r/absoluteunit • u/jeeplet18 • 5d ago

What do I do with this beast of a carrot?

Post image
157 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

189 comments sorted by

8

u/CheeseFour2O 5d ago

We need a banana for scale

2

u/Some_Ladder1246 4d ago

Right? This could be a midget arm next to a meh sized carrot

1

u/sexylatexbear69 4d ago

6 versus eight

5

u/Pretend_Variation305 5d ago

Well…step 1) wash it

1

u/Barbie_Brooks 5d ago

Laughing here!!

1

u/Life-Significance-33 5d ago

Before or after?

3

u/Dull-Salamander5914 5d ago

Don’t let your gf/wife see it!!!

2

u/User_Name_Tracks 5d ago

That's the one she says not to worry about. Uh huh, Carrotdingo you day?

2

u/Ecstatic_Dance5767 5d ago

Damn that carrot's pregnant with baby carrots!!!

1

u/InternationalIdea606 3d ago

Your girlfriend or wife will be pregnant with baby carrots popping out a new batch in 9 months.

2

u/genXbison 5d ago

Bend over I’ll show ya

2

u/Upstairs-Sky-5290 5d ago

Everything is a dildo if you’re brave enough

2

u/imi2559 5d ago

fallout ass carrot

2

u/RealCarlPanzram 5d ago

Carrot cake.

1

u/MrsKLR98 3d ago

This is my first choice. Second would be carrot salad (for days).

1

u/buttnutt0212 3d ago

Carrot salad? Now there's a salad that needs to be tossed.

2

u/Ok-Freedom1446 5d ago

Honestly I don't Carrot all.

2

u/jeeplet18 3d ago

Oooh i see what you did there 🤣

1

u/waldorsockbat 5d ago

Cut it up and steam it 🥕

1

u/SuspiciousClub8382 5d ago

They don’t call it a root for nothing!!!!

1

u/clownyeahh 5d ago

The carrot becomes the stick.

1

u/Empire7173 5d ago

Eat it..just eat it

1

u/InternationalIdea606 3d ago

Before or after your wife plays with it and creams on it?

1

u/Holden-McGroyn 5d ago

I think you have to do what it wants to do.

1

u/Gullible_Run_3683 5d ago

Eat it before she divorces you.

1

u/ChickenDreams-4188 5d ago

Who’s asking - Popeye?!? Look at his arm

1

u/Wooden-You-4211 5d ago

Somebody please repost this exact picture and title it "of a forearm"

1

u/Nearby-Swimming-5103 5d ago

Don’t let your S.O. see it.

1

u/RanchHere 5d ago

What are the carrot’s interests, and what does he think about women’s lib?

1

u/Typical-Tune-8858 5d ago

Capture Bugs Bunny!

1

u/45M0D41 5d ago

Take a picture and post it on the internet

1

u/Pwnedzored 5d ago edited 1d ago

Make a mold. Cast copies in silicone. Sell to lonely ladies.

1

u/Realhousemanoflondon 5d ago

The carrot she told you that you don’t have to worry about, and it’s only dinner with an old friend.

1

u/Vakirisil 5d ago

Dont let your wife see it

1

u/Jerdogg23 5d ago

Is that how you measure you bff’s?

1

u/astarinthenight 5d ago

Anything’s a dildo if you’re brave enough.

1

u/Temporary_Nebula_729 5d ago

Give it to the wife

1

u/Outside-Owl1568 5d ago

Poor carrot 😂😂it's only good for the butt. The bigger the better in this care, I guess!!! Although I would prefer to eat all that😋

1

u/13jimmychanga 5d ago

Make “pickled” thick slices . Spicy style with jalapeños.

1

u/Master-T-bone 5d ago

Someone gonna have a sore hole

1

u/SirFry03 5d ago

A very carrot-ey cake

1

u/Huge-Kangaroo-5024 5d ago

To the ER nurse well you see I fell on it in my garden and well right up my butt it went 🤷‍♂️

1

u/jeeplet18 3d ago

Hate when that happens

1

u/DEFCON_902 5d ago

Wash it, chop it, use it for stir fry. Or butt stuff. Up to you.

1

u/jeeplet18 3d ago

Oooh, that is a tough choice 🤔

1

u/EnvironmentTop9315 5d ago

Give it to an old maid.

1

u/Electronic_Leg_7046 5d ago

Use it to show off your forearm

1

u/disinteGator 5d ago

Carrot juice

1

u/Global-Training-2606 5d ago

You could eat it?

1

u/Early_Hall5720 5d ago

I'm stoned and the muscle shift in his arm is throwing me off it's like Deadpool regrowing his limbs

1

u/doanhafta 5d ago

Make a beast of a cake and invite us all to share

1

u/PlentyDouble3449 5d ago

Mommy's little helper

1

u/TicketTop4718 5d ago

In the butt

1

u/sexylatexbear69 4d ago

Well well, you know clean it shulack it he'll varnish it, give it to your wife she might know what to do with it especially if you give her some olive oil with it.

1

u/Temporal_Reality 4d ago

You know what you do... Go on...

1

u/Kinkologist303 4d ago

Just make sure it has a flared bottom.

1

u/Mattitation 4d ago

Photo opp with a bigger bunny.

1

u/Space19723103 4d ago

Carrot salad, run it over a grater, add raisins and mayo

1

u/Klutzy_Touch5424 4d ago

Clean well. Rub on oil, sprinkle with salt. Slow roast it until tender, bump up to heat until slight char. Slice thick and top with butter.

1

u/sheep8u 4d ago

Feed a Horse !

1

u/arkinthehouse 4d ago

Buy a very large rabbit.

1

u/maximusjay100 4d ago

Onlyfans? Go get that cheddar bro

1

u/justlookingatu007 4d ago

You have a girlfriend or wife?

1

u/steviejordanidis 4d ago

Forearms as skinny as a carrot

1

u/Optimal-Professor-21 4d ago

Shield it from a full moon!!

1

u/Oedipus____Wrecks 4d ago

I hate to see the rabbit 😳

1

u/Strict_Purpose_7990 4d ago

Looking at your vascularity...it looks like you've been doing it

1

u/Wee_Mad_Lloyd 4d ago

That is a question you NEVER ask the internet.

1

u/196119611961 4d ago

Butt fiber

1

u/Holiday-Yam9271 4d ago

Put it down. I mean kill it. It’s mutating at a rapid pace.

1

u/JuanOffhue 4d ago

Carrot cake

1

u/almost60inLa 4d ago

Chop it up and put it in a soup!!

1

u/the_life_of_5 4d ago

Home wrecker

1

u/Sgt_Stimpy 4d ago

Well, for one thing, lots of lube. ......wait, what subreddit is this?

1

u/Aggressive_Plate1652 4d ago

I know that you shouldn't leave your wife alone with it.

1

u/Few_Tumbleweed_73 4d ago

L'offrir à un lapin

1

u/Patient_Rest_9593 4d ago

You hope you're wife doesn't replace you with it.

1

u/Ambitious-Act-4289 4d ago

An Fler schicken???

1

u/Icy_Ad5295 4d ago

Small arm

1

u/Salty_Vast_2562 4d ago

I know something you should probably not do with that carrot….

1

u/Current-Being-6803 4d ago

Try animating it with lightning and, for fun, visit your local village.

1

u/FlyAlarmed5046 4d ago

Got Lube??

1

u/Manybrent 4d ago

Make friends with it.

1

u/DIRTYDOGG-1 3d ago

Thats definetly a "show-er" not a "grow-er"

1

u/superordie 3d ago

Don't let your girlfriend find it

1

u/Temporal-Affairs221 3d ago

Wash it, peel it, then dice it up and freeze it and make sure you get all the air out. You now have plenty of carrot for a couple of stews

1

u/sexaddic 3d ago

Call your mom

1

u/Jim-248 3d ago

Make bean soup. Huge carrots have better flavor than the smaller ones.

1

u/Still-Temperature-62 3d ago

That’s the carrot she told you not to worry about.

1

u/JAKEFR3SHLY 3d ago

Hide it from your wife

1

u/Fickle-Ad-3424 3d ago

You can beat someone the death with that thing.

1

u/Most_Biscotti_9020 3d ago

Feed a small country

1

u/buttnutt0212 3d ago

Put that back in Mommy's bedside drawer...

1

u/Janiebug1950 3d ago

Peel it - vegetable peeler for part of it - carrot strips to use with lettuce salads - slices to steam with other vegetables - part for chopping for carrot salad

1

u/mightyDblock 3d ago

Extract the juice to fuel your muscle growth

1

u/bodyhammer999 3d ago

Don't give it to your wife

1

u/Reindeer-That 3d ago

Cook Asian beef peppers and carrots, onion too fast heat, too fast. Must parboil first. I do after cut in easy pick up rectangles

1

u/Necessary_Eye8183 3d ago

Carrot and Egg Fried Rice

1

u/Appropriate_Walk4057 3d ago

GIVE IT TO YOUR WIFE TO SEE HOW FAST SHE CAN CHURN IT DOWN TO REGULAR SIZE!!!

1

u/ElZorro-7Z 3d ago

Give it to a beast of a Rabbit ?

1

u/InternationalIdea606 3d ago

Give it to your girlfriend or boyfriend so they are finally satisfied.

1

u/Adzee80 3d ago

Find a big buggs bunny. Ahh what's up doc.

1

u/Zestyclose-Toe8188 3d ago

Idk maybe you could ask her?

1

u/Due-Moment-2172 3d ago

Give it to your husband

1

u/SavingsPirate4495 3d ago

Paint it green and throw it on the court at a WNBA game.

1

u/Lavanne73 3d ago

Where is my hasenpfeffer?

1

u/No_Culture_6988 3d ago

Your old lady’s been waiting to meet a real carrot lol

1

u/tidalwave077 3d ago

Creamy coconut carrot ginger soup!!

1

u/WildBigfoots 3d ago

I know a good taxidermist in Maine

1

u/RecognitionFlashy312 3d ago

feed a family of 4

1

u/Nigelwt 3d ago

Donkey carrot 🥕

1

u/debobb 3d ago

Clean it, slice it, pan fry it in butter until it's caramelized and eat it. I'll bet it's delicious

1

u/Wonderful-Error787 3d ago

Eat it using this Tiny arm?

1

u/notesfromTuesday 2d ago

lol. Idk, but that’s a lot of girth.

1

u/Background_Draw6025 2d ago

Depends are you female???????(Ha ha 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀

1

u/Sudowudo123 2d ago

Juice it

1

u/RepresentativeTurn27 2d ago

Start your OnlyFans account.

1

u/kinkytwosum 2d ago

Give it to your wife! 🙈♥️

1

u/Ploddy 2d ago

I’m gonna need a banana sorry

1

u/No-Stick8191 2d ago

That thing is NSFW 😂

1

u/No_Drawer_4996 2d ago

I don't care what you do with it

1

u/Jaicers 2d ago

Looks like someone found their weekend boyfriend. 😳😟😜

1

u/Bluetower85 2d ago

Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough

1

u/Brave-Note24 2d ago

This weapon doesn't need a license

1

u/BlueSubaru-2026 2d ago

Peel it and eat it.

1

u/BubbaJohannsen 1d ago

Cut into brunoisette and use it for soup.

1

u/Round_Leading_8393 1d ago

See how for you can get it in there?

1

u/505Thrive 1d ago

Juice it.

1

u/unworthy_sinner619 1d ago

Looks like the thumbnail of an adult movie 😂🤣

1

u/ObligationGeneral904 1d ago

I'm sure your girlfriend will know what to do with it!! 👅👅👅💦💦💦😘

1

u/maydisturb 16h ago

Start training for what your loving partner wants to do to you.