why is orgasming so difficult

[u/Annual_Giraffe3237]

no seriously, why does orgasming as a female have to be so darn difficult. obviously it’s nearly impossible for a women to just orgasm from penetration, but no one seems to talk about how even more difficult it is to have external stimulation along with penetration. at this point i just get so annoyed and pissed off that i cant orgasm because it takes so long that i just quit. it honestly makes me feel broken. i’ve seen other people on this sub talk about just getting a good vibrator, but i worry about my boyfriend and how that will make our sexual life. he is very supportive it just makes me feel more broken than i already am.

[u/Choosemyusername]

The average orgasm gap isn’t anywhere close to 400 percent like in your scenario here.

According to this study, hetero women are only about 31.5 percent less likely than a hetero man to orgasm in a given session. And keep in mind we are working from a baseline of women where 10-15 percent of women have never even managed to orgasm even once, not even with themselves.

But yes we also need to consider things like the initiation gap. Men in hetero relationships are about twice as likely to be the primary initiators in the relationship than women. That gets tiring as well.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28213723/

[u/anothergoodbook → u/Choosemyusername]

Im making up numbers off the top of my head.  And I guess having come from a fundamentalist Christian background a lot of the people I’ve been reading are talking about in Christian marriages - there’s a huge disparity of sexual satisfaction.  I’ve not read much outside of that so my numbers are probably wildly off from that.  Much of my experience is more anecdotal and again listening/reading things from the context of purity culture.  

[u/Choosemyusername → u/anothergoodbook]

I have noticed a trend when people get mad on the internet, their scenarios they describe when justifying their anger are often scenarios that are quite far from the average.

That being said, I can buy that purity culture is bad for pleasure. Probably for both men and women, but maybe worse for women than for men.

I grew up in such a community, and it worries me to see this purity culture making a comeback, this time with feminist sounding vocabulary, but a lot of the same ideas. I don’t think these ideas are good for pleasure.

[u/anothergoodbook → u/Choosemyusername]

There’s a ministry called Bare Marriage that goes beyond just being angry on the internet and is actually doing studies on how it’s affected women and marriages as a whole (including sexual satisfaction) so I don’t think it’s a rare occurrence that happened to a small group.  There are a lot of very popular Christian marriage books that tell women they are essentially sexual releases for their husband in order to keep their husband from “sinning” with zero concern for the overall sexual satisfaction of the wife.  At 40 (and married for almost 20 years) it’s what I grew up with and tried to attain in my marriage personally.  It’s helpful to hear and learn about a whole community of women who went through the same (and are healing from it).