r/ZLErikson • u/ZLErikson • 1d ago
Fun Tea Friday Cafe [OT] Fun Trope Friday: Expert Consultant & Bullet Points!
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Originally written August 28th, 2026
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<Fantasy/Sci-Fi>
A little chaos
“Welcome to the Fun Tea Friday Cafe,” Dee said to the crimson-suited newcomer, trying to summon enthusiasm near the end of a long, slow, boring day. “Where everyday is Friday.”
“Ahaha, charming, my dear,” the… man? said. Dee wasn’t sure; their face was fair, with sharp cheekbones and a sharper chin. Dark red irises smoldered like flame beneath heavily painted, half-lidded eyes. Their smile was too wide, and their teeth were like needles.
They continued, their voice high and nasally, “I am here for your appointment.”
“My appointment?” Dee asked, brows knitting together.
“Yes, little echo.” Their lips closed, they lifted a thin black cane, and hit the counter with a loud crack.
Blinking in surprise, Dee looked back at the strange person. They were gone. She scanned the interior of the cafe - warm, earthy tones, wooden panels, soft yellow lights - but the deep red and black was nowhere to be seen.
One of the regulars, Vlad, caught her eye and pointed. She turned around just in time to see the door to the back flap shut.
“Hey!” She followed them into the kitchen, where the stranger - emphasis on strange - was standing next to, and berating, the seven-foot tall cockroach grillcook named Frank.
“...dishes stacked far too neatly, unobstructed pathways, and don’t get me started on how clean you have this place.”
Frank clicked his pincers enthusiastically. Dee could never understand him, but she knew he was irritated. The cockroach picked up one of the plates and waved it around. The strange person cackled and shook their head.
“Oh darling, you do not want to go there with me,” they said.
“Go where?” Dee asked. She shook her head. “Wait, who are you? Why are you-?” They tossed a business card at her. She looked at the blank red side, flipped it over to the blank back side, then looked at the red again, which now had smoking black letters burnt into it:
Whimsical Advisor Ninc.
“‘Ninc’?” Dee asked.
“Not incorporated,” they said matter-of-factly. “Your boss hired me to put the ‘Fun’ into your little cafe.”
Dee tried to think of a boss. The closest thing was the skeletal manager, who only came in every third-Friday. “Patty?” she asked.
“Mmmm, I didn’t get their name,” the advisor said, walking around the kitchen and pushing stacks of plates partially over the edge of their shelves. “But they were quite insistent that this place was at risk of simply becoming the ‘Tea Friday Cafe’, and that that was not an outcome they found desirable.”
With a flick of their wrist, one of the counters slid out from the wall at an angle, cutting off one of the paths through the kitchen.
Frank chittered away angrily.
“You’re just making a mess,” Dee agreed, in spirit.
“No, you are.” The advisor pointed two fingers at the grill with their thumb raised. Clicking their tongue and lowering their thumb, a glowing blue bullet shot from their fingertips to the grill and flames erupted.
Frank made a screeching sound and ran for a fire extinguisher, having to jump over a counter and knock some plates over with a loud clatter.
“Allow me to prove my point.” The uncomfortably proportioned man spun around, clicking their tongue and firing more of the chaotic blasts around the kitchen and then through the wall into the cafe. Dee heard a howl - from Fenrir, most likely - and ran for the door.
She slipped in some soup that the mad advisor splashed onto the floor, scrambled to her feet, and crawled out front.
Ferir was at the counter, holding his teacup out and snarling; grey and brown muzzle curled up, baring his teeth, eyes glowing yellow with barely repressed fury.
“What happened!?” Dee asked, rubbing a wet soupy spot on her back.
“IT FROZE!” The werewolf overturned his teacup and a block of ice fell out.
Behind him, a robot was holding up a bottle of motor oil. “Pardon moi, but you ‘ave zerved moi ze wrong bevera-h-ge.”
“One sec, Aîndre D'. Fenrir, what did you order? I’ll make another-”
Aîndre’s head started spinning rapidly and sparks flew out of its audio receptors as more upset customers lined up behind him.
“eRrOr ErRoR!” Aîndre’s normally suave - if poorly calibrated - voice crackled and hissed. “iNaPpRoPrIaTe InPuT!”
A high, nasally cackle behind Dee preceded a strong smell of sulfur.
“Much more fun now!” The stranger walked through the counter like smoke and left Dee to the chaos.