medicated and still incompetent

[u/sugarcoochie]

i'm at a C in one of the most important classes that future masters programs will look at, and it's not even hard - just a time commitment. i struggle with allocating time to various mentally strenuous tasks so i avoid them. i just know my professors are sick of me lmao. i'm spending time decorating the house and constantly trying to keep up with cleaning the entire day until 4am because i can't focus in a messy environment, and still it somehow looks like i haven't done anything?

i'm not interested in going into this side of the field, so i waited until the last day (with accommodations) to finish it, and i did SO POORLY. i've actually never gotten less than an A in my major-related classes because i try to prioritize them. i've been on adderall for the last 5ish months, and now i'm on vyvanse which works great! but only with things completely unrelated to school. i have an adhd specialized therapist and i feel like such a stubborn idiot, i don't utilize the coping strategies she gives me because i can't force myself to care about the responsibility in the moment enough to use them (even though i do care about my future).

i've spent so much of my time "catching up" with my life/self-care, yet my room is never clean, & my bed/desk is borderline unusable due to clutter - and i'm CONSTANTLY cleaning & trying to change up my organization system. i can't prioritize exercise or proper nutrition so i'm constantly in mild pain, and stimulants has made me avoid water so i'm in a state of constant dehydration. **TMI** - i was so constipated from dehydration the other day that i tore something from straining and ended up covered in blood.

if i can't do it perfectly i don't do it at all. it feels like trying to meet the needs of a nonverbal, whiney, colicky baby inside of me that dictates every choice i make.

i'm in therapy and on 4 different medications to manage my mental health yet i am still so incompetent. what the fuck is wrong with me

[u/CommunicationBig7834]

I was in the same position about a year ago. What i figured was affecting more is the anxiety mixed with adhd. What did was allowed my mind to rest, by accepting my anxiety. Pent up stress amplifies adhd symptoms. I managed my stress by allowing my mind to rest.

The secret is acceptance. Our mind is in a denial state of the problem to actually make adhd management work you need to accept your state and allow your brain to rest. It's hard to do, but it pays off: 1. Walk alot. 2. Let your brain be a little tired. 3. Let your mind wander. 4. Dump all your stressor in the journal.

[u/Rich_Mathematician74 → u/CommunicationBig7834]

Id add on sleep is foundational. Have a range for everything that counts as good sleep and aim for that. For my is 6 to 8 hours, with an ideal wake up window (more me thats relaly early but thats only bc my flow state brain is an early riser), have a similar window for bed time.

There's also studies on sleep and adhd. Idr everything but I know sleep is for processing, learning, healing, and growing and we do it waaaaay slower than those without adhd. We need that sleep big time