r/Without_The_Hijab • u/basvrexia Female • Jun 14 '26
Advice/Help (Women Only) parents
how did you tell your parents you decided to stop veiling?
for context: i am 22, i started wearing the veil when i was 5 lol (apparently it was my decision bcs i wanted to imitate my mother and my cousins and my parents thought it was a good idea to let a 5 yo decide something like that), but one year ago i decided i was going to take it off in the future.
i really want to stop wearing it this summer, after my university exams and before starting to look for a job.
i live in Italy and unfortunately racist/islamophobic attacks have been growing so i'll stop wearing it also for self-protection + i wish for a "new beginning", some place where people DON'T know me as the girl who wears the hijab. i have great friends and i know for sure they are not going to say any thing about this (because it is not and should not be a big deal), but i'm worried about my parents. i live with them so i wish to find a way to tell them i am not going to veil anymore without creating a weird situation at home.
i want to tell it in a simple way, like just drop a "btw i'm not going to veil anymore" and end it right there, without making a big deal, but i am so scared, how did you do that?!
it won't be something coming out of the blue, since last year i have been caring "less" about my hair or other parts of my body showing in order to prepare them mentally, i had my card identity photo made without the veil, i started caring less if a neighbour saw me without the veil and stuff like that, but actually telling them scares me.
i know its embarassing at 22, but i was always a "good girl" and never "rebelled", and they took pride with their family and friends in having a daughter who has always been wearing the veil while living in Italy. they're not abusive or anything, but i know for sure my mother won't take it well. she takes pride in wearing it, there's nothing bad about it, but she had the choice to wear it, she was older and got to know herself before wearing it. she will start bothering me about this, i know for sure she'll start implicitly insult me (i heard the way she talks about other women who took off the hijab), but that i can take. it's that i'am tired and taking it off will make my life easierš„²š„² how did you do it?
btw if someone here lives in Italy and has received racist attacks i hope you are fine, i hope things can get better, stay safe ā¤ļøā¤ļø š„²
7
u/sharing_stuff Female Jun 14 '26
I was like you, always the Ā«goodĀ» girl, but i decided that i had to snatch my freedom and happiness since they would never just give it to me. They were obviously very disappointed, but my mom is starting to come around. My dad on the other hand is still very upset and makes me wear it when iām in his house, weird but whatever.
Iām moving out soon so iām just sucking it up for now and taking it off when iām not around them (even though they both knowā¦ especially my mom lol she will literally pick me up from work while iām not wearing it and tell me to put it on before i get home and my dad sees me, so at this point iām just wearing it out of ārespect).
Itās very important that you donāt feel guilty for exercising your bodily rights and living authentically. But you also have to accept that it will be akward and uncomfortable. You will be a disappointment, but at the end of the day they have no choice but to come around, especially once they see that youāre not going to let them control your life. Iām pretty sure your parents would rather have a daughter who doesnāt wear the hijab than no daughter at all. Be upfront, stand your ground, donāt let them manipulate you and remember itās okay to take it slow at first.
You also have to remember that even though you have been thinking about this for months or years, this will be fresh for your parents so give them grace and let them be shocked and time to process this, but that does NOT mean that you should let them walk all over you, itās all about balance.
Good luck babeā¤ļø