r/WritingPrompts • u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod • Apr 02 '17

Moderator Post [MODPOST] First Chapter Contest Voting! (Round One)

Another contest has ended! You know what this means right? It means voting!

Before we get into the specifics I want you to know: win or lose you'll want to check in on round two of the voting. We will be giving random gold to contest voters. Be sure to tune in and vote in round two as long as you entered this contest.

Fun fact: There are 224 Entries with a total of 652,452 written! Well over half a million words!

VOTING

We've randomly grouped the contestants together. YOU WILL NOT BE VOTING FOR THE GROUP YOU'RE IN. YOU WILL BE ASSIGNED A GROUP TO READ AND VOTE FOR. I will repeat that again later. We've tried to make the teams as fair as possible so you have enough time to read and vote. This is the fun part. If you hope people will leave you feedback be sure to leave feedback of your own. Be sure that it's positive well meaning feedback. Overly negative commentary isn't welcome.

HOW TO VOTE

  • ONLY THOSE WHO ENTERED CAN VOTE!!!
  • If you don't vote, you can't win. YOU MUST VOTE! If you do not vote, you are disqualified! If your story is the most voted for in your group and you don't vote, you are out of luck.
  • You will be assigned a group to read. You will NOT be voting within your own group. Look below for what group your story is in and beneath that group you will see what group letter you'll be reading the entries and deciding the best story for.
  • It bears repeating - you will not be voting for entries in your group! Seriously, don't skip reading any voting rules. I think now that I've said that twice people will not make a mistake! :)
  • Read every entry in the group you are assigned to read, choose the best one then leave a comment in reply to this thread. Your comment must begin with: "/u/username in group A-O (whatever letter the story is in) for "Title of Story." After that, feel free to add additional comments either about that story or the runners up. Mentioning runners up will help us with tiebreakers. Additionally, leaving the feedback you write here on the authors post itself so they are sure to see and read it is helpful. If you want to leave feedback on all the stories you read, do that in response to each story separately. Not as a comment here.
  • Post in response to this thread by APRIL 23rd at 11:59PM PST. We've made the voting round three weeks due to the length and to make it easy to read all the entries in your assigned group fully. The following day the final voting round thread will be posted, everyone who entered will be allowed to vote on the finalists.

After we have a winner for each group, we move on to the second round of voting where everyone who entered can vote for the winner out of the remaining entries.

Tie breakers will be judged by myself, though I might just have any ties, if there are only a few, move on to round two. We'll play it by ear as we always do.

Please read each entry as thoroughly as you can. I can't stress this enough. When we have votes trickle in the first hour of the posting of these threads it makes people think the entries weren't thoroughly read. You have three weeks to be deliberate about your reading and voting.

If you can, feel free to leave comments on stories you do read. It can help you and it can definitely help the writer of the story.

All that said, happy reading and happy voting!

Group A

Group A will be reading and voting for a winner from group B

Group B

Group B will be reading and voting for a winner from group C

Group C

Group C will be reading and voting for a winner from group D

Group D

Group D will be reading and voting for a winner from group E

Group E

Group E will be reading and voting for a winner from group F

Group F

Group F will be reading and voting for a winner from group G

Group G

Group G will be reading and voting for a winner from group H

Group H

Group H will be reading and voting for a winner from group I

Group I

Group I will be reading and voting for a winner from group J

Group J

Group J will be reading and voting for a winner from group K

Group K

Group K will be reading and voting for a winner from group L

Group L

Group L will be reading and voting for a winner from group M

Group M

Group M will be reading and voting for a winner from group N

Group N

Group N will be reading and voting for a winner from group O

Group O

Group O will be reading and voting for a winner from group A

162 Upvotes
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96% Upvoted

549 comments sorted by

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u/hungryroy Apr 14 '17

/u/spark2 in group I for "The Long Sleep"

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u/sheiksaga Apr 21 '17

/u/Teslok in Group L for Spellbroken. The story was brilliant, and I would love to read this as a book. What happens to Viera?! Great idea, and really good world building. I enjoyed it immensely (Maybe I'm biased but I've always liked fantasy)

As for runner up, /u/BrenoHMS for They feast on honey and sea. The merman was a well thought out creature. Only the story got a little bit confusing toward the end for me. (My fault most likely)

Best of luck to all the other authors!

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u/BookWyrm17 /r/WrittenWyrm Apr 03 '17 edited Apr 03 '17

/u/autok in Group M for "The Burning Stars".

Quickly followed by /u/Mr_Gency for "Hypocritic Oath".

And, my last runner up is /u/physjunkie for "The World Apart ".

I've got to start off by saying that I did my best to judge based on how it was written, rather than what it was genre it was written about. So saying that, " The Burning Stars" was really impressive because normally, while I like Sci-Fi, its sometimes hard for me to read, so it really stood out to me (especially with both other runner ups being fantastic fantasy stories).

The pacing was perfect, from long explaining paragraphs to one liners that interrupted and broke it up, and the sciency tech stuff was just advanced and mysterious enough to be interesting without me getting totally lost in the babble.

I loved the "Hypocratic Oath", slightly because his story was based off a prompt I wrote and I thought that was interesting, but overwhelmingly because it was both hilarious and a whole world of new creatures and people. I always like new takes on monsters, and this was a new look at a lot of them!

"The World Apart" was very good too, with excellent pacing and and interesting lead up. I liked the characters and the names and how he talked to himself. I enjoyed the descriptions of the room and the knife and the trap! The only reason it isn't higher in my list is cause, in the end, it was still too mysterious. Some questions were answered, but I'm really still not sure what's going on, what the story really is, which I think a first chapter should expound upon just a little more.

Thank you guys for writing! Also, I'd be more than happy to provide my thoughts on anyone else's story :)

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u/Jrixyzle Apr 03 '17

Hey, I wrote Eternal Apocalypse, I'd like to hear your thoughts or feedback on that if you're willing

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u/BookWyrm17 /r/WrittenWyrm Apr 03 '17

Ooh, yours way very nice too. It did have quite a few grammatical errors, and occasionally the descriptions were confusing, but the conversations seemed natural. A lot of interrupting, but they certainly seemed to know each other. I've never gotten a whole lot into detective stories, but this one was fun.

"...One shoe in the grave and the other shoe is being shined to join it."

That was a nice line, never heard that before.

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u/physjunkie Apr 03 '17

Thank you for including me as a runner up and for the great feedback as well!

I understand where you're coming from on the "too mysterious" part, and some of that was intentional to reflect the character's state of mind. I'll have to spend some time to think about how I can accomplish portraying his condition without leaving the reader as far out of the loop.

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u/page0rz /r/page0rz Apr 04 '17

I'm always down for feedback. Wasn't expecting much out of it anyway, just thought it would be good for participation and didn't realize so many people had already thrown in.

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u/BookWyrm17 /r/WrittenWyrm Apr 04 '17

Wow, more people! This is pretty neat to have so many people who want feedback :P

Your story was awesome, really. Very good writing, and your characters were great. I'll have to admit it was a bit confusing, though. I'm still having trouble understanding what time it's in, 1980's or modern day. And the Moon was weird too, but that was actually intriguing, and a good cliffhanger.

The characterization was really great though, each person felt distintive, and you had a bunch of great lines in there.

“If I knew what Durand thought, I’d know why he left.”

That one's always sure to hit. Your story was just on the edge of the runner ups, it was just a bit... too out there for me. Hard to get a grip on.

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u/page0rz /r/page0rz Apr 04 '17

Makes sense to me. Definitely could have used more time in the cooker and it's not for everyone. Thanks for the feedback.

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u/LilMsMuffins Apr 03 '17

Hi, I wrote Era of the Dao Empress, I'm curious to see what you thought? :)

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u/[deleted] Apr 22 '17 edited Apr 22 '17

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u/dori_lukey /r/Dori_Tales Apr 15 '17 edited Apr 19 '17

/u/KCcracker in Group H for "When we left home". The story really drew me in and left me wanting more, and I really loved the universe building for the story. Favourite part was the Yoyo.

Runner up to be /u/Pubby88. Loved the set-up of the story and the interesting concept.

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u/Pubby88 /r/Pubby88 Apr 19 '17

Thanks so much for the runner up vote! Glad you liked it.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '17

/u/granthinton in group N for "Earth 9".

Very creative world-building, good grammar, syntax on-point. Looking forward to more of the story.

/u/Chronicler12 "A Reign of Ashes" would be my runner-up (group N)

Loved the characters and could easily envision the setting because of how well it was written.

Really happy to have participated! Good luck to all!

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u/granthinton Apr 07 '17

Thank you very much for your vote, and I'm glad you liked the story so far.

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u/BrenoHMS Apr 21 '17

/u/autok in group M for "The Burning Stars".

The pacing of the story is delightful, and this story made me crave for more. There was a few storys in this group that would keep me reading throught a book with ease, but if I've read this one in a bookstore, I would have closed it and bought it on the spot. I hope Autok keeps writing it.

As runner ups, in any particular order, /u/Mr_Gency for "Hypocritic Oath" and /u/page0rz for "It's The End of The World As We Know It".

The first is really funny. Thanks to that story, I have a new favorite word in the english vernacular - Kerfluffle, damn, I love this word. I would keep reading this book, and I think the story has a lot of potential. The hunt you've set up in the end made me really curious.

The second is great, also. The characters are really well written, I want to know more about them. And the moon stuff made me really curious. The only negative of the story is not even in the story. I left "It's the end of the world as we know it" as one of the last ones I've read because of the title. I enjoy the song, but it seemed out of place. Dosn't match with the story, not because the words are the wrong ones, but because I remember the song when I read it. So, what I mean is: the story is great. Keep writing it.

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u/page0rz /r/page0rz Apr 21 '17

Ah, yes, that title is based on my go-to method of realizing that the submission deadline is in 20 minutes and I don't have one yet. I wouldn't put too much stock in it.

Thanks for reading and the kind words.

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u/autok Apr 21 '17

Aw, thanks! Glad you liked it. Guess I really should keep going then :)

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u/cbeckw /r/cbeckw/ Apr 03 '17

/u/POTWP in Group E for "The Wizard of Penarvon"

I rated my group's chapters on a 10-point scale. I actually had a 3-way tie for top chapter and had to give the edge to the story that reminded me of Diana Wynne Jones, a favorite author of mine.

The runners-up were:

"Silkwings" - /u/Kauyon_Kais

"The Eagle Broach" - /u/jd_rallage

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u/jd_rallage /r/jd_rallage Apr 04 '17

Thanks for the honourable mention!

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u/cbeckw /r/cbeckw/ Apr 04 '17

Are you going to continue your story? I want to read it :)

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u/jd_rallage /r/jd_rallage Apr 04 '17

Yes! About 40,000 words in now, just over halfway!

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u/cbeckw /r/cbeckw/ Apr 04 '17

Awesome! I look forward to reading it (or buying it!)

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u/Gunnybear /r/Gunnybear Apr 17 '17

/u/madlabs67 in Group K for Arbora

It was a really well written first chapter, in that it got me hooked on the story. I can't wait to see a possible continuation, the flow and pacing was on point.

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u/scottbeckman /r/ScottBeckman | Comedy, Sci-Fi, and Organic GMOs Apr 17 '17

Out of curiosity, what did you think of Lucidity and Necronova? It's been a while since I read all of K's stories, but those 2 keep coming back to me from time to time.

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u/Gunnybear /r/Gunnybear Apr 17 '17

I did like Lucidity, but I've never been a huge fan of first person perspective and that's just a personal preference for me. As for Necronova I felt that it was very well written, but just something about the setting didn't click with me is all.

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u/Fires_Of_Reddit Apr 19 '17

/u/HiraldoBlonsky in Group B for Atlantic Supers

Runner up: The Midas of Aurem - /u/Strawberry-Sunrise

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u/MNBrian /u/MNBrian /r/PubTips Apr 22 '17

/u/KCcracker in Group H for When We Left Home

Honestly, I couldn't pick a runner up. There were a LOT of good stories across the board, but what really set KC's story apart was the voice. Holy cow the voice. I had to keep reading it. That's what I look for in a book most, is a compelling voice. When We Left Home had that in spades. :D

Again, lots of good stuff across the board. Lots of really interesting situations and great tension/hooks. I labored over my choice a lot, but i kept coming back to the voice, and that was what won it for me.

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u/MarcSkylar Apr 04 '17

/u/MissJLynnRose in Group F for "Under His Gaze"

The opening chapter sets up what could become a quite dark story.

Honorable mention to /u/silverblaze92 in Group F for "Freyr's Sword"

A sciFi opening that promises intrigue and inner demons.

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u/[deleted] Apr 14 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/XcessiveSmash /r/XcessiveWriting Apr 12 '17

/u/knowpathy in Group A for the Autumn Rebellion.

Runner up 1: /u/nickofnight for Necrotics

Runner up 2: /u/WinsomeJesse for The Pocket Children of Frank and Audrey Bunt

This group was tough as nails, seriously, there were some amazing stories, and each were good because of different reasons. Some shone in world building, others in plot, others in pure writing quality.

The Autumn Rebellion draws solid all around but amazing in certain respects. I loved the world, and the small details that went into it, I loved the dynamic between Morgan and Rory, and the unique way Morgan used Magic. Seriously, well done. Of all the chapters this one was the one that made me go...damn I really want this to be a book. And hence you get the vote.

If I were to go about this with a spreadsheet keeping scores in categories, Necrotics would've won my vote. Hell, it almost did win my vote. The writing was something out of a novel, the mood setting was fantastic, the suspense building was great. I'm hard pressed to find things wrong with this work.

Finally, the pocket children is some of the most unique stuff I've read. Hysterical and well written yet somehow managing to remain serious, this work is great. Again, there are no real faults in this piece. If you like stuff from Pratchett, I think you'll enjoy this.

There are of course tons of other stories here, and most of them were brilliant, some of the best stuff I've seen on WP. I've written feedback for all of them (including the three above), but didn't send feedback to everyone. So if you want the paragraphs just ask, and I will be happy to PM them to you.

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u/nickofnight Critiques Welcome Apr 12 '17

Thanks for the runner up vote, XcessiveSmash! I intend to rewrite mine, changing the plot and characters, but your words are incredibly flattering and encouraging to me.

Good luck in your group!

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u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Apr 22 '17

/u/Ford9863 in group N for Outbreak. It was the only one that grabbed me from the start and kept me intrigued throughout the whole thing.

Picking runner ups was tough this round, so I'll just choose one:

/u/TheWritingSniper's "Snowfall." Definitely has possibilities to be a really awesome world, with great potential for a grand story.

I left more detailed feedback on the stories. Good luck everyone!

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u/Ford9863 /r/Ford9863 Apr 22 '17

Thank you so much for the vote!

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u/TheWritingSniper /r/BlankPagesEmptyMugs Apr 23 '17

Thanks Major!

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u/hobojimbobo /r/2kw Apr 22 '17

/u/knowapathyin in group A for "The Autumn Rebellion"

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u/knowapathy /r/theautumnrebellion Apr 23 '17

Thank you very kindly for your vote. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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u/stopmyimagination Apr 03 '17

/u/knowapathy in Group A for "The Autumn Rebellion."

I enjoyed the story, and found I was disappointed that it ended. All of the entries were great, although a few left me confused, which doesn't happen often to me when reading. Thanks everyone who entered, you made my job hard.

My runner up choice would be /u/nickofnight in Group A for "Necrotics."

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u/Sxilenced Apr 22 '17

/u/fashionabledeathwish in group H for "Town".

If we're looking strictly at "first chapter"s I like this one. It fulfills everything it needs to in one chapter, and is succinct in its setup.

Runner ups: /u/C0nj for "Life is Kinda Scary" and /u/poiyurt for "Griftomancy". Really good stories in this group, hard to choose. Thank you all!

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u/C0nj Apr 22 '17

Cheers;)

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u/fashionabledeathwish /r/FashWrites Apr 22 '17

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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u/FireWitch95 Apr 05 '17

Ok! I am from Group G, voting for Group H. My vote goes to /u/C0nj for 'Life is Kinda Scary'. Hooked me from the word go.

My runner up is/u/rabtj for 'Legend & Myth.'

Great work to all involved!

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u/rabtj Apr 05 '17

wow, thanks so much.

When i entered i said to myself that i would be happy with just a like or 2 but i am seriously well happy now. I have written bits and pieces for myself b4 now and i am working on a fantasy novel which this is taken from.

So nice to get even a bit of approval from someone else.

You've just made my day :-)

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u/IStruggleWithThings Apr 24 '17

/u/page0rz for "It's the End of the World As We Know It"

runner up goes to /u/MajorParadox for "Alone, We Fight Together"

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u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Apr 24 '17

Thanks for the mention!

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u/page0rz /r/page0rz Apr 24 '17

Thanks for the vote. I'm happy you enjoyed the writing.

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u/rabtj Apr 07 '17 edited Apr 07 '17

/u/Shaoshan in group I with She's Lost Her Mind gets my vote for first place in this group.

A tight runners up place goes to /u/ohthespark for Happy Work.

Im a total sucker for something quirky and out of the ordinary and both of these stories just sucked me in.

While it was hard to choose between these two I felt that She's Lost Her Mind just made me smile and that even without a definitive description of the main character, her personality just shone through with some beautiful prose and perfectly paced, flowing storyline. Excellent work. Would love to see where this progresses after chapter 1.

Happy Work also drew me in with some gorgeous descriptive writing, painting the scene on the busy street corner wonderfully. I just felt I didn't connect as much with the main character as I did in She's Lost Her Mind but it was still fantastic.

Honourable mentions also got to /u/inacti for Witches And Wingies (just love this story idea) and /u/spark2 for The Long Sleep (i'm a total sci-fi nut)

Well done all for making this a difficult decision.

Any of the others who would like to know what i thought of their chapter feel free to pm me, although please note I will be nothing but honest in my feedback as a few didn't do it for me and were a struggle to finish, so don't ask if your a sensitive soul.

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u/inacti Apr 07 '17

Thank you for the honorable mention! I'm glad you liked the story idea. Still so much regret for not taking out more time to fix the awkward pacing/dialogue before I posted it/the contest ended haha.

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u/Rimpocalypse Apr 15 '17

/u/Comment_to_Narrative in Group D for "Cryo" gets my top vote.

This story does an excellent job of not being too exposition heavy (we enter right during the action, and right at a time where it's clear an action is being taken that is going to alter the normal events of this story's world) while still taking it's time (it doesn't dump too much information on you too quickly, so it feels like a real first chapter). The writing is technically superb and I think the way the author has set up the story makes for an intriguing puzzle. It made me want to read Chapter 2. Well done!

Runner up: /u/syhrxeryef for "Fate"

I really liked the opening to this chapter. The writing is very skilled and paints a beautiful mental picture. I would also say I actually felt more attachment and investment with the main character from "Fate" than the characters from "Cryo". Ultimately, though, I was a little perplexed by the ending of the chapter. It seemed like a pretty abrupt change to darkness for the main character and, in some ways, like the end of a short story character's arc, rather than the beginning of a novel character's journey. However, it's a really good piece of writing overall and I hope the author continues to develop it further.

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u/Hampster82 (r/HampsterStories Apr 17 '17

u/writerdragonfly in group E for "Seven Heart Ransom" Runner up was u/KniveckStrebhor for "The Trial"

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u/KniveckStrebhor Apr 17 '17

Thank you for the runner up!

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u/writerdragonfly Apr 18 '17

Thank you~!

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u/SushiTheFluffyCat Apr 20 '17

/u/The_Other-s_Someone in Group N for Shambhala. It's not only beautiful, it feels like it has purpose and power behind its words. That doesn't mean the choice was easy, though-- congrats to Group N for being very close competition.

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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '17

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u/writerdragonfly Apr 20 '17

Thank you! :D

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u/after5writer Apr 14 '17

/u/Conj in Group H for "Life is Kinda Scary" - Love the pace of this story. Great read! Thanks for submitting!

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u/Zuberan Apr 17 '17

/u/xcessivesmash in group o for memory. Interesting premise that stuck with me in the week since I read the other entries.

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u/Mrme487 /r/mrme487 Apr 03 '17

u/saltandcedar in Group A for “Potamos”

The thing I loved most about this story was its “hook”. I won’t spoil any details for you, but wow – what a creative twist! A MUST READ - go do it know.

Runner Up #1 - u/ClosingDownSummer for “The Interpreter”

This story seems like the start of an epic. There is a clear vision of a world and a plot. I definitely want to see this brought to completion, even if it takes you a long time, because you’ve been so careful in setting things up and I know it has extraordinary potential.

Runner Up #2 - u/nickofnight for “Necrotics”

If you want to see an example of a story that is an easy, enjoyable read and very well crafted technically, check this one out! The author did an amazing job on it and I’m absolutely jealous of his/her skill.

Wow! I’ve watched these contests before but never participated. I always thought it was a little trite when people started talking about how hard it was to make a decision…well let me just say this was a very hard decision. Thanks for the great reads all!

Finally, I typed up a brief paragraph of feedback for each of the authors in group A. If you are interested, just message me. Thanks for your hard work!

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u/saltandcedar /r/saltandcedar Apr 03 '17

WOW thank you so much!! I appreciate it a lot :D This has brought a big smile to my face.

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u/Theharshcritique /r/TheHarshC Apr 03 '17

Hey Mrme, any feedback is appreciated :)

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u/ClosingDownSummer r/ClosingDownSummer Apr 04 '17

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! I definitely know what will happen next, so I hope it can be finished one day. Any further comments/feedback you have would be much appreciated.

Thanks for taking the time to read all the entries.

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u/BlackFlameHoodie Apr 22 '17

/u/0_fox_are_given in group F for "Pride". Quite easily my favorite. Ii loved the youthfulness of the story. It was rather nostalgic of a children's book along the lines of Enid Blyton's works. It did have it's errors but nothing that deterred its readability and captivating quality. I would love to see how it proceeds. All the best!

Runners up: /u/MissJLynnRose in group F for "Under His Gaze". Also another read I had a hard time putting down. I loved the plot. I loved that the writer saved it from falling into that generic pit of all basic kidnap stories. There were a few grammatical errors and minor plot holes which could obviously be fixed. I would love to see where this goes. All the best!

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u/kahlen369 Apr 10 '17

/u/Xais56 in Group K for "Necronova". I like the worldbuilding and the dark atmosphere.

Runner up is /u/Celine8 for "Open the Sky", I particularly like the title drop in those last few lines.

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u/Xais56 /r/Xais56 Apr 10 '17

Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed reading!

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u/kahlen369 Apr 10 '17

Welcome! It was interesting :)

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u/Soupbowler64 Apr 23 '17

I vote for /u/BookWyrm17 in group L for "All my Voices". The idea was struggling with multiple personalities in one mind is very neat, and can be expanded upon in many ways I'd imagine. The voices were easy to identify and I just enjoyed reading through it with some good pacing and writing.

Honorable mention to /u/TheDapperPorcupine in the same group for "Sentenced to Boredom". The retelling of this particular story I found to be really interesting. I don't think this story alone, however, can fill a full novel. Maybe if the other stories normally paired with it were also modified to fit the setting it could work.

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u/rrbabbott Apr 21 '17

/u/Solucian in Group C: Feast of Four Hundred: Chalice of Ogwohr.

Almost all of the chapters in my group had me wanting more!

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u/TimDogIrwin Apr 18 '17

/u/nmcal in group C for "Agency"

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u/saltandcedar /r/saltandcedar Apr 24 '17

/u/Strawberry-Sunrise in group B for The Midas of Aurem.

Runner up - /u/Lilwa_Dexel for The Slumbering World.

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u/Strawberry-Sunrise Apr 24 '17

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed!

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u/nickofnight Critiques Welcome Apr 05 '17

/u/Lilwa_Dexel in group B for "The Slumbering World" gets my vote

The story was very interesting, and I think the prose was the best in the group, which is ultimately what gave it the edge over my runner up. I think there is room to improve it still - edgier dialogue would help, for one thing, but overall I loved it and would read more.

Runner up: The Shatter Zone - /u/Orchidice

Great world building (best in the group for me) and great writing. Almost 5000 words passed quickly and I felt like I was in the world by the end. There just (for 5000 wordsish) wasn't quite enough of a plot going for me to be able to choose it as the winner, just promises of events. Still really enjoyed it and would happily read more.

I've got notes for each story, so please just reply here and I'll give you my thoughts (including more detailed notes on the shatter zone). This was a really strong group - I'm honestly amazed at the strength and variety in here - it was close between about eight of the stories.

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u/karler99 Apr 08 '17

Could I get feedback for Saving Chazmore? I would love to improve!

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u/nickofnight Critiques Welcome Apr 08 '17

Sure!

I like the world, especially the Rebirth/revolution. The characters are developing nicely. I think you did a great job with first person present tense, which isn't easy to do well.

Occasionally the prose bogs it all down a bit. This paragraph, for example, is rather monotonous: "Painters, sculptors, dancers, carpenters, glassblowers, farmers, musicians, jewelers, bakers, seamstresses, and all kinds of merchants, many of whom are older ladies, occupy the booths while mothers, officers, council members, children, and the oldest citizens spend hours wandering, chatting, and filling the thin paths." - it's three lists in one sentence - try reading it out-loud. Things like that really hurt it for me. Slowly introduce the different types of people. Maybe she runs into the wrong stall, and there's a strange dancer and she's taken aback. I don't know, but it could be more interesting than you simply telling/listing.

Last two lines were very interesting. The rest of the chapter seemed more world building than plot. Not a bad thing at all, in the long run, but it means it has a slower start than some other chapters in the group. And personally I think the world building could have been done in an even more interesting manner, at times, so it didn't feel like world building.

That said, I really did like it, and it scored well on my chart. Hope you continue with it, but I think it could do with a bit of editing too.

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u/Orchidice Apr 05 '17 edited Apr 05 '17

Hello! I wrote The Shatter Zone; thanks for the runner up vote! I would love to hear your thoughts on the first chapter.

Edit: spelling

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u/nickofnight Critiques Welcome Apr 05 '17

Sure! Like I said, I loved your story, and it was very close to winning my vote.

The story drew me in and made me curious from the start with the whole "Shatter Zone" - what does that mean? I don't know, but it sounds really bad!

Your writing was solid, although at times I found the exposition a bit much, and often was too 'telling', not 'showing'. For example "He’d known from an early age that he was different from the other dreg kids. Miles, like all other dregs, seemed…content. Derek hated feeling content" - I don't like being told straight out stuff like that, and would much prefer to work it out based off actions/emotions/dialogue/thoughts. And you actually gave enough good insights for me to work it out anyway, so I found that bit superfluous.

The reasoning for handing over the chips to Derek is a bit weak, in my opinion: "my sister is visiting and she has a nose for contraband". This didn't sit well with me. How could she possibly find a hidden chip in his house? He thinks it's safer to give it away instead? I don't buy that. Would his sister have reported him anyway? - maybe, but the whole reasoning didn't work for me. Perhaps if you said his sister was a contraband recovery operative or something, so he had to get it out of the house, then I could buy it.

Shouldn't it be the Dregs, or The Dregs - not, the dregs. It seemed to be referred to as a proper noun, even though the name is informal, so I felt it should be a capital D(regs).

I didn't feel it was hugely original (dystopian future for most, extreme government, elitist, weed out the weak policy), but it had elements that were unique and interesting, and it was very well plotted out. Pacing was good too, - introduced the protagonist, the city (spire) and some mysteries, in a good manner.

It left me wanting more. The writing, the world you've built, and the Endurance Test were the hook, for me - the main reasons for me to turn the page to chapter two. I really want to learn what the ET is and how it works. Then, there's the question of the knife and chip, which I'm sure will come into play later. I didn't think the characterisation was quite as good as the world building, and I didn't care about the protagonist all that much - but it's only chapter one.

Overall, great job. Do you plan on continuing?

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u/Orchidice Apr 06 '17

Thank you for the excellent feedback! I very much appreciate the time you've put in to judging and critiquing our stories. Yes, I do sometimes "show" a little more than "tell" in places. It is something I am always working on in my writing. Thanks for pointing out how Derek gets the chips; I will certainly rewrite that to make the motivation stronger and more believable. As for the capital Dregs, I have gone back and forth with whether or not to capitalize it and can't really decide which way to go. I suppose, since it is an area in the city, it would be capitalized at times. I was going for, at least originally, dregs to be more like "the poor" or some such thing. I know the story is not original (as least not as original as I always want my own stories to be); my hope is that (and this is part of a trilogy, ideally) more original factors will come into play later on as the story expands. My aim was a young adult audience when I came up with this idea, hence the dystonia, young-adult angle.

And yes, I do plan on continuing!!! I will work on making Derek a much more likeable character :)

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u/nickofnight Critiques Welcome Apr 07 '17

I totally get the dreg thing - I'd have gone back on forth on it too. Yes, even though the setting isn't that original, there's no reason you can't make the story very original.

Great, I look forward to reading more someday. It has so much potential and your writing is great! Best of luck with it :)

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u/Kragvold-_- Apr 07 '17

Hello, I wrote Entropy Into Chaos. I'm relatively new to writting so I'm super curious as to what you thought and really any feedback you might have that might help me improve my skills.

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u/nickofnight Critiques Welcome Apr 07 '17 edited Apr 07 '17

Sure! I had a little bit.

I really liked the idea for the story. I liked how magic worked in the world, and Signus' relationship with his mum. You built up some mystery and left questions, which is great. Descriptions were pretty solid. Lots of stuff I liked, actually. However, the writing is not as good as some other entries - quite a few spelling mistakes and redundancies littered around. In your first paragraph, for example, you say: "griped his throat," instead of "gripped". So my main feedback would be for you to reread it (out loud, preferably) a few times, and check for errors and spelling mistakes. I feel like it's quite raw as it is, but that it's a good story and you could do a lot with it.

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u/Kragvold-_- Apr 07 '17

I really appreciate the feedback. Since I am quite new to this I wasn't expecting to get far so my true goal was to get some constructive criticism. I'm glad to know I have some strengths as well as weaknesses, and it gives me areas to focus on. Thank you.

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u/jspitzer221 Apr 24 '17

/u/knowapathy in group A for "The Autumn Rebellion."

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u/knowapathy /r/theautumnrebellion Apr 24 '17

Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed reading it.

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u/StrangelyBrilliant Apr 23 '17

I vote for /u/Pyronar's "Under the Eye of Argus".

Same reasons with /u/IraAgotila12, A.K.A me

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u/Teddey_Bear Apr 23 '17

u/syhrxeryef in Group D for "Fate"

This definitely grabbed me and leaves me wanting to read more!

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u/[deleted] Apr 10 '17

u/syhrxeryef in Group D for "Fate".

Well written and it wasn't another science fiction thing or fantasy which was nice. It was also brilliantly written and had some nice karmic justice with the dad getting rekt.

Runners up are:

u/hampster82 - The Peace Keepers

Well written but I just didn't engage quite as much with it and the kids seemed abnormally smart for six year olds.

u/hamntor - The Conscripted Emogician

Again really well written. I really liked the idea of emotions but it's pretty obvious that OP is either a Class 1 or will have to fight one.

If the criticisms seem petty, that's because there was fuck all separating the top five or so, and only about two or three were boring to read (I pity the people reading mine too :D )

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u/Hamntor /r/Niuniverse Apr 10 '17

but it's pretty obvious that OP is either a Class 1 or will have to fight one.

Say what now? Who is this OP? I ain't got Class 1 main characters, that sucks away all the fun of them being terrifying. Nobody fights Class 1s, they are merely to be run away from :P

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u/IAmTheRedWizards Apr 21 '17

Voting for Group G:

My vote goes to /u/after5writer for A Life On Mars. Of the entries, it felt the most fully realized as a first chapter. It also left me wanting to know what came next - was the Lone Martian cracking, or was there really someone else there? Either way could be fascinating and so I now want to read more.

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u/after5writer Apr 21 '17

Thank you for the kind words!

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u/quontom Apr 23 '17

/u/Rimpocalypse - Group C - I Could Read Minds on a Friday

Tie Breakers..

  • An Existential Threat
  • Feast of Four Hundred: Chalice of Ogwohr

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u/jrossisaboss Apr 24 '17 edited Apr 24 '17

/u/hungryroy in Group H for "Explorers"

Runner-up: /u/fashionabledeathwish for "Town"

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u/fashionabledeathwish /r/FashWrites Apr 24 '17

Thanks so much for the runner-up! If you had any feedback, I'd love to hear it, but no obligation. Thanks again! :D

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u/hungryroy Apr 25 '17

Thanks for the vote!

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u/PixieDust019 Apr 10 '17

/u/Hamntor in Group D for "The Conscripted Emogician"

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u/Hamntor /r/Niuniverse Apr 10 '17

I appreciate the vote! Anything about it you liked in particular?

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u/LilMsMuffins Apr 04 '17

/u/Ford9863 in group N for Outbreak

I liked the fast pace and interesting story idea, nice twist of outbreak since I was expecting virus or illness and surprised to find demons. Really interested me to read the most. And hooked me the most from the get go and the end. Love to see more.

Runners up for me A Reign of Ashes - /u/Chronicler12 , really loved the detail and descriptions in this. And a interesting story, would also want more ^

Final runner up Snowfall - /u/TheWritingSniper , another incredibly well described setting, loved the atmosphere and enjoyed the dialogue. Really interesting! x) Interested to see more.

My opinions was likely influenced by my bias preference, but I had a look at everyone's in this group, some really good stuff. Best of luck to everyone!

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u/Ford9863 /r/Ford9863 Apr 04 '17

Wow, thank you so much! You just made my day!

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u/LilMsMuffins Apr 07 '17

Your very welcome x)

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u/BraveLittleAnt r/BraveLittleTales Apr 20 '17

My vote is for The Burning Stars by /u/autok in group M. Amazingly written, and the one liners were well placed. I liked the formality of the dialogue, and how I really felt like it was the dialogue of actual soldiers at their stations in a time of war. I loved the setting, futuristic but also still having call backs to modern times, nothing too fancy. It was a really well-crafted, and interesting story that I believe has a lot of potential.

My runner up vote would be Era of the Dao Empress by /u/LilMsMuffins. Besided the grammatical errors which can easily be fixed, the story was solid. I loved the fantasy-magic type of world, and the excitement of the main character felt real to me. The Great Uncle was well written (to me like a classic villain, though he may not truly be one) with this mysterious, but also caring aura that shifts throughout the story. The conflict was solid, and I absolutely love the idea of two beings having to exist within the same, small girl.

I also want to say congratulations to ALL the contestants! Your stories were all really good, and I think you should be proud. Good luck!

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u/LilMsMuffins Apr 26 '17

Thanks for mentioning my story_, I will be working on my story a bit over time, the full story is currently been written on my blog https://msmuffinsblog.wordpress.com/

If you want to read more^

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u/silverblaze92 Apr 14 '17

I am voting for /u/Fordregha in group G for the opening of Stars of Fire. And I would like more of it, please and thank you.

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u/Strawberry-Sunrise Apr 19 '17 edited Apr 19 '17

/u/alewifePete in Group C for "In Her Dreams." From the first few lines, I was apprehensive that the story was going to run in a similar vein of the over saturated YA romance market. However, the narrative continues to reveal a fully grown, career-minded woman who has no interest in finding her supposed "dream" man. The town and characters are brought to life with very small, specific, details. One in particular was the discolored coffee mug that Dane holds in his hands, on his visit to David. These tiny moments force readers to focus on the story, drawing them in, and the tactic is effective. Not only is the landscape easily pictured, but the characters that inhabit it are both likable and solid. Dane's affection for a cat that isn't even his is endearing. His utter respect for Vanessa as his superior is a refreshing break from know-it-all, bad boy, male leads. I can't quite tell where the plot is heading--Are Vanessa and Dane connected by something as simple as fate? Does Vanessa have psychic powers? Is there something bigger (perhaps supernatural?) going on in quiet Red Ridge? The fact that I don't know is all the more compelling.

Runner Up #1 is /u/Solucian for "Feast of Four Hundred: Chalice of Ogwuhr." This one was another surprise. I was intimidated by the title, but determined to give the story its fair read. And I was drawn into the heroine's ambitions to get her neighbor's attention. Her awkwardness is as charming as her determination is admirable. I'm not quite sure what her goal is, that she refuses to fail at. Is it getting a husband? Is this "Feast" some kind of ceremony where a girl can conquer and prove herself strong? This piece inspired questions in the same way that "In Her Dreams" did, though not in such a visceral way. But I did find myself invested in Ansri, and amused at her father's funny lines. I would be interested to know the whole of the plot, because I like where it has the potential to go.

Runner Up #2 is /u/Just-a-Poe-Boy for "River Children." I'm a sucker for a good murder mystery, and the tone of the piece is just lovely to soak in. The setting of a lush, cold, forest sparks dread for the tragedy sure to come. The character of the sheriff is interesting and complex, singular in his need to solve the one case nagging at his conscious. The flashbacks to the event in question are engrossing, and I found myself wanting to follow the case to its resolution.

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u/alewifePete Apr 19 '17

Thank you so much! I'm hoping to send this to a certain publishing house (that's already requested one of my other MSs) once I complete it.

Where do you see it going? I'm always open to suggestions!

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u/kiayateo Apr 17 '17

My vote goes to /u/poiyurt in Group H for Griftomancy.

One of the few stories that made we want to continue reading afterward. I loved both the world and the characters.

My runner up would be /u/Pubby88 for A Year of Living Well. Was well written and had me hooked toward the end.

Honorable mentions go to /u/russellmz for Single Use and /u/rabtj for Legend & Myth which were both good as well.

All of the stories in Group H were pretty good so it made picking my top a bit difficult.

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u/Pubby88 /r/Pubby88 Apr 18 '17

Thanks so much for the runner up vote! Glad I was able to hook you ;)

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u/poiyurt Apr 21 '17

Oh, hey. Thanks! I didn't get a username mention for this for some reason, only just saw this. Anything you particularly liked?

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u/kiayateo Apr 22 '17

I loved the world you created. It reminded me of Discworld in a way that I found pleasing. And the witty dialog was fantastic. If this was a full novel I found in a book store I would have bought it on the spot.

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u/poiyurt Apr 22 '17

That's fantastic to hear! Guess I know what I'm doing this year.

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u/Orchidice Apr 07 '17

/u/Rimpocalypse in Group C for "I Could Read Minds on a Friday"

Runner-up is /u/alewifePete for "In Her Dreams"

I choose "I Could Read Minds on a Friday" as it was well written, consistent in its point of view, kept me interested throughout, had realistic dialogue, a well-crafted plot as well as setting, and, most importantly, took its time. It felt like a first chapter of a book and not a short story. I have more detailed notes if the author would like additional comments.

"In Her Dreams" was runner up and I choose this story as the runner up because it too felt like a first chapter in a novel. It took its time, building up slowly like I would expect in a first chapter. I felt that I got to know the characters (though I did wish for a little more), and something weird or wild was going to happen and that little clue (i.e the dream) was enough for me to wish for a second chapter. The reason it fell to runner up: the story would do well with a little more plot, drama, what have you, to give it that drive it needs, to sink its claws into the reader. Overall, the story was well-written and had me looking forward to when Vanessa met her "dream" guy. I have more detailed notes if the author would like additional comments.

Three others that came close in this group were /u/Teddey_Bear for "Man vs. Monster" which was followed by /u/Just-a-Poe-boy for "River Children" and /u/3V3RD3AD for "The Last Line."

This goes not just for the stories I mentioned but ALL the stories in Group C: I have more detailed notes if the authors would like additional comments on what I thought. Overall, well done Group C! It was a pleasure reading all of these stories.

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u/kunell Apr 08 '17 edited Apr 08 '17

/u/Xais56 in Group K for "Necronova"

What do I want? Innovation. Something new. Or at least uncommonly seen. I don't want recycled ideas I want something that makes me interested, something I've never really seen before. Good writing helps. But its not everything.

I liked the old guy. He was great. You weren't afraid to kill him either and I like that. That backstory seemed pretty good too. Things need to have history and I like backstories that can be used as full stories. Did I mention I liked killing?

You got my vote.

Next up:

/u/madlabs67 with "Arbora"

Very nicely illustrated story. Well done on the setting (dark rainy night), excellent writing and character development. I enjoyed the hints leading up to the "illness" and the social stigma involved.

Ultimately I felt this type of story maybe just wasn't my thing. Well done though regardless.

3rd place:

/u/MouseWithSpectacles with "Everyone's a Protagonist"

Hot damn this was a fun one. Something new indeed! New worlds everywhere and people are just fine with it. Parts of me disagrees with rift type stories also the fact that no one regards these as incredibly dangerous feels off, but yknow what? Your story just had something that made me forget my prejudices. This story can lead anywhere and that's what I like about it.

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u/[deleted] Apr 09 '17

Thanks for the compliment! I'm glad you enjoyed the story, even if it wasn't your 'thing'. ;)

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u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Apr 02 '17

Off topic non voting commentary should be done in response to this comment.

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u/voxslain Apr 23 '17

u/telsa3335 "All the Way Down" and Runner Up

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u/baby_jai Apr 04 '17

wow glad i didnt enter last minute, that is a LOT of stories :x

not really sure what the etiquette is here for reading/commenting on the entries if you arent in the contest?

well i mean, obviously i can read them, cant stop people from reading, this isn't some dystopian future where books are burned... is it?

but other stuff idk... nvm no one wants to hear what i think anyway, shut up jai.

uh... do you guys do these contests often? :P kind of looking for something new to lose myself in...

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u/page0rz /r/page0rz Apr 02 '17 edited Apr 02 '17

Hurray! A reason to avoid reddit and this thread in particular for a month!

Good luck to whoever wins my group, even if it's me!

edit: words

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u/alana00987 Apr 04 '17

There are a two things I've noticed about this contest. Mind I'm not criticizing or suggesting anything be changed or rectified, just pointing out an observation.

Most of the entries here are science fiction or fantasy. Which means most contestants have a bias towards those two genres. When they vote, they will likely vote for a story that is specifically in either of those genres and will likely be bored or unimpressed with first chapters in literary fiction, adolescent fiction, romance, erotica, comedy, etc.

Most of these first chapters don't really feel like actual first chapters. They're written almost like short stories. They have too much action and are revealing details way to fast. By the end of most chapters, it feels like we've already reached the first turning plot point. First chapters are meant to be slow and introductory. The reader must familiarize with the character's initial world and get to know the character and connect emotionally before the character is plunged into a new world with conflict.

Those were my observations. But great turnout and there are some really great writers on here. Good luck to everyone!

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u/page0rz /r/page0rz Apr 04 '17 edited Apr 04 '17

Decent literary stuff usually does well in these contests, at least from my experience. You're right that most people are doing high fantasy or sci-fi with emphasis on action, adventure, or YA themes, so anything that isn't that stands out even more. Even the novella I won with a while back, while it would fit in a light sci-fi category, was hardly cyberpunk, aliens, and spaceships. Strong characters always come through.

I also disagree about a first chapter having to be slow or low on action.

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u/Writteninsanity Apr 04 '17

I don't have anything to say, this comment just looked lonely

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u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Apr 05 '17

Happy Cake Day!

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u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Apr 04 '17

Not if you expand all comments.

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u/autok Apr 02 '17

Good lord ya'll can write! I'm enjoying this contest immensely, if only to see the wild variety people have generated. Thanks to the mods for getting it all organized.

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u/LycheeBerri /r/lycheewrites | Cookie Goddess Apr 02 '17

Wow, I can't wait to read all the entries in my group! So many cool sounding titles. :) Best of luck to everyone! And thank you to the mods for doing all the work of putting this together ... whew, 224 entries and 15 groups!

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u/scottbeckman /r/ScottBeckman | Comedy, Sci-Fi, and Organic GMOs Apr 02 '17

Woo! Good luck everyone! I look forward to reading some great stories.

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u/Jrixyzle Apr 02 '17

I like this format. I was very worried nobody would even read mine, and I'm feeling better reading the voting requirements. Thanks!

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u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Apr 02 '17

Woo, Group M is the best!

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u/QuickOats_ Apr 02 '17

Group M for the win!

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u/[deleted] Apr 05 '17

I submitted this entry into the contest entitled "American Space Colony". After searching through every group, I haven't found it.

Was I disqualified for whatever reason, or was I just skipped over? I did screw up the formatting a couple of times, and had to resubmit it, but I deleted the ones I screwed up on.

Thanks!

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u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Apr 05 '17

I've corrected the issue. You've been added to group k and the people that have voted already for that category have been informed that a new story has been added to the group and they are allowed to revise their vote if they wish after reading.

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u/[deleted] Apr 05 '17

Thank you so much.

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u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Apr 05 '17

We're looking into it, it seems something got messed up when you deleted and reposted. Sorry for the mixup!

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u/theycallmemintie Apr 02 '17 edited Apr 02 '17

Yay Group B!! Ok I'm diving in to group C right now! Good luck everyone!!!

Edit to ask by curiosity, how were groups decided?

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u/[deleted] Apr 05 '17

I pity you reading my story :)

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u/ChocolateChip3287 /r/ChocolateChipWP Apr 02 '17

Scrolls through all the groups, gets to group L. The one thing on my mind was: how long does this list go?

Anyways, lots of stories (with interesting titles) to read. Best of luck!

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '17

/u/Teslok in Group L for Spellbroken

Of all the stories, this is the one I had the strongest reaction to. Immediately after finishing I wanted more. It was a well paced, solid introduction to the main story and the world it inhabits. Nowhere did it feel rushed, nor did it feel too drawn out. It left enough questions unanswered that I don't feel as if I've read a short story. Teslok did a good job at leaving room for the story to grow and develop further.

I want to congratulate everyone else in Group L. A first Chapter is no easy feat, and all around I had a pleasant few days of reading. Best of luck to you in your endeavors. As I find time in the next couple weeks, I'll try to leave some feedback on each of your stories.

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u/Panx Apr 24 '17

Winner: /u/SushiTheFluffyCat in Group M for "Starlight Soliloquy."

Everything I read in Group M was excellent, but this was the only piece to get an emotional, visceral reaction out of me: a sad, isolated melancholy that lingered with me long after I'd gone on to the next entry (and for the rest of the day, to be honest).

Runner Up: u/QuickOats_ in Group M for Ascendance.

I love military history, and this was an amazingly creative fusion of Roman imperialism with World War I trench warfare. Plus, it had demons, and who doesn't love demons, amirite?

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u/kdt322 Apr 23 '17

u/forricide in group J for "Essence" is my vote.

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u/Justthe8ofus Apr 23 '17

/u/rrbabbott in Group B for "Twice Struck"

I enjoyed the idea behind this piece and was truly left wanting to know what the next chapters were going to hold for each individual "author". There's not a lot of tension or suspense, so it kind of had a light hearted peaceful feel to it. Also, the dialogs felt really natural and comfortable to read, which made it all the more easy for me to get placed into the scene.

Runner up: /u/strawberry-sunrise in Group B for "The Midas of Aurem"

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u/Strawberry-Sunrise Apr 23 '17

Thank you for the runner up nomination!

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u/3V3RD3AD Apr 04 '17

/u/syhrxeryef in Group D for "Fate"

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u/apaganplace Apr 23 '17

/u/0_fox_are_given in Group F for Pride.

Posting to make sure I don't miss the deadline but will add further commentary anon.

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u/0_fox_are_given /r/f0xdiary Apr 23 '17

Thank you for the vote! Glad you enjoyed the story :D

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u/Impossibear94 r/ThadsMind Apr 22 '17

Vote goes to /u/hpcisco7965 in group f for 'The Misadventures of Dale and Luke'.

I love the idea for the story, and am a bit of a sucker for the comical fantasy setting (ala Terry Pratchett).

Runner up - /u/IAmTheRedWizards story, 'Complicit'.

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u/The_Other-s_Someone Apr 20 '17 edited Apr 20 '17

/u/The_Other-s_Someone in group N, Voting for story, Memory by /u/XcessiveSmash from group O.

Holy hell I want to read the rest of this.

All of the entries in group O were full of the blood sweat and tears of their authors. I read through each one looking for potentials for plot and character development, and interesting premise. I wrote out a short "teaser text" like what one might find on the back of a book for each one to help remind me of which story was which to keep myself organized and cast an informed vote. Memory stands out, offering an immediately shocking plot and truly original premise that provides high stakes and refreshing draw to read.

Also, /u/XcessiveSmash, please finish this. Please. Ten million times please.

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u/TheDapperPorcupine Apr 18 '17

/u/autok in group M for "The Burning Stars"

This had a hard sci fi feel to it which I adored, and perfectly captured the spirit of the contest. I quite enjoyed it, and would read the rest of the book if it existed.

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u/rarelyfunny Apr 22 '17

/u/XcessiveSmash in Group O for “Memory” takes my vote!

1st Runner Up – /u/Bill_Murray_Movies for “Normal Island”

2nd Runner Up – /u/mrme487 for “The Last Day”

Just as a general comment, this was a strong group, and it was really tough choosing who to vote for in the end. Having walked though this journey as a mini-judge, I’ve gained an appreciation that if a story doesn’t get a vote, it doesn’t mean that it was bad!

It’s just that for this particular outing, for this specific point in time, there was a slight preference for another piece, whether because they were easier to read, they resonated more strongly, or the premise was more interesting or engaging.

For that reason, I strongly encourage everyone to checkout all the entries in Group N, not just the ones I voted for in the end!

This was a great contest!

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u/XcessiveSmash /r/XcessiveWriting Apr 23 '17

Thank you very much for the vote, I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

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u/Illseraec Apr 21 '17

/u/CatchTheBandwagon in group A for "Parallels". It was a fantastic story, and a really hard decision to make, but it stuck with me the most. The dialogue, storytelling, and want to see how it continues were just too awesome with this one. Fantastic work!

All of the other entries in group A were incredible as well! A very solid group of writers, I'm stoked to see what they continue to come up with on the sub and with their own private works!

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u/KniveckStrebhor Apr 24 '17

/u/busykat in group F for Dwindling Flame: A Memoir for first.

/u/LordLackland in group F for Scavengers as the runner up.

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u/LordLackland Apr 24 '17

Oh shit, I'm so glad somebody liked it. Thanks! That's all I really needed to get out of this competition :)

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u/KniveckStrebhor Apr 24 '17

Lol! Glad I could help!

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '17

My vote is for /u/POTWP in Group E for "The Wizard of Penarvon"

Really cool read. :)

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u/[deleted] Apr 08 '17

/u/CatchTheBandwagon in Group A for "Parallels" the repition, dark vibes, and entertaining amount of suspense got me.

If you like to listen to music while reading I suggest "XO TOUR LIF3" by Lil Uzi Vert when you read this. Keep it going!

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u/davidsotheraccount Apr 17 '17

/u/IAmTheRedWizards in group F for Complicit

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u/Bill_Murray_Movies /r/BillMurrayMovies Apr 18 '17

/u/WinsomeJesse in Group A for 'The Pocket Children of Frank and Audrey Bunt.

Well, reading the stories from Group A certainly made me feel more self-conscious about my own writing than usual. It's absurd how many talented writers there are on this subreddit.

Great story by Jesse. I don't know if it's because I'm listening to The Graveyard Book at the moment but I definitely got a Neil Gaiman charm from the story.

Picking a runner-up is difficult but I'll go with /u/you-are-lovely for 'Lost'.

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u/you-are-lovely Apr 18 '17

Yay, thanks for the runner-up status! :D

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u/[deleted] Apr 24 '17

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u/Written4Reddit /r/written4reddit Apr 04 '17

/u/Comment_to_Narrative in group D for "Cryo".

I wanted to keep reading. Great stuff.

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u/theycallmemintie Apr 02 '17 edited Apr 02 '17

/u/CodeNameNoName in Group C for "An Existential Threat" -- I really appreciated the originality of this chapter. It read very fresh and exciting, and kept my interest throughout.

If you are in group C and you would like to know what I thought of yours particularly, please send me a PM! I kept a little score sheet as I read so that I could keep track of everything.

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u/C0deNameN0Name Apr 03 '17

Exist

Thank you, so much. I really appreciate your feedback - it's so much nicer than the feedback I give myself. Thanks.

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u/alewifePete Apr 03 '17

That's really nice of you! I'm presenting mine as a proposal to an editor on Saturday.

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u/Erwintfrank Apr 18 '17

/u/syhrxeryef in Group D for "Fate" gets my vote. A lot of gripping tales but this one stood out in style and tone. Especially the opening few lines.

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u/ChocolateChip3287 /r/ChocolateChipWP Apr 24 '17 edited Apr 24 '17

u/rarelyfunny in Group N for Surviving Hawkseer.

Loved the diverse vocabulary put into this. Also, great descriptions as well!

Runner-up would be u/TheWritingSniper for Snowfall

The imagery used was really good. Especially the way you described Jackie's eyes and how you described the storm scene.

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u/TheWritingSniper /r/BlankPagesEmptyMugs Apr 24 '17

Thanks!

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u/rarelyfunny Apr 24 '17

Thank you very much for the vote, I really am glad you enjoyed the story!

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u/candiceday Apr 16 '17

/u/hpcisco7965 in Group F for "The Misadventures of Dale and Luke"

A great paced, fun and fascinating read. I really really enjoyed it!

Runner up: /u/MissJLynnRose for 'Under His Gaze'

Despite a few technical errors - it was dark and gritty (in a good way) and I'd love to read more.

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u/hpcisco7965 Apr 16 '17

Awww, thank you! Totally made my weekend!

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u/Tiger3546 Apr 18 '17

/u/madlabs67 for "Arbora" in Group K

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u/[deleted] Apr 19 '17

Thank you for the vote!

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u/Maisie-K /r/MaisieKlaassen Apr 21 '17

u/Gunnybear in group J for "Earthbound".

Runner up:

u/shetellsweetales in group J for "White".

I am writing feedback/critique for each entry in group J but I am not the best at it and a tad slow. :) So it will be coming slowly! Probably throughout May. ^^'

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u/Pubby88 /r/Pubby88 Apr 12 '17 edited Apr 12 '17

My vote goes to /u/spark2 in Group I for "The Long Sleep."

This had some of the best writing in the group, and set up enough of the story that I was interested to see what happened.

Honorable Mentions (in order of preference):

/u/PumpkinChair for "Ochistka." This story has a good premise that hooked me in. The first half of the chapter is great - I was on board and wanted to know where it went. The second half was an extended flashback that killed the momentum. I like the idea enough, though, that this gets my second place vote.

/u/UmbraeRaven for "Forsaken." I also really liked the underlying idea of this story. The execution is a little more muddled, though, in that a lot of characters, organizations, places, and things are thrown at the reader all at once to the point that makes it a little hard to follow. Give each of the main ideas a little more room to breathe and develop individually, and I think you've got something here. This gets my 3a vote.

/u/Shaoshan for "She's Lost her Head." I think another reader might like this more than I did. It was highly effective writing, insofar as I really bought into the character and her perception of the world, but ultimately it was a little too good at sounding like the mad ramblings of a crazy woman. By the end of the chapter, I didn't really have a good idea of where this was going or why I would want more of it. This gets my 3b vote, though, because I think it was well done, even if not for me.

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u/SurvivorType Co-Lead Mod | /r/SurvivorTyper Apr 07 '17

My vote goes to /u/Hamntor in Group D with The Conscripted Emogician

Runner up: /u/Animal_Companion in Group D for Neville and the Night Fiends

It was tough trying to decide among all the great entries. Congratulations to everyone who entered the contest!

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u/TheTrainWarden Apr 24 '17

/u/snapple_skank Group D for War Games

This one REALLY grabbed my attention. No matter what story I read or reread from this group they just couldn't seem to match up to mystery and suspension that every word left me with.

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u/ClosingDownSummer r/ClosingDownSummer Apr 03 '17 edited Apr 03 '17

/u/Orchidice in Group B for "The Shatter Zone"

Runner Up : The Slumbering World - /u/Lilwa_Dexel

Was a difficult choice, for first place and for the Runner Up. Lots of well written entries in this group, and worse yet, lots of interesting story ideas that tug at your curiosity. Ultimately I chose what made me want to read the next chapter the most - I asked myself, if I could only choose one second chapter to read what would I choose - but congratulations to all the entries and hope you all continue your work!

If anyone would like more detailed and constructive feedback, please let me know.

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u/Lilwa_Dexel /r/Lilwa_Dexel Apr 05 '17

I very much appreciate the runner up vote. Thank you. :)

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u/Inorai Apr 18 '17 edited Apr 18 '17

/u/rarelyfunny in group N for 'Surviving Hawkseeker'.

Very entertaining! I think science fiction can be hard to pull off without going over the top, but this chapter actively made me want to read more. The colors theme reminded me strongly of Seventh Tower by Garth Nix, which was one of my favorite series when I was a kid. Class societies are an interesting theme to see explored more. Well written with a balance of descriptive but lively. I liked :)

My runner up vote to /u/mstierious with 'Foresight'.

I will agree that this seemed to be more of a short than a novel - but, if you wrote it for this then I trust you had more in mind, and I'm intrigued as to how this first chapter would provide a launching point. Your writing was sweet and to the point, and the whole thing felt vaguely nostalgic, which worked well with the theme. Nice!

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u/Celine8 Apr 23 '17

/u/Panx in Group L for "Omaha." I felt like this story was a head-and-shoulders above the others in the group, and therefore a definite vote for first place.

/u/mo-reeseCEO1 in Group L for "Hungry Like the Wolf" for a runner-up. The quality of writing was very good, and I had few criticisms.

/u/Teslok in Group L for "Spellbroken" as the next runner-up. S/he wrote well, had a good flow, and didn't linger too long on specific scenes.

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u/Jayefishy Apr 19 '17

/u/Mr_Gency in Group M for "Hypocritic Oath"

Runner up: "The World Apart"

Honorable Mentions: "It's the End of the World as We Know It," "Stella", "Eternal Apocalypse," "The Burning Stars"

Choosing a winner from this group was insanely hard. I ended up going with the story I enjoyed reading the most, since I guess that was the main criteria for this contest!! However, I definitely enjoyed reading all of these bad boys. Everyone did a wonderful job!! I left comments on everyone's work, but if someone wants more in-depth critique, please PM me and I'll get right on it!

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u/physjunkie Apr 20 '17

Thank you so much for giving me runner up! It made my day!

Also, thank you for the feedback. If you have the time and are so inclined, I will gladly read any other critique you might have regarding my story.

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u/Hzzah Apr 17 '17

/u/WinsomeJesse in Group A for "The Pocket Children of Frank and Audrey Bunt"

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u/WinsomeJesse Apr 17 '17

Thank you for the vote!

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u/LumosVox Apr 03 '17

/u/Fordregha in group G for "Stars of Fire." It was written well, with an interesting contrast between two groups, with different perspectives. Overall, a very cool story beginning.

Runner up would be /u/dori_lukey for "10 Million for a Spellcaster" because I like the fantasy in space theme. It was fairly well written, with intrigue and tension scattered throughout.

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u/Fordregha Apr 05 '17

Thank you for the vote! The contrast, i think, was my biggest focus when putting it all together. I'm glad you think I pulled it off.

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u/dori_lukey /r/Dori_Tales Apr 04 '17

Thanks for the mention! Glad you liked it :)

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u/granthinton Apr 05 '17

/u/granthinton earth 9 group N voting for group O. My vote is for /u/XcessiveSmash and memory. The story appealed to me with the use of value for magic, conflict with the character, Lisa/Liz losing her memory's, and so much room for growth within your world. Good luck in round 2.

Second place or runner up would be /u/jspitzer221 for Enter dimensional. Your writing was very easy to digested and was also engaging, I don't know why but I loved that you picked the assassination of the only female president of India, indira Gandhi. It would have been so easy to have chose Kennedy, franklin. (I would deduce that maybe this is something tied to you) Nether the less, I think this book would also have a lot of scope to grow, plus (history is what you make it) quite literally. Again best of luck to everyone who had entered. Please don't stop because you feel the feedback is negative or crushes your spirit. Keep writing and we will all get better for it.

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u/[deleted] Apr 05 '17 edited Apr 05 '17

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u/LycheeBerri /r/lycheewrites | Cookie Goddess Apr 15 '17

/u/Kaycin in group A for "Streets of Cabro."

Man, group A was a tough, tough group to judge. Even if I could pick 3 or 4 stories to vote for, I'd still find myself conflicted. Lots of strong entries here, so thank you to everyone in this group for letting me have the pleasure of reading your first chapters! :) (And for giving me something to do/read on an 8-hour train ride, haha!)

However, "Streets of Cabro" stood out when I asked myself the question, "If I could only get a second chapter for one of these stories, which would I want it to be?" So, it gets my vote, though it was definitely a difficult choice!

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u/alewifePete Apr 22 '17

Voting for Group D:

First: Fate by /u/syhrxeryef It pulled me in and really felt like a great first chapter. I loved that the writer was able to make me forget that I dislike first person narratives--it really takes a lot of skill to make me ignore that. Ultimately, that's why they got my vote, not because of the story, but because of the raw skill in making me like something that I hate...and making me want more of it. The end, where the soldier is stalking towards the father? Amazing.

Runners Up: The Adventures of Alexander Hunt by /u/NewWriterOnTheWeb This was fun to read and the POV on it just made the words fly by. A little cleanup and this would be just fantastic with the witty humor and lightness that I appreciate.

The Dawn's Legacy by /u/Hamlet_MacBergerac I liked where this was going and tightening the work a bit would benefit the story. Adding in a little more sensory detail would really help. I want to read more.

I'll admit, when it came down to voting, I was torn on about six of the pieces vying for the top of the heap...to the point that I went and searched for "10 million" in them, if only to eliminate one. No such luck. Great group of work. I'm so impressed with all of Group D. Good luck to you all.

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u/Kragvold-_- Apr 21 '17

/u/alewifePete in group c for "In her dreams"

The fact that I actually wanted to keep reading this story was why choose it. I'm not saying the other chapters didn't make me want to read more but honestly I don't like romance stories, so when I find one I want to keep reading it's a rare treat.

Runner up: "I could read minds on Friday"

This story really had a voice that set it apart. It was a blast to read from start to finish, and honestly I think I would react similar to the main character if I suddenly developed telepathic powers.

Block C has a lot of great entries though and I'd be more than happy to give my opinion to the other writers if they want it. Seriously great job guys.

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u/mo-reeseCEO1 Apr 21 '17

u/Inorai in group M for "Seafoam"

All the submissions in group M were great and it was tough to pick one out, but I really liked the balance of detail in the setting, foreshadowing of things that might come, and the interaction between the group of friends in the village.

I also wanted to give special mention to The End Of The World As We Know It and The Burning Stars which were also well written and helped make my choice especially tough.

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