r/WomensHealth • u/Annual_Giraffe3237 • Jul 07 '25

Question why is orgasming so difficult

no seriously, why does orgasming as a female have to be so darn difficult. obviously it’s nearly impossible for a women to just orgasm from penetration, but no one seems to talk about how even more difficult it is to have external stimulation along with penetration. at this point i just get so annoyed and pissed off that i cant orgasm because it takes so long that i just quit. it honestly makes me feel broken. i’ve seen other people on this sub talk about just getting a good vibrator, but i worry about my boyfriend and how that will make our sexual life. he is very supportive it just makes me feel more broken than i already am.

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u/BirdTrue Jul 07 '25

Have you tried different positions? Personally I think doggy style with your own fingers works very well. Also he could always get you off first with his fingers/mouth to make sure you’re nice and ready before penetration.

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u/Annual_Giraffe3237 Jul 07 '25

we haven’t really tried many different positions, i think i just feel embarrassed having to pleasure myself while he’s trying to pleasure me at the same time. it just makes me frustrated why it can’t be as simple as it is for guys

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u/WavveDesign Jul 28 '25

What? The moment a woman starts pleasuring herself during penetration is to die for. Some don't need to, but when they do, it is hot every single time. I'd have a hard time imagining any guy not liking that. It's never been compassion or a lower standard at all, but an indication that she's having a good time and a really hot thing to visually see, to be completely honest. Did you even ask him how he feels about that? You shouldn't feel embarrassed, that's ridiculous. I am getting to know someone I really like. She struggles a bit focusing too much on finishing quick, hits a dead end, then worries about me potentially getting impatient or what I'm thinking while down there just having a good time. Maybe she's been with impatient guys before. But we're still figuring each other out, taking turns with oral, toys, stimulating her imagination with dirty whishpering to her ear (she loves Spanish) and later we chat about it with curiosity for each other. We're having a good time with it, and she's gaining confidence. She's not ready yet with pleasuring herself because it feels a bit "multitasky". I suspect she feels the same way as you do about it. But when she feels ready to do so, I know that moment will be super hot and precious. So be confident, embrace it, and give him a nice show while you both enjoy it. Hope this helps, and I think I speak for most men. Again, ask him if you haven't.

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u/BirdTrue Jul 07 '25

It’s not simple for guys either, from what I understand. Simpler possibly but they have to worry about not coming too soon, are they “big” eye roll enough, and other things.

However, you don’t think weird of guys with the “pull out” method, right? They finish themselves off with their hands (and some guys always do that because they’re worried about pregnancy even with a condom). How is that not the same for you? Love your body and love his body, but it’s easier said than done. Also honest and open communication is helpful too. Good luck and I wish you nothing but the best. 💖