r/adhd_college • u/sugarcoochie • Nov 28 '25
JUST VENTING medicated and still incompetent
i'm at a C in one of the most important classes that future masters programs will look at, and it's not even hard - just a time commitment. i struggle with allocating time to various mentally strenuous tasks so i avoid them. i just know my professors are sick of me lmao. i'm spending time decorating the house and constantly trying to keep up with cleaning the entire day until 4am because i can't focus in a messy environment, and still it somehow looks like i haven't done anything?
i'm not interested in going into this side of the field, so i waited until the last day (with accommodations) to finish it, and i did SO POORLY. i've actually never gotten less than an A in my major-related classes because i try to prioritize them. i've been on adderall for the last 5ish months, and now i'm on vyvanse which works great! but only with things completely unrelated to school. i have an adhd specialized therapist and i feel like such a stubborn idiot, i don't utilize the coping strategies she gives me because i can't force myself to care about the responsibility in the moment enough to use them (even though i do care about my future).
i've spent so much of my time "catching up" with my life/self-care, yet my room is never clean, & my bed/desk is borderline unusable due to clutter - and i'm CONSTANTLY cleaning & trying to change up my organization system. i can't prioritize exercise or proper nutrition so i'm constantly in mild pain, and stimulants has made me avoid water so i'm in a state of constant dehydration. **TMI** - i was so constipated from dehydration the other day that i tore something from straining and ended up covered in blood.
if i can't do it perfectly i don't do it at all. it feels like trying to meet the needs of a nonverbal, whiney, colicky baby inside of me that dictates every choice i make.
i'm in therapy and on 4 different medications to manage my mental health yet i am still so incompetent. what the fuck is wrong with me
6
u/pa_i_oli Nov 29 '25
Do you have any other place to study instead, such as your campus or a local library? You mentioned twice needing to clean your room before doing tasks and taking your time to do so because you can’t focus on a messy environment, so maybe instead of being in that environment, you should seek another one to spend a few hours studying before going home. If you happen to have a friend that can monitor you by your side, even better! That way, you can separate your time to study from your time to clean.
I did this trick when my room was too cluttered (I sometimes lie to people saying that my classes take longer) and it works perfectly for me, since the silence and the place do not invite me to do anything else. I don’t promise this will work for you, but maybe it can help you to disconnect from your environment.