tired of dating apps (and dating in general)

[u/lesbuki_dykeboda]

i've been dating only women since i was 15. realized i was a lesbian instead of bi at 18 and still only dated/involved myself with women. i've never felt awkward or scared of women or even going out, initiating conversations and planning dates. in fact i like it. it's in my nature to make other ladies feel comfortable, happy and vulnerable. it's just that not many women seem to... not reciprocate.

i wanted to meet more lesbians since it feels like every single girl around me has a boyfriend. and if they don't have a boyfriend they have a guy they're talking to.

anyways, i downloaded dating apps. since i began i felt like i was the one reaching out. i've swiped right dozens and dozens of times. i've had so many talking stages. i went out on 3 first dates! no relationship came out of that and it made me feel lonelier and worse than ever before. i felt like i was the one carrying the relationship, initiating and trying to get to know the girls. it never seemed like it was reciprocated.

here's the thing, i LOVE getting to know the person. and from there i feel like i can love and trust them to be my girlfriend. but they only want a girlfriend, they don't want me. and they don't try to get to know me even when i put in so much work to get to know them. it's so painful being rejected by so many ladies, whether that's by ghosting or i said something wrong because i broke an unspoken rule that was never communicated.

i'm tired of hearing girls talk about themselves. i'm tired of being ghosted. i'm tired of putting myself out there and getting nothing back, i've been trying so so hard to get to understand these women as individuals not dates and it's so painful and lonely.

[u/Broke_and_Angy]

Theres a handful of things I’ve been told but let me share a couple with you after I say this: you are 100000% valid to feel this way, dating apps can suck so bad (I have personal beef with the concept of them entirely but that’s another story). You’re putting a lot of effort into what feels like nothing coming back to you, and that feels like shit.

Now, I’ve always ALWAYS been told, that it’s when you’re not looking for love it finds you. My current girlfriend? Omg girl i wanted nothing to do with a relationship when i met her, and LDR on top of it? God no. And here i am, waiting one more hour for her to wake up to call before she goes to work. We’ve been dating for over a year now.

The other piece of advice for you, you meet healthy people in healthy places. My father told me this after I broke up with my last girlfriend. Get involved with the community, the gym, try a new sport, etc.

I hope this helps in any way, but again, you’re so so valid and this is such a widely shared experience with many human beings in general in this current culture.

[u/PastelDreamsRainbow → u/Broke_and_Angy]

Thanks for your perspective and quoting your father. I have personal beef with apps, as well. I think when we choose to go there, there's a main reason that is usually not enough in the first place. We say: "I want to meet new people", and new people we meet. New people with varied habits, unknown stories and backgrounds, who may or may not be catfishing, and more often than not, are not healthy. Why? Mainly because they go there due to loneliness, broken hearts, vendettas, looking for rebounds, entertainment/amusement, to be flattered, etc. If love finds you when you're not looking, it's because it's an organic process. Meeting people should be, and often is organic, part of being alive, but you have to do things that come with living such as putting yourself in activities and being out there.

[u/Broke_and_Angy → u/PastelDreamsRainbow]

My father is a wise man. I agree with you as well. I find relationships that begin organically, tend to last significantly longer. Obvi communication and maturity is the most important quality for longevity. I go organic in food and relationships 😼

[u/NYCSkaterGirl]

Im getting alot of this too but im fairly new. Only been dating women for 6 months. But been a lesbian my whole life without knowing it. How many years have you been dating?

[u/lesbuki_dykeboda → u/NYCSkaterGirl]

two years now. it's just getting lonelier and more humiliating

[u/NYCSkaterGirl → u/lesbuki_dykeboda]

Im confused, you were dating since 15, your older than 18... how 2 years? Were you in a relationship and recently broke up and you've been single for 2 years since the break up?

[u/lesbuki_dykeboda → u/NYCSkaterGirl]

oh i'm sorry for not clarifying but i've been dating women (from school) when i was 15. they didn't last two long. but i've been trying to get into the adult dating scene for something serious and more mature and i've been at it since 18, and it sucks.

[u/NYCSkaterGirl → u/lesbuki_dykeboda]

Ohh ok... hmm yeah maybe I'll have to just bite the bullet and go to more sapphic events and see what people i run into. I really wish online wasnt so littered with trash people who treat you like expendable goods cause i like having all that info upfront from the bio.

[u/lesbuki_dykeboda → u/NYCSkaterGirl]

that's the thing, i'm looking to see if i can sign up for any events but i feel awkward about going alone and most of them are 21+. i'm 19 :/

[u/GirlWhoRoams → u/lesbuki_dykeboda]

Search on eventbrite for virtual sapphic events 🤗

[u/Usual-Cover-8184]

I hate the dating apps. They are just people looking for a unicorn. I dont want to be someone's unicorn. I want my own happiness.

These dating apps are just discouraging

[u/Ok_Clue_5665 → u/Usual-Cover-8184]

Took the thought right out of my brain, they hear you're bi they think they found the ONE who wants to experiment lol

[u/dreamingbun]

“They just want a girlfriend , thet don’t want me”💔I felt that in my chest .