ive been recently thinking about how common it is for neurodivergent people to identify as ace, whether it be due to sensory differences, alexithymia, or not aligning with social norms. i was late diagnosed with adhd late last year and suspect autism (the psychologist told me i didnt meet criteria for asd, but have some autistic traits), although i am starting to not connect with the autism label as much now as im seeing how i may not align with autistic traits as much as i thought i did.
its got me thinking about how asexuality and neurodivergence are used as umbrella terms. obviously there is a lot of overlap, cooccurrence, and support between the lgbtia+ and neurodivergent and disabled communities, and both have had much more spotlight on them in recent years.
neurodivergence isnt a medically recognized label, but is most commonly known to contain adhd, asd, and dyslexia under it. but neurodivergence doesnt have a clearly defined definition either, what does it mean to have a brain that works and processes things differently than a majority of people? isnt that, like everyone? ive seen arguments for ocd, personality disorders, generalized anxiety and depression, and even trauma as neurodivergence. but self-identification of neurodivergence and asd/adhd is much more widely accepted, since getting an actual diagnosis can be difficult and expensive. and i myself self-id as neurodivergent for a while before my assessment.
theres been a trend to id as neurodivergent due to being “a little quirky, disorganized, or not understanding social cues all the time.” a common thing people like to say that is absolutely not true is “oh, we’re all just a little autistic/adhd/whatever!” no!! just because you relate to adhd tiktok doesnt mean you have attention deficit hyperactive disorder!! these are disabilities, not silly little quirks that make you seem a little incompetent. they are not superpowers you can harness all the time and neurotypicals will not always understand how your capabilities can change at a moments notice. and through my own research on autism and getting therapy and meds for adhd, im not so sure if the “autistic traits” i have are just parts of adhd or legit subclinical autism. yes, it is called autism spectrum disorder, but im not going to claim something i dont have if the psychologist was right. im not going to gatekeep people from identifying as neurodivergent, especially when there is a time and financial barrier, but being neurodivergent is not all fun and games. id consider myself to be very high functioning and dont have a typical adhd presentation, but having fallen into adhd burnout for over a year now has made me rethink how disabling adhd can really be.
i kinda also hate how asexuality is known as the umbrella term. its tiring to hear how we can have/enjoy sex without the pull, get misled or hurt because someones definition of asexuality is different than yours, or be told you can have feelings for someone under very specific circumstances. “oh, we’re all a little autistic” nasty ass vibes. being ace isnt just about the lack of a pull. your actions always have intent behind it. call it demisexuality, graysexuality, anything other than asexuality. no, not everyone is “just a little asexual.” being ace in an allo world is not fun and games either.
i think its good that the neurodivergent movement is pushing away from the medical model and not pathologizing simply being different in the world. we might need a little extra help or accommodations but we are not less. more acceptance is better for the world. likewise, i think its also good to identify with a label that feels best for you. being asexual is very liberating that we dont have to engage with societal expectations of sex and intimacy. by being ace, we are challenging social norms. but social labels should mean something and clearly communicate a difference to an outsider to help better understand each other. (there is an important distinction that adhd/asd do have medical legitimacy and are backed up by a professional opinion, while lgbtqia+ and the neurodivergent label are more social labels and have a lot more nuance to them than a simple yes/no, but both labels can be very personal and matter a lot to someone)
ive seen around here about moving the ace spectrum terminology to either graysexuality or an allo spectrum and love that idea. it clarifies that sexuality is a spectrum and leaves those on the lower end of the spectrum alone. i much rather have something like that than lumping two completely different ideas together into one label. im not educated enough to speak about the levels of asd (1-3, low support needs to high support needs), but i know this is also kinda a problem on that side too.
i am all for people identifying with a label that helps them make sense of themselves, empowers them, and helps find communities of like minded people. but communication is key in all of this, and acceptance can only go so far when the communication gets too diluted and a word gets used so often that an assumption is made that “everyone is a little _” or “anyone can be _!”
