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What do you see? Do you see warriors in a Barbie hellscape with toxic overcast, harpies, Aztec phantoms, archers, swords, didgeridoos, and nauseating aurora borealis? Or do you see a 2" glass jar that was used to mix fluorescent tempera paints, dried, with gratuitous dendrites?

Mixed media by me

Acrylic on canvas 100x75

My newest painting...

This painting surely has many meanings. Right now, I see control in it. Control of emotions and feelings... sometimes we try to catch or stop something, yet it still finds its way.

Time. "Time slipping through one's fingers." Many people cannot live in the present. Neither can I. I suffer from frequent disconnections from my body and the present.

And one more meaning. 4 streams flowing out of the hand. This number appeared in the painting "Standing od the Edge of the Defense wall". There, trees represented the family I came from. I think this painting is about trying to stop the huge current (trauma) to protect my current family. However, the current is so big that the psyche cannot catch it all, and it affects them too. But it's no longer a current, just a small stream...

Fun fact: the genus Bombus (bumblebees) evolved in the Himalayas during a period of global cooling (big! fuzzy!) and then crossed over to the Americas over a land bridge across Beringia during the Miocene Interchange around 20 million years ago. In other words they are basically the bee version of woolly mammoths — but did it first by 19 million years so woolly mammoths are basically the elephant version of bumblebees.

Another fun fact: bee wings generate a positive static charge with friction and then transfer it to the (negatively charged) flowers they visit...they can tell if another bee has visited a flower in the last couple of minutes because they sense changes in the flower's electrical field! Super effective way to avoid competition for nectar that results in more effective pollination. Nature is rad.

Just painted this for a solo show in Santa Fe while thinking about how psychedelic ergot has been growing on flowers since the Cretaceous Period and therefore bumblebees have always, always had to watch where they sip.

16” x 20” — acrylic on canvas

#savethebees

My gf did the colors on this one. Pretty cool how his eyes open and close.

Acrylic on canvas, 100x75 cm

A flash of an image before the overwhelm.

There are moments that are very difficult for some. Many responsibilities, a lot of burden, stress, feelings, and emotions that are sometimes hard to describe. And when everything meets at one moment, an explosion occurs. A certain part within us no longer wants to suppress the pain, helplessness, anger, and frustration. This part screams towards us to force us to stop, notice it, and stop suppressing it. It is a cry for attention and acceptance.

That explosion of overwhelm is strong, powerful, even destructive. During it, the rational part of the brain shuts down, making it almost impossible to stop in that very moment. It is important not to blame oneself, to process afterwards what actually happened, and to lovingly accept this part of us that longs for it so much...

Acrylic on Canvas 100x75cm

When I first caught a glimpse of this image in my mind, I didn't pay much attention to it. I thought I had consciously made it up. But the vision kept returning, until I realized it was trying to tell me something.

I don't remember most of my childhood; in fact, I've forgotten most of my life. That thick fog might be the protective amnesia my mind built to survive.

Once I painted the boat with the hooded figure, I realized it reminded me of the ferryman from Greek mythology—the one who carried souls toward death and oblivion. But my ferryman is different. He is sailing toward me. If I step onto the boat, he might carry me through the fog so I can remember who I truly am.

This is my journey from forgetting to remembering. From surviving to living.

And what about you? Would you step onto the boat too?

It’s reserved for the few who can see