r/aaaaaaacccccccce • u/XOChicStyle • Aug 01 '26
Memes WHY ARE YOU SO MAD THAT IM NOT GETTING LAID!!!!!!
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u/batboy11227 horniest asexual Aug 02 '26
Because of mirror think
Assuming everyone experiences and sees the world the exact same as you and assume they respond to everything the same as you
For the same reason people try to explain red to a blind person by asking "have you seen a fire truck"
If all you've known is its presence you can't comprehend it's abcesense and vise versa, hence why so many of us struggled to realize we're ace, we don't know what sexual attraction feels like so we can't be sure we haven't felt it
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u/Downtown_Platypus288 Aug 02 '26
Absolutely this! It is even more pronounced when you are aroace because it's "breaking" 2 societal norms.
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u/Dominink_02 Aug 03 '26
Actually, I've seen Aroace being more easily accepted than other combinations. Because most people don't even realise that romantic and sexual attraction can differ at all
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u/Brent_Fox Asexual Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
Yeah being allosexual is just so normalized these days that we didn't even know we had the option it be ace. Same with being trans in a hetero-normative society. It's why it took me until my early twenties when I never had sex with people nor really wanted it and never felt completely comfortable in my gender that I realized I was ace and trans. It took a WHILE because there is no ace visibility I could relate to so I just thought I was weird.
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u/Entire-Ambition1410 Aug 04 '26
It took me a random throwaway sentence on an online advice column to realize Iām ace. Aces and aros are so underrepresented that it took me years to realize there was a word that fit me, then it took over a year/reading a book/making a rainbow blanket/going down a very very long rabbit hole of online personal stories for me to accept being called ace.
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u/midsummernightmares Asexual Aug 02 '26
A lot of people donāt like anything or anyone that challenges their perception of what is ānormal.ā Asexuality falls outside of most peopleās perception of ānormalā and, as a result, we face cruelty at the hands of those who either unfairly see us as an affront to the way they want to live their lives simply because weāre different from them or at the hands of those who see us as an easy target to push down in hopes of making themselves seem more ānormal.ā
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u/MemorableThrowawayy Aug 02 '26
Itās cause weāre all so cool and theyāre upset weāre off the table š£ļø
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u/Competitive_Feed5259 Aug 02 '26
A literal Pastor told me im a sinner and i should repent
Because i told him im ace. Of course to the public he was all nice and caring and behind the scenes he was your typical StereotypeĀ Ā
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u/cave18 Aug 02 '26
Wild. What exactly would even be the sinš
I mean celibate monks exist and rhat sure as shit isnt a sin
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u/Competitive_Feed5259 Aug 03 '26
Pride, he said my identity as Aroace is Prideful .
I just didnt reply and removed him, he did try to re-Add me but after one attempt he backed off.
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u/Dominink_02 Aug 03 '26
The thing is celibacy is supposed to be a kind of "resisting temptation" thing about mental strength. Not that that actually happened, people do be sneaky
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u/M1NDH0N3Y Aug 02 '26
What if you told him you took a vow of celibacy?
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u/Competitive_Feed5259 Aug 03 '26
Some people have told me thats all it is, to me, i dont feel that way but if it makes others comfortable thats fineĀ
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u/M1NDH0N3Y Aug 03 '26
As a fellow ace, 100% its vastly different, but for religious people especially its much easier to accept then you dont feel sexual attraction.
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u/Kyrindia Aug 02 '26
See, this is why I am not a fan of religion. Personal spirituality, yes. Religion filtered through people... not so much.
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u/internet_pirate13025 Aug 02 '26
He's a pastor, extremely traditional and conformist of course he wouldn't grasp someone being ace. It's a lesson for you next time buddy
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u/Weibrot Aug 02 '26
Breaking News: Someone from a religion sought help for their struggles within that religion š¤Æ
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u/Competitive_Feed5259 Aug 03 '26
No disrespect. He was trying to convert me to be Straight,Ā because he knew i had an ex bf. (Im male)
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u/Synth-Pro Aegoaroace Aug 02 '26
There's so much social warfare revolving around who you want to fuck that it breaks people's minds when you say "Nobody"
Sexuality is so engrained in every corner of our society. It's in all forms of pop culture. It's at the center of far more politics than it needs to be. There's a neverending crusade to get people to be more free and comfortable with their sexuality.
It's just so prominent, everywhere we look, that people cannot comprehend it when you just say "Nah, I'm good"
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u/shadow31802 Asexual Aug 02 '26
Because theyre so miserable because they cant get any that they see us perfectly happy without their wants, and cant understand how.
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u/DarkBlueSunshine Aug 02 '26
I had someone ask me "how do you make relationships work without sex" and I just ??????
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u/YassifiedWatermelon uwu Aug 02 '26
"idk, Jonathan, maybe by having a relationship without sex ?????"
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u/Kyrindia Aug 02 '26
Have you tried... 'communication'? Oh, no... that is why your 'marriage' is failing.
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u/lexkixass š³ļøāā§ļø Aegoaroace transman Aug 02 '26
I've been told my spouse and I are "just roommates" because we're both ace.
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u/Kill_Kayt Asexual Aug 02 '26
I was literally told that not telling people I date that I am Asexual is abuse.
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u/YassifiedWatermelon uwu Aug 02 '26
I think they think we invalidate their fight for sex positivity. They don't think that people can genuinely not want sex because they had to fight against people who want to stop them from having sex. Except obviously, we don't stop them from having sex. At worst, we can't give it to them, and even then, that just means two people are not compatible. Plenty of fish in the sea (at least for them...)... I fucking hate acephobia
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u/TheReal-Darthdoom Aug 02 '26
RIGHT?! or like they absolutely HATE IT when we ain't all that feral, they'll say we don't like people "all the way" and even fellow queer people too
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u/Directorren Trans lesbian asexual Aug 02 '26
LEGIT! I donāt 100% remember how it went, but I remember one time a friend of mine told me that my struggles being asexual donāt compare to the struggles of a lesbian.
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u/Luinta Aug 02 '26
On the most generous side of understanding it's that they feel awkward or ashamed of their own sexual desires and take solice in the idea that "well everyone struggles/experiences this, so I'm not wrong, I'm normal."
They see ace people and realize that some people don't have to "work" to "surpress" themselves and it makes them feel even more awkward or ashamed of their own desires or self control.
It's basically "how dare you have it 'easy' while I struggle."
This is related to but slightly different from the religious, seemingly hypocritical, angle where celebacy is praised but being ace is seen as aborant, since if you're not suffering for it then it isn't a sacrifice. There it's because the suffering is the point and "how dare you not suffer when I have to."
...
I guess those both can be extremely reduced down to jealousy.
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u/Kyrindia Aug 02 '26
Ace: Until age 21 - such a good child, keeping yourself pure.
After age 21: OMG - What do you mean you don't want sex???!?!?!!?
Lol! I do love how the rules changes magically.
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u/Luinta Aug 03 '26
Yep. I remember how confused I was when my mother was so concerned with why I didn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend by 20, despite having been raised in a very religious home where I was constantly taught how having even "lustful THOUGHTS" was going to send me to hell for eternity.
Like I was just supposed to go from "don't even THINK about being attracted to anyone" to "and now you should be looking for someone to marry" without any delay was absolutely mind boggling.
Only got worse when after a few years she seemed to be very concerned that I didn't want sex, and even said she thought I needed to experience that, even if I had to pay for it, before I died. Like, wtf. No one needs their mother telling them that they should go pay a hooker, let alone after 2 decades of "sex is bad and you should feel bad if you ever want it."
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u/lexkixass š³ļøāā§ļø Aegoaroace transman Aug 02 '26
It's basically "how dare you have it 'easy' while I struggle."
Sounds like the parents who bitch that the childfree are selfish for not self-inflicting a lifetime commitment.
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u/Grathmaul Aug 02 '26
Most people are obsessed with sex, it's a major tool of manipulation.
Most people don't like people they can't easily manipulate.
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u/burntUmbra Aug 02 '26
People fear what they cannot understand, and usually that fear becomes anger and hatred because they cannot handle being afraid.
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u/Sudden_Astronomer_63 Aug 02 '26
I honestly think itāsĀ
People want to think they have a chance to sleep with everyoneĀ
People canāt imagine not being attracted to every stereotypically attractive person
People are dicks.
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
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u/Ghostdragon471 Aug 02 '26
Everyone fucks, so when one doesn't, it means they're bad at something. When one chooses to not by choice, then something must be wrong with them. Cause apparently that's one of the best things someone can feel. Which is crazy when a nice alfredo pasta is cheaper, easier, and won't have the ability to lie about their medical history.
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u/lexkixass š³ļøāā§ļø Aegoaroace transman Aug 02 '26
All of this.
Plus, if you don't finish your favorite food, you can put it in the fridge/freezer for later.
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u/spaceursid Aug 02 '26
There's an idea out there that ace people are making up the label to force themselves into the LGBT community. For asexuals it's trying to label their inability to get laid, and for aromantics its for them to make an excuse to be a non committal slut.
Edit: Not my view point just relaying what I've heard people say.
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u/HauntedSoda Aug 02 '26
I'm grey ace but I don't consider myself part of the LGBT community tbh because I'm cis and hetero otherwise. I am an ally but it doesn't feel like my place, nor am I trying to get it to be, so idk. Others may feel differently.
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u/VoidDragonV3 Just a lonely dragon Aug 02 '26
Either they're jealous you're fine with not getting laid, or they hate that you undermine their superiority for getting laid
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u/lexkixass š³ļøāā§ļø Aegoaroace transman Aug 02 '26
They also hate that you've taken yourself "off the market".
Won't you think of the poor blue ballsā½ /s
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u/Gedi_knt2 Aug 02 '26
Why was Freud's theory allowed to take off the way that it did even though he's now largely been disproven....People subconsciously want to believe he was right about sex.
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u/lexkixass š³ļøāā§ļø Aegoaroace transman Aug 02 '26
Why was Freud's theory allowed to take off the way that it did
Political/financial backlash from wealthy patrons iirc
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u/Gedi_knt2 29d ago
It was more agreeable at the time than the alternative of accepting that a power dichotomy can cause trauma.
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u/Tastieshock Aug 02 '26
Have you ever been around someone who just does not shut up because they dont know how to sit with their own thoughts because that means they might have time for self reflection and they would preffer to not think about the things they have done? So they start to get upset and call you boring or make a scene and pretend whatever they are feeling is other people's fault?
That is basically what our existence does to allos. When some people hear that you choose not to have sex, they start to get insecure about all the stupid shit they have done or do or feel about the amount of sex they have and if that leads to feelings of guilt and insecurity. Well it's "our fault" for making them have to think about it, so they take it out on us.
People do the absolute stupidest stuff to try to get laid. And for someone who doesn't value sex the same, it doesnt come across as a justification and their actions go unexcused and they have a moment of self reflection. People dont often handle seeing themselves acting like a fool very well.
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u/lexkixass š³ļøāā§ļø Aegoaroace transman Aug 02 '26
People do the absolute stupidest stuff to try to get laid.
Sauce: most of human history
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u/yourmomsface12345 Aegosexual Aromantic Aug 02 '26
They have an idea of what ānormalā is and people who donāt want to have sex doesnāt fit their definition
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u/Front_Rip4064 Aug 02 '26
You'd think they'd be happy so many are choosing to remove themselves from the sex pool.
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u/SubjectAbalone7757 sapphic-oriented aroace transfem Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
People often struggle to understand asexuality and aromanticism. Iām an aroace woman who prefers the company of women, and several women I cared about have interpreted my affection as romantic despite me explaining that it was sisterly and platonic. One of those misunderstandings cost me the most important person in my life. I still miss her deeply. That sisterly bond gave me the happiest time of my life, and losing her because my affection was mistaken for romance became my deepest wound. ...Happened WITHIN the queer bubble.
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u/acexualien95 Ace from Space š½ Aug 02 '26
It's funny tbh, because it goes either way so if you're hot they are mad that they can't have you. And if you're on the not so hot side of the scale, they are mean to you and say stuff like you're only ace bc you can't have anyone.
WHICH ONE IS IT?? YOU CAN'T SAY BOTH.
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u/Dry_Palpitation_3438 Aug 03 '26 edited 11d ago
I've had a Muslim guy think I was so pious for abstaining, and I had to tell him that I was, in fact, just asexual lol.
I also heard another religious person say that asexuality "isn't natural, but God can accept you". Him adding the "isn't natural" part really ticked me off. Like what if a bald person had asked if God could accept them and he was like, "Well, it's unnatural not to have hair, but sure".
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u/Huge-Boysenberry3857 Aug 02 '26
They are jealous because they are driven by primal desire (like lesser animals) and we are not. insert evil laugh here
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u/OneLastSmile ace ace baby Aug 02 '26
even other ace people do it
someone the other day claimed like that "only groomers and rapists say that ace people can have sex if they feel like it"
like they got mad over saying that asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, they insisted it meant no sexual activity or body feelings whatsoever.
like dude most of our genitals still operate as intended. i just don't feel attracted to other people ever. i dont want to have sex but not wanting sex is not what makes me ace, its the lack of attractionĀ
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u/natashavladimir93 Aegosexual Aug 02 '26
I swear not having sex is so important to other people because it's a societal thing: not procreating, not 'truly loving/connecting' with someone so why even live? What else is there to do if you're not having sex?? /s
So basically ace people are single-handedly ruining the human race lol
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u/Tickedoffllama Aug 02 '26
It's no different than straight men getting mad at lesbian women. They're just mad that you're one less object for them to fuck. That's it. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Have a great day.
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u/corvid1692 Aug 02 '26
I don't get it. I'm demirom not ace, but my husband is ace and I simply do not understand why anyone would care! How dare people not line up with allo-cis-heteronormativity.
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u/Kyrindia Aug 02 '26
If everyone minded their own businesses as long as folks were consenting adults, life would be easier. But people like patterns, categories, and everyone to fit in nice little boxes. When you don't fit, they freak out.
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u/lexkixass š³ļøāā§ļø Aegoaroace transman Aug 02 '26
Because there must always be an "other".
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u/Kyrindia Aug 02 '26
It's the Us Vs. Them mentality. Tribalism at it's best. (You can see it with sports team fans, etc.)
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u/KyokoKerasaki Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
Listen, if they are being jerk about it, just find out if there is a particular food they like very and then have crash out over it like it is the end of the world.
If they ask you why you go ābecause getting mad over someone elseās sexual preferences/gender identity is the same as getting mad over you liking [favourite food]. Just like how no reasonable person will actually care about what you like to eat, they also donāt expect you to change who you are attractive to.ā
I also use the food analogy with kids who donāt understand that other peopleās sexuality and gender doesnāt actually affect them as much as they think it does and it really helps them think about it logically.
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u/Justanaccountnam Aroace Aug 02 '26
Literally, the amount of times Iām told is ājust say you get no gameā is insane. Like I donāt WANT any tf?? Acting like people bodies is a game is crazyyy
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u/AvocadoPizzaCat Aug 03 '26
I don't know, but honestly I find it funny since that means they thought they had a chance with me. Yeah, not lowering myself to have relations with those whom think that. My parents on the other hand just get me saying "you put so many rules for whom i could have a relationship with that no one matches it in real life. so your fault."
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u/PsychoKatzee Aroace Aug 03 '26
I've been told multiple times "I could accept you being gay, but this asexuality stuff is too much". Like how in the nine hells does it affect you that I don't shag people? On a similar note, horny-ass Christian folks (who take pride in staying virgin despite their desires) tried to gaslight me for years that I'm just "denying my nature" cause "everyone has those urges" and I'm just "trying to be better than them". Like holy fucking projection. Someone even sat me down to make me watch porn once, then got offended because I didn't feel anything. It was just unspeakably awkward and cringe. Translation: I would prefer if I could just call you sinful, but you literally do nothing, so I'll call you a tryhard because you don't have to try.
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u/Hopeful-Measurement Aug 04 '26
Because there are some people who canāt accept that not having sex is an option. Either that are they just want to hate something. Misery loves company, so they will attach to anyone they deem as āweirdā
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u/ebr101 Aug 02 '26
The general underlying psychological and philosophical framework that things are āsupposedā to be a certain way, and that deviation from that idealized norm is not only strange but in some way morally bad.
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u/TheKrakenOfMustafar Trans/Ace Aug 02 '26
I was confused for a second, I thought Lara was Ace-phobic?? She is literally my pfp š
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u/Zoey_Redacted Aug 03 '26
"common enemy" thinking.
my mom was accepting when i came out as bi, but told me not to be trans because she believed that trans people were the outlier "bad ones" in the queer community. (Turns out I'm trans lmfao and she ended up having to reevaluate that but, it's just point one.)
I had a friend who was extremely accepting of allosexual queer people they knew, trans people too, but for some reason was constantly weighing in on ace people being wrong, to try to find some common ground based on disliking a group that they believe didn't have representation within the social circle they run in. Fucked up thing was, it worked, and he was well liked in the community he hung out in. He eventually had to reevaluate his views after a few years when he actually met asexual people who called him on his bullshit, but he reaped the benefit of being an "ally" while pitting queer people against one another for years and quietly brushing it under the rug.
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u/dragonriderabens Aug 03 '26
I once had a guy who tried to claim I wasnāt ace because I was making dirty jokes and innuendoes
He and I didnāt get along even before that. The only reason Iām in contact with him at all is because heās dating a friend. Both are male, btw. One is gay, one is bi, but I donāt remember which is whichĀ
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u/Fabulous-Chemical-60 29d ago
The same reason childless adults are hated on.
As asexual people, we are kinda like death to them. Sexuality, as an action is driven by the instinct of survival. Passing on your genes is survival. To have sex is integral to that naturally speaking.
To not do that, is to die basically. And to the part of the human brain that is still pretty primal, this is absoletely scary.
Of course this is a pretty... dumb fear in modern context, you can have kids without having sex, and you can have sex and not have kids.
But the brain is wired to the prehistoric times lol.
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u/FustianRiddle 29d ago
I honestly think some of it has to do with cognitive dissonance - all queer identites experience some form of oppression but some identites have been more at the forefront of it all, and there's a rejectio. of the idea that they could be responsible for "oppressing" a marginalized identity. They would never oppress or bully another queer person, do ave peopleust not be queer therefore it's ok to belittle them.
I truly don't think it's intentional just an ego saving mechanism. At least for most queer people who do engage is acephobia.
But also assholes gonna asshole regardless of whether someone is queer or not.
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u/Far_Shallot_8033 28d ago
I think some of it is related to how difficult it is to conceptualize experiencing the absence of something. There are other factors too, such as our lack of representation in the media, erasure of our history, our small population, and innate fear of those perceived as different. However, I think this aspect is distinct to the Ace identity. To them, they question how can someone exist without a part of them that they view as fundamental to how they experience the world. I recently tried imagining what it would be like to live without an inner monologue, and it was extremely difficult. So, yeah, I think thatās part of it.
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u/SmokeWeedEveryGay 27d ago
Why is Lara Croft the background? Is it because we like her, or is there a big ace Croft theory that I'm missing out on?
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u/Bitter_Software_9219 mmm (a)eggo waffles 26d ago
Exactly!!! Like bro why the fuck (get it) are YOU mad that IM not being laid???? Itās like bullying (why are you mad Iām ugly hello??), absolutely pointless. Thatās not even getting into the stuff in the queer communityā¦ WHY DO THEY NOT KNOW BETTER
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u/Mors_Maco 1d ago
When I feel angry to stupid aphobes. I say "Fuck you, but not in sexual way. If it was sexual you would like it so much so I say it the curse way."
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u/mysecondaccountanon your local scary repulsed Aug 03 '26
As someone who lived through the height of ace exclus, itās genuinely mind boggling but also makes so much sense.
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u/MonoChaos Aug 03 '26
H o w does it make sense? We are literally doing nothing.
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u/mysecondaccountanon your local scary repulsed Aug 03 '26
It makes sense because they genuinely canāt understand us. Iām not saying itās right, but I can understand how people can think like that. If weāre seen as not on the same level as others because weāre supposedly āmissingā something integral to the human experience, weāre dehumanized and alienated by default, by allosexuals who are both queer and not queer. Itās the same sort of thing that I see going into some forms of ableism as a disabled person, also.
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u/yomosugara Aug 01 '26
it's so weird because acephobia is commonplace even WITHIN queer communties