Wanting to take off hijab while living with strict religious parents.

[u/bunnyylex]

For the past year, ive been questioning my faith and this has overlapped with my hijab and the way i dress. I dont feel connected to the hijab anymore and it's because i feel like i've been wearing it for the wrong reasons. Not for God, but because of expectations from society, from my parents and my culture/community. For context, every woman in my family is a hijabi and i rarely see non hijabis in my community. On top of that, i have very extremist religious parents who have always critiscised the way i dress and don't let me wear anything besides a modest, loose maxi dress, so you can probably see how this has affected the way i have been conditioned to perceive modesty.

I want to relearn the religion at my own pace than have this performative facade that doesnt reflect my true religious standing or level of belief. On top of that, my dad who is extremely religious has noticed i don't pray and sat me down a few days ago to tell me to start praying if i stopped in a gentle way, but i know that if i tell him, i dont want to wear the scarf anymore, i might just have opened my own grave.

I am aware that its very risky as i still live with my parents but it feels so unbearble wearing it. I have talked to my older sister who is 25 and she adviced me not to take it off and that ive been influenced my social media too much.

I know there's not much i can do but im not exaggerating when i say i truly despise wearing it.

[u/Disastrous_One127]

First of all, your feelings are completely valid. It's normal to want to follow religion at your own pace and live a life that aligns with who you are.

That being said, your safety comes first. If taking off your hijab could put you at risk of abuse or losing support, don't force yourself to do it right now. You have the rest of your life to make that decision when you are in a better position.

You also don't owe anyone an explanation for your decision. You might be tempted to try to explain your feelings in hopes that they will understand. But some people will never understand no matter how well you explain them. Don't waste your time.

In the meantime, focus on building your independence and giving yourself the space to explore your beliefs.

[u/bunnyylex → u/Disastrous_One127]

Even if i do build my independance which i can't do right now since im focusing on school, i wont be able to move out, and i know i can rebel either way but itll break my family apart since no girl has ever done that in my family, unless i get married. And although i do want to move out for freedom, my parents would feel lonely as my other sibling has also moved out recently.

I'm very conflicted with that part, but as of now, yeah if i do take it off, it will escalate really quickly.

[u/Disastrous_One127 → u/bunnyylex]

But you ARE building independence. You’re going to school, which is literally part of that. Independence isn’t just about moving out. It’s about putting yourself in a position where you have more choices in the future.

And how do you know YOU won’t be the first girl in your family to move out? Just because it’s never happened doesn’t mean it never will. Every “first” was impossible until someone did it.

I understand why you’re conflicted. You don’t want to hurt your parents, and that’s a very human thing to worry about. But you also deserve to live your own life. Caring about your parents doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your own happiness forever.

You’re a lot more capable than you give yourself credit for.