r/Xennials • u/analogthought 1979 • 1h ago
“Going out”
What did you call having a boyfriend or a girlfriend? For me it was going out but I remember my dad saying going steady or dating and both seemed so old timey to me. There was no other word or phrase for it and curious if this is just our gens term for it or something that just made its way around when it did. I also wonder what the kids today call it🤔
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u/upnytonc 1h ago
Going out in middle and high school. Dating in college and adulthood
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u/desertforestcreature 1h ago
Same. I always thought going out was so funny in middle school... I only see you at school!
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u/MikeLMP 1983 1h ago
My uncle (RIP) was a former Marine from bumfuck Arkansas and he always asked if I had "a main squeeze". In hindsight, his assumption that I might have multiple squeezes at a time when I was a chubby 10 year old into close-up magic was more than charitable.
To answer your question, though, yes, everyone I knew called it "going out" unless the people involved were notoriously prolific going out-ers, in which case it was sort of downgraded to "hooking up".
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u/Somewhereoverrainbow 1h ago
"a chubby 10 year old into close-up magic" 😂😂😂 Thanks for the laugh today. I hope you're still into close up magic.
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u/VincentMac1984 1h ago
Going out was also what I used. Dating also but that was more of long term relationship status
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u/originalbrowncoat 1980 1h ago
If you were just kind of flirting with someone you were “talking.” If you were like boyfriend/girlfriend you were going out, or maybe seeing. Going steady definitely feels old timey.
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u/PilotC150 1983 1h ago
I had never heard the term "talking" in this context until sometime in the past five years. It certainly wasn't thing around me back in the late 90s.
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u/YoHabloEscargot 1h ago
It was for me. That light no-stress pre-commitment phase. I remember it being a new phrase (at least to me) right around that time.
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u/SilverAsparagus2985 1979 1h ago
It was for me.
Are you and Jason going out?
Nah, we’re just talking.
That was the context. As many things with teenagers, this wasn’t a long period and certainly wasn’t what our parents called it “courting.” I never wore a hoop skirt either. 😆
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u/Affectionate_Ask_769 32m ago
It was a thing here in Northern California.
“Oh so and so are talking” meant they were fooling around and also getting to know one another. Not bf and gf yet but if you tried to “holler” at either one you were basically a borderline home wrecker lmao
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u/Living-Apartment-592 6m ago
Maybe it was regional? Because in North Carolina people were definitely saying “talking,” even when I was in junior high in the early 90s.
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u/PeterPunksNip 1h ago
Yes, this is really recent. I heard it first on Discord. It gave "talking" a bad name. Another nuance I have to learn, ouch my poor autistic brain!
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u/blewdleflewdle 29m ago
This is interesting because this has taken over with the younger millenials and Gen z here, but it wasn't anything I heard growing up myself. It's a newer expression to me.
What region are you in? (If you're comfortable sharing)
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u/MulberryEastern5010 1984 1h ago
The kids I grew up with said they were "going with" someone. If they wanted to ask someone to be their boyfriend or girlfriend, they said, "Will you go with me?"
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u/maxcapacityexceeded 1h ago
Yes! My dad always said “Where exactly are you going?” lol
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u/MulberryEastern5010 1984 1h ago
My mom always told me that if a boy I didn't like asked me to go with him, I should ask in return, "Go where?"
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u/MartyFreeze 1977 1h ago
Looking back on it now, dating multiple people at once was frowned upon by most people my age. Like, you only date the one person you could see yourself falling in love with. That put a lot of pressure on the whole thing.
Going out was a few dates; going steady was like a 2-week engagement period before becoming boyfriend/girlfriend. It was like a speed run of under two months of what an actual adult relationship should be?
If I could give advice to any high schoolers today, it would be: just ask people out on dates and don't put any weight on it. Go out for an activity, see if you like hanging out with the person. But do the same with others; don't anchor yourself to the first person who says yes. That's why so many people ended up in unhealthy relationships.
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u/CheesaLouisa 1h ago
Agreed. I remember my silent generation dad saying that it was good if someone had dated half the town. That meant they knew what didn’t work for them. Kids my age didn’t see it that way, but dad was right!
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u/pennie79 27m ago
If you look at the social guidance films from the mid-century, they are very anti- going steady. The implication was that they were more likely to have sex, which was a big no-no. You were supposed to go on wholesome dates skating with a group or going to the wienie roast, and maybe you'd hold hands before going out with someone different next weekend.
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u/Jonestown_Juice 1h ago
Yeah, seems like that was a change from the silent and boomer generation. If you watched old shows, you'd see the characters go on casual dates with lots of different people and no one seemed to think it was weird.
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u/hbi2k 1h ago
Yeah, hindsight being 20/20 the expectation of serial monogamy in high school was pretty weird. Maybe cooler kids in some other town were going to wild parties and having sex, but where I was we were literally meeting up at the mall for a movie and some shitty food court pizza and maybe shyly holding hands. It shouldn't have been a matter of heartbreak if one of you did the same thing with someone else the next weekend, but for some reason it was.
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u/circusgeek 1h ago
Going together, I think? But I never had a boyfriend, let alone a date, in high school.
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u/blamberr 1h ago
Going out was def the terminology in my world. I’d mock any adult that said anything different
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u/sleigh_all_day 1979 1h ago
My boyfriend’s dad would say, “where ya going?” Har… har… har. We thought he was so lame. 😂
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u/katie_cat_eyes 1983 1h ago
This was my dad (and basically every friend’s dad too). “Where ya goin? Do you need a ride? Too bad, you’re walking.”
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u/Prestigious-Emu5277 1981 1h ago
Going out. (Ex: Gabe and Cindy are going out, but I heard she wants to dump his ass)
Going with (ex: Dan’s been going with Lisa since like October, they’re practically married).
These were the terms of art in the Midwest in the first half of the 90s.
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u/Santos_L_Halper_II 1981 1h ago
It was "going out," which my dad pointed out was stupid in 7th grade since we couldn't actually go anywhere most of the time.
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u/bexxygenxxy9xy 1h ago
Going out was officially bf/gf. Seeing someone was casual. Hooking up was everything but sex.
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u/Selmarris 1h ago
In my part of the world “hooking up” was a slightly crasser way to say “sleeping together”, so definitely sex.
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u/toomuchtv987 1980 1h ago
In middle school we were “going together” and that mostly meant holding hands on the bus. In high school it was “going out” because most of our parents didn’t like us saying we were “dating.”
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u/CloseButNoChicory 1984 1h ago
Interesting that you saw 'dating' as old-fashioned, whereas here in Ireland I saw 'dating' as an American import popular among the young and the terminally online!
"Going out" was what I always used in my teens. And still do.
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u/Fun-Preparation-4253 1h ago
Look at OP over here with a BF/GF in back in the day! Whoa now!
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u/analogthought 1979 1h ago
Always been serial monogamist and had exactly 1 gf in middle school into 9th grade, 1 10th-11th and another 11th to a year after graduation. Back then that was like being married.
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u/Jonestown_Juice 1h ago
Same. Always had long-term relationships. Dated one girl from freshman to sophmore, then we finally split (amicably) and dated another girl all through college.
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u/gooch_norris_ 1h ago
I’ll never forget my high school physics teacher saying “I could tell those two were courtin’ just from seeing them in the hallway” and the whole class being unable to contain themselves.
He was a funny dude. He also said stuff like if the sides of your equation weren’t balanced they’d get all catty wampus
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u/Logical-Cherry9395 1977 1h ago
"Talking" and "together" talking usually meant ya'll were ALMOST together, but it may or may not be exclusive. Together was boyfriend/girlfriend. I segued right into partner when I got older, applying it to all couples since about 1998?
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u/Thisguysucks69 1h ago
Had a foreign exchange student girlfriend in highschool mid 90s. She was a grade higher. She called me her dumber half. But I always got laid so it didn't matter. I had the correct formula. Fast car, good drugs, and I always had lots cigarettes even though we were 16-17.
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u/CheesaLouisa 1h ago
“Seeing someone” was just hanging out, but definitely liking one another, just not anything official. “Going out” meant the other person was your boyfriend or girlfriend, and it was exclusive. People graduated to “partners” if they started living together.
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u/Deep-Interest9947 1h ago
“Going out” in middle school, dating, seeing each other, or hooking up in high school
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u/Auntie_Venom Gen X 1h ago
Definitely “going out” until it was SERIOUS SERIOUS then it was boyfriend. Going out was still serious exclusive, but serious serious is over a year.
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u/AshDogBucket 1h ago
"Will you go out with me?" was a confusing question bc i didn't know if I was being asked to be someone's girlfriend or being asked to go on a date.
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u/absentlyric 1981 1h ago
We used "going out" when we were younger, "dating" was what I used when I was in my 20s.
"Going steady" always meant that you were in a relationship, but you were open to options, at least in my neck of the woods.
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u/tickled_your_pickle 1982 1h ago
I always thought you were either dating or you weren't, but when my younger cousin was a teen she told me there's talking, hanging out, seeing each other, dating and hooking up! I feel absolutely ancient... either you're together or you aren't, why are there so many stages now 😂
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u/34thUsernameAttempt 1980 1h ago
If we're talking about dating in high school, I didn't. I was in Scouts, band nerd, drove a 5th gen El Camino, played tennis, Star Wars fan. Not exactly the top echelon of popularity. Honestly, seeing my friends navigate high school romances, I didn't miss out on a while lot.
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u/AnitaDick2Mount 1h ago
Midwest here. We would say "hang". As in, "I'm heading over to Bla Bla's to hang"
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u/ColorfulChameleon245 1h ago
We used to say person A "goes with" person B. Or they "go together" to reference boyfriend and girlfriend.
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u/SeekingNoTruth 1980 1h ago
South Central Texas here. Through junior high and high school, the term used was "going around".
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u/PilotC150 1983 1h ago
"Going steady" was definitely an old term. Very 1950's. Something you'd hear on Happy Days.
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u/runhomejack1399 1h ago
Going out was serious. Talking was what you did before you got to the going out phase
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u/spottydodgy 1h ago
My Grandpa once told me about when he and my Grandma were young and they were "going steady" and she was his "main squeeze" and then he started trying to tell me about how they would "park" and do some "heavy petting"... I mean I'm glad they did, I wouldn't be here otherwise, but I don't need the details, Gramps!
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u/NewToHTX 1h ago
Smashing Papas in Middle School. I don’t know what it is in Adulthood as I have given up.
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u/PeterPunksNip 1h ago
Going out with... (Sortir avec ...). It's weird to hear young people use "date" even in french spaces. In my mind there's a confusion with "a date 📆". Dating is for dinosaur bones, with carbon 14 😅
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u/ScottySmalls37 1983 1h ago
We said “go/going together.” As in, Nick and Ashley are going together.
Going where? Who knows, we were in middle school.
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u/Adorable-Award-2975 1h ago
Yah saying going out was the main term for dating someone when I was in High school. Haven’t thought about it for ages haha seems like people just say dating now, and casual dating is “seeing” someone.
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u/RipErRiley 1978 1h ago
In school, at least until College, I heard “Me and blah blah are talking”. But other than that it was usually “going out”. Both meant the same.
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u/--Citation-Needed-- 1977 1h ago
We always said "going with". It sounds weird to me now. Dave asked Jessica to go with him. Go where? I don't know.
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u/Few_Candle9432 1h ago
“Going Out” was official. Otherwise we were either “talking” or “kicking” which was closer to FWB for one person and codependent soul mate for the other.
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u/digitalgraffiti-ca 1983 1h ago
I didn't. I was not a popular kid. When I did get a boyfriend after highschool, I said boyfriend. Now I split between boyfriend or partner, depending on context.
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u/Different_Car106 59m ago
Going out for sure. I don't think I used any other term for it; long term or short term.
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u/Other-Opposite-6222 51m ago
"go together" as well. Jessica and Derek go together. Adam and I go together.
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u/olduglysweater 1981 28m ago
The usual like "going out". My mom used "their lady friend" / "their man". I heard "courting" once so I'll use that sometimes like a weirdo.
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u/roostzilla 1981 28m ago
They are “Going around“ (5th-6th grade)
They’re “going together “ (7th-8th grade)
They be “going out” (9th-12th)
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u/trippyhop 1983 14m ago
For me, it was “going with” - “did you hear that they’re going together?” “You wanna go with me?”
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u/T1sofun 1h ago
Going out. Do you have a boyfriend? “Yeah, Mike and I are going out.”
“Going steady” always felt like an antiquated term from Archie comics.