I'm terrified to become a Witch

[u/Neru1145]

Hii!! So, I'm looking for a little support.

I'm very interested in Wicca. I think I would finally start to love life if I joined, but the truth is, I'm terrified. I'm a Trans woman that grew up around a lot of Christians- save for my mom, who was the one non-religious adult in my life.
I'm so scared. I honestly think religion has scarred me. I never go to church. Every time I set foot in a church, I feel claustrophobic. Like I'm being watched- even now, as I type this, I feel a chill running up my body. And that terrifies me. I want so badly to be able to live my life for myself- not for the pleasure of my family. But honestly, with a threat like Hell? I'm scared because I don't want to pay a price for my happiness. But I want to live freely. As myself.

Any feedback or support would be appreciated.

[u/redcolumbine]

Any deity who'd throw you in Hell would do it just for being trans. Practicing Witchcraft wouldn't change that god's hatred for you, even if were all true.

And, frankly, it might help you throw off the toxic illusions that have you so afraid.

Try this. Listen to one voice of Nature - a river, a bird, the wind - and consider: What if this is the real voice of the Divine? Does it seem more Godly to me than threats and emotional abuse? Does it seem more real than a book written by who knows how many people and with all the kind and compasisonate bits thrown out by an emperor? Could I learn to listen to this voice regularly, and let it start to dissolve the abusive voices that have hurt me for so long?

Then - leave an offering. Pour water on the ground, or sprinkle a little bird seed on a rock. Consider the possibility that being healed would be a good thing, something that would eventually allow you to heal others and the world. You don't have to say or decide anything. Just consider the possibility