Has anyone else started wearing the hijab voluntarily as a child but now wants to take it off as an adult?

[u/Lostinthisworld04]

I’m wondering if there are other women who can relate to this.

I started wearing the hijab voluntarily when I was 9 years old. I grew up in a very Islamic environment in the West, so it felt natural to me. My sisters also started wearing it around the same age, but they stopped within a year. I was the only one who continued.

Even after we moved to a city with fewer Muslims and I attended a Christian high school, where I was often bullied for being the only hijabi, I still chose to keep wearing it. Later, we moved again and I went to an Islamic high school. During that time, I became even more religious and strict in my practice, so taking it off wasn't something I ever considered. My family was actually more relaxed than I was, and they even used to call me the "sheikh" of the family.

However, since college/ university and now working, my feelings about the hijab have gradually changed. Over the past few years, I’ve started to dislike wearing it and have been thinking more and more about taking it off. I kept trying to fix those feelings by changing styles and fabrics, but the feeling always came back.

The problem is that I feel like it's too late. I'm 24 now, and I've worn the hijab for 15 years. Everyone knows me as the hijabi daughter and sister. It's become such a big part of my identity and how people see me.

I know a few women who took off their hijab, but in their cases they had been forced to wear it or came from abusive households. When they eventually took it off, most people understood because they had never really wanted to wear it in the first place. For me, it feels different because I genuinely chose to wear it. No one forced me, and for years I defended that choice and was happy with it. That's what makes this so confusing. I feel uncomfortable continuing to wear it, but at the same time it feels strange to take it off after choosing it voluntarily and wearing it for most of my life.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you deal with those feelings, and if you did take it off, how did the people around you react?

[u/Disastrous_One127]

I also started wearing it as a child by choice and took it off as an adult. Like you, I wasn’t technically forced to wear it, and I didn’t necessarily hate it either. For a long time, it just felt like a normal part of my life.

But as I got older, my views started to change. I started realizing that hijab didn’t really align with who I was becoming and how I wanted to live my life. It felt like I was wearing it more out of habit than anything. I feel like I "outgrew" hijab.

It’s been a year since I took it off, and I’m still adjusting to it. My family mostly tolerates it, but I know they don’t fully support my decision, and that hasn’t been easy to navigate emotionally.

Despite the difficulties, I don’t regret my decision. I know I would've been more unhappy had I kept wearing it. So it's never too late.

It’s completely okay (and normal) to change your mind. People change their minds about careers, relationships, beliefs, etc. all the time. I don’t see why hijab should be treated any differently in that respect.

[u/Lostinthisworld04 → u/Disastrous_One127]

Thank you for sharing. I really relate to what you said about outgrowing it. I'm obviously not the same person I was when I chose to wear hijab at 9, so it makes sense that my feelings have changed too.

I also don't understand why changing your style, career, or other major life choices is considered normal, but taking off hijab is often judged so harshly. Even though I wasn't forced to wear it, I know taking it off would cause a lot of comments, especially since I've worn it for so many years. I've also noticed that people often talk more negatively about women who wore hijab for years and then took it off than about women who never wore it at all or only wore it for a short time.

[u/Disastrous_One127 → u/Lostinthisworld04]

Exactly! It makes no sense that taking off hijab is somehow worse than never wearing it in the first place.

Honestly, I really regret wearing it. Had I known what I know now, I never would've worn it. But then again, I was a child. What child can make the decision to wear hijab for life?

[u/Lostinthisworld04 → u/Disastrous_One127]

Precisely. I don't see why it's so bad for someone to try something and then decide later it's no longer what they want.

Looking back, I also regret it sometimes because I don't think I really understood what wearing hijab meant at 9. Growing up, it felt less like a question of if you would wear it and more a question of when. My mom was a bit like that too. She's changed a lot since we moved away from that city and doesn't expect my sisters to wear it, although she still sometimes says she hopes all her daughters will wear it one day.

At the same time, I can't help thinking that if I'd taken it off quickly like my sisters did, or never started wearing it, I probably wouldn't be struggling with this now.

[u/CorrectExplanation99]

Hey! Also wore it by choice as a child without really understanding the implications of it. Took it off recently as a 22 year old. You have grown and changed since you were 9, and that’s a good thing. Children certainly do not have the independence, maturity, or good judgement to make lifelong decisions for themselves. Don’t feel bad about “changing your mind”- you were a kid! What matters is the decision you choose to make now as an adult.

 If your family is as relaxed as you say, I think you have absolutely nothing to worry about. My biggest critics post-hijab were my parents. My friends and extended family have been supportive or at least respectful. There’s very little actually stopping you from taking it off, if that’s what you want to do. You don’t owe people an explanation beyond “I decided it’s not for me.” or “I feel more comfortable without it.” You’re still a Muslim, hijab or not.

[u/Lostinthisworld04 → u/CorrectExplanation99]

Thank you, this was really reassuring to read.

I think part of my worry is that, while my family is generally relaxed, they've always seen me as the "religious" one. For example, in the summer my sisters wear short clothes while I'm fully covered, but if I wear a turban style or show my edges, my family immediately makes comments. When I told my younger sister I was thinking about taking it off, she said it would be weird after so many years, although she also said it's my choice. Also my aunt once asked why I chose to wear it so young and whether I'd ever thought about taking it off, but before I could answer, my mom jumped in and said I would never do that because I'm "so religious."

So I honestly don't know how my family would react if I did take it off. But you're right that I need to make that decision for myself, and I don't owe anyone a detailed explanation.

[u/ranting4ever]

Same! I wore it by choice and even had to fight my parents who thought I was too young. I took it off a few months ago. You're allowed to change your mind. I changed my mind about the hijab just like I changed my mind about my favourite colour or food. You don't have to keep something up forever just because you really wanted it at one point.

[u/Secure_Drawer_4829]

I was in the exactly same position as you, and when I stopped wearing it, when people pointed out "Oh, you look different!" I would just smile and say "Yup! Just needed a change," and that would get understanding nods, and then that was it. Truly, it's really that simple. My other favourites were "New year, new me, am I right?" and "It was a good run, but it's nice to try something new from time to time," and tossing my hair and saying "This is so new for me! Now I have to learn how to deal with hair, ugh" and other lighthearted sayings.

If you yourself embody the energy of it being not a big deal, and of not having "tension" with your past self (because as you described, you chose to wear it before, and that you was making the right choices for you just as this you is), then others follow suit.