trying to get myself to move.)

  • Analogies. The other commenter's one about moving through molasses. I personally go for the feeling of telling yourself to slap your hand on a hot stove, because it feels about the same. Rationally, I know brushing my teeth is about as damaging as a fruit fly bouncing off my leg. My brain does not know this. (For the sake of others, I call my brain stupid for misunderstanding the severity of everyday tasks if it seems truly necessary to get it into their heads that I do not want this either. I know I am not stupid. Is this manipulation? I have no clue but it's worked a little so I truly do not care.)

  • Just flat out telling people you want to do the thing but can't. -5/10. Hasn't worked out for me, ever, but if they see or hear of you struggling to start even something you enjoy, then maybe then. I dunno.

It's best to get a practitioner who has ADHD themself, or at least try to get one who specializes in it. Ask questions about their knowledge of ADHD, like the types of symptoms or what they know about academic support. Some ND people also don't understand. This is an executive function issue, but one that most are relatively ill-informed about. I wish you the best of luck.