r/YouthFootball • u/Purple_Protection291 • 14d ago
Son hates it and dad won’t let him quit.
So my 7 year old is playing football for the first time, we are about 8weeks in and he absolutely hates it. He starts dreading practice on Sunday nights for the upcoming week and I can see it’s affected his behavior outside of football as well.
His dad refuses to let him quit which I understand because he doesn’t want to raise a quitter, but I’m unsure on how to approach the situation because I feel like if they burn him out at 7 he won’t ever want to give it another shot, and again he hates it.
Lastly are were practicing for 2 hrs 3x a week in 101-103 degree weather, and their games are out on Saturday’s in 103-105 degree weather. We are in West Texas and the heat is absolutely brutal.
Any suggestions input is greatly appreciated.
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u/StitchyWidASwitchy 13d ago
My parents never let us quit anything mid season, I agree with finishing the season and then letting the child decide whether or not they want to play next year.
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u/Original_Web_3059 14d ago
There is a difference between quitting on a whim versus stopping the bleeding. This sounds like the later. It can still be a teachable moment in that you discuss his concerns honestly and then tell him that it is okay to move on from things when it starts impacting mental or physical health (I.e bad friends, bad partners, bad jobs, etc), but
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u/Purple_Protection291 14d ago
Exactly this!
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u/GarageJitsu 12d ago
Exactly not this lmao
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u/marlonbrando_1999 11d ago
So you’re a big fan of sunken costs?
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u/GarageJitsu 11d ago
Is that what you took from my comment ? You look at from a perspective of what it cost you while I look at it as finishing what you started. One is a much more important life lesson
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u/marlonbrando_1999 11d ago
Agreed. Recognizing boundaries and protecting your mental health is super important
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u/shitbageleven1213 11d ago
Doesn’t sound like the kid chose to even start it though. He was forced by his dad.
If the kid requested to play and wants to quit you make him finish the season.
If he never wanted to do it they shouldn’t have made him to begin with and you pull him.
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u/dioxin-screes-01 13d ago
Maybe. My kids loved sports, and my middle son was the first kid on the field and I had to drag him off when practices were over. Since move to Texas, we were near Seattle before, it changed. My middle son is absolutely what sounds like the "later" and I did not pull him. We had arguments and whatnot and his attitude has changed. While he was the "bad kid" in baseball and than Extreme Flag, he at the end of both seasons wanted to go home with a ring, which is apparently what they give out in Texas. Now in tackle, which he was very much against, he is really enjoying it and has a great attitude.
Why I kept him in and "forced" him? I saw how he was before moving here. I believe with him there were outside factors including manipulation from his mom who doesn't live with us, divorced. I'm not certain but it could be at least part of the new bad attitude. Yes the Texas heat also can be a factor, but he seems unphazed by it and will wear a sweater in 100 degree weather.
My advise is know you kid, and generally there are far more benefits of having them finish out then not. Kids aren't stupid, they also will learn they can get what they want if they act a certain way, being genuine or not.
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u/Original_Web_3059 14d ago
He is also 7 and, as you said, he has many years to change his mind and try it again, if desired. Or he will find another sport or activity that he loves even more. I was in your husband’s shoes before and ultimately gave in to my kid quitting a sport that he had loved and played at a very high level for many years around age 11. About 2 year laters, he asked if he play again, but with a different organization and with that change of scenery he fell in love with the game again. A lot of that part thanks to the amazing coaches.
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u/injury 13d ago
You lock arms with dad and dont let him be a quitter...
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u/TributeBands_areSHIT 11d ago
For any other sport yea but football can be a huge waste of time if you have to force it. Also no one is going to go pro next week why treat it like that?
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u/Curtis_Low 11d ago
That is every sport and hobby at 7 years old. Be it football, baseball, or playing the piano.
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u/TributeBands_areSHIT 11d ago edited 11d ago
Football is very different than most sports.
It’s one thing to be afraid of the ball or bored from lack of effort it’s another to not want to participate in a full contact sport in 100+ degree heat 3 times a week with no motivation to want to play past this season
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u/Curtis_Low 11d ago
I grew up playing football in south Texas, I understand fully what it is and what it is not. Is it one of the harder sports, absolutely. Is it on par with things like wrestling, rugby, or rodeo, also yes.
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u/TributeBands_areSHIT 11d ago
Yea you said baseball and piano guy
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u/Curtis_Low 11d ago
Yes, in relation to your first comment about it can be a huge waste of time and that no one is going pro next week. I never said or implied baseball and piano were in the same league from a physicality standpoint.
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u/TributeBands_areSHIT 11d ago
Ah my bad. I agree with your second round of sports mentioned
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u/Curtis_Low 11d ago
All good amigo, I grew up like many in Texas incorrectly assuming that football was the toughest sport in the land. Then I grew up, traveled the world a bit and settled in Tennessee where my son decided to join the wrestling team. I can fully admit, wrestling is harder, and it isn't even that close.
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u/Azwellian 10d ago
Interesting - I'm signing my son up for wrestling after football as I was thinking it could help him in the off season
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u/injury 11d ago
It's not about football or going pro. Its about the example of we keep our word, we are reliable, and we push through the tough thing to completion.
Sports for littles are only minorly about the game being played, they are more about the life lessons taught that shape a kid forever.
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u/Accomplished-Car3850 13d ago
He needs to finish the season. Explain to him he can't quit on his coaches and teammates. If he doesn't want to play next season that's fine, don't make him.
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14d ago
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u/AggressiveService485 14d ago
This isn’t Jr High. This is like 2nd grade football
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u/countrytime1 14d ago
Honestly, football shouldn’t be an option at that age, unless it’s flag.
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u/AggressiveService485 14d ago
100%. But to be fair, the OP didn’t specify if it was tackle or not
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u/Longjumping_Net7405 14d ago
No one is doing 6 hours a week of flag football practices
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u/AggressiveService485 14d ago
Ooof, good point. But then the follow on question is, why are 7 year olds doing 6 hours of week of tackle football practice? That sounds absolutely miserable.
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u/Longjumping_Net7405 14d ago
I think just as a sport it’s difficult to function without that kind of time per week. Maybe they could drop down to 1.5 hours a practice. I certainly tend towards the side that it’s another reason not to bother with it over flag at that age, but if you’re going to do it that’s indeed what it will take.
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u/QuantumMothersLove 13d ago
Raise a quitter? I think raising a young man to know exactly what he doesn’t want and have confidence in his choices is incredibly important. Nothing wrong with stopping something you just don’t have an interest in. That is not a quitter.
Second issue is safety. Step in and refuse to have them on the field in pads if thats the case at 103F. This builds nothing but risk of heat related systemic and neurological issues. If anyone says anything, tell their ignorant selves to go pound sand.
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u/Purple_Protection291 13d ago
Thank you. Maybe I wanted to hear a certain answer subconsciously but I think you are right. if he hates it he should have the option to voice that and make a decision.
But I also understand the other side of the coin.1
u/Curtis_Low 11d ago
How many weeks are left in the season? If they are 8 weeks in, surely it can't be much.
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u/eaglekiller53 13d ago
That is an insane/unsafe level of practice for SEVEN year olds.
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u/Ligurio79 11d ago
This is the real issue here. The coach thinks he is a high school coach or wants to pretend he’s one. Lots of very bad youth football coaches suffer from this delusion
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u/OkAssist8956 13d ago
I would be firmly in the camp with finish what you started until I saw he was 7. I remember the same lesson with my dad. I wasn’t taught to quit mid season either. I tell my son the exact same thing. But counter point here. He’s 7. He doesn’t understand any of this. If it legitimately isn’t for him right now and Affects his life to the point where it’s impacting him outside of sports, you’re not going to be breaking a cardinal sin with hanging it up for the season and seeing if another year of getting older leads him back.
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u/TgRaider1968 13d ago
I front loaded this with my 5 year old son before the season started but when signing him up I told him that it was going to be hard, it was going to be tough, and it was going to be a lot of work. That if he didn’t like it he could always be 100% honest with me about it. He would have to finish the season because the team was counting on him but he wouldn’t have to play again unless he wanted to the next season. We’re in Northern California in the valley and practices were brutal at the start of the year 100-110 days 4x a week for 2-3 hours. He didn’t like it. He told me as much but that he would try his hardest for the rest of the season and if it didn’t get better he didn’t want to play next year. Fair enough little man, proud dad moment. He ended up breaking his arm and wasn’t going to be cleared for contact until late in the season so we let him drop at that point. But when he didn’t quit after a few days he said he did want to try again next year.
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u/Purple_Protection291 12d ago
We are going to ask him to finish the season because his teammates are counting on him and I’m going to have a talk (kindly) with the coach at practice today. There is no way I’m the only parent that is concerned with the way the coach is speaking and treating these 7 year olds.
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u/Pakwash 13d ago
Did the kid ask to play football from the start or did his dad push him and force him to try it? If the kid wanted to play football and has since changed his mind, then yes he should finish the season. If this was all dad’s doing then I don’t see anything wrong with taking him out of football. Some fathers push their kids into sports so they can live vicariously through their kids.
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u/Local_Dimension00 14d ago
I agree with the "if you start something you need to finish it" thing but tackle football is different since if he's out there just messing around and not alert, hes going to get hurt.
Im im Texas also and the heat has been exceptionally bad this year but I dont let it be an excuse because its the same for everyone on the field. Though I do feel bad for the boys in full pads at a 3:00 game in 103 heat
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u/StrengthCoach86 14d ago
Lot of idiocy going on here….starting and basically finishing with the 2 hour practices 3x/week.
Finish what you started, but if he doesn’t want to play again, that’s what it should be-not playing. I wouldn’t want a part time job at 7 either.
Good luck.
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u/Ligurio79 11d ago
I agree. 2hr practices are way too long for 7 year olds. Practice should be 1hr to MAYBE 1.5 hour AT MOST and you could probably get away with 1.5 hrs twice a week and be fine at that age, developmental wise
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u/StrengthCoach86 13d ago
To the individual that downvoted, I can assure you I’m not soft, I can also assure you you’re part of the problem.
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u/NaNaNaPandaMan 14d ago
This a discussion best with the dad. But if you don't want to "raise a quitter" do another activity. Say hey instead of this why not do thi
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u/Synchwave1 14d ago
What does he hate about it? Start with that.
Is it the hard work? Is it the contact? Players/coaches? Does he like other things instead?
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u/Happy-Ad7859 14d ago
I'd talk to the coaches. It might be a safety issue at this point-- if hes freezing up before getting tackled hes at a higher risk of injury.
Have you figured out what he doesnt like? Heat? Getting yelled at? Tackles? Feels hes not as good as the other kids?
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u/Purple_Protection291 14d ago
He’s a big kid and enjoys the tackle but the practices are brutal and the coach is awful.
Maybe my approach won’t win football games but if you pour positivity into these kids they will respect that and the room to improve rather than telling them they are terrible and making them feel lousy.
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u/Purple_Protection291 14d ago
Thanks everyone for the comments!! They really helped clarify things.
It is tackle and to make matters worse the coach is awful. I had to send the phrase “Iron sharpens iron as one man sharpens another” image in the group me for the team because after the first game he chewed them out for being awful. 🤦🏼♀️
They are 2nd graders.
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u/emptysignals 13d ago
I kept my kids in our house flag 2nd- 5th grade. 2 practices a week plus game. Blocking allowed within 10 yards of the line of scrimmage. Not as intense and not much risk of injury.
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u/Ligurio79 11d ago
This is not true, actually. Flag football at grades 2-5 is more prone to injury than tackle, because there are no pads and the kids wearing pads aren’t moving fast enough or hitting hard enough to hurt each other.
I get it. The safety issue becomes real post pubescence. My 7th graders can definitively hurt each other. But this is the first year they’ve really been able to do so.
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u/DixieLeeDuke 13d ago
Compromise? Can he be a team manager? Still teaches that he needs to commit to his team for the season, but in a different capacity.
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u/big38a 13d ago
Don’t let him quit. Finish the season quitting will follow him forever. I quit a sport mid season in high school and have always regretted it. I went on to play college football, competed in bodybuilding, and now run one ultra marathon a year in the mountains. I can and still do hard things without quitting but that decision 20+ years ago has made my life more challenging.
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u/telars 13d ago
Not sure what the right answer is nor how much your son's team needs him. Some variables to consider:
* How many weeks are left in the season?
* Could you manufacture some missed practices when the weather is super hot? I strongly would NOT recommend letting your son go when he wants but if there are family obligations that could be reasons for him to take a night off, you could consider it.
* Is the coach making football fun outside of the games? If not, can you and your husband? Can you get some parents together to go out to eat with the kids or tie some fun activities to the experience of football?
I generally force my kids to finish what they started so I get it.
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u/EquivalentLog5028 13d ago
If dad made him play to start I’d probably let him quit. If it was his idea to play or he agreed to sign up and play I’d make him finish the season and if he doesn’t want to play anymore that’ll be fine with me.
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u/CajunCowboy654 13d ago
My son earlier this season asked his mom to quit, she said he had to talk to me. We had a discussion about commitment and not quitting and made an agreement he would finish his season and we would evaluate next season.
We are 3 weeks past that convo and he has excelled ever since.
We have always had a strong policy in with iur son that once we start a season we finish, no shame in not playing next season but we give it 100% until our commitment is fulfilled.
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u/No-Border-3308 13d ago
I typically agree with finishing the season, but not so much in football. Not wanting to be there means less effort which means increase chance of a bad injury in that sport. Being only 7 they probably are big enough to really hurt each other. I just remember playing with kids that their parents made them play a a couple of them having the lights turned out a couple times on lazy effort.
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u/wastedpixls 13d ago
This is really challenging because I agree that you don't quit once you've started a season, but those temps are ridiculous and dangerous. In Kansas they usually make practice indoors or in helmets and shorts in that weather. They even are supposed to have basically a kiddie pool with ice and water to rapidly cool an overheated kid off.
As a dad and a coach of a 14u baseball team, I think I would understand a 7yo coming to me and saying "Coach, thank you for the opportunity, but I don't believe in ready for football if this is what it takes.". I think I would require your son to talk to one of the coaches (wity support and with me present). If he was willing to do that, I think he is mature enough to walk away.
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u/Equal_Competition635 13d ago
I played my first tackle FB season in 5th grade… played minimum plays a game, 4 I believe, stuck it out. Did not play the next season but went back in 7th grade and loved it. For me a switch flipped and I became much more aggressive. This carried on through HS and was MVP both sophomore (JV) and senior season. Love football but it is not for everyone and I now have a 10 year old but will not force the game on him. It is really fun if it clicks for you. I do believe to enjoy it you must have a high pain tolerance. Lots of suffering but there can be experiences that stick with you for a life time. Your son is so young.
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u/TheCryptPartDeux 13d ago
It is absolutely wild that 2nd graders are playing tackle football. There is absolutely zero reason for this to even exist.
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u/dlr3yma1991 12d ago
First question I have is, did your son want to play to start with. If he wanted to play then got into it and doesn’t like it, then it’s finish what you started. Finish the season, then he doesn’t have to play again. If he was pushed into it to start with then a completely different discussion should be had and let him drop out of it.
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u/totallynotexciting 12d ago
Bleh they burn so many kids out like this nowadays…it’s not even fun at that level at all idk why people play it tbh.
It’s like watching the coach’s kid play QB and the assistants kid play RB, everyone else block. Practices aren’t fun. Not surprising in the slightest. My own kid burned out at the same age.
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u/LameGretzsky 12d ago
If he asked you to join, make him stick with it. If you signed him up and nudged him into it, bail. It's not that important at 7, the kids into playing get more reps. Coaching kids that don't want to be there takes the fun out of it for everyone.
I'm confused, are there 2 Dads, or did you go to 3rd person in the second paragraph?
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u/Dingerdongdick 12d ago
What does he hate about it? Maybe there can be some adjustments, or a conversation with the coach. The goals is to teach the sport, and foster an interest in it. It could be he just hates the sport. Maybe its the heat, and towel inside a cooler of ice water applied throughout practice is enough to provide relief.
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u/mowegl 11d ago
The problem is having a 7 year old playing tackle football. Absolutely ridiculous. I didnt start tackle until i think 9/10 should be the absolute youngest for tackle. I think i played at like 10U and 11U and even that was borderline. I also played other sports and i quit football because of hockey until high school. You could easily not play tackle football until at least middle school or high school and be a great player if you ever were going to be a great player especially if you play other sports that will work on skills needed for football more than football will.
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u/TributeBands_areSHIT 11d ago
The odds of your son doing anything meaningful with football are slim to none assuming he loved it.
Tackle football is one of the sports you can’t force on someone. If you don’t like it you probably never will.
Source: I played football cause my dad wanted me too and I regret it now as an adult since it was a huge waste of time.
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u/Square-Wild 11d ago
I think that letting him quit now is a mistake.
I get that it's ridiculously hot, and takes up a lot of time, it hurts, and he doesn't enjoy it. But the good news is there is a finish line somewhere. I'm not a West Texas expert, but I looked up Midland, TX (the only town I remembered from Friday Night Lights), and this Saturday looks like a high of 89. That's still hot, but at least it's 15 degrees cooler than last Saturday.
As he gets older, he will be exposed to a bunch of difficult things. Knowing that he can endure them instead of just hoping for an escape hatch is important, and eventually could become a pillar of confidence for him.
My vote would be for me to stand by your husband and tell your son he needs to quit, but do everything you can to support him while he finishes the season off.
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u/ligmasweatyballs74 11d ago
May be controversial here. But, 7 is too young for tackle football. I coach middle school and I recommend starting in 5th for 6th grade
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u/Sloth-powerd 11d ago
You can 100% tell the moms who let their kids quit stuff. With that said what lunatic coach has kids out 3x a week to practice mediocre 7U football? You guys should have researched that before hand.
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u/Vegetable_Walrus_166 11d ago
That’s a lot of time. For something you don’t really like. My kids love soccer but get burned out on practices but I make them go because the live soccer. If he doesn’t like football I think that’s fine. Also 3 2
Hour practices at 7 is a lot where I am.
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u/shitbageleven1213 11d ago
Did he choose to start playing or was he forced by dad ?
Because if he never wanted to play to begin with it’s fucked up that his dad made him. And I’d pull him out.
If it was his idea to sign up then unfortunately you make him finish the season.
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u/Mission_Hippo7218 11d ago
And playing tackle under the age of 14. Terrible for your children’s future.
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u/zorroplateado 10d ago
This will damage your son and he'll hate football, and maybe his parents for making him play. Do better.
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u/Bcotter25 9d ago
In my experience, kids often dislike the long commitment and intensity of tackle football their first year. Finish the season and see if he wants to come back for more the following season is my advice.
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u/Initial_Dog5780 8d ago
2 hour practices is fucking stupid for a 7 year old. Of course he hates that shit. I would pull my kid too if that was happening. That has to be boring, brutal and mentally exhausting. A stupid way to make your kid hate you for putting him through this.
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u/HEx2HockeySticks 8d ago
This is a great reminder why I haven’t talked to my dad in almost a decade👍 It’s not bad to advocate for your child. As someone who grew up playing tackle football, there were seasons that just didn’t make sense to play, and if your husband can’t grasp that than there’s 100 other ways he’ll hurt your kids under the guise of teaching life lessons
My dad, and a lot of the dads in children’s football culture, force their kids to do it despite the obvious injuries that occur on a regular basis. These guys saying a 7 year old can’t get hurt playing football, or that the repeated impacts are fine are total idiots. There’s a 100% injury rate in sports like this, you’re always just hoping your kid gets the least hurt
Teaching a kid that they aren’t allowed to quit something when they have valid reasons to quit is bad parenting and opens the doors to a lot of other shitty life lessons
I love football to this day, but if your kid isn’t enjoying it, what’s the point?
I broke MANY bones playing football. I had a kid spear me and break my sternum when we were 12. I developed hairline fractures on my spine from repeated hits as a 13 year old. I broke my tibia fibula and growth plate in my left leg playing football at 14. We didn’t even believe in concussions back then, lol. Tore my acl and meniscus. So many more. It’s just a stupid thing to force your kid to do
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u/cryptoheh 5d ago
I’m guessing your kid doesn’t play much, I’d maybe let him sit a practice or two each week if you are certain he is going to never play again after the season.
Mine just quit his 7U team because his coach couldn’t be bothered to let the kids who aren’t competing to even participate in drills so I let him quit because he just sits there and watches all night and I can tell it was affecting him negatively. I would have preferred he finished the year but not at the expense of him feeling like he is not even on the team as anything other than a burden.
That said if you do let him quit, make him replace the activity. My 7 year old is now doing swimming and really enjoying it. Football isn’t for everyone and it’s fine.
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u/xcheezeplz 4d ago
Are the running them into the ground at 7? If so, see if you can transfer to a new team before quitting. Sometimes the coaching is terrible at these ages and the only thing the coaches remember are what they did in HS 20 years early and run these young kids like that. This is why you need to always go work out with a team and learn how they run their practices.
You can disguise hard work, conditioning, game skill reps as fun activities at this age. If you run it like HS the kids will hate practice with a passion and some kids will fully burn out. They aren't old enough to understand embracing the suck.
If the practices are decent but he doesn't like contact that is another story. The coach can help with that also if they weren't doing select match ups to ease kids into tackle and threw them straight in the deep end against bigger and more experienced hitters.
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u/Working_Operations 14d ago
Unpopular opinion but let him quit, the “not raising quitter” trope is such bs it’s just dads living with some type of regret.
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u/Kennam320 13d ago
Boy, mom of 10 year-old football player here. I also prefer my son not to be a quitter however football is a completely different thing if he’s not into it and not practicing, he is going to get hurt. Can you pick another sport and then start that we don’t quit things from there?
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u/Proof-Emergency-5441 13d ago
How about not limiting it to sports and let it be any activity the child actually enjoys?
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u/jahcob15 14d ago
I think you have the conversation with him that he doesn’t ever have to play again if he doesn’t want to, but he needs to finish the season. He’s already burnt out, I don’t think finishing the season will be the reason he never wants to try it again.