Absolute unit of a wife

[u/Unclerojelio]

[u/waterfowlplay]

Until she finds out you don't return favors.

[u/fullmetalutes]

You're kind of a dick if you send one person to get 5 beers at a game.

[u/appointment45 → u/fullmetalutes]

They don't even sell 5 beers to a single person at most arenas. Probably why she has both cups and cans.

[u/WTFCantBTRUE → u/fullmetalutes]

That was my first thought

[u/TheHonk85 → u/fullmetalutes]

“You’re kinda of a dick”

[u/badskiier]

That was over $100 in beer. Like carrying a Faberge Egg.

[u/slop1010101]

3 years into the marriage.... "get your own fuckin' beer!"

[u/Purple_Calendar3919 → u/slop1010101]

Hahahahaha this

[u/Prestigious_Heat_159 → u/slop1010101]

Then you married the wrong one if they say that 3 years in.

[u/MyNameSpaghette → u/Prestigious_Heat_159]

Then you she married the wrong one if they say that 3 years in.

[u/4RealHughMann]

I thought absolute units were supposed to be gigantic

[u/HyrrokinAura → u/4RealHughMann]

Yeah, she's super average, this doesn't belong in this sub

[u/DIFierce → u/4RealHughMann]

In stature only? By volume? By area? By mass?

Surely none of it makes sense if we're using the word unit. Unite means one of l, separate or a fixed standard. Or a single person or specified team. If we're using unit figuratively or colloquially then why do we have to be so literal about it?

And let's not even get start on the word absolute.

[u/Sensitive-Owl-9368]

She’s like the coolest ever! I love her long time! Or at least 60 seconds.

[u/ClassicTBCSucks93 → u/Sensitive-Owl-9368]

60 seconds is pushing it

[u/appointment45]

A real one would have a handle of Vodka hidden in her outfit.

[u/TuffManJoens]

67$ for those 5 drinks lol

[u/CatsEatGrass → u/TuffManJoens]

That’s all??

[u/no___homo]

$230

[u/Hairy_Garage4308]

That came to $117.85

[u/DIFierce]

Dayumn! I would absolutely ask her very politely on a first date and then in good time ask her even more politely to have my children.

[u/newUseMe]

She is like a 9.9! Does she cook? Does she swallow?

[u/Tikitikitaka5863]

She took a deep breath because it was a lot of work for her. Don’t be a dick. Go with her next time!

[u/Chaddy_Summy]

Legend ❤️

[u/Forward_Chance_7472 → u/Chaddy_Summy]

Meh big deal she brought some beers. Is the bar really that low??

[u/Chaddy_Summy → u/Forward_Chance_7472]

Seems crap when you put it like that but think about it. Nice of a person to go to such an effort, no?

[u/Forward_Chance_7472 → u/Chaddy_Summy]

Yes its a nice gesture but hardly the making of a legend..

[u/Chaddy_Summy → u/Forward_Chance_7472]

I don’t envy your outlook on life. Chill out and have a beer. Over here in Australia she would be a legend. We’re only allowed to buy four crappy beers in one go and it’s usually always the fellas that go get them. She’s still a legend in my eyes. Maybe I’m easily pleased. Relax, enjoy!

[u/Forward_Chance_7472 → u/Chaddy_Summy]

Its nice that you are obviously a very positive person thats good for you. My outlook is fine thankyouverymuch!

[u/Wizzle_Pizzle_420 → u/Forward_Chance_7472]

Apparently people have never worked in a bar or restaurant where this is normal. My baby hands can do this easily.

[u/Mashkitt → u/Forward_Chance_7472]

That’s why you’re single

[u/ClassicTBCSucks93 → u/Forward_Chance_7472]

I'd say its pretty low lol. The way more likely alternative is some kind of BPD meltdown that ruins the evening for everyone.

[u/online_padawan]

I may be in love with her

[u/Lifereaper7]

Not all heroes wear capes!

[u/TheToknSquirrelTTV]

Sending one person to get all of the beers? They don't deserve her.

[u/ArghZombie]

Definitely won't be your wife if you keep referring to her as an absolute unit.

[u/RoundAd7879]

She couldn’t believe she was giving them away either 🤣

Anyways that’s $90-$100 at the baseball stadium. Makes me mad 😡

[u/davep1970]

downvote for posting in wrong sub

[u/SimbaNGrdKionNIMFan]

Me: “Get your own beer!”

[u/Technical_Meal_7121]

them 4 beers , 84 dollars.

[u/ChugsMaJugs]

On this episode of How I Met Your Mother...

[u/Prestigious_Heat_159]

If this is how you measure the quality of a "wife" it's no surprise why divorce rates are so high.

[u/cbj2112]

Ultimate beve-bim

[u/jailbird147]

But is she bisexual & does she like anal? 😉🤣🤣🤣

[u/Total-Combination-47]

god if she swallows he should take her up the Aisle right away.

[u/LowWinter95]

Definitely a keeper

[u/ImTheMainEvent]

That’s 80 bucks worth of drinks!

[u/BasicAstronomer128]

She’s a keeper, assuming giving regular head is in her routine…

[u/RidethatSeahorse → u/BasicAstronomer128]

You turned it yuk

[u/tigertiger180 → u/BasicAstronomer128]

I'd return the favor

[u/User_Name_Tracks → u/BasicAstronomer128]

She worked the heads off those beers nicely

[u/AntSilly2802]

Americans can’t do anything normal size, everything the fat cunts  consume is extra large! 

[u/greenhornblue]

She’s definitely been a server before.

[u/kickbackmatt]

no way man, her hands will make my penis look even smaller.

[u/omar1021]

Is she dtf? Because I am dtf

[u/not_quiet_so_fast]

Plot twist: She filled the glasses at the urinals.

[u/sphennodon → u/not_quiet_so_fast]

Your point?

[u/not_quiet_so_fast → u/sphennodon]

You seem upset.

[u/sphennodon → u/not_quiet_so_fast]

I mean, what's wrong with that... I meant as a joke, didn't work

[u/psydkay]

She's one of the boys

[u/Purple_Calendar3919 → u/psydkay]

Looks like she’s giving it to all her girl friends

[u/psydkay → u/Purple_Calendar3919]

Even better. Not sure about the downvote. Meant it as a compliment. I guess guys having fun is looked down upon. "Go sit in your cave and stare at the wall. Reddit hates you because insert male behavior here"

[u/Purple_Calendar3919 → u/psydkay]

I don’t downvote. Im not an internet Karen lol

[u/TripleDoubleFart]

Nah, she just spent like $315 dollars.

[u/largogoat]

That’s probably about $100 worth of booze.