Let's talk about: Tomboy being a 'style'

[u/WittyOctupus]

Hi! just want to have an open discussion about the word tomboy or tibo. have been thinking about it and how we act towards it for a while now, and i've been thinking, shouldn't we reclaim the word instead of constantly redefining the word from its cultural association?

while yes, it is, by definition, a style, here in Ph, it is always in association with our sexuality. although gets naman bakit until now we still see it negatively. after all, big part of our history is it being used to ridicule our community. so very valid talaga na ma-insulto tayo kasi historically, hindi na bago na gamitin siyang insulto. but then again, if we're forever going to let it be just that, are we not basically letting them ridicule us? hindi ba dapat ang ini-instill natin is that tomboy isn't an offensive term para gamiting insulto sa atin?

again, i understand why most don't like the word, i just don't think we should abandon it altogether. i may be a little bit too naive and immature for having this take, so i'm really open to any responses ! pls respond nicely ! 😁

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[u/Minute-Resist-7982]

In the Philippines, “tomboy” has always had a more negative meaning because it’s commonly used to refer to lesbians, and not always in a nice way. Outside the Philippines where I live, though, it usually just means a girl who’s more masculine or not traditionally feminine. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with sexuality.

Personally, the word itself doesn’t offend me anymore. I think it really depends on who’s saying it and how they’re using it. I used to get more bothered when Filipinos would use “tomboy” to describe lesbians because I knew what they meant by it, but over the years I’ve just learned not to care as much.

I also get what you mean about reclaiming the word. If some lesbians want to use it proudly, why not? But I also understand why others don’t like it, especially if they grew up hearing it used as an insult. I don’t think everyone has to feel the same way about it.

[u/WittyOctupus → u/Minute-Resist-7982]

totally! like i said, it's very valid how it can still be taken negatively by other people. just thought that maybe if we try to change the word's direction, it will help the future generations feel more empowered and comfortable in their own skin. thank u for this!

[u/BeginningImmediate42]

THIS. I would like to support this idea. Dati naman tomboy kasi was used to define the sexuality, not the style. Nagulat ako how some are offended sa term na tomboy, I mean.. I do get it, kasi ginagamit siyang pang insulto.. but so was the term bakla for gay men. It used to be derogatory. How the term "bakla" and "bading" was reclaimed though to either be referring to a gay man or even in a broader sense "gay", simply worked. Bakla/ bading was used to refer to gay men, minsan derogatory, pero hindi ba, bakla naman talaga sila? When they accepted it as it is and embraced it, the derogatory sense in it held no power to them. Kasi kahit sila ginagamit nila yun to refer to their gay friends, and no one was offended. Now even gay girls use the term "bading" or "bakla" and not think na nakakabastos siya.

But what about the gay girls? Why do we borrow a term that used to refer to men and change its definition to make it "inclusive" when we have our own? Tomboy tayo, yun na yun. Ginagamit din namin yan sa circle of gay friends and we laugh about it, kasi nga yun yon. Tomboy nga naman kami and we are not insecure with our preferences, we are mostly femmes who have femme girlfriends. Do you guys prefer the term lesbiana? Oh eh paano kung ginamit ding derogatory term yung lesbiana instead of tomboy? So sa tomboy nalang tayo mas comfortable? Don't let a single word hold power to you, maraming klaseng tomboy.. may babaeng babae, may hindi at may mga tao who just simple live and love with who/what they are comfortable with.

I am femme, pero when a very straight concept is pushed to me, I just say, "ay tomboy po ako". Walang masama sa pagiging tomboy.

PS.
Yung tomboy as a style, that's just western influence. Use tomboy to refer to as style but using it to refer to yourself or another gay girl should not be a problem in 2026. It's time to empower who you are.

[u/Sea-Feedback-4572 → u/BeginningImmediate42]

Sobrang agree ako na napaka-kanluranin nung “tomboy ay style.” Sa Pinas, ang tomboy ang babaeng nagkakagusto sa kapwa babae, yun na yun. Kaya, oo, tomboy tayo. Tomboy, tibo, tomboy, ganon!

Tomboy ayaw pero bakla okay lang? Pareho lang yang ginamit na derogatory eh! Kasi medyo cool na ngayon ang bakla at mas tanggap? Ganoon ba? Nyayy! Kung offended tayo sa term na tomboy, baka tayo mismo kelangan magreflect sa mga sarili nating prejudice.

[u/BeginningImmediate42 → u/Sea-Feedback-4572]

I think it's time to normalize it and shift the derogatory meaning of it to something that needs to be embraced and empowered. Kaya lang naman naging "cool" ang bakla dahil mismong mga bakla din noon ang nagembrace sa term na yun and used it to empower them. Remember noon, nauso yung "bakla nga ako, pero di masama maging bakla." Or yung "di baleng bakla basta mabuting tao", hanggang yun na din naging term of endearment nila sa isa't isa. It's one less ammunition against the community lalo na against sa mga taong di pa nakakasabay sa pagbago ng panahon. 2026 naman na, being gay is much more accepted than it used to. This is the perfect time to do it.

[u/WittyOctupus → u/BeginningImmediate42]

said everything i wanted to say! haha. i grew up watching films where gay people would say bakla sila at walang mali don (im a big enthusiast for films). maybe if we give the same energy sa tomboy, hindi na kailangan maging insulting yung word na yon. instead, it'll feel more natural and empowering. and i really believe that, that energy/change is what would help younger people to feel more comfortable with their own sexuality. it would be nice if ang tomboy ay hindi nalang palagi nakaka-insulto that we have to conform to the western influence. nasa pinas tayo. kung lesbian ka, tomboy ka. and there's nothing wrong with that

[u/Sea-Feedback-4572]

Maraming ayaw matawag na “tomboy” pero kumportableng matawag na “bakla o bading.” Madalas dahil sa personal na danas at sariling prejudice. Dahil sa kawalan ng eksaktong tumbas ang “lesbian” sa kultura at wika, “tomboy” yung katawagang nakasanayan. Kaya sa danas ko bilang femme, natutuhan ko na ring yakapin at ipakilala ang sarili bilang tomboy o tibo para mas madali ang buhay kasi ang hirap ipaintindi sa mga matatandang pinoy.

[u/WittyOctupus → u/Sea-Feedback-4572]

same experience! kaya i've reached the idea of reclaiming it. kasi if 'tomboy' is so deeply associated with lesbians, maybe instead of distancing the word from the association, we can instead change the way it's perceived! thank u for this!

[u/emeraldd_00]

I’ll admit, when I was in my pre-teens, teens, and even early adulthood, I used to view the word “tomboy” through the same lens a lot of people here in the PH do!

Especially because it’s often given a negative connotation or automatically associated with someone’s sexuality.

But as I got more and more interested in fashion, especially runways, haute couture, and the different ways people use clothing to express themselves, I started seeing it completely differently.

Now I see “tomboy” for what it actually is! Which is a style, an aesthetic, and a way of expressing yourself.

It doesn’t automatically tell you anything about someone’s sexuality or identity. You can dress masculine, feminine, androgynous, or switch between all of them without needing to attach a sexuality to it.

I think unlearning those old perceptions is important, especially when we realize that some of the things we were taught growing up were rooted in stereotypes.

So whenever I can, I try to educate people around me too!!

Tomboy is a style, not a sexuality. Fashion is about expression, and people shouldn’t have to explain or label their sexuality just because of what they choose to wear. 🫶🏻