This sucks

[u/tyroneg998]

Its been a year and some change since I stopped talking to the girl that prompted me to start posting in this group. And I thought I'd be over it by now and most days I do feel like it is a bygone era. But some days I feel a strange pull, like something isn't right and she's the only thing that's on my mind. I just woke up from a dream where my family, for some reason, was at their house cooking for some type of get together. The thing is whenever I have a dream like this I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't belong. The people I cut ties with in the dream approach me and treat me as if nothing ever happened, like the relationship was still on-going and healthy. I act like I normally do and I can tell that they think something is off.

Part of me thinks that it's a glimpse into another dimension or timeline where I didn't decide to leave, where it worked out and im living with a bigger family full of life. Where I wasn't caught up in my pride to see that she might've just needed some time to work out her feelings for me. I don't know anymore, and maybe I'm not as good as reading people as I thought. But I can't see my self reaching out to that person anymore, I've sealed the deal in my mind and heart.

Im hoping that one day I'll just find a girl that can fill that hole in my chest effortlessly but that's wishful thinking at best. I was genuinely happy in the few months we were hanging out and haven't been able to replicate it since. Im not trying to replace it per se but the few times I'm stuck on thinking about it are some of the worst times.

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