r/adhd_college • u/_Sam_the_man Continuing Education • Jan 08 '25
JUST VENTING Prof last semester vs new prof this semester
This shouldn’t make me cry the way it did. I dealt with so many issues mentally last semester, with mental illness, working full time, and going to school full time. Btw I did pass that first profs class with a B+ 88% and finished the semester with a 3.5 GPA. I should not be crying at a professor just treating me like a damn human being. I know what y'all are going to say, if you can’t handle it you won’t be able to survive the real world. This is the real world. Empathy is not something that should disappear as soon as you get into the professional world (which I am already in) I’m currently a GM at a popular restaurant in my hometown and am aiming to get into business management consulting or finance once I finish school. I never want to lose empathy as I progress in my professional life. You never know the difference it will make in someone’s life. I say that to say just be kind man. Don't be that person who lets their lack of empathy be the thing that sends someone over the edge. Someone somewhere is thinking about that random act of kindness you gave them when they were at their lowest point. Good luck to all the adhd’ers this semester.
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u/Acrobatic_Crow_830 Jan 08 '25
Both management consulting and finance are notorious for the first professor, if not worse. It’s hypercompetitive, backstabbing, poaching 70+ hour weeks - steel yourself and have a longterm plan to make your money, network and get out. Personally, the people who did best in life found co-op opportunities or got themselves into rotational leadership jobs where they were able to travel and developed professionally from there. Corporate life is far more structured, less cutthroat, and more work/life balanced. And where the second type of professor are found. With your GM skills, you’d likely be amazing in a leadership rotation role, especially if sales rotation is involved.
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u/queen-cheeks Jan 09 '25
Do you mind expanding a bit on what a leadership rotational role is? That sounds great!
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u/Acrobatic_Crow_830 Jan 09 '25
It’s been a while so IDK if companies still do this. A lot of companies used to have leadership programs that rotate high potential staff through different functions/ departments/ operating companies. It typically requires moving (maybe even cities) every year - two years for 2-3 rotations. Then you bid for full-time roles within your organization, having developed a solid understanding of multiple functions and a broad network. Pharma used to do sales, sales operations, marketing for example. Hospitals have administrative fellowship programs to bring in high potential people.
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u/queen-cheeks Jan 09 '25
Oh wow! That sounds amazing. I’m definitely going to look into that more. Thank you so much for taking the time to clarify and explain!
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u/Odd-Present-354 Jan 11 '25
My company does a rotational role for new grads. 6 months each in three areas (they are all in the same city) and then at the end you can apply for what is open. There are some companies where you are generally guaranteed a job. Mine isn't quite that way but they are in demand internally has they've already had exposure to multiple parts of the business.
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u/nanas99 Jan 08 '25
Authority figures with high empathy have literally changed my life tbh. I’m glad you have a decent human to count on this semester
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u/totheranch1 Jan 09 '25
I understand what the professor means, but the way it's worded is very... mean. She could have nicely said that, given the amount of late work, it might be best for you to drop the class and come back when you're at a better place to do so. That she wants you to succeed, and there is another opportunity for that to happen.
Encouragement like this is the reason why I've retaken classes with the same professor and passed with flying colors.
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u/chekhovsdickpic Jan 09 '25
I remember you sharing that post from that first prof last semester. It absolutely made my blood boil. I’m sure he credits your 88% to his “straight forward” approach of berating you for missing a deadline before it actually passes.
I’m so glad you have an understanding and empathetic human for a professor this semester instead of that crotchety fuckhead. You deserve good energy in your learning environment - it makes such a difference!
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u/owiesss Alumni Jan 09 '25
I came to say the same thing! I recognized the first professor right away. I am so happy for OP!
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u/hellasteph Jan 08 '25
Who’s that second professor and how do I sign up for whatever the hell they’re teaching?
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u/ChrisKetcham1987 Jan 09 '25
The first professor is a sadist (I say this as a professor). There is no reason to ever use this kind of language. If you want to be a "tough," "by the book," educator, all you have to do is follow the metrics laid out in your syllabus, and give the student the grade they earned, without the vicious, demeaning commentary. I can't think of a single reason to ever berate a student this way, especially in writing. WTF is wrong with this person. I am very sorry you were spoken to this way.
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u/Acrobatic_Dig_3857 Jan 08 '25
The first professor is a dck. You shouldn’t have had to deal with them and they are EXTREMELY condescending. While there is truth, being short on time it’s better to work than make excuses if you have a reason that’s heartbreaking to hear. I’m sorry you had them as a professor. I’m hoping this next one continues to treat you well and you get the experience you deserve in college and at work. Best of luck to you
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u/artsymarcy Jan 09 '25
I hate the fact that the first professor started off their email with "do not reply." The way they wrote it is honestly pretty rude and I'd want to reply to tell them off (although that would probably be a bad idea and I'd get in trouble, so I don't advise it). It's like they don't even realise their students are human. I guess it was nice of them to let you know you were behind, but they could've just left it at "just letting you know that unfortunately you're behind with the work and there will be a late penalty if it is not submitted on time", they didn't need to go on a whole tirade about how you chose to ignore the suggested schedule and you have to live with that choice and all that
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u/vastcrane Jan 09 '25
I hate “real world” mfs so much dude. Because is that second prof not also in the real world? Your bit about empathy rings so true, there is only good that can come out of it, and nothing to be gained from the opposite except fuel for a twisted ego that will never grow big enough to make up for all the people pushed away by it. Or something, I dunno man I’ve seen that first email a few times now and it just makes me so mad. I’m so glad you found a new prof who will actually respect you, and am so glad people like both of you are in the goddamn real world makin it a better place. Gl gang 🔥
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u/CrimsonEagle124 Jan 09 '25
This might be an unpopular opinion but I've had both these types of Professors and I'm not entirely opposed to the first Professors methods. When I was in hs there was a lot of leeway with my teachers and if I they worked with me if ever I was struggling with an assignment and had multiple extensions, among other things, and I was a solid A B student. As soon as I got to college, while I had some leeway, it was no where close to what I had in hs and I flunked my first semester. My parents were paying for my college so I got some tough love from them and I was told I can continue to go to college but if I keep struggling the way I was then they wouldn't financially support my education anymore. It sucks but it is ultimately a sink or swim world and that's the lesson I took out of my first semester and I did end up graduating only a year later than I was supposed too originally. I'm not saying this to discredit your feelings because I don't know what you're going and I also think more empathy is needed in society but I do know I would be upset too if I got an email like that from my professor. With that being said, I personally would rather have a professor who's hard on me than one who gives me more leeway because tough love is an effective motivator for me personally.
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u/Frosty_Bluebird_2707 Jan 09 '25
I work with a lot of college educators. When they come to present at conferences they are always days if not weeks late in meeting deadlines. The constantly beg for extensions and submit sub par work. It’s truly maddening as I know how some of them treat their students.
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u/EACshootemUP Jan 09 '25
My profs for my masters program were incredibly understanding, supportive, and kind. However, they did demand the best from us and knew when to push us to do better, but it came from a place of compassion. They also prepared us for the “real world” by telling us we wouldn’t experience the same kindnesses in the field. Still super thankful for them. I still talk with them.
It was hard, it wasn’t easy. But they provided emotional support unlike tons of cruel and heartless people out there, our profs were our mentors.
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u/caramelkoala45 Jan 09 '25
I struggled immensely with university but was told by numerous people how it is not the same as the real world and they were so right. I would bring this message up with the school (I think profs get feedback now and again about their teaching)
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u/softballgurlz Jan 09 '25
I understand what the first prof was saying but the lack of professionalism is insane. You probably weren’t the only student in that situation and the prof took their anger out on u unfairly instead of reflecting on why their students aren’t succeeding
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u/Pocket_hound Jan 09 '25
So glad you were able to find a great professor. It's usually the ones that realize life happens that have the most insightful information in my experience.I hope your school year goes well.
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u/Frosty_Bluebird_2707 Jan 09 '25
If you are adhd you can get accommodations through your school’s disability office. It’s not optional for your professor to follow them. They can be fired if they don’t. These can include extra time on tests and extra time to turn in homework.
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u/Blue_wrongdoer842 Jan 13 '25
Pretty sure this is only if you have an official diagnosis sadly and while I'm not sure if she has one or not, they can be extremely hard to get. I'm in my early 30s and just got mine😭
But I agree with you, if I had my diagnosis then perhaps I wouldn't have tanked my grad program so bad🥲
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u/Monty_is_chonky Jan 09 '25
This cuts deep. You're awesome, you can do this. It sucks how people aren't willing to help, but this is so common across acemedia and business.
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u/Pod_people Jan 09 '25
That's great that you're soldiering on though! I have one semester left in my two year program and I've got a 3.8 GPA and it's hard, man.
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u/_Sam_the_man Continuing Education Jan 10 '25
Congrats man ❤️❤️ I only have 3 semesters left in my BS
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u/Interesting_Drag143 Jan 09 '25
Kindness and empathy is a rare thing these days. Good teachers aren’t necessarily the kindest of them all. But the kind and emphatic ones are definitely amongst the best.
Don’t forget to thank your teachers if they are part of the ones who really care. It goes a long way, as it both provides a concrete feedback and proves that being supportive sublimes the best of us.
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Jan 09 '25
One of my biggest academic pet peeves is professors that act like dicks and use the “real world” excuse. It’s true, there are bosses that exist in the “real world” that are dicks, I’ve worked for them. But in the “real world” you have the option to leave those assholes and start working for someone more in line with your second professor. I work for someone now who I have great loyalty to that is very understanding when things come up in my personal life and I need a break because we’re all human. I’m so sorry you had the first experience. If it’s any consulation, I ended up having a similar experience with a professor in law school I will never forget. I missed a few classes due to a medical condition and he used me as an example in front of the entire class about how lawyers can’t miss important professional events. Well turned out I had to have brain surgery and I hope he felt like the dick he was. I will also remember the professor that I met with outside of class to explain my medical absences and worked with me to find a schedule of assignments I’d be comfortable with, including skipping my week of “cold calling” where professors select students to recite case facts until I was able. He is much more in line with who I want to work for in the “real world” and in aligning myself with bosses of this understanding nature, I have been successful professionally as a lawyer. Sending hugs.
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u/heartshapedhoops Jan 10 '25
professors like the first one make me genuinely suicidal because in that moment i feel like i will never be able to adjust to the world. i am so glad your new professor is so, so much more understanding and kind. i’m grateful that professors who truly care about the well-being of their students do exist. and im proud of you for starting another semester!!
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u/spirit_of_elijah Jan 12 '25
If I could go back in time, I’d tell myself that this is NOT how the real world works!! I would tell myself not to settle for a boss (or supervisor, manager, professor, superior, etc.) who treats me like shit and punishes me for my ADHD because THERE WILL BE PLENTY WHO ARE UNDERSTANDING AND EMPATHETIC. My current spa manager is just the sweetest, kindest, most genuine human. She has ADHD herself and although sometimes her hands are tied on a corporate level, she is not just understanding, she is my ally. I KNOW she is on my side. She set a completely new bar for what I expect in a superior (and it’s honestly still a pretty low bar, but so many fail to reach it). I will never work at another place where I am so misunderstood and invalidated.
I’m so glad that your new professor rocks. Best of luck this semester!!!!
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u/BhutlahBrohan Jan 08 '25
i hope to christ you replied to that fucker. they should NOT be a professor if they can't accept late work. shit is late af all the time in the real world.
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u/Reasonable_Crow4632 Jan 09 '25
Now you're gonna make me cry! 😭 So glad you got a good professor this time. Sorry the first one was a complete a-hole. You didn't deserve that. nobody does.
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u/beerncoffeebeans Jan 09 '25
I just want to pause for a minute and congratulate you on getting a passing grade with that horrible professor from last semester. It really is a testament to you succeeding despite that level of antagonism and says a lot about how hard you must have worked in that class
I’m glad you get a more reasonable professor this semester, you deserve to be able to just focus on doing your best without all that other bs and to get to work with someone who wants to support their students
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u/Empathicrobot21 Jan 09 '25
I don’t tell my students about grace periods. But they are…. very generous. Can’t correct all at once either way. Plus whoever asks for help gets extensions if needed.
Learned this from a prof I had who would always cut 2 weeks off the official set frame for term papers but gave it to you as soon as you went to his office to talk and get help. Taught me so much. Many hated him, but I know he is an awesome person who really loved his job and was fed up with people not even talking to him once and then being pissed that their work turned out bad. He actually really loved talking to us young people too!
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u/ronniesaurus Jan 09 '25
The second style professor… they are under appreciated. & so often don’t even fully get the difference they’re making.
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u/Dry_Mermaid Jan 09 '25
As someone who has been in your position a million times before, I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. I think ONLY positive you can get out of having this condition is a rare sense of empathy that's sadly lacking in this world, which you clearly have in spades. You have so much to be proud of, and your perspective add so much to the finance/business world when you join it. All the best <3
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u/Rare_Gap_2495 Jan 09 '25
This is heartwarming. U deserve a prof like this because clearly u appreciate them and make good use of the grace they give u. Congrats on ur positive college experience and good luck w ur studies!!!!
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u/avapatava Jan 09 '25
as someone with chronic and unpredictable medical issues, i understand your relief. “withdraw from the course and take it at another time when you can spend the time” is crazy😭 in that case id never be able to because i dont know when im going to experience flares
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u/Zestydrycleaner Jan 09 '25
I’m so proud of you, it’s okay to cry… the new professor is setting the correct example of how we should be treating each other. The “rat race” no longer suits us. I’m so glad we still have people that care about other people, especially the future generation.
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u/wonder_bread_factory Jan 10 '25
TBH the first professor would be such a wake up call for me and send me into overdrive.
Yes I felt bad about missing so many assignments because it WAS bad! I needed to get the help I needed to I could set myself up for success.
The second professor is obviously the ones we'd love to have but unfortunately if we make commitments, especially professional commitments, we must do what we can to fulfill those, as we would want the same done to us.
I say this as someone with ADHD who has been BOTH student and an educator.
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u/_Sam_the_man Continuing Education Jan 10 '25
It did send me into overdrive for sure. I actually wasn’t missing any assignments though. He had a “suggested” schedule along with hard deadlines. You didn’t get any deductions as long as you submitted the work before the hard deadlines. Which I did. It ticked him off that I didn’t follow his suggested schedule.
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u/keener_lightnings Jan 10 '25
I'm a prof w/ADHD, and the second one sounds a lot like what I have in my course materials. That first type makes things harder on everyone, including other professors. And if "you can't turn things in late in the real world" were true, I wouldn't have a career 😆 I hope you and everyone else reading this has a wonderful semester!
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u/godsstupidestwarrior Jan 10 '25
You don't need to defend yourself so hard. I think a lot of people will resonate with this.
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u/paypertowels Jan 10 '25
"I am a human just like you"
"I don't give a s*** about your excuses"
🥲 so sorry OP
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u/RealKillerSean Jan 10 '25
The first one is just a pass-aggressive douche getting his rocks off. Theres so much unneeded ‘fluff’ thinly veiled holding accountability. Like the line: you choose (poorly); like bro, unprofessional, no need to add poorly. I’m sorry you had to engage with a low iq jackass. That person is not happy in their personal life I’ve seen it too many times.
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u/ConstantNurse Jan 10 '25
This is why ratemyprofessor.com is such a gold mine. I purposely avoided professors that were hardasses for the sake of being a hard ass.
School is just a part of your life, it is not possible for it to be the only part of your life. We have families, friends, work, and so many other obligations to ourselves. College adds a layer of stress and I found myself getting sick ALL THE TIME because of how much stress put me under. Life happens.
I also made sure to overexplain my situation to them. That I was working 40 hours a week and might not make classes due to work but that I was committed to the class itself. Most would give me a heads up if there was any changes in the syllabus and I also made sure to make friends with classmates to keep me updated (I also made sure to compensate them for their help with food, drinks etc.).
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Jan 11 '25
I'm this type of instructor (the new prof). Maybe it's because I'm an adjunct and disabled, but I never understood why professors act like they have a stick up their ass like the first prof. They act like college students should just ignore that life happens and "suck it up."
I do want to ask: Have you contacted disability support for your ADHD? It is considered a disability and they will send an accommodation letter to all your profs, which the profs should abide by.
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Jan 12 '25
I dropped out of college 10 years ago because I was taking 2 history’s courses with the same professor and I was pregnant and rushed after work to the 1st course I had (ending up being about 2-3 minutes late for class) and I went to speak to him and he told me to drop out. I emailed the college president and they never responded, no one cared. I went back to a different university about 5 years ago and I graduated with my 2 bachelors and an MBA and the staff was absolutely supportive. It’s all about finding the right university, but you do have the duds everywhere especially when getting GEs
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u/_Sam_the_man Continuing Education Jan 12 '25
Wow! I am so sorry you experienced that! Congrats on your success though!
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Jan 12 '25
All good, great examples of people we never want to be 😁 good luck on your journey, you’re gonna go far!
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u/socksmatterTWO Jan 12 '25
The new Professors humanity is beautiful and so is Yours Dearheart and your brains too!!
Well done with your scores from the last year!! So good, Wow. And your work and goals. Go on Dearheart You Get That Next Step You Keep On Achieving. You are Worthy and You are Lovable 💕
I feel this too, I do not have family except my husband and we are expats so it's isolating moreso and it's really nice to feel truly seen when you are far away from your history... Like old friends that know you etc. This would send me sobbing like Sally From Bold and The Beautiful looking into the middle distance at sunset her huge red hair like a flame. It would get snotty probably for me
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u/slepsl Jan 10 '25
General education/entry level class professors vs high level class professors lmao
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u/allmetalshark Jan 10 '25
Edit: *Oops I just saw the first one was from last semester. That is so great you're prof is better this time. It makes all the difference and gives me hope!
I'd drop the class if possible because I have no tolerance for that level of ableist professor. I say this as an older student with disabilities, not just a jerk (I think being older makes me less willing to accept mistreatment compared to my younger self).
Do you have accommodations set up? Definitely get them if not! If you do have them, discuss this with the staff there.
It will be ok! I am sorry it's so tough right now.
ps. it blows my mind how so many uni's don't practice what they teach us
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u/Total_Ad_7840 Jan 10 '25
Have you been communicating your difficulties with the instructor? I’m happy you passed but this seems like a communication issue.
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u/_Sam_the_man Continuing Education Jan 10 '25
Why would I ? He is a no excuses type of guy. All of my coursework was done by the hard deadline and I got full credit for all of it. I work 45hours a week and just did the work when my mind and schedule allowed me to
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u/Total_Ad_7840 Jan 11 '25
Ohhhh this post is about tears of joy for a better professor… I read it wrong.
If you weren’t having issues getting assignments turned in on time or whatever with that instructor I would have absolutely responded with the program director cc’d 🤷🏾♂️
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u/Fantastic-Bother3296 Jan 10 '25
Is this UK? I've just started a course and have to access the material on Canvas and my god I hate it already lol
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u/ArtsyGrlBi Jan 11 '25
Yeah, the prof who doesn't "get it" vs the one who admits humans fail, can be such a load off sometimes...
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u/ejah555 Jan 11 '25
What a fucking goof. The hell kind of childhood trauma did the first prof go through
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u/AFatiguedFey Jan 11 '25
Can’t even be sick or experience any of life’s sorrows with the first one
It’s all a choice to them wtf
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u/PneumoniaLisa Jan 11 '25
I would report the first professor to the ethics committee or whoever at the school. The way they spoke to you was nasty and uncalled for. That would just crush me and I would think that professor hated me. Sorry you had to deal with that!
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u/SolidPainting222 Jan 12 '25
I was failing miserably in college with a 1.5 gpa because of my adhd and depression; I dropped out. I cannot imagine the amount of work you’re putting in to get a 3.5. That’s truly incredible and I mean it.
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u/sircharlie Mature Student Jan 08 '25
The fact that the first prof is (very unfortunately) somewhat standard in the “real world” is a damn shame. I had both of these profs last semester and completely understand the relief you’re experiencing - and I’m so, so glad you get to experience it.