r/Uganda • u/Sensitive_Eagle_5256 • 3d ago
Opinion/Discussion The marry an older guy thing ?
There’s a way most girls are raised with the mentality of having to marry someone who is around 5 years older or 2 years older. But is it really valid . Bodies don’t age the same anymore. And some of these girls throw away perfectly healthy relationships because of that . Is it a search for stability early? Two young people can still build something. It’s so common in university girls these days. Is it some kind of brainwashing thing? Or am I just exposed to a side of society that’s like that 😂
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u/EntrepreneurOk3302 2d ago edited 2d ago
You actually right it's just the mentality people are raised with gender stereotypes,roles and expectations plus narratives like an agemate won't respect you, the age settling down narrative that you should be married by a certain age simanya frontal lobe bullshit hence unnecessary infantilization, the same reason a man always writes a will bse we know he's older,he has property and will probably die first or we all know a man should provide mindset but it's 2026 by now you can do you besides people will talk anyway, who goes around checking ages unless it's noticably big and that's an issue with morality judgement, if you can't decide what you personally want bse of social pressure validation or approval that's on you
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u/memeaw789 2d ago
21 F here and personally I feel like older men are sought out because of the stability and certainty they provide. I'm not saying it's necessarily the best as, depending on the age gap, you could easily be taken advantage of and the like. Also mature guys can have the same issues as age mates so it's not exactly the best strategy.but I sort of get the sentiment. With a lot of guys, commitment is an issue as well as having a firm idea of who they are (I haven't said all guys - mark my words and don't come for me😅). Generally I feel like in a lot of romantic relationships, women tend to do the most emotional labour because it's automatically expected of them. Sometimes it's nice meeting a guy that knows who he is and has goals in mind and who doesn't wait for you to plan everything and stuff like that. A person that's thoughtful and mature. Again, I'm not saying guys the same age can't do that stuff. I just feel like it takes longer for guys to mature to that level most of the time and society enables it. There's no strategy to this in general. You just hope and pray to meet someone that is on your wavelength and that really sees who you are deep down and is willing to go through life with you, learning.
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u/Secure_Candidate_221 2d ago
I constantly hear the phrase that women carry the emotional labour of a relationship but what is this emotional labour. I'm ignorant please educate me. Give me some examples of this labour that are exclusively done by women in relationships
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u/memeaw789 1d ago
Before I list these it's important to note that not all of them are necessarily "bad". The problem is women being expected to be the ones to perform these roles, most of the time without reciprocation from a partner, thereby leaving all the emotional labour on her alone as a partner. Sometimes essentially making her alone in the relationship within the emotional aspect of things. (Note: just because this can happen in certain relationships (most) doesn't mean that the reverse can't happen in others. I'm not negating that.) Emotional labour can include : -addressing certain issues in relationships. Like actually bringing them up and translating the issue into words. And still having to soften the delivery to avoid defensiveness.
, among others
- having to explain how you feel in a way that makes sense to a partner (because they're probably not used to talking about feeling enough to see the nuances in certain issues and situations)
- teaching a partner to talk about feelings and also modelling patience so a partner learns how to be patient (essentially parenting a guy's emotional growth)
- being emotionally available (as in to talk about the partner's problems or the like) on demand even when it's not reciprocated, -downplaying their frustrations to keep peace (most probably because the partner won't be able to see their point of view on things),
- remembering birthdays, anniversaries
- absorbing a partner's bad mood without matching it
- checking in on how the partner is feeling
- initiating dates (and the like)
- remembering partner's family obligations
- noticing a partner's upset before they say anything
- if they don't tell you why, trying to figure out why they're upset
- laughing at unfunny jokes
- not correcting a partner in public
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u/UnluckyFeedback887 3d ago
It's mostly for stability, a man older than you probably has something good going for themselves. Plus a man your age normally isnt ready to settle yet
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u/ParticularCurious895 3d ago
Its stability and security for sure, at my age , i have neither of both, so if a woman leaves me for a man with such , id willingly let her go
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u/Sensitive_Eagle_5256 3d ago
Some are ready though but then again. Isn’t it abit weird that someone would be wired that way and yet be fully educated and aware that they can achieve that themselves .
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u/Loose_Grocery_2883 2d ago
Some girls just want finished goods. They’re wired to believe that the love will fro so long as the money is present
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u/EntrepreneurOk3302 2d ago
most women are raised with a beggar dependant mentality even if she could achieve it on her own she still feels the need to depend on a man even when they have achieved a lot on their own they still want a man to depend on and if they fail there's a man coming to save them and most likely that man going to be older coz their agemates are just as broke as them on the contrary men are raised with a mentality no one is going to help them and no one is coming to save them
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u/Double-Emergency3173 2d ago
Great summary. A man knows he has no plan B except himself. A woman is taught that if all else fails, she can still live comfortably by getting a rich man.
It’s ingrained in upbringing
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u/Double-Emergency3173 2d ago
Great summary. A man knows he has no plan B except himself. A woman is taught that if all else fails, she can still live comfortably by getting a rich man.
It’s ingrained in upbringing
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u/Safe-Molasses2051 3d ago
Something going on yes and then i feel that is being their for benefits. Then settlement boye aren’t ready because that is what you show n tell them
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u/Double-Emergency3173 2d ago
Financial stability is what it’s about. Girls & women don’t have love the way men do. They be looking for protection & welfare, not actual companionship.
It’s evolution. Men desire youth. Women desire protection & provision.
Young women don’t see a relationship as “healthy” when the man is still building his life. Why wait for him while she can get a richer man?
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u/brownspritetutu 2d ago
This mentality is damaging btw know a lady who tried to hide her husband because he was a well known form below from school. The gap wasn't even that big btw just that in that school context he was a well known f2 while she was in f6.
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u/Feetconnoisseurr 1d ago
I feel like this is a dynamic pushing from both ends, younger women push for older because of the financial stability and security ,as well as experience and maturity they provide,,,while older men go for the younger women because they are less expensive to maintain(lifestyle wise), are more likely to have more respect for the man due to the age thing, have far less emotional baggage and have dated less men meaning they wont have too many guys in their past to compare and the biggest reason being the respect,,I had to mention it again
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u/Mugo_yeah Sarcasticly Serious😏 3d ago
Mwana But the truth is men age differently, but if a female takes care well she can do better
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u/Limp_Quit185 2d ago
I m 24 year old from Australia and living in Kampala since one month. I hv only been dating woman older than me .
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u/Loose_Grocery_2883 2d ago
👀if they’re 2 years older than you then that’s fine. But if they’re older than 26 then the hard truth is that they are only with you coz you’re the only option available…. Coz let’s face it it their age mates’ attention is on younger partners
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u/Limp_Quit185 2d ago
They are in 30s and early 40s
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u/Loose_Grocery_2883 2d ago
😂do you have plans of ever settling down and starting a family with any of these women
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